AN: This is a JJ in therapy chapter. I don't know how everyone's therapy works, but mine always ends up just a chatty conversation which can go like this, then we do some weeks of therapy like CBT, CFT, DBT, then go back to being like this. Fun. If you have therapy how does yours go?

Also Guest reviewer - Thank you so much. Yeah so I have got a little frustrated. I did have a pan but now I'm writing it, it doesn't go to plan. My plan for this after this chapter I was thinking if I focus on JJ more, I have an idea for the last flashback which would be JJ's sexual assault. But it would involve a seizure too, but after that, I put it as like a turning point. Another idea like you said would be both of them in a bit of trouble, which could lead to intimacy and another good turn. I could try both but I'm not sure.

Anyway, thank you so much for being honest and giving Ideas. It helps me so much! Honestly!

Anyway, here we go.

"You were back at work this week. How did it go?" Susan asked, JJ. They had both taken their positions in the office that they usually sat in when they had a session. JJ sat crossed legged on the sofa while Susan sat with one leg over the other in her big chair.

JJ shrugged. "It was alright, as you know we had a case and didn't come back until Wednesday as you know. But we're off now until after Christmas. I wish we could have a had the rest of this week here."

Therapy was in session. Here we go, Susan thought to herself. "Why? I thought you would have loved to have the time with the kids?"

"The kids finish for winter break today, so they're aren't home in the day. But I just needed a couple of extra days in work." She would have loved more days in work. She didn't even feel like she was officially back. It was such an awkward time to have come back. JJ wished her doctors would have cleared her sooner so she could get back into the routine of her life

"Why did you need those extra days? Any reason?" Susan would kill for a few extra days off, but she also knew that JJ had started back at work 3 days ago. But she also knew work was always busy, hectic and you never had much time to think.

"It's been 6 months, and it's just been tough." JJ looked down and muttered. She was slightly embarrassed. She hated stupid anniversaries

Susan nodded, "That's expected. For the first year it is so common for monthly anniversaries to cause difficulty. You said it's been tough, in what way?" Progress with JJ had been very back and forth. Up and down. Hopefully being back at work might help her make further progress.

"I just, I keep getting flashbacks and the nightmares are back. Distractions are welcomed and work it for sure keeps me busy."

"I get that distractions are good. One thing we've spoken about is keeping busy. But we also spoke about facing this kind of stuff, working on getting better."

"I know, but I don't know how. I want to but I just keep putting it off, and I just want it to be over with. I don't want to do this myself. Can't I just have a new brain?" She laughed to herself. If only she could get a new brain.

"Not quite how it works." They both laughed. If only getting a new brain was a real thing and could be used to fix all trauma "What do you do when you're having a flashback?"

The agent shrugged and paused. She didn't know fully what her body did. Because all she could see in front of her was Ian. So far she had done well hiding it from most people. "I know I kind of zone out. Em said she noticed that my breathing is shallower and quicker. I thought that was just an afterwards thing."

"What if you're with your children or your friends?"

"I leave. Go to the restroom." The blonde shrugged. It was a normal thing for her to do if she could get away. Doing it alone was easier for her.

"Emily's seen you have them though, right?" Susan knew the answer, but she liked to confirm and check her thoughts were right.

JJ placed her elbows on her knees and clasped her hands in front of each other, keeping her eyes down cast. "Yeah, she's around all the time. But I don't like her seeing them, because it can trigger her." She hated when she triggered Emily to go into a nightmare or trigger her guilt. She needed to be there for Emily, and she couldn't do that when mentally she wasn't going anywhere.

"You know keeping this stuff to yourself doesn't help. I can see why you would want to protect Emily, but her helping you, helps you help her. Does Emily suffer flashbacks too? Because this could be something we do in joint as well as together. Me and you."

"She's been doing so well I don't want to cause her to get worse." JJ smiled. Emily had been doing so well. Her nightmares had lessened so much and her thoughts that it was her fault were going too. She was getting back the woman she loved.

"This isn't something that's going to continually going to improve. It's gonna go up and down. You'll have good days and bad days. They will lessen and soon you'll both have more good days. You need to focus on you first. Both you and Emily will have days that trigger each other. Has Emily triggered you?"

"I… she hasn't… Yeah." They sat in a silence. Not an awkward one. One where Susan could hear the cogs in JJ's head turn. Susan only hoped they were turning in the right way. "Can we just start this with us for now. Emily has her own stuff at the moment."

"JJ we can start however you want. We can start today or in a couple of weeks you pick."

Wait, did she mean today, "Right now?" Internally JJ panicked, she could feel her breathing increase and her face flush. Now was not a time to cry.

"Yeah, first thing that comes to your head." The therapist could see JJ was getting wound up, she let JJ decide what she wanted to do.

