AN: Here we go. I did a lot of research for this chapter to make sure I knew what I was writing about, how it was used and stuff.

Disclaimer - I dont own criminal minds or its characters

Trigger Warning - talks of sexual assault, medical talk, and assualts.

Upon returning home after spending a good amount of time at the park everyone was tired. Emily brought everyone in and they returned to a semi normal routine, JJ had crashed on the sofa with Gracie curled up to her. Luke and Samantha had fallen asleep on the other sofa, the older three had put on the tv and were watching scooby-doo. Something each of her children had loved.

Emily stood at the kitchen door watching them all settled. She had started to prepare an early dinner. She had looked through the fridge and decided on a Shepherd's Pie. Everyone always seemed to love her Shepherd's pie and she hadn't cooked for a good few weeks, so at first it felt slightly unnatural to be back in the kitchen, but she quickly got back in to the swing of things and by 4:30 she was putting the shepherd's pie in the oven for the last bit of cooking.

Dinner also went by without any issues, everyone had happily eaten everything on their plate and Emily had caught up on the past few weeks. The kids telling her everything that had been happening. The trip to the beach, Chuck E Cheese, a soft play area. The lot.

JJ had another seizure after dinner, it was only a short one, lasting a couple of minutes before she came out of it. So, Emily had gone through all the kids youngest to oldest bathing them, having supper then bed. She felt like she'd never left. Having to look after her kids had helped her mind. It stopped her head from wondering to the guilt she felt and the fear they could get hurt. Keeping busy always helped. Emily and JJ had both showered separately, before each climbing in their sides of the bed, by 9pm.

"So, can we talk now?" JJ asked. Emily had picked up her book but put it down again turning to her wife.

The brunette nodded "If you want to." She shrugged.

"So first how is everything? Are you fully healed?" JJ asked.

Emily nodded. "Pretty much, I still have to do PT on my leg, but it feels fine. My ribs are a bit sore, but I am fully healed." She unconsciously ran her hand over her leg where she was stabbed. She considered herself very lucky that her wounds had healed, and Ian had missed all major muscles and arteries. "How about you?"

"Mostly. The brand isn't going to be fully healed for another 3 to 9 months, I can get it removed then. But other than that, I've healed. My ribs are sore but you know why and I've got another test in 2 weeks. So far I've tested negative for HIV so I'm getting there." She internally was annoyed she got stuck with short straw. But then she didn't want Emily to have to deal with something like she had. She wanted to give Emily the world. If that meant herself having to deal with what she did. She would. "My hair's growing back from surgery too. It'll catch up with the rest soon." She smiled. She had to try keep things light, or someone might cry.

"I'm sorry." The older womans stomach began to churn again. Why couldn't she just get over this. She reached over running her fingers through JJ's hair. She spotted the place JJ's hair was growing back. It reached her ear, not long enough for a hair tie yet.

Flashback.

Emily sat in her wheelchair in the waiting room with the rest of the team. She had bitten off the majority of her nails waiting. JJ had been rushed back down to surgery. After being found the day before, Emily felt JJ hadn't left the operating room. She'd been in there for her head injury, then again for her stab wound, and now she was rushed back in for her head injury. They had been waiting for a couple of hours now. The doctor said it shouldn't be too much longer. She just wanted to know.

As if the doctor knew she needed to know he walked towards the big group of Agents. "She's alive." There was a round of sighs from everyone around the world. Thanking god that she had made it. "We've placed something called a shunt, this will drain all the fluid from her brain into her stomach. Pressure has already started relieving from her brain, so the hopes is to wean her off anaesthetic's in a couple of hours and see if there is any permanent damage. But I'm hopeful."

Rossi shook the senior doctors hand grateful he had managed to save the young agent. He smiled and shook the rest of the teams hand at their request. "You can come see her but I do have some bad news."

"What is it?" Emily took her thumb nail out of her mouth. She stopped biting waiting to here what else could kick them while they were down.

