AN: Another part of the chapter. I hope it meets your expectations.
Song mentioned in here is Angel by Sarah McLachlan
Trigger Warning!
Alice kept her hand on JJ's lower back as she led her upstairs and to her room. She had tear tracks down her face and the nanny could tell JJ was trying to keep the rest in. "I'm just going to check on the babies. I'll be back in a minute." JJ was left alone to think for a moment while the children were checked on and hopefully hadn't woken up. She was deep in thought when Alice came back in. "They are all still sleeping soundly."
"Thanks." JJ mumbled quietly.
"What happened JJ?" The nanny had known everything that had happened with JJ and Emily. She had been coming back from the theatre with a date when she got the call off Garcia about the women going missing. She helped out till they were found then the team had told her to leave. She had tickets to fly to Georgia to see her parents, but she was willing to leave it and stay. They had assured her that the children would be fine and they would call if they needed her. So she left. When she had come back she was thrown in the deep end, with awkward dinners, kids questions and seizure training. All in the space of the nearly 2 weeks she had been back.
JJ broke into a hysterical sob. "It's my fault. I started it. I said things." She paused to try catch some breath. "I said some bad things. I didn't mean too." She continued to cry as Alice gently rubbed her hand up and down the mothers back, hoping to sooth her.
"No JJ…" They paused as they heard the light smashing come from downstairs. They could only imagine how loud it must have been down there if they could hear it.
"I did that." JJ sobbed. "I broke my wife." She stood up collecting a couple of things from her draws, before walking into the bathroom. Alice stayed sat down for a moment before she heard a popping sound. It was a familiar sound. She stood quickly.
She caught JJ at the sink. There was two empty pill bottles on the side and now she was emptying the tubes. It was her medication She rushed over pulling the last couple of emergency medication out of her hand. She threw them into the bedroom. Out of her own sight for now. "JJ why would you do that. You need them."
"I don't. I don't deserve them. I hurt my wife. She said some horrible stuff and I pushed it. I don't deserve these. The kids need a real mother. I can't be that. I can't be left alone with them for more than a couple of hours. If I have a seizure, hopefully I won't wake back up. They need a real mom and Emily is that. She saved 3 of them today from being in a serious collision with a drunk driver. That's how amazing she is, but I just got mad. Mad that she had saved someone again, and I couldn't save anyone. I couldn't even save Emily." JJ felt at breaking point. She knew her reactions could probably have been toned in if she tried, but she was exhausted. She had been tired since the day they had been found but she had refused to say anything to anyone, her doctor had given her anti-anxiety medication when she left the hospital, she took it for a couple of weeks and refused to take it since, so it was in with the mix of stuff down the drain. Maybe if she had taken the medication, she could have been more rational. But it was too late now. The damage was done.
Alice nodded listening and acknowledging everything JJ was telling her. She could tell JJ had clearly had something set her off and when she said drunk driver and kids, she knew that would tip anyone. She wrapped her arms around JJ keeping her in a tight hug, which anyone would need in that kind of situation. When the younger of the two mothers was less distraught, she sat her on the side of the tub and kneeled in front of her. "Listen JJ, you argued. Couples do, it's normal. I know you have extra stressors at the moment, but you and Emily love each other. You had a moment of weakness. That's okay. But know it's not just you. Emily is just as to blame as you. I heard and saw some of what she did. She got you really scared. You still have the look in your eyes now. She frightened you. But that can happen sometimes when arguments get as heated as yours seems to tonight. You and Emily both need to sleep on it." She sighed, "You spend the night in bed, Emily can spend it on the sofa. Tomorrow is a new day. I'll get the kids up and dressed in the morning. You and Emily lie in and talk when your both ready."
JJ nodded trying to calm her own tears. Alice was right. They both needed to calm down and stop doing stupid things. She stood up thanking the wise nanny. She needed to shower and get into bed. Hopefully sleep would help her not be such an emotional wreck and tomorrow could be a fresh start.
