Disclaimer: Harry does not belong to me

Snivellus Black

Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter were lounging lazily under the tree beside the Great Lake. It was their fifth year in Hogwarts, and they were really bored.

"James, aren't you bored?" queried Sirius. He was really bored. He brushed his glossy black hair away from his gorgeous face, and reclined elegantly against the tree.

"Study for the potions exam then," offered Remus Lupin. He tossed a heavy book onto Sirius's lap.

"I know it all," sneered Sirius scornfully. "There's really no point when we can be doing other things." Beside him, Peter Pettigrew squealed excitedly.

"Wow oh wow!" giggled Peter, clapping his hands, "What a catch!" James Potter smirked as he made another fantastic capture of the Golden Snitch, which he was idly toying with.

"Oh spare me," groaned Sirius, rolling his eyes, "I thought you got rid of that thing!"

"Just training," replied James. "Besides there's not really much to do anyway. I don't need to study, and I'm kind of getting tired of Hogsmeade. Been there too many times to count!"

"Why don't we prank someone?" suggested Sirius. "We haven't pulled one in ages! Hopefully I'm not getting too rusty!"

"I feel like pulling one on the giant greaseball," leered James nastily as he stuffed the Snitch back into his robes.

"Me too," agreed Sirius. His eyes shone as he contemplated the many cruel tricks he could pull on the slimy Severus Snape.

"Merlin, I hate that guy. He's the lowest of the low," grumbled James.

"Yep! Yep!" assented Peter eagerly, as usual. He nearly peed his pants in his excitement. Deep down inside, Peter Pettigrew was a sadistic little freak that enjoyed witnessing the pains of others.

"That unnatural maggot." Sirius's lip curled in disgust. "I saw him leaning against the wall the other day, and when he got up, there was this huge oily stain on the wall."

"I'm surprised he isn't slipping in his own grease," scowled James. The thought of Snape ignited utmost loathing in his heart. Just looking at IT just gave him chills down his spine. Absolutely repugnant!

"I just want to obliterate that grotesque piece of work," growled Sirius darkly.

"Any ideas on how to prank the infested greaseball?" asked James. Lupin looked up from the thick textbook he was currently immersed in, and stared disapprovingly at Sirius and James. Peter began to pant in a sick, eager little way as he anticipated the humiliation that would soon befall the unfortunate victim. Sirius's eye fell on the potions book that Lupin had thrown at him, and a perverse smile grew on his handsome face.

"Hehehe," chuckled Sirius ominously, "This will be a good one." He leaned close to James and began to whisper rapidly in his ear. Peter tried to squirm in as close as possible to the two and listen as well. A slow smile began to spread across James's face, and Lupin watched the three apprehensively.

:-:

Later that day, two strange things occurred: A figure snuck into the Potion Master's office and stole a flask of potion, and two figures ambushed a Slytherin named Serverus Snape and stuffed him into a broom closet. They took a strand of his greasy, oily hair and all of his clothes except for his moldy gray boxers. The three figures congregated in a room that wasn't always there on the third floor of the castle. There, a fourth figure awaited them.

"Did you get everything?" asked the fourth figure, who turned out to be no other than Remus Lupin. "Are you sure you want to go through with this? Is it too late to stop you?" James Potter snorted contemptuously.

"How many times do we have to tell you, Remus? This prank will be excellent!" A grudging grin began to spread over Remus's face.

"I suppose," he sighed. "Let's get started shall we?"

"I can't wait," smirked Sirius Black. "Peter! Did you get the Polyjuice Potion?"

"Yes!" yipped Peter Pettigrew fervently. Devotion shone in his squinty little eyes. He helped up a flask filled with an unidentifiable substance.

"I have that slimeball's hair right in my pocket," stated James with a grimace. "You don't know how disgusting it feels in my hand right now. It's so oily that I'm having trouble trying to hang on to it! It keeps slipping away!" The other three laughed at this.

"Shall we commence?" grinned Sirius. He took the strand of hair from James and plunked it into the Polyjuice Potion. It turned a murky, duck poop green and looked a lot like a swamp.

"I suppose it's to be expected of that oily worm," remarked James with obvious revulsion. "Who wants to drink it? It probably tastes worse than it looks!"

