AN: Bit of a jumpy chapter. Just kinda jumps through the day. Hopefully you like it.
Thank you to those who reviewed, I appreciate it so much.
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They arrived back from the case around midday. The team, minus Rossi who had gone home, had stayed in the office hoping to get some paperwork done. Hotch had managed to convinced Strauss to give them until after Christmas off. Christmas was a week away and they could come back into the office on the 27th, unless there was a case. It would be a nice break for the lot of them. So 5pm came and they were just wrapping up the mountain of stuff they had to do. After speaking to Hotch Emily hadn't gotten off free for her outburst but there were no major repercussions. She had to have an extra therapy session before they came back after Christmas.
"JJ are you ready to go?" Emily approached JJ's desk. Her mountain of paperwork had always been slightly higher than the others. When she had qualified as profiler, she didn't specialise in anything particular. Due to her background as Media liaison she got cases in everyone's specialised fields. She preferred it that way, something different always came across her desk.
"Yeah, I just need your help taking some of these cases to the car?" She fluttered her eyelashes slightly. Emily always gave in to her requests if she gave a little flutter of her eyes.
"Yeah course, you taking these one?" She picked up the smaller of the two piles thinking that the blonde wouldn't take too many files home.
JJ shook her head taking the files off her. "No, it's these ones." There was easily 15 cases in the pile, 15 heavy folders which she placed in Emily's arms.
"Jayje, you don't need this many do you?" JJ laughed. Of course, she did. She could get through these in a day. She wasn't going to, but they would keep her going over the Christmas break, so she didn't have as many to do when she came back. She was happy to be back, happy to help others and bring justice to those who needed it.
There was no questions asked. There was a slight roll of the eyes from the brunette agent, but she carried JJ's files down to the car so the two could go home to their family. They were excited to see their children. Phone calls were never enough.
ejejejej
"Mommy, Momma!" All the kids ran to their moms. Being the first case, they had gone away together in six months they were missed. When they had spoken to Alice, she told them she struggled to get them all off to sleep as the last time their parents went away, they were gone for 'a super-duper long time.' As Luke had said. So the evening was set out to be a bit of a games night, as by the time Emily and JJ had gotten back they had managed to do homework, and were just about to have dinner.
"Hey guys." JJ said kissing each of them on the head. "Have you been good for Alice?" She dumped her bag and coat leading them to the dining room where their dinner was waiting for them. The blonde remembered this feeling well. When she returned from cases her heart would swell with pride just looking at her children and how perfect they all were. She smiled hearing each of them talk over each other about their days in school and the things they had been up to with their au-pair.
Michael looked up to his brunette mother while the others excitedly spoke to the blonde. "Mommy, guess what I did in school." He smiled proud of his own achievements.
Emily got down one her knees in front of her son. "What did you do Kiddo?"
"I did adding and taking away and I got them all right. I never did that before!" He exclaimed excitedly.
"You did really! That's amazing baby. I'm so proud of you." She wrapped him in her arms giving him an extra big hug and a kiss on her head. He was definitely her boy. He always told his Mommy first before telling his Momma. He loved them both equally, but Emily was his favourite for sure.
"What's this for dinner?" Emily asked them all sitting Michael on his chair.
"Taco's Mommy Duh." Lizzie said with a straight face. Almost as though her mom had no idea what was on their plates.
"Let's all eat up then." Alice pipped up over the long table that managed to seat them all. "I'm sure you can all watch a film afterwards if you eat it all up." The red headed woman laughed as the kids all cheered excitedly. Family TV time was the best time.
Everyone had eaten and showered before settling down for a film. After going through a long list of films they had finally settled on The Cat in The Hat. Alice had even settled down to watch the film with them. It had them all laughing at how silly the cat was. A nice wind down for the day. One by one the kids had dropped off to sleep. Gracie was first. She was the longest and deepest sleeper of the lot of them. The girl even at 4 lived for her bed.
Emily had Michael and Lizzie by her side, JJ had Henry and Gracie and Alice had the twins. All the kids were fast asleep, and they had the task of taking them to bed without waking them. One by one each child was tucked into bed. Alice too had retreated to her bed. JJ had gone to her room while Emily went and tidied downstairs. Bedtime was a good time.
ejejejej
After an hour of tiding the lower floor of their house and sorting through a pile of laundry, Emily took herself to bed. They'd had a long couple of days, they could finally rest. Well herself and JJ had therapy tomorrow which led them both to have more of a restless night but still, sleep was sleep. She opened the bedroom door and paused. JJ was sat in bed with a file on her lap, but she was staring straight past it. She wasn't even reading it.
Emily walked over to the bed and pulled the file off her lap closing and throwing it to the floor. She took one of JJ's hands. "Jay, you back?" She used both her hands to hold JJ's using one of her thumbs to rub it over the back. After a couple of seconds, she saw her wife nod and use her free hand to wipe away the stray tears which had fallen. "When did they start again?"
JJ at the hand which was still in Emily's tightly. "When we went back to work."
"What triggered this one?" The brown eyes followed her wifes eyes to the hands that were clasped together.
"The file."
Emily nodded. She could guess what had been in the file. She hadn't read it when she closed it. She just wanted it to be off JJ's lap when she zoned back into the world. "Are you okay though? Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, I'm fine." She plastered a big smile on her face. "I'm ready for our cuddle time though."