The blonde showered for a good hour, she had spent extra time cleaning her body, creating new wounds from scrubbing so much. She cleaned them up and got in a warm pair of fluffy nightclothes. Climbing into bed she looked at Emily's side letting a few tears fall as she fell asleep.
ejejejej
4am came around and Emily found herself being shaken away. She groaned regretting drinking what she had. Luckily it wasn't the worst headache she'd had. She stirred and let her eyes adjust to her surroundings. At first she was confused but then everything came rushing back to her, and she recognised the living room she had slept in. "Emily. You need to get up." She turned her head to see who the voice belonged too.
Alice.
"I'm up. What's wrong?" Emily asked sitting up hurriedly.
"She's calling out for you. I can't get her to wake up. She's gonna wake all the kids, can you try?" She watched as Emily nodded. So, she helped the older woman up from the sofa. Walking behind her as she made her way upstairs into the master bedroom.
Emily's heart broke as she saw JJ how she was. She hadn't seen her wife have many nightmares since she had come back. She hadn't heard her call out for her in her sleep for a while either so this was a shock. No matter what had been said earlier she still loved JJ and always would. Alice excused herself leaving Emily to climb on the bed and help JJ.
"Emily." JJ gasped. Tears steaming even in her sleep. "Emily, don't go. Please Emily."
The older of the couple placed one hand on the side of JJ's cheek, the other brushed her matted and sweaty hair out of her face. "Baby, wake up I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." Her voice always did something to the blonde. Not many people could wake her from a nightmare. The voice of the woman she loved lead her to consciousness. "That's baby." Emily smiled as JJ's eyes started fluttering. "I'm not going anywhere." She placed a soft kiss on JJ's head, which had eventually brought her out of her sleep.
"Emily." JJ sobbed as she curled herself into her partners bed. "I'm sorry. Please don't go. I didn't mean anything I said before." Clearly the events of earlier hadn't stopped being on her mind. Leaving her wife to blame herself again.
"I'm not going anywhere okay. I love you so much. I didn't mean anything I said or did either. I love you too much." She confessed pulling JJ close to her. If only she could take back everything that had happened. She knew it would probably take them a couple of weeks to recover from something like this. But they could do it. They were attempting to recover from worse. As she let her thoughts wonder while holding JJ, she had noticed her clothes were wet from sweat. Something JJ did a lot of in her nightmares. Emily herself did it, but not to the extent the blonde did. "Hey Jayje. You need to get changed. You don't want to get cold when you go back to sleep."
JJ had nodded. She hated when she got clammy like this. She felt Emily move away to get up instinctively she gripped hold of her tighter, but then let her go. She was helped by Emily to get changed. She knew Emily saw the new scabs on her chest and legs but chose to ignore it for now. She was grateful. The two got back into bed, JJ was curled into Emily's frame. "Sing?" JJ asked
The brunette nodded. When she had first started sharing a room with JJ when she joined the BAU she noticed at that time being young, JJ was quite prone to nightmares. Singing was actually the start of their relationship. Emily sang to JJ after she had woken to help her feel safe, and get her back to sleep. The song wasn't meant in the way it was originally written. Emily meant in a way to free yourself of all the bad in your mind and to find peace in her own arms. She settled making sure JJ was comfy before she started singing.
"In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold, hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness
Oh, this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold, hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here"
By the time Emily had finished singing she noticed JJ had fallen asleep, a content smile on her face. She herself smiled and looked to Alice who she had noticed halfway through was watching from the door. Clearly needing to say something but not wanting to interrupt. "What's up?" Emily asked the red head.
"I just wanted to let you know, JJ threw out her medication. She was in a bad way before. I managed to save a couple of the Rescue meds, they are in your dresser. So she'll need some new ones tomorrow. I also turned her alarms off her phone and told her to have a lie in tomorrow so she feels better for when you two talk. You do the same. I've got the kids. Just sort yourselves out okay? It kills me too see you both like this." She leaned on the door frame studying Emily's response. She was glad to note she seemed much better than she was before.
"Thank you, Alice. I'll sort it all in the morning." She bowed her head to the amazing nanny who seemed to always attempt to fix what she could. The red head said her good nights but she was called back by Emily. "I'm sorry about before. I eh… There was no excuse." The brunette admitted. She knew she made a mistake when she snapped at the live in sitter.
"Don't worry about it." Alice waved her off and retreated to her bed. Eventually all members of the house were asleep.