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Chapter 20

" Today? You wanna tell her today? I think we should wait...wait for a better time you'll just be getting home and you really can't be picking her up and holding her and.. and.." John started to get nervous, telling Lauren today might be a mistake, she hadn't had enough time to get to know him, she barely tolerates him, yeah they spent some time alone getting to know each other better the other day when he took her to see Nat in the hospital but to tell her he was her dad. To tell her Chris wasn't her dad. That might be too much for a three year old to handle. John's mind was moving so fast that he didn't even hear Natalie talking.

" John, John.. earth to John,... great now that I've gotten your attention, don't worry. She'll be fine with it, she'll love you, I do and she's her mothers daughter so there's no doubt in my mind she'll love you, maybe not at first but she will" Natalie said and she didn't seem to be helping matters

"What if she doesn't, love me that is, what if she doesn't except me as her dad and all she wants is Chris" John said starting to drive home from the hospital.

" John, it won't be easy and if it doesn't go well at first it's just something that will happen as she sees she can depend on you, after she sees that you're going to be here to stay that " Natalie said that last part but never finished her sentence, she got caught up in thoughts of questions she never asked John.

" John, what are you plans? I mean now that you no longer work for the FBI? I mean you did quit didn't you?" Natalie asked getting nervous that they never discussed these questions before.

" Other than Marrying you and raising our daughter together I have none, I know ...I can be a stay at home dad and take care of Lauren while you work" John said in a upbeat playful tone Natalie reached over slowly and softly slapped his shoulder while he continued to drive.

" Stop fooling around would ya?" Natalie said and gave him her serious look

" Don't worry Bo offered me my old job back, it's been awhile but apparently the last guy who had the job had too many issues and refused to go to therapy, so lucky for us I got the job, could you imagine someone having more issues than me?" John said still being playful as he saw Nat's face light up in a smile.

John and Nat arrived at the cottage a few minutes later and Natalie started to get out of the car when she saw John motionless in his seat.

" John, you need to get out of the car now, don't worry even if her reaction is bad at first she'll come around, she's a great kid, takes after me " Natalie said with a smile at the last part.

John and Nat walked into the house to see a mess of dolls and toys scattered thru out the living room, they saw Rex on the couch watching television but didn't see Lauren.

" Hey, your home, didn't expect you till later" Rex said as he went over to Nat and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Apparently you didn't " Natalie said again looking around the messy room and slightly chuckling. Rex, she thought he was a great brother, decent babysitter but housekeeper, the worst.

"Where's Lauren?" Natalie asked

" Oh, she's in the kitchen cooking me something to eat"

"What!" Nat and john said at the same time and they heard Rex laugh

" In her play kitchen, you two need to relax a little, did you think I would let a three year old cook in the kitchen" rex said still laughing and shaking his head as Lauren walked into the living room from the kitchen. She looked so cute; she had on her little kid-sized apron and was holding a plate with a play hamburger on it and fries. Lauren looked passed her uncle and saw Natalie and ran to her.

"Mommy! You home" Lauren said as she stopped right in front of Natalie.

"Yeah I'm home, were you good for Uncle Rex? " Natalie asked Lauren as she touched Lauren's cheek with her hand and Lauren smiled up looking at her.

"Real good" Lauren said as she grabbed Nat's hand to pull her over by her toys

"Wanna play dolls? " Lauren asked when they approached her dolls

"It's a little hard for me to sit and play on the floor maybe John wants to play with you?" Natalie said as she turned to look at John who was holding his breath till Lauren answered.

"You want play? " Lauren turned after she saw her mom turn to look at John. John thought he was going to melt right there on the spot, the way this adorable little girl bated her eyelashes and asked him to play dolls. She was under his skin the same way her mother was, more than under his skin, she was in his heart, part of his heart, another part that he didn't know was missing, another piece that fit his heart just like her mothers, maybe once a missing piece but not any longer, not ever again.

John and Lauren sat on the floor and started playing dolls, unfortunately for John he got the talking Tina doll and it just wouldn't shut up. He could handle a gun no problem but a talking doll he just couldn't figure out how to shut it up. He searched for a on/off switch but just couldn't find one, how this doll reminded him of Natty never taking a break from talking to catch a breath, he laughed thinking about how he usually would have to plant a kiss on Natalie to get her to stop talking so much, he laughed some more thinking that would definitely not work with the doll. He continued to try and get it to shut up when Lauren saw him having difficulty with it and she took it from him.