"I'm ready for that too, but I just wanna check your okay before we go to sleep, because you'll have a nightmare if you're not." The brunette pushed her very stubborn wife.
"I will be fine. I promise." Both nodded, they weren't going to push anything at night. Not if JJ didn't want to. If she was okay she trusted her.
Emily smiled thinking of the achievement they had made. She had tried not to think about it too much. But it was a big thing for the both of them. "Do you know what day it is today?"
The blonde groaned internally she had tried to ignore it all day. "Yeah, it's officially been 6 months."
"We made it, you made it." There was a proud feeling that spread through them both. As much as they both tried to ignore the day, and what it meant for them. But it was a big thing for the both of them.
JJ nodded with pursed lips. She was proud they had made it this far, but it annoyed her that dates like this were going to pop up forever now. "We did. I just hate how this stuff always pops up around it. Like I've tried not to take note of the days, but I just can't help it. Do you feel like the days just try and hit you in the face until you notice it?"
"100 percent it. I've not been able to not focus on it." The day had been looming. In fact she had been counting down the days. Because once it was over, that was another big day over and done with.
"Well we got to the end of the day."
"We did." Emily nodded.
The blonde stuck a pout on her face and looked to Emily with sad eyes. "Can I cuddle you now?"
"Come here." Emily lay down and opened her arms. JJ lay herself down, her head resting on Emily's chest so they could both fall into what they hoped would be a peaceful sleep.
ejejejej
At 2am Emily got up. She'd had a nightmare, she opened her eyes and looked around. She looked to her wife calming herself. She was safe and still in her arms. She was still resting peacefully at least on of them would have a good nights sleep. Slowly and carefully she moved her wife out of her arms and grabbed a pillow replacing herself with it so JJ wouldn't notice she was gone. She made her way to the bathroom where she could hopefully collect herself.
The older woman stood leaning on the countertop, letting her body calm itself. Letting her mind calm down and the cool air that ran through the room. She looked in the mirror at herself grounding herself slightly. She turned on the tap and flushed her warm face with cool water which provided her with some immediate relief. Nightmares always made her heat up and her heart rate rise. She knew she just needed to go about things normally to keep the images out of her head.
She took herself downstairs to grab herself a snack. She was hungry. It would be a good way to keep herself busy. Maybe she could have a sundae. She hadn't had one of those in a while. She padded softly though the house and chuckled to herself. She had done so well without nightmares. She'd gone a month. One whole month. Now she'd had a nightmare and to cope with it she was getting a sundae. How stupid. She thought as she laughed.
The sundae was so good though. She'd had chocolate and vanilla ice cream, with raspberry and chocolate sauce, sprinkles and chocolate chips were added to it, and it was her version of heaven. As she had eaten her sundae, she'd read part of slaughterhouse 5. She hadn't picked up the book in a while. It was nice to get back into something she wanted to do. She'd been so focused on JJ, the kids, therapy, appointments, work, drinking, cooking, she'd forgotten to do stuff for herself. It felt so good to just take a few minutes to read and get back into a book she loved. She took the book back up with her, if she couldn't sleep, she'd just read.
She was halfway up the stairs when she heard something. She heard her name being called. She ran as quickly and as quietly as she could. JJ was lay in bed crying, hysterically and shouting her name. She closed the bedroom door. She was grateful JJ always slept with a lamp on. It meant she didn't to worry about finding lights. She could just rush to JJ's side.
Emily sat on the bed and lifted the blonde into her arms sitting her up in the hopes it would wake her. "JJ, I'm here. Wake up." She rubbed her hands up and down JJ's side and the sleeping woman leant on her. "JJ come on. I'm right here. I've got you."
JJ woke up, but the intense emotions she felt wasn't letting her feel the calmness she wanted to feel. She could feel Emily was behind her. She was slightly confused but she didn't question it. As she continued to cry, she moved slightly to face Emily.
"Baby, what's wrong?"
"I can't stop it." JJ furiously wiped away at her face. Maybe that could get rid of the tears.
The older of the two grabbed JJ wrapping her arms round her. "Baby it's okay. They will stop. Just breathe okay." They sat like that for a good 5 minutes holding each other as JJ's tears subsided. Emily let a couple of her own tears fall. It upset her when her wife woke like this. She had no idea why her emotions were this intense. Neither of them did.
"I'm sorry." The younger woman mumbled as she stayed in Emily's arms. They separated slightly, but Emily kept a tight hold of JJ's hands.
"Don't be. You can't help it. It's not your fault."
JJ rolled her eyes slightly. "But I should be able to control my emotions better." She prayed every time this happened that next time they wouldn't be like this. But they were. Especially of late. It pissed her off. But she was ever so grateful for her wife who constantly supported her through all this.
Emily moved and lay down, her arms open. "Come on." She smiled when she saw a smile grace her wifes face. She loved to just lay in each others arms. It was a safe place. "JJ?"
"Yeah Em." She lay comfortably in her wifes arms. Her hand lay over her heart feeling it beat against it.
"Promise me tomorrow, you'll talk about this. Talk to Susan about it. It might help you. She might be able to help you get through the flashbacks and nightmares." She was concerned about her wife. She wanted her to get over these once and for all.
"I promise."
Emily felt them both relax more, so she decided to do the thing she knew would help her wife get back to sleep. Something she had been doing for a long time.
"In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold, hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here"
She knew her wife had gone back to sleep. She reached over for her book and began to read.