"Couple of weeks." JJ just wanted to make it past Christmas. Have a good time with her family and she would invest herself in work, and in sorting herself out. She knew she had been way too focused on her medical side. Now that was semi controlled it was time to focus of getting fully better.

Susan smiled. She was glad her patient had been able to make a conscious decision about what she wanted. "Good, okay. At the end I'll print out some stuff for you to read, maybe for you to get a head start on working on it yourself. Is that okay?" There was so much that JJ could be doing a home herself to get a move on with the therapies she had in mind.

"Yeah."

"Good, you're going to get through this JJ. But with the work we have already done and are going to do, you will get through this. With everyone by your side." She could see she might have pushed her patient a bit much with the direct questions. "We can take a minute if you like?"

The blue-eyed agent didn't need a minute. She wiped away at her face. "No, we don't have much time and I have a couple of questions about the nightmares and when I sleep."

"Go ahead. I'm listening."

JJ paused. She hated how she had to admit something she found annoying and embarrassing. "Emily wanted me to talk about… Well when I have the nightmares. I cry a lot apparently. But if Emily's not in the bed I shout her. I've always done it when she's not in bed with me. Or so she says. But when she got back into bed, she would settle me, and she said I didn't wake up. Or if I was alone and had to sleep alone, I would wake and phone her. But now I cry and shout her, then when I wake up, I can't stop crying. The feeling I feel it doesn't go away, and Emily has to sing to me. Her voice is so beautiful. But I guess I want to now how to stop the crying and asking for her in my sleep."

The doctor nodded; she knew what she wanted to do. She had ideas of what could work. She got new ideas all the time and she tried them with her patient, but they weren't always good, they didn't always work how she wanted. It was always trial and error, this time she was going to get it right. "So, there will be reasons behind all of this. We can work to make the changes you want. From what I'm hearing, this kind of stuff is deep rooted and comes from far in your past. I don't want to ask you too many questions today, because I think for you this session has been exhausting enough. But I'm gonna tell you something, which I know your going to hate but I wouldn't say this, if I didn't think it would help you."

"Okay." JJ was scared. She didn't want to know. But she had to. What was she going to hate?

"You have PTSD as well as an Anxiety Disorder. I want to start you on Prozac also known as fluoxetine. I've been thinking about it for a while, I checked, it's fine with your other medications. We start it today so you can adjust to the medication. It will be incredibly helpful when we get into the flashback and nightmares."

JJ huffed, "I don't want medication. I don't want that on my file. I don't want PTSD on my file." She knew the repercussions of something like this. They would treat her like she was fragile, she wasn't going be treated like that she was just as capable as everyone else at doing her job.

"It's not a bad thing. It wont affect anything. I know you hate medication, you're exactly like your wife. But I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't think you wouldn't benefit." Susan was going to have to push this. As much as she didn't want to because it had already been a tiring session for her patient, she knew it was important to get this point across.

This wasn't going to happen. Not to JJ. She wasn't going to let her job and life be ruined. "If you put this in my file, it's there forever. My boss will have to know, and he'll tell Rossi because they're best friends. My wife will have to know. My friend Garcia, she'll probably find out because she knows everything. She'll tell Derek who will tell Spence. Then everyone will know. I don't want that." Her colleagues weren't the most discreet of people.

"What's so bad, about them knowing they know everything else." Susan had to make her patient see that them knowing wasn't the end of the world.

There would always be part of her, a big part of her that was so grateful for what her friends had done for her and Emily. But she was also annoyed that they had to know. She didn't want them to look at her like they did. Talk to her like they did. "I didn't want them to know."

"But they do. Their love for you won't change."

JJ tried to hold back her tears again. Why was she getting so worked up in this session? It wasn't like they were doing any real work. They were just having a chat. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. This is tough. I've known you since a few days before you met your now wife. You are loved. You are cared for. You've been through some horrible things. You've hit rock bottom so many times, but you fight and get back up each time. You never stop fighting. You do everything you can to get back up again. For 11 years you've done it with minimal help. Let me take some of the pressure off. At least over the next few weeks and if you want to come of the medication you can." Susan's chest felt tight. She gulped. She ached for the woman who sat in her office weekly trying to make herself better. She wished she could click her fingers and all her patients were better but unfortunately that wasn't the case, but she was going to work hard to help them get back on track with life.

"Okay." The profiler agreed. It wasn't something she wanted to do for sure. But with her emotions running high and feeling truly fed up of secret flashbacks and nightmares she was going to give it a try.

"Okay." The older woman wrote her patient a script and printed out information all while keeping the conversation light and focusing more on the children and their achievements. Progress was made. Good progress. Hopefully this session would help change things, flashbacks would stop, and nightmares would go away leaving her peaceful and able to enjoy life.