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Chapter 22

" No Natalie it's not Rex." John said as he sat next to Natalie on the couch.

"It's..it's..Chris, he killed himself in his cell last night" John said as he looked at Natalie's face when he said it. She went blank; her face gave nothing away to which way she was going to take the news.

"Is that it? Then Rex is alright?" Natalie asked and she got up to straighten up the house. Moving quickly around the house she picked things up to put them away. John followed behind her as she moved.

"Natalie, did you hear what I said, Chris is dead"

"I heard you the first time John" Natalie said as she stopped briefly to look at him when they spoke and then she continued moving around the room, picking things up.

"Stop it Natalie" John said as he took her arm gently and pulled her so she was facing him.

"You need to sit and we need to talk about this" John told her staring into her now glassy blue eye's

"No, we don't" Natalie told John in a controlled voice.

"Yes, we do!" John told her in a demanding voice

"Here you go again telling me what to do. I don't need to talk about it. " Natalie said pulling away from John's hand and moving towards the fireplace. Natalie looked at the pictures of Lauren on the mantle. Tears started to run slowly down her cheeks. John watched her from a few feet away, he knew she needed space. After a few minutes Natalie spoke.

"I did this, I killed him, I killed a one time innocent person because I was connected to you" Natalie said not being able to look at John when she spoke. John came up behind her and he wanted so much to put his arms around her but he knew he couldn't, now wasn't the time, it would probably just make things worse.

"You didn't kill him, I didn't kill him, our connection didn't kill him; he was sick Natalie, just sick." John said trying to make her see this wasn't her fault

"He was sick because of me, because I didn't love him the way I should have" Nat said with tears still falling down her cheeks

" No, he was sick because of Hesser, Hesser made him sick with his brain washing" John said still standing behind Natalie watching her

"We were the reason Hesser got him, that damn pool tournament."

"Natalie, it wasn't anybodies fault Chris took his own life, not yours, not mine, not ours. " John said this time putting his hand on her shoulder as Nat stared into the space above the fireplace.

" I know John, I know but I can't help feeling this way, I know I shouldn't but I just do" Natalie said still looking by the fireplace.

"Natalie, it's not your fault" John continued to try and reassure her.

" I'm just not sure if this is a good thing, us I mean, look at all the bad things that have happened because of this connection, this love we have, nothing good has come from it" Natalie said pulling her engagement ring off her finger which John saw her do.

"You've got to be kidding me Natalie, you're going to let this dictate our future" John said as Natalie tried to hand him his ring while still not being able to face him.

" I've dealt with demons in therapy Natalie and I learned that you can't let feelings of guilt take over your life and jeopardize your future." John said trying to be patient with her.

"I just think maybe what we share isn't a good thing, it hurts people, I can't even think of one thing that our connection has brought us that was worth all the pain and hurt we caused along the way." Natalie said still holding the ring because John wouldn't take it from her hand.

"Well I can, she's right here" John said as he took one of Lauren's pictures off the mantle and then put it in front of Natalie's face for her to look at.

Natalie looked at the picture of Lauren and started to cry loudly. John took her in his arms and held her. After a few minutes he pushed her off his chest briefly and wiped away her tears that were still on her cheeks.

"You didn't do anything wrong Nat, there'd be no Lauren if there wasn't an us" John said looking into her eye's. Natalie nodded her head in agreement.

"Please put your ring back on " John said and Natalie pushed her ring back on her finger and John kissed her softly.

"Can we go upstairs? Maybe we can make another good thing from our connection" Natalie asked softly still a little teary eyed and they climbed the stairs slowly and went up to the bedroom.