AN: Bit of a tough chapter. I just wrote and wrote for the next 2 chapters. I had to split it up because of what I wrote haha.
Trigger Warning!
Dinner had been a big hit, except for Emily who had made herself a small dish of something which looked similar. She couldn't face eating the monstrosity everyone else seemed to like. Dessert had been even better. JJ's favourite was a mango and passion fruit sorbet which everyone loved. Although tonight JJ had missed out on dessert excusing herself. One dinner was eaten herself and Emily bathed and tucked in the kids giving them all an extra big hug and kiss. The older profiler had gone down to wash up. JJ followed a few minutes later.
"Emily, your going to have to explain to me what happened tonight? I can't wrap my head around it." JJ said arms crossed leaning in the doorway.
Emily's head turned away from the sink, she sighed putting down the plate she had been washing. She grabbed a towel drying her hands before turning round leaning against the side with her own arms crossed over her chest. "Well, we were on our way back, and it was a green light and this car came speeding through, it was a drunk driver. I luckily managed to swerve out the way, but not before we went into a pole. The car's damage is to the front. All the kids got checked out by the paramedics but were quickly cleared. They were all strapped in, they were all safe. Then the cops brought us home. You now from there."
JJ nodded slowly. "I just don't understand how this could have happened." Her tone of voice had changed from being curious to being furious. "This fucking stuff only happens with you. When ever someone is with you, they nearly die."
The older woman was almost in shock at the words which had come out of her wifes mouth and the attitude along with it. It was rare this side of JJ came out. Only with the worst unsubs would you see this side and sometimes it was a lot more tame than she was now. "Jayje what the fuck this wasn't my fault. I swerved. I made sure our children were able to come home."
"Were you drinking? I haven't checked the cabinet. Maybe it was a whiskey today instead of Iced Tea." The younger and more annoyed woman accused.
"No, I haven't drunk in nearly 2 weeks and you know it. It doesn't put me in the best mind frame and while I'm trying to get better why would I do that?"
"You never know with Emily. I never know what's going on in your head. Maybe your suicidal and tried to kill yourself as well as the kids."
"Jayje where is all this coming from? You know I'm not like that. Ask me and I'll answer I want us to communicate better. But you have to tell me where all this is coming from." Emily was trying desperately to keep her cool. She could feel herself slipping. The anger was building up. She took a deep breath to hold it back.
The blonde rolled her eyes. "You wanna communicate? Okay. This is your fault. All this. People get hurt around you. If it's not someone else, it's you."
"It's not the crash your talking about."
"Yes, it is."
"No, it's not. Your talking about what happened to you and us. You got scared and all of it's coming out now because you've no where else to store it in that head."
JJ realised what she had done and wanted to back track. She wanted to take back what she had said. She didn't mean for it to come out the way it had. Emily was right she had been petrified. But her mouth betrayed her before her mind could make her say anything else. "You have no idea what I store in my head. You have no idea. I had to deal with this alone. I've gotten used to it. I can store a lot more than you think. All because you weren't around. That's your fault."
"You know what, your being horrible right now. Maybe all this was my fault. Maybe it was yours. Maybe if you would have run when you had the opportunity you wouldn't be in this mess. Maybe you asked for it." Emily mentally slapped herself in the head. What was happening. Why was this stuff coming out? Why couldn't she control her anger. She knew JJ had dealt with a lot and it was about time she broke down like this.
The blonde agent felt her eyes start to well up. As if Emily had said that. She never meant to argue, never mind let it get this far. "You didn't say that."
Emily turned round and started washing up again, hoping to ignore her wife. She already felt bad enough about what she had done. Why did she keep bringing it up. Why couldn't everyone just move past it. JJ saw she was being ignored. "Emily Prentiss. You do not get to ignore me. You think I wanted to be branded, beaten, raped, stabbed and fucking get a Brain Injury which means I have a tube in my brain. You think I didn't run because I wanted that. I didn't run because I loved you and I thought as long as we were together that we could get through anything. Clearly that was my mistake, because you fucked off on your jollies while I had to do what I could just to get to the next day. Do you know how many days I wanted to leave because I didn't want the kids to have to grow up like they are going to have to? But I didn't because being together meant we could help each other. However, you had other plans."
"Stop pushing my buttons before I snap. I promise you; you'll regret it." The older profiler growled. She gripped tight to the plate in her hands.
"Oh, so now you've taken to threatening me. How pathetic. You can't even justify your actions anymore." JJ again rolled her eyes. She could feel herself going red from anger.
The next thing that happened petrified both women. Emily turned round throwing the plate in her hand hard at the ground, smashing between both women. Emily lunged forward her nose close to JJ's. In a low and angry tone, she spoke "You need to fucking shut up. You have no idea how I felt about this whole thing. The things I had to come up with in my head to rationalise everything that happened. It wasn't just you that was hurt. You better get out of my fucking sight before I do something…"
"Emily, JJ?" Alice had been out all day. She had Sunday's off from the Jareau-Prentiss household unless they were on a case, so she had met up with her friends. She had come back to hear something smash and heard what Emily had said to JJ, face to face. "What's going on?"
The couple looked to the red headed woman stood in the hallway, "It's none of your business." Emily growled before walking back to the sink. "Jennifer, go to bed. I don't want to talk to you right now."
JJ gasped, "Don't speak to her like that. She's not done anything wrong."
"It's okay." Alice said walking up to JJ. She placed her hand on her lower back. "Come on. Let's go." The au-pair eyed Emily not sure what had gone on, before leading a teary JJ up to her room.
Emily took a moment and let out a deep breath letting most the anger out with it. 'What the fuck have I just done.' She thought to herself. She began washing up the rest of the stuff in the sink but after only a couple of minutes she couldn't do it anymore. She grabbed hold of their bin taking every plate out of the sink throwing it in the bin making sure each smashed as they went into the trash. Once the sink was clear her angered breaths were quick and hard, but they soon turned to tears as she realised the kind of mess she had made. She couldn't get JJ's face out of her head when she had gotten nose to nose with her. She was petrified. She was scared of her own wife. She hadn't even moved away. She looked ready to take whatever Emily was about to throw at her. Emily sat on the floor leaning against a cupboard. Crying for everything she had messed up again. She was angry at herself for causing this mess.
It took 10 minutes before her tears subsided. She got up and went into the liquor cabinet grabbing a bottle of whiskey. It had been 2 weeks, but she needed this drink. She deserved this drink. If she had messed everything up already why not mess it up even more. She drank half the bottle very quickly, leading to a very drunk Emily to pass out on the sofa still dressed in the day's clothes. Oblivious to the mess left in the kitchen, her wife who was doing god knows what upstairs with the au-pair, and her kids who she hoped hadn't heard the break down both had that night.