"You drink it! I'm not putting that flask near my face! It probably smells revolting!" yelled Sirius.

"Well it was your idea!" argued James.

"Fine!" snapped Sirius, "But you owe me!" Sirius snatched the flask and drained it in one gulp. His face distorted as the awful flavor slipped past his tongue, and he gagged as it continued it way down his throat. Then, his stomach contorted and he felt like retching, but he struggled to keep it down.

He watched James, Remus, and Peter gape at him as he felt himself changing. His arms shrunk to pallid sticks, and his hair began to grow evermore greasy. He could feel his nose stretching out and becoming hawk-like, and he could tell that he was growing more gruesome by the minute.

Once the transformation was complete, Sirius grinned and smirked, "Shall we start with photos?" James gawked at him.

"You don't know how weird it is to see Snape grinning like that! It's really nasty! Please stop!"

"And you'll see Snape do even weirder things!" Sirius gave a bark-like shout of laughter. "Take out the camera!" Sirius began to take off his robes, revealing Snape's pale, unattractive lanky body. Snape looked like an uncooked, pallid chicken, complete with goose bumps!

"No wonder Snape is so bitter," commented Lupin.

"Gross," groaned James. Peter cackled with glee, and rubbed his hands with elation.

"Get into a sexy pose," commanded James with a sadistic smile. He raised the camera. "Smile…"

:-:

"Ok, now we're done with that, what do you want me to do next?" asked Sirius, who was still in Snape's body. He took another gulp of the Polyjuice Potion and his face twisted once again as the unappetizing flavor flowed into his stomach.

"Run down to the Great Hall naked and do the Acromantula!" urged Peter.

"I don't really want to see Snape naked," shuddered Remus, "Just seeing him in nothing but undergarments is enough!"

"Why don't you put on Snape's Slytherin robes, walk around, see what happens, and act stupid?" recommended James.

"Ok," said Sirius-in-Snape's-body. Sirius good-naturedly pulled Snape's grubby robes over his head and left the Room of Requirement. He tried to walk in that shifty, nasty little way that Snape walked. James, Remus, and Peter followed at a distance. After all, what would people think if they saw them, the gods of cool, hanging out with a slimy, pasty little string bean like Snape?

Sirius strode down the hallway. He spotted a group of hot Ravenclaw girls clustered in a corner giggling. He decided to take this chance.

"Hey girls," grinned Sirius sexily. To the girls, what they saw was Snape TRYING to grin sexily at them. They shot him dirty looks and turned away. Sirius snickered to himself and tried to crack some cheesy pick up lines.

"Did it hurt?" began Sirius, thinking of the corniest one he knew. The girls gave him the evil eye.

"What?"

"When you fell from heaven!" finished Sirius. James, Remus, and Peter sniggered appreciatively from their hiding spot in an empty classroom. The looks on the girls' faces were hilarious as they stared incredulously at "Snape".

"Who do you think you are?" said a girl looking "Snape" up and down with evident disgust.

"A thief and I've come to steal your heart!" responded Snape/Sirius.

"His cheesiness is starting to scare me," whispered James to Lupin from their hiding spot.

"Yeah. Who knew?" agreed Remus. Peter just gazed adoringly at Snape/Sirius. Saliva dribbled down his chin. He was probably memorizing those pick up lines for later use.

The girls were starting to walk away.

"Wait!" cried Sirius pretending to sound desperate, "You forgot something!"

The Ravenclaw girls turned to start at him with very annoyed expressions.

"What?" one snarled.

"ME!" yelled Sirius in his most dashing and charming way, except his dashing-ness and charming-ness was on Snape. It just came out disturbing. The girls scoffed as though they couldn't believe him, and hurried away.

This is turning out better than I expected, though Sirius evilly. The evil grin on his/Snape's face matched the evil grins on the three people watching him from afar. This was sooooo fun! Sirius decided to look for Lily Evan's group of girls. It would be fun to see how they reacted to his yucky pick-up lines.

:-:

Sirius found Lily and her group of friends next to the Great Lake. He slithered over to them, trying to catch them by surprise as they soaked their feet in the water and watched the Giant Squid swim about. Sirius put a heavy hand on Lily's shoulder.

"Go away James," growled Lily without turning to look at who it was.