"See, John" Lauren said, as she showed him how to turn the doll off. John laughed a little more and said thank You.

Meanwhile Natalie had said goodbye to Rex and had ordered Pizza. Natalie attempted to start picking up the toys thrown all around when John reprimanded her.

"Natalie, leave them I'll do it later, remember what the Dr said, take it easy and we are gonna have to figure out where you're going to sleep, remember no stairs." John told Natalie as he got up off the floor and took the toys she had already picked up out of her hands.

"By Dr you mean your over protective brother right? I bet you put him up to saying those things." Natalie said as she looked at him and gave him a small smirk as they both heard the pizza guy at the door. They got their pizza and took it into the kitchen to eat. Natalie attempted to get them drinks when John stopped her and made her sit. When they were all at the table Natalie decided it would be a good time to tell Lauren and as soon as she started to open up her mouth, john got that nervous look on his face again, Nat placed her hand softly on his knee and reassured him things would be alright.

" Lauren honey, John and I have something we want to tell you" Natalie said looking at Lauren who was drinking her drink with a straw. Lauren met her mom's eyes and then after a few seconds looked at John.

" I know, unc Rex told me, you're gonna get to wear a white dress in church again" Lauren said acting like it wasn't a big deal.

" Uncle Rex told you that Huh? What else did uncle Rex tell you?" Natalie said not remembering telling Rex, but telling Kevin and she knew Kevin wouldn't spill the beans before Natalie had a chance to tell everyone.

" He say I was lucky that we be a family again. Told me to be appy that Jon was gonna be my dad cause my old dad was bad." Lauren said

Natalie and John looked at each other and didn't know what to say, John moved his chair a little closer to Lauren's and stared into her blue eyes.

"Is that alright with you? I mean is it okay Lauren, Okay that I'm your dad and that me and your mom get married? Do you think you might like to be my daughter?" John asked Lauren cautiously not realizing she was to young to probably grasp what he was asking but he held his breath and waited for an answer. Natalie was about to tell John that maybe his questions were to mature for her when Lauren opened her mouth and spoke.

"Can you take me to the circus? Dad's take kids to circus and stuff, saw it on a show" Lauren said and Natalie let out a laugh, Natalie saw John's face, he wasn't sure where Lauren was going with the circus stuff at first and then he caught on, he smiled realizing he was probably nervous this whole time for nothing.

"I'd love to take you to the circus, I'd love to take both my girls to the circus. Have you ever been to the circus before?" John leaned down to her while he was still in the chair next to her. Lauren shook her head no and then John leaned into her ear and whispered in it.

"I don't think your mom has ever been either" John said into her ear as he looked across the table into Nat's sparkling eyes.

"It's settled then as soon as the circus is in town we'll all go as a family," John said as Nat realized how late it was and how tired Lauren looked. Natalie told Lauren it was bedtime and John approached Lauren to take her up to bed.

"nite mommy" Lauren said as John picked Lauren up so Nat could kiss her goodnight and then he put her on his back to give her a piggyback ride up the stairs. Natalie laughed as she watched how much Lauren enjoyed her first Piggyback ride on John's back.

A few minutes later Natalie was sitting on the couch when she heard a loud thump come from the stairs and then she saw her bed mattress sitting at the bottom of the stairs. She saw John carrying Lauren back down the stairs on his back and Nat got a confused look on her face.

"What's going on?" Natalie said as John placed Lauren on the couch and went over to push the mattress over to a clear spot in the middle of the room.

" Well, I was putting Lauren to bed and she had a great idea, since you can't come up stairs for bed and she doesn't want to sleep upstairs without you, we decided to bring this big bed of yours down here so she can sleep with you." John said as he gathered the blankets, the pillows and made the bed up for his girls.

"Now, I think you both could use some sleep" John said as he motioned for the both of them to get under the covers. Natalie and Lauren both did what he said and they got in the bed. John took a blanket and went over to the couch to lie down.

"No, sleep here, like a family" Lauren said as she motioned for John to come and sleep with them on Nat's bed on the floor.

John heard her and saw that she wanted him to sleep next to her and it completely melted, his heart, it would no longer ever be cold or ice again, it was warm, warm with love. John moved over into the bed and looked at Natalie who had tears in her eyes and he said Goodnight. Sometime in the middle of the night John woke to find a sleeping Lauren snuggling on his chest and all that melted from his heart came out of his eyes.