AN: Here's an insight into Emily's therapy session. So writing this I just wrote the speech as it came and added everything else after. I know its not perfect. None of my writing is. It's just me. So If anyone wants to beta this whole story feel free. I know I'm missing things. So I'm sorry for that.

Thank you again to my reviewers. Your all amazing and your the reason I keep trying to improve. And thanks to the lock down for making me bored enough to just keep writing all day. It gave me another idea for a story but I want to finish this before I post that one.

Disclaimer - I dont own criminal minds or its characters

Trigger Warning - Talk of abduction and sexual assault kinda. It's a therapy sesh so it'd be what you expected.

"Hi, Emily. My names Linda Stuart, I don't think we've met before have we?" She shook the agent's hand before sitting down in her chair, Emily taking a seat in on the sofa.

She shook her head. "No. When did you start here?" Linda was older than Emily, she looked to be around her 50's, she found it odd she'd never seen the woman before. She looked round the office, it was very well decorated. Neutral tones to keep her patients calm. Pictures and Doctorates were framed on her walls, and her desk was stack with folders. I looked like her desk probably did.

Linda clasped her hands over her knees and sat back thinking for a short moment. "I started around 4 months ago. So, I'm still meeting a lot of Agents. But that's enough about me. We are here for you. So why don't you tell me why you think you have to see me."

The brunette woman felt at ease around this stranger. She had a gentle face and voice which Emily's ears were able to relax listening to. "A criminal from my past came back 12 years after I finished the case. Abducted me and my wife and made me watch as he branded, raped and beat her up. But I'm here because I promised my wife and family that I would try to get past this, that I wouldn't let the guilt get to me."

The therapist smiled. "Well I can see we are already off to a good start. This family of yours must be really important to you."

A smiled graced Emily face thinking how much she loved her family. "They are. They are my world. I made a mistake and left them for weeks while I drank everything away. The only way I can make it up to them is to get back to myself."

"Well I think this is something we can work on, and in the process get you back to work. How does that sound?"

"So, there's no chance of being cleared today?" Emily frowned. She had hoped she would be cleared for work, so she had welcomed distractions.

"We'll have a chat and I'll let you know how I feel at the end of the session. Is that okay."

Emily nodded. It wasn't ideal. She would prefer to be cleared now; she was going to have to work for it. Which sucked big time. But She'd have to deal with it.

"So your gonna be completely in control here. Tell me how you think this session would be best used. What do you want to talk about?" The doctor sat back her arms resting on the chair showing Emily she was open for any conversation.

"Your letting me decide?" This wasn't a method she was familiar with.

"Yep, I find this works much better if I hand the control over to you. We can talk about what you want, and when you want, I find out much more and you can talk about any issues you have. So, Emily. What would you like to talk about?"

Emily sat back for a moment. What could she talk about? There was so much going on in her life. There was so much she could talk about. There was the nightmares, or the fact that every time she looked at JJ guilt took over her body and she felt a need to do everything she could to try look after her. Or the kids, that leaving them at school petrified her and when they came home she had to hug them extra tight just to know they were there. Or there was the 6 week disappearing act she did. Plenty to pick from but none stood out to her that seemed more important. Suddenly she said "I wanna have sex with my wife." She shocked herself. Great first session Emily thought.

"Okay, have you spoken to your wife about this?"

The FBI Agent shrugged her shoulders slightly. "No because I know she won't want to. JJ, she went through something horrific, because of me. It'll probably be a long while before she does anything."

"What did she go through? What happened to her?" Linda knew she needed to get her patient saying these words. Admitting what happened was always a step towards recovery.

"She was raped." Emily blinked. She really hated that word.

"How was that your fault?" the older woman pushed hoping to get a more out of her new patient.

Emily huffed, she felt like she was about to start repeating herself. That's not what she was here to do. "I told you. A criminal from my past came back to ruin my family. I took away his son, so he took something from me. My wife."

"So why would you think that was your fault? Did you rape her."

"No, I didn't." Her eyebrows furrowed at the question she had just been asked. She didn't time to think about it before Linda jumped in with another one.

"Did you tell this criminal to rape her? Did you ask him to come back and rape her?" Touchy subject but she had to do it. She could read Emily. She was going to have good days and bad days so when she opened up she had to push that little bit further.

Emily held back her stutter. "No, I would never. If I had my way this guy would been locked up a long time ago. He wouldn't have had the chance to do anything like this."

"If you don't mind me asking why he wasn't locked away when you first came across him?"

"An agent leaked information to him, and he left. Fled the country never to be seen again, I managed to keep his maid and his son safe. I put them in protective custody so before he went away, he couldn't take them with him." Now he was locked away it was easier to be able to give details to others although she made a mental note to check the status of the case and see what other information she could share, and what was still classified.

"So, let me get this right. Another agent caused this man to flee the country, while you protected his child. This guy came back and raped your wife, you didn't tell him to do, you didn't rape her. So where in there is that your fault."

First session and Emily was blown back. This woman had been sat with her all of 10 maybe 15 minutes and she had already begun unravelling Emily's life and her problems. She was good. "I guess it wasn't me directly. But I still feel to blame."

"It's natural to feel like that. Someone directly linked to you tried to destroy you and your family. You're not going to move past this straight away. I'm not expecting you too, not one is. But reminding yourself of the facts will help you to understand that this wasn't your fault." There was a pause, "So if you were ready and JJ who I'm picking up is your wife, was ready, would you be having sex."

"I'd hope so." Emily smiled. She had loved making love to JJ. They were passionate and it brought them closer. It helped them in times of hardship. When they'd had tough cases they would make love to help one another and get closer. Sometimes there were tears, sometimes there was laughter, but this was the one way she knew how to make JJ better.

"Why?"

"We connect, if one of us was having a tough time, it's how we fixed it." Emily shrugged.

"How do you feel that you can't do it now? That your going to have to come up with a different way of helping each other?"

"You'd think after 10 years it would be easy to know how to help your wife. To make things better for her. But I don't, we've had our struggles believe me, but this is different. We would talk about things, we would communicate. But now its like she just wants me to talk and I just want her to talk and neither of us can do it properly."

"What's different this time from the other times?"

"A few things."

"And what would they be?"

"The rape, she now has a possible life long condition because of it."

Linda sensed her patient was starting to close up. "Emily, we don't have to talk about this if you don't want to? It's completely up to you if we go into this. We will probably come back to it at some point, but if your not ready then we can talk about something else."

"No, it's fine I'm going to get over this and do it. I need to do it."

The two sat for another half an hour talking. Linda had managed dig into a few things with Emily. Her family and she briefly touched on the abduction and that she was having nightmares. There was a lot more that Linda could dig into, but they were out of time. She had plenty of sessions planned for Emily. She would do what she could to help the woman in need.

"So Linda, what do we say? Can I go back to work?"

Linda sighed, she looked to her paper, then to Emily. "3 days."

"3 days what?" The brunette was confused.

"You work 3 days a week on desk duty. You don't travel with the team. Not yet anyway. We will meet once a week until I think your ready to stop therapy. And if you miss one session I'll stop your desk duty. But I will be sending weekly reports to you unit chief. If I think you need to be pulled for other reason you will be okay?" She signed the sheet handing it over to Emily.

Emily smiled and took the paper clearing her for a few days in work. "Thanks doc, three days is better than none." She took the paper and headed to the BAU she wondered if JJ was finished with her session.