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Chapter 11

Morning came faster than John had wanted it to. They had made love several times last night as if trying to make up for lost time. John was holding Nat with her back to his chest and he couldn't help but wonder. Wonder how he could be so lucky as to been able to touch her again, to feel her again, to hold her again. He dreamt about this almost every night for the past four years. It was one of those dreams that left you feeling warm inside until you realized it was just a dream. John heard the knob of the door start to turn and looked to make sure he had locked it right last night. Then he heard Lauren and he nudged Natalie to get up.

"Nat, Lauren's up. What should I do? " John asked as he tried to wake Nat from her peaceful sleep.

" Mommy! Why is your door locked? "Lauren yelled thru the door into the bedroom.

" John, jumped up as if a parent just caught him in their daughters room and searched for his clothes. Natalie woke when she heard Lauren's demanding voice and watched John scrambling for his clothes and she laughed.

" What are you laughing at? " John asked as he buttoned his shirt

" You" Nat said and she continued to laugh some more

" I'm glad you think it's so funny. She could see us, she would know that we.. that we.. you know, made love last night. " John said still not thinking this was so funny.

" John, she's three. She doesn't understand things like that, I'll go make her breakfast, come down when you're ready and if she asks we'll just say you slept over in the extra bedroom. Okay? " Natalie said as she found her kitty PJ's and put them one. She walked over to the door to open it and John stopped her.

" We didn't do much talking last night and I didn't get to tell you, tell you how much you mean to me" John said realizing he still hadn't officially told her he loved her. John knew last night would have been the perfect time to tell her, after they made love but he just didn't. He had told her that he never stopped loving her but she needed to know it now, especially now after what they experienced last night over and over again, each time better than the time before, each time bringing them closer and more closer. Closer than he remembers them ever being.

" Then tell me" Nat replied

" I ---" John began to say when Lauren knocked on the door again and continued to knock till finally Nat had, had enough. She gently kissed John's lips.

" She's not use to me locking the door and I guess she feels shut out. You can tell me later how you feel, I'm pretty sure I know what you're going to say." Nat said and she turned and left the room. John got dressed and went down stairs into the kitchen; he opened the door and couldn't help but smile. He noted to himself that he was doing a lot of that these last few days and shook his head as he watched Natalie and Lauren having breakfast.

Lauren sat on one of the chairs but was barely tall enough to see over the table so she was sitting on her knees and Natalie sat across from her sipping her coffee. Natalie was staring into space, he wasn't quite sure what she was so lost in thought about but he had hoped it was him, them. John cleared his throat and both Nat and Lauren looked up at him.

Nat didn't say a word and got up and fixed him a cup of coffee, she placed it in front of him and he smiled a thank you back to her. Lauren didn't even acknowledge the fact that John was in the room. She seemed to get a little sad even when he entered the room. John realized it and he became worried. Worried that she would never adjust to the idea that she was his daughter. His daughter and not Chris', that she wouldn't take the news well when they finally found the right time to tell her.

' Hey, whatcha eatin?" John asked Lauren trying to get her to cheer up.

"Frosted fakes" Lauren answered and then turned to Nat.

"We have our special day, today, yes" Lauren asked Nat.

" Yea, today is Sunday that's our day, I thought it would be nice if John spent it with us" Natalie told Lauren as she saw Lauren's mood get worse.

" No, our day, us" Lauren said as she looked at John who was hurt by her stubborn attitude.

" Lauren, sometimes we let aunt Jess and your cousin Tyler come with us on our special day, I think John would really like spending the day with us" Nat told Lauren softly trying to figure out why the child was so upset with john, she seem to take to him over the last few days and she even seem to be having fun with him yesterday when they all spent time together.

" No, Mommy! Me and you, daddy isn't allowed so John isn't" Lauren said jealously

" Lauren, your not being nice and you're hurting John's feelings. Say you're sorry" Natalie told her three year old.

" I'm sorry" Lauren said sulking

" That's alright Lauren, I.. I have something to do today with my brother Michael. But I'd like to maybe take you and mommy out for dinner, if that's alright, I'll even let you pick your favorite place to eat" John said as he moved over to her and touched her cheek softly and looked her in the eye's and her face softened. John smiled as he saw the change in her face and so did she.

"Chuck E Cheese's? " Lauren asked

"Where ever you want to go," John told her and he excused himself. He walked out to the front door and Natalie walked with him.

At the door John turned to Natalie.

"After dinner tonight I think we need to have that talk, maybe when she goes to bed? We have so much we have to decide on and I need to know where I'm going to fit into her life and yours. But... maybe you could ask someone to come and watch her so we could go out and have our talk." John said

" Why? We can just talk here maybe rent a movie" Nat asked confused because she and John were the same with rather being home and comfortable than out and about.

"I'd love to stay here and watch a movie and talk but after last night and with the way I feel, I just don't think we'd be getting any talking done" John said with a smile as he reached his hand out and put it under her chin. He pulled her chin towards his and they kissed. John left and Nat returned to Lauren in the kitchen so they could begin their special day together.

Later that night John was putting Lauren to bed after they had a wonderful and fun time at Chuck E's. John was a little exhausted and deaf from running after Lauren and from all the noise. He just wasn't use to this kids stuff, he thought, but I better get use to it and fast. He told himself.

Natalie sat on the couch waiting for Rex to come and stay with Lauren when she couldn't help but think. think about how all of this was going to play out. how Lauren was going to take the news of John being her dad and she wondered how she felt about it. How she felt about John being in Lauren's life, being in her life, was she ready to let him be in her life again, let him in her life completely. She knew she still loved him; all those feeling came back up to the surface when she saw him the other day, as if she never pushed them down to her soul in the first place. Nat was brought out of he thoughts when she heard him coming down the stairs.

"She's asleep," John said. Nat was about to talk when the doorbell rang. It was Rex, so John and Nat left. John drove to the angel square hotel and parked the car.

"Here?" Natalie asked

" Yeah, Here" John answered as he saw Nat looked confused.

"We always did our best talking here on the roof," John said and Nat shook her head.

" Alright, But it's January and really cold out."

" Don't worry I have plenty of blankets" John said and he gave her his half smirk that she loved so much. Nat followed John to the roof. They sat on a bench and covered themselves with the mountain of blankets that John must have bought earlier today for they still had tags on them.

" So we need to talk, where do you want to start first? " Nat asked as she snuggled up with blankets up to almost her eyeballs.

" I think we should talk about us first, about the way I feel about you, the way you make me feel when I'm near you" John said as he moved closer to her on the bench as they sat with blankets between them.