"Jennifer may have some side effects from the shunt and brain injury which could last well into her future if there are permanent physical damages. This like headaches, blurry vision, vomiting, seizures, memory loss, her personality could be completely different. But like I said I'm hopeful. She's with stood 3 surgeries so far in 24 hours. Not many can do that." He lead the group through to JJ's room where she was connected to a ventilator. Wires and tubes were coming off all of her body, and a bandage was wrapped round her head. The hair that hadn't been shaved off was placed in two hair ties, keeping it out of the way.

Reid had pushed Emily towards JJ. Her wheelchair coming to a stop on her left side. "Baby, I'm sorry." She whispered. She picked up one of JJ's wired hands kissing it softly.

End of Flashback.

JJ groaned. "What for? I swear if you say it was your fault I might scream."

"It was though."

JJ stood up from the bed and began to pace. She ran her own fingers through her hair, she stopped and sat in front of Emily and grabbed both hands. "Look, your not going to move forward, your not going to recover unless you forgive yourself. I blamed myself you know that this happened. Because I was weak. I am weak. I didn't protect you or myself. I could have done something but I didn't. Before all this happened, I could have gotten you to open up to me. I could have made you but I didn't. We both need to move on. We both need to talk to someone." She held up her finger seeing Emily was about to interrupt her. "I know you hate it. We both do. But I want to get better. I want you to get better. I want to forget this shit that happened to us. Yeah we are probably going to have to a reminder for the rest of our lives, but we can move on from this right? I want to forget this Emily." She paused and dropped her loves hands. "If we don't forget this, I'm going to be dirty forever. And I don't want to because I love you, and one day I wanna make love to you. But I cant till we move past this."

The brunette agent paused, processing what she had heard from JJ. She guessed after being raped JJ would have issues. She wasn't expecting anything from her for a long while. But with the seizures, and not being present she had underestimated how much it had affected JJ. She thought she was the stronger of the two. Maybe they were just as bad as each other, maybe they had both been hiding how they had truly been feeling.

"I'll see someone as long as you do. We both need help. I agree. I want to move past it all. I promise you but it doesn't stop me feeling guilty. But baby…" She had many pet names for JJ, like JJ did for her but she always felt baby was more of a serious moment kind of name. "…You aren't dirty. You don't need to feel that way. I'm sorry I haven't been here to help you through that." She placed her hand on JJ's cheek, and used her thumb to wipe away a tear. JJ leaned into the palm closing her eyes. She had missed these tender moments they shared.

"No Emily don't do that." JJ said pulling away from Emily's touch.

"Do what?" Her eyes went wide.

JJ got up again. Pacing really help her stress levels stay down. As they rose the pacing would almost burn them off. "You are your charm. Thank you for agreeing and saying you'll see one. That's all great. But you don't get to apologise for running away for 6 weeks with no contact. Did they tell you I woke up every single night crying for you. You weren't there. The kids. I needed you, I could barely look after our children without scaring them."

Emily knew JJ didn't take it as well as she seemed to before. JJ had always been one to try her best to keep her cool around others. Especially their relationship drama it wasn't for the kids or her friends to know about unless they wanted to involve them. "JJ I am so sorry." She stood and held JJ in her place stopping her from walking a hole in the floor. "I know now what I did was wrong. At the time I was stuck inside. I couldn't see past the anger at myself and Ian. I couldn't believe what had happened. This man had tried to ruin my life by taking the only woman I've ever loved as much as I love you. I don't have to tell you what he did to you because of me. I had to try and live with that. I spent 6 weeks drinking. I didn't want to deal with it. But now I know I have to. I have to because I love you. I love our kids, our friends, my job. I can see now, that without you I wouldn't be anything."

JJ nodded shyly acknowledging what had just been said. She didn't give much of a reaction to Emily. So the taller woman made her way back to her side of the bed hoping JJ would do something or say something soon. "Come get in bed. We've got a busy morning tomorrow, so we need some rest." Emily pulled back the covers more on JJ's side. The younger woman climbed in laying down, Emily got closer to JJ, she wrapped an arm around her front pressed to JJ's back. A position they often felt safe in.

"I love you too." JJ muttered before falling asleep.

It was the best sleep both had in a few weeks.