"I'm not James," said Sirius in the deepest voice he could muster. Lily turned to him in surprise and realized it was Snape. Her scowl magnified.

"Get your hand off of me Snape!" she shrieked.

"I can't help it!" yelped Snape/Sirius, "You must be a magnet because you're attracting me to you!" Lily recoiled in horror and stared at him.

"Ew…" said her friends simultaneously. They watched what Snape/Sirius was going to do next with eyes as round as galleons.

"If you were a bogey I'd pick you first," remarked Snape/Sirius.

"What is UP with you SNAPE?" exploded Lily.

"She was always a feisty one," muttered James from his safe spot a few yards away.

"Get AWAY from me or I'll HEX you!" Lily drew out her wand. Snape/Sirius beat a hasty retreat, leaving Lily and her friends staring after him in disgust.

"I was sort of hoping for more," sighed James.

What to do next… thought Sirius. He went back to the castle and continued walking. Along the way, he danced badly for a couple of students, and serenaded some of the teachers in an awful, screechy voice. Snape's reputation was in ruins.

Just then, Sirius saw Professor Slughorn coming around the corner.

"Severus!" greeted Slughorn cheerfully, "Hello m'boy! How's it going?"

"Bad you fat walrus!" screamed Snape/Sirius. How good it felt!

"Fat WALRUS?" screeched Slughorn indignantly. "Two hundred points from Slytherin for speaking to a teacher like that! Plus, detention!" Sirius did a little dance inside him. His three stalkers did a real dance from their spot behind him. Gryffindor would win the house cup!

"I WAS going to invite you to my office for some crystallized pineapple and oak-matured mead," snarled Slughorn angrily, "But now I'm not!" The Potions Master walked away muttering furiously about ungrateful students.

Hehehehehe, thought Sirius evilly. Just then, he could feel himself changing back. The potion was wearing off! Sirius decided to make a dash for it. He headed to the Room of Requirement, followed by his three friends.

:-:

The next day, the students of Hogwarts enjoyed a huge and unpleasant surprise! Up and down the Great Hall hung hundreds of pictures of Snape in very suggestive poses! It was absolutely disgusting! There was one of Snape looking like he was completely nude and trying to muster up a sexy expression. Unfortunately, he just looked constipated! Then there was another one where he was nude to the waist with a blanket covering him and lying on his side, propped up on one arm with his tongue hanging out in what was supposed to be a lust-inspiring pose. What made it infinitely worse was that these were pictures taken in the wizarding world, so Snape was moving and shifting positions in every single one of them. He looked like a retard. Snape's supposedly nude pictures got worse as the line of pictures went on.

"Y'know mate," muttered James to Sirius as they admired a photo of Snape humping a cauldron, "I feel really bad for Snape. Having you in his body still can't make him any sexier! Though, that shouldn't be a surprise."

"That's because he's a slimy little greaseball," snorted Sirius.

"I wonder what he's doing now …" wondered Remus out loud.

:-:

Severus Snape had had a very trying day. First, he had woken up in a broom closet in nothing but his boxers. Then, he had to run down the halls, exposing his skinny naked chest! Along the way, hordes of girls had screamed "Pervert!" and a few actually went up to slap him. Then, Lily Evans hexed him for no reason at all, so now he had large, painful boils all over his body. To top it off, his favorite teacher, Professor Slughorn, had put him in detention as well! Which was why he was in the cold, empty classroom scraping frog scum off of the desks. He didn't even know the reason for his punishment! The horror of it all! Also, everyone in school was snickering nastily at him. At first, he thought they were complimenting him on his "sexiness" but he realized that this was not so when they kept bursting into maniacal laughter! Usually, he was unnoticed and tolerated, but now, EVERYONE suddenly knew him and he was the butt of some mysterious joke! Snape figured it was probably because he had to run down the halls with no robes on, but it couldn't have caused such big of a deal! Anyway, he was still trying to figure out how he ended up in the broom closet in the first place. Over night, his rank as "loser" had sunk down to "subhuman." He was no better than a piece of lint. Snape continued to scrape furiously at the dried, crusty frog slime. He vowed that one day, he would rise above them all, and then he would take his REVENGE! Snape erupted into maniacal laughter, and it echoed throughout the dungeons…

THE END

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