Secrets Untold

My father had never hit either me or the twins in our entire lives, and he was a strong believer that punishing a child with physical pain was wrong beyond reason. And even I was shocked that night (after the twins had spent a lengthy time in their separate rooms as an initial punishment, and whilst my parents checked I were fully okay) when my father swore they were so lucky he didn't believe in violence as punishment, or else Deidre would have been so sorry. I saw an anger in my father's eyes that I'd never seen before, that I could remember.

Dad yelled at Deidre for what she had done to me; and at Darren for standing back and doing nothing about it. I sat so quietly on the sofa next to my mother, whom remained equally quiet, holding on to my hand – as if to support me. Just before I'd come downstairs, at my father's request, I'd looked into the mirror and saw already a welt had appeared on my face where Deidre had hit me. It looked awful, and it still hurt after all those hours I'd had it under ice.

At first Deidre had just sat and listened to Dad. But, after about twenty minutes of his lecture, it was as if she'd shifted into argument mode and suddenly she began to fight back. "Why is it always my fault in the god-damned house! Did you ask your precious Doll why I lashed out at her? You should have heard the cruel words she said to me!" Deidre announced, looking from father to me with such a look in her eyes that it scared me.

"Do not answer me back with that kind of ignorance, Deidre!" my father yelled back at her. "What you did today was inexcusable and I don't think I've ever felt so angry with you before! Today you attacked your own sister…and Darren, you did nothing to stop that attack…I will not have that behaviour in my house. If you say one disparaging remark towards your sister from now on – you will be out of this house quicker than you could imagine. I will not tolerate it!" Dad was scaring both me and mother at this point. I didn't want to be there – and never seen him like this before, especially not with his own children.

"A disparaging remark about my sister!" Deidre yelled back, unwilling to back down. "What about the disparaging remarks she made against my mother? Don't you dare take her side just because she is your favourite. We all know she is. And only because she belongs to the wife that was sad enough to stay with you longer than humanly possible!" Deidre was treading on such thin ice. I thought I'd saw my father wince as Deidre said what she said. She stood up right in front of him, as if they were squaring up. My father was raging now. Any person could tell he still didn't have the emotional capacity to talk about his ex-wife.

Part of me wished he'd yell at me for saying what I had indeed said to Deidre about Melodie Richarme. I shouldn't have said it and I knew it. But my father did not turn towards me with his anger. I think he might have been scared of himself at that point; how angry he was. I think that's why he sent Deidre up to her room. She stormed out of the room, and banged up the stairs. A brief moment later, her bedroom door slammed so hard I wouldn't have been surprised if it had flown of its hinges.

Darren began to stand up, as if ready to walk away. But without even looking Dad told Darren so simply, "Sit down." Darren did so immediately. He obviously saw that now was not the time to contest Dad as Deidre had.

Dad kept his eyes focused on the floor, instead of looking at me. Nor did he look at Mom. I knew in my heart that he couldn't. He couldn't look at anybody directly when talking about his first wife. "What did you say about Melodie, Catherine?" the fact that he hadn't called me Doll that time told me that he could get angry with me too.

"Dad, I told Deidre that her mother was too selfish to love Deidre and Darren the way my mother loves me. And that's why she hates me so – because she is jealous of me. I'm so sorry, Daddy. I know I shouldn't have said it. I knew I shouldn't have said it even as I was saying it – but I couldn't stop myself. It was like revenge for me. I shouldn't have done it, though. I was so cruel to Deidre." I realised that I may have been gabbling slightly – but he had to understand how sorry I was.

"Catherine you should know well by now that distributing remarks like that about something so sensitive purely for revenge is not acceptable behaviour," Dad said, sounding so disappointed in me that it brought me to tears.

"I do know that, Daddy. And I really am so sorry. But Deidre was winding me up so much – telling me that she knew more than me now and that you wouldn't love me anymore because of my dream about Foxworth Hall. And she said she remembered the mansion. And I knew she was lying to try to aggravate me- " I stopped first at the sight of Darren's surprised expression. I then looked to my mother, whose expression matched my brothers. Dad's expression was difficult to read. Why did they all do that when I mentioned the name of that mansion?

Instead of asking me, my father turned round to look at Darren. "Is this true, Darren?" Dad asked my brother. Darren simply nodded yes; I imagined he didn't want to say anything in case he stepped wrong and Dad began yelling at him all over again. At that, my father yelled Deidre's name. Her banishment had lasted a mere ninety seconds.

Moments later, Deidre came flouncing back into the room – always keeping her eyes on Dad. Dad simply pointed towards the sofa where she had previously been sat. Promptly, she walked over to the sofa and dropped down, as if she had no cares. Dad then turned around to look at myself and my mother. "Toni. Take Catherine to bed now…it's been a long day and she needs some sleep," Dad told Mom, much to my surprise. My father had made a point of me being here whilst he's lectured Deidre. Why was he now telling my mother to take me away from the argument? Was he going to talk to Deidre and Darren about something they were keeping secret from me? I begin to wonder whether my previous underestimation of the current situation had indeed been correct.

My mother nodded her head at my father obediently. She stood quickly, pulling me up with her. Mom guided me up the steps and walked me to my bedroom. She opened the door and waited for me to walk into the room, following in behind me. "Get changed and into bed quickly, Catherine dear, it's late," Mom told me, almost robotically.

Confused, I turned and asked my mother; "Why doesn't Dad want me in the discussion anymore? Do you all know something I don't?" Mother remained still for a moment. A moment too long, as far as my suspicion was concerned. Mother then put on a fake little laugh and announced, "Of course not, Catherine. You have a wonderful imagination. Now, come on, to bed." I stood completely still as my Mom walked over to me and kissed the top of my head. When I saw her face next, she was smiling at me. "Goodnight, honey," she said to me, as she turned to leave.

"Goodnight," I called behind her as she walked out of the door. She turned only to look at me one last time and to close my bedroom door. I sat on my bed for a few moments, lost in confusion. As I tried to make sense of everything that had happened so far, I realised there was no way I were going to work anything else stuck in my bedroom. No. I had to get back downstairs and hear what my father was saying to the twins.

I waited a few more moments – so to give Mom a chance to get back downstairs; so I would not be noticed. I heard the echo of the living room door closing downstairs. That was my cue. As I walked to my bedroom door, I began to feel worried. Worried of what I would learn from eavesdropping on whatever my Dad would say to Darren and Deidre. But I knew that I had to hear it. And what felt strangely like survival instinct was shouting at me, telling me to head down that stairs and stand outside that closed living room door.

I opened my door millimetre by painful millimetre, so it didn't make a sound and alert my family downstairs. With such precision I walked down the stairs in a silent step. I crossed the hallway and paused half way. No, I couldn't turn around and run back upstairs now. I had to know. Had to know what the secret was that everyone knew. Everyone knew something that I didn't.

I walked right up to the living room door and carefully placed my ear right up against the wood. I knew so well exactly how thin the doors in the house were, which made me so glad as the voices of my family began to speak of something I had no knowledge of...