AN: Woo another chapter. So wanna know something great.. I might have coronavirus and have to get tested. Wish me luck.

Disclaimer - I dont own criminal minds or its characters

Trigger Warning - mentions of sexual assualt and abductions

JJ sat on the sofa. Dr Susan Scott sat opposite in her chair. JJ knew Susan from when she had been sent for therapy in the past. She felt lucky enough to have the same person, but it meant Susan knew a lot about JJ's life. They always had what seemed like a casual conversation, making it easier on the both of them.

"So how olds the youngest now? She's 4, right?" Susan asked, remember JJ had a young one around the same age her youngest child was.

JJ smiled, "Nearly. She'll be 4 in 4 weeks. I can't believe she's growing up so quickly. And Henry's going to be 10 in January. I didn't know I was old enough to have a 10-year-old." She laughed. She pulled out her phone looking at her home screen. It was a picture of all 8 of them, only a few months before the abduction.

"Time does go quickly. It must be a lot for you at the moment with all the kids and then the stuff you've had going on."

There was a small shrug from JJ and she tucked her phone back into her pocket. "In some aspects. But we've got Alice remember. She's a god send. I don't know what I'd do without her. You know even though we aren't in work she came back to get the kids into a routine and be around for when we do go back into work."

Susan half smiled. "Yeah I remember her, she your au-pair right?"

"Yeah, she just got back from visiting her family about a week and a half ago. Just in time for school starting again." JJ had never been as grateful for someone as their au pair. She managed to deal with the craziness in the house and when they were away on cases, she never failed to phone them before taking the kids to bed allowing them that chance to speak parent to child.

"That's good of her. How were you coping before she came back? Both you and Emily were injured, so did you get some help or was it just you and Emily?"

"We'll when Emily was discharged, she stayed in a motel room for a few weeks. So, the team took it in turns to help out. Because well when I was discharged, I still wasn't well, and I was still having seizures about 5 times a day."

The Bureau therapist had to hide her wince. She felt for the agent she had come to know and care for. "Oh wow, that all sounds like it was a frightening time. I know I would have been, no wife, 6 kids and unpredictable seizures. No fun."

JJ agreed that time wasn't one she wanted to remember forever. She hoped soon it would go from her memory and be replaced with more happy things. Although she knew the mind didn't work like that. "It really wasn't I was scared for everyone including Emily. I just wanted her to come home safely. Plus, the kids started turning on me 1 by 1. Luckily now Emily's home things have gone mostly back to normal."

"Yeah, that's understandable. Why was it only mostly normal? Surely with you and Emily on the mend and back under one roof everything would be normal." Susan sat forward elbows resting on her knees her chin resting in her hands.

"Emily and I have been having nightmares, then there's the fact I'm not normal anymore. You know it's just the usual."

"Why would you think you aren't normal?" JJ shrugged. This was the first time one of their sessions wasn't going smoothly. It felt awkward.

"JJ, you know me. I go pretty easy on you, we've seen each other on and off since you joined the bureau 11 years ago. What happened?" She paused letting JJ process things slowly, "I've not read your file in detail. All I know is you spent 5 day in captivity and came out with a few injuries. One being significant brain trauma that's caused you to suffer from seizures. But the rest is for you to tell me. That's the kind of trust we have." She sat back into her chair observing her patients body language.

JJ's voice turned down a few volumes. She was very easy to embarrass it was one thing she hated about herself. "I know. It's just been easier when I wasn't made to talk about it."

"Do you at least talk to Emily about it? She was there."

She shook her head softly pursing her lips to the side. "Not really. She spends a lot of time dealing with my seizures and the kids I don't want to put more pressure on her. I managed to get her to open up to me a couple of times though." JJ was proud of her small achievement.

The therapist rolled her eyes, clasping her hands in front of her chin. "It works both ways. I'm sure Emily would tell you that she's not under pressure. Your both going through difficult times. Being there for each other is important. It will allow for true healing to begin."

"I'll fix it myself. I don't want her to feel guilt for what happened. She blames herself enough. When really is was my fault! I could have stopped it. "

"What happened that was your fault? What could have been stopped."

"The stuff that happened. I could have fought more." Her voice was getting quieter as she spoke.

"I'm guessing the stuff was bad."

As if on que her mind flashed images in front of her. Ones she was trying desperately to get rid of. "Yeah. I keep thinking I'm moving past it, then it pops into my head again"

"It pops into your head how?" Susan frown. She knew both JJ and Emily had suffered in the past with PTSD from their jobs. It was natural. After what they see and do she didn't question it, she and her colleagues had just provided the support for the whole BAU who at some point had suffered symptoms it.

"I see it happening. It's like it happening again."

"How do you get rid of what you see?"

"I shower." She whispered. Admitting this meant that her therapist could probably guess what had gone on.

"You shower?"

"Yeah." JJ nodded shyly.

"It's obvious this is causing you to struggle. Whether you want to or not. It's going to stay with you until you face it. What happened to you?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"JJ how have we gotten through everything else in the past." She reminded her client.

"Talking about it." It was JJ's turn to start rolling her eyes. She knew she was being slightly obnoxious but did her doctor think she had all of a sudden gone stupid.

"So, talk. I'm all ears. You're in a safe space and anything you say here stays in here. I won't put it in the report to your boss unless I feel absolutely necessary and you know that."

"I know." There was a paused as Susan waited "When we were taken. The unsub wanted payback on what Emily had done. She had protected his son from him. Took him away. So, he wanted to hurt me in order to hurt Emily. If we would have been there any longer, I would have been dead. We made it out. But not before he'd done what he wanted to. I was branded and beaten. He also…" She sighed not wanting to go in more detail. She had too for her family. She looked straight past Susan to compartmentalise. "He touched me. He had sex with me."

"You mean he raped you?" Dr Scott confirmed.

"Yeah I guess."

"Thank you for trusting me with that. I know that must have been hard on you. But this just means we have more things to work on together. It's steps to get you back to work. Back to the person you used to be." She smiled. Baby steps.

"I'll never be that person again."

"You can. You may have a disorder that means you have to be careful, but I don't see we can't get you back to being a full-time agent."

"There's no chance of that today?"

"Not today. I think me letting you go back to work right now would mean I wasn't doing my job. Yes, I have to help you get better. I have to make you do things you might not want to, but I have to look after you too. I already know that you're probably going to go home and take a shower after this. Can you tell me now that you would be able to work all the cases you do? Come across as many rapes as you do, and you'll be okay when you go home." The silence was all the woman needed to confirm as much as JJ wasn't going to admit it properly out loud it got to her.

The two continued to dig into recent wounds. Susan was glad she had been stuck with JJ again. She knew a lot about her than she was willing to admit. She had picked up on lots of traits of the blondes, meaning she could spot a lie or when she tried to avoid conversations. They spoke more about JJ's routine of showering and scrubbing JJ seemed to have taken up on her thighs and chest where Doyle had touched. It was a hard talk, and JJ had a couple of tears leave her eyes, but she had got through the session and was counting down the days until she could be cleared to come back to work.

She wondered down to the BAU to see if Emily was done and to visit her friends.