AN: So this is a new story again. I'm leaving my other one till I feel ready to fix the mess that happened with that. I just pretend its not there at the moment haha. I'm just going to see what kind of feedback I get on this story. It might be out of character but please just roll with it okay.
Back story, Emily and JJ were kidnapped by Ian Doyle, and this is the repercussions of what happened. You wont discover everything that happened in this chapter. It will come out slowly. There's a possibility of flash backs. I'm just rolling with it at the moment seeing what come naturally then editing it.
Also there will be seizures/epilepsy in this story. Just know my sister has had seizures all her life, (unlucky bean) and I've had a couple. I've always spoke to her in detail about them. She always honest with me about them, how she feels what helps. This also means I've epilepsy training so info I use in her will be what I learnt there and from the internet.
I'm going to rate it M because there will be mature themes, things that could possibly trigger someone and I don't want that to happen. So just know future chapters may be triggering I'll post a trigger warning every chapter just in case.
Disclaimer - I dont own criminal minds or its characters.
"Emily you need to come home now, you're being selfish. They need you." Morgan was stood at Emily's motel door banging hard. She had ignored him every other time he had turned up but this time he wasn't allowing her to get away with it. She had locked herself in there for 6 weeks only leaving to collect her take out or groceries. "I'm pretty sure JJ's at breaking point, she sobs every night. She can't safely look after 6 kids by herself and me and the gang can't move in permanently. Your 9 year old son has had to learn how to deal with his mothers condition because his other mom isn't there doing her job. So you better let me in or get your ass out here so we can talk properly." He was slightly annoyed at the brunette. He understood why she was doing what she was doing but enough was enough. She'd had 6 weeks. It was time to face the music and come home.
He gave a slight smile as the door slowly open revealing Emily, who seemed to have not cared for her appearance. She was dressed in her sweats and greasy hair tied back in a bun. The strong smell of whiskey hit him as the door opened, he had to waft the air slightly moving the strong smell along. He felt he could have gotten tipsy off it. It was clear she had taken up day drinking. "Listen Morgan, there's nothing I can do. I did that to her. It's my fault she doesn't want me there. Trust me. I don't want to see her when she's like that."
"It's tough Emily, if you would have been there when she was discharged you would have heard the doctor say it's likely to be life long, but could be controlled if we find her the right medication. You just have to help her when trialling this new medication and her body adjusts. She needs you. Last week I had to go into work to grab some files, she was alone for an hour, I come back and find Henry's with her while she's having a seizure. He even had her emergency medication ready. That should have been you. Not him. He sighed and leant one arm on the door. Partly to see inside the place Emily had been staying. He saw the take out cartons, dirty laundry and whiskey bottles laying around and sighed again. "Look, Emily. We need to talk properly can I come in so they whole world doesn't have to hear your business?" He prayed she would let him past.
Emily paused looking Morgan up and down before looking back. She stepped aside with her head down. "Sorry for the mess. I wasn't expecting company." Once she shut the door he sat down while she quickly raced round piling her clothes on her case and placing rubbish in and around the trash can. On her way to the table she grabbed a spare glass handing it over to Morgan. "Want one?" She asked holding the whiskey bottle towards him.
"No, I have to drive." He watched as the older agent downed the rest of the glass before pouring herself another.
"Well? You gonna talk?" She slurred slightly. He wondered how much she had actually drunk this past few weeks.
"Emily, I can understand why you would think this would be your fault, I mean if I was in your position I would think it was my fault too. But doing this…" He indicated to the room he was in. "…This is right. It's not your fault. It's Ian Doyles. Unfortunately he left you with a reminder for life, but it's not in you. Its not in your brain. It's in JJ's though and it can be deadly. You know if she can't get it under control she might not be able to work in the field again. Maybe not even work at all. Are you just going to leave her to suffer through that? Are you going to leave your six kids to have to learn to deal with their mothers seizures when they are 3 through to 9. As much as we all would love to help everyday we have to return home at some point, our own families and kids need us. I haven't seen Savannah, Hank or Nahla in a week now. Because it's my shift to help with the kids." He saw Emily pouring herself another glass of whiskey so he pulled both off her before continuing. "Gracie's been acting out, for 3 days JJ couldn't get near her because she wanted her mommy and she couldn't give you to her."
"She's 3, JJ's in charge not Gracie." Emily rolled her eyes.
"Your little 4-year-olds are now 5. You missed their birthday. They had to spend it in hospital with JJ. Luke and Samantha were devastated. If you look back in your call long I'm sure you'll find we all tried to phone you multiple times. Those two have been arguing like cat and dog, Luke even hit JJ the other day. Michael's been planning activities. Drawing, beach trips, soft play centers. What 6 year old does that? He does because your not there and he's usually stuck to your side planning this stuff with you. Lizzie and Henry have both been learning about JJ's condition and see to be 18 and 19 not the 8 and 9 year old children they actually are. You need to come home Emily. Please."
"They don't need me, I'm just going to cause more pain." Emily couldn't understand why her friends wouldn't leave her be. It was her fault Ian Doyle had come for herself and her wife. He had kidnapped them and held them hostage for 5 day doing some horrific things to both them. She got that she had been a bad mom missing the twins birthday. She would improve in that aspect. But she didn't want to put them in danger. She was scared of all the daily reminders she had, the nightmares and scars. She was scared someone else from her past would come out of the wood work and cause harm to the people she loved the most. Here they couldn't do that. "If I go home they will hate me even more. It's too late to go back. I can be a better mother and remember birthdays but I can't live there an put them in that kind of danger again. Imagine how bad it could have been if Garcia hadn't been babysitting the kids."
He took her hands in his. "I get that. I'm not going to say the fear will go away straight away, but it's natural for that fear to be there for a while. This is why you need to go to therapy, you and JJ both need to do it, separately and together. You need to stop drinking and get that fine ass back home okay." He smiled when she smirked at his comment. "Please Emily be there for your family they need you now more than anything. As much as you need them. So can you please shower and come home?" If he could get her to come home her mental recovery could truly begin.
"Don't you understand what I'm saying?" He voice broke as she felt tears welling up. "I caused all these problems on myself and them. JJ's never going to have a normal life again. I did this. I don't know how to fix it anymore. I love them all so much. God my heart breaks being away from them." She sobbed. She wouldn't admit it but she was scared of herself. This is what it came down too. Self-hatred.
Morgan stood up and walked to Emily wrapping his arms round his best friend. It felt good to hold her. He knew she was alive and physically well. He waited until he heard her sobs begin to calm down. He knew she needed to go home. For herself. He had a feeling she would be going home today. "Come home then. It's a start. You're not going to get anything done from here."
Emily nodded against his chest. Had she just given up? "You grab a shower because honestly Em, you stink of alcohol. I'll tidy round and pack your stuff. We'll pick up some gifts for the kids and go home okay?"
Emily again nodded. Silently she grabbed the stuff she needed and retreated into the bathroom. Morgan dropped JJ a message knowing how happy she would be. "She's coming home."