AN: Another chapter!
MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING ON THIS CHAPTER
If you get triggered by sexual assault skip over the bold and italic flash back please!
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A couple of months later things were going as well as could be. They were approaching on month 9 of being free from the hands of Ian Doyle. A man who well and truly had wanted to ruin their life. Emily had been doing her therapy. After her incident before the holidays Hotch had told her to stay in for a few more months. She was still going through stuff. As much as she was 'recovered' there was a lot of change in her life now. A lot that they would have to deal with forever, so therapy was required until things calmed at home.
JJ too was still in therapy. She had started EMDR and was getting to the worst parts of it. It was having a big effect on her. She'd become more numb to the world around her, it was affecting her work. She'd gone on desk duty again; it was safer for herself and everyone else until she wasn't going through such an intense therapy. But she was now falling back on work, so her stress levels were high, and her anxiety was even higher. Apparently, this was all part of the process, but it was hard. Very hard and JJ could feel it getting harder. She was on her way back from therapy, Hotch was driving her back home. Emily had to come home because Alice had, had to rush back home for a few days after her mother had fallen ill and had no one to care for her, so it was down to Emily to collect the kids, considering JJ couldn't drive yet.
On her way home JJ had stayed pretty silent in the car. It had been a tough session. She had to talk about something she would rather remember. She had recalled it in detail. A lot of detail and now it wasn't leaving her eyes or her mind. Being silent wasn't good for her and she knew it, but she needed to process. After the past few sessions Emily had tried to push her but it was no use, some alone time helped JJ, and sometimes a shower. The older woman hated seeing her wife like this, and not be able to help. But she tried and JJ knew she was there.
Susan had told JJ to phone her if she struggled, she knew she would. This type of therapy could make some people worse before they got better. But they had to wait it out. If that meant handing out her personal number, she would do it. The blonde had yet to use it. She didn't want to bother anyone with her crap.
Upon arriving at the Jareau-Prentiss house. JJ collected her bag muttering a thank you, before walking into the house and disappearing quickly. Hotch had followed her inside. Emily had stood near the door. Luckily the kids were all playing so didn't see JJ had come home, just yet. "Hey." He gave the woman in front of him a soft smile.
"Hey, I'm guessing it didn't go to well." Emily crossed her arms over her chest. She knew exactly where her wife was going, what she was going to do. They had been warned that things might go down hill while memories were recalled. But there would be positive outcomes at the end. Or that's what they hoped.
The unit chief shook his head, tucking his hands in his pants pockets. "I don't think so. She didn't speak on the ride over here. Therapy must be getting to the bad part." He hated seeing his agent like this. She had been doing so well, but as she was trying to get better, as she was doing her part, they were just waiting for her body just do what it needed to help her.
"Yeah, it's kind of a relief to see, I think. From here it gets better. I hope so anyway. She's been holding it in a lot because we knew it was going to get harder. Hopefully she'll let it out now. The harder it gets the harder it gets to keep it in." She didn't want JJ to have a big breakdown. But now it was going that way, all she had to do was prepare herself for when it happened. Hopefully it wasn't going to be around the kids. "I hate thinking like this, but I just have to find some positive or I won't be able to be there for her."
"Well if you need anything, you know where we are. If she needs tomorrow off just let me know. If you need time off, just let me know." Hotch hugged Emily. If her could do anything for this family, he wanted to give it. Even if it was just a hug.
"Thanks, Hotch. I'll keep you updated." She waved him off and closed the door, followed by taking a big breath. Here it goes.
ejejejejej
Emily had checked all the children were okay and safe before making her way up to the bedroom where JJ would be. "Hey Jay." She knocked on the door before walking in. "How was it?"
JJ was sat on the end of the bed, looking straight ahead. The images were running through her head. They that present she wasn't able to acknowledge her wife walking into the room. "Babe, you gonna come say hi to the kids?" Emily asked gently, not wanting to push her hypersensitive partner at the moment.
"I need to shower first. I just need some time." She said in a monotone voice. She had to hold herself off from feeling anything right now. It was difficult
The brunette sat beside the blonde offering some kind of comfort by sitting close but not touching her. "Whatever you need. You gonna be okay?" She slowly reached over brushing some of her wifes currently dull hair off her shoulder. It lay flat on her head. No life in it, matching the way her wife was at the moment.
Blue eyes closed as she took a shaky breath "I'll be fine."
"Okay. Well you know where I'll be. I'll come and check on you if you're not down in 30 minutes okay?" Emily couldn't help but close her own eyes. She wished something would just make her wife feel something. She wished she could shout, scream or cry. Something. For a few days after the therapy she would get quieter, but a few days after therapy around the kids she would pretend that she had never been like that. Emily could see how withdrawn she was. She prayed for JJ to snap soon.
JJ sighed. "Okay."
Emily left. She hoped JJ could process whatever had been spoken about in therapy today, then maybe they could get a move on things.
JJ turned the shower on letting it get to a scalding temperature once Emily left. She covered the bathroom mirror with a towel. She was disgusting and dirty she didn't want to look at herself. She stripped off her clothes and jumped into the hot shower. It was like she was on autopilot. JJ didn't even start on her hair, that wasn't what she wanted to wash. She grabbed the loofah and began scrubbing her thighs. She had gone over where the bruises used to be. Over her scars from when he sliced her legs. The scars she had created on her own body from scrubbing too much.
Images flooded her head, she scrubbed harder. The pressure in her head built up and the images and thoughts get more and more intense.
Flashback.
Doyle had Emily tied to a chair, duct tape firmly over her mouth so she couldn't make a sound. JJ was lay on the floor in front of Emily, her eyes wide and tears falling quickly. Her arms were bound behind her back and her ankles were bound together. She was sick of the chair and wanted to get out of it.
"Emily, when you left me. You broke my heart. I loved you. I know you loved me. You're going to watch me. You love her, right?" Doyle pointed to JJ with the knife in his hands. "I'm going to ruin that for you. You won't be able to look at her without thinking of me. You won't love again. I can promise you that. I'm gonna fuck her hard." Panic spread in the room quickly. Emily screamed through the tape she tried pulling her arms and legs. Anything that would give and let her free to help her wife.
JJ tried getting free but that many layers of tape were on her hands and feet she wasn't getting out of these. She fought harder. Doyle walked over to her as she tried wiggling away. He was quicker. He held the knife to her throat. "You be a good girl and I won't fuck you with a knife."
She nodded, even though she didn't have tape over her mouth she felt her mouth dry and no sound would come out. Not even a lousy no. She didn't want this to happen. She wanted to go home. She wanted to see her kids and friends. She wanted to be in her wifes arms. Panic was setting in, her breathing was increasing and she could feel herself welling up.
As he sat on her waist and began to pull up her top JJ closed her eyes. She had tried not to cry. She hadn't cried when he branded her, she hadn't cried as he beat her. Not while he was in the room anyway. It showed him he was winning, and JJ didn't want him to feel like he was boss. But now she allowed herself. He was about to take away her dignity in front of Emily. She looked to her wife who was unable to get herself free. She wished she could hold Emily's hand. She was the only person she wanted right now.
"I'm sorry Emily. I'm sorry." She cried as she watched her wife who was also sobbing. She was brought away from looking at Emily when a pain ripped through her. He was inside her. Pushing himself further and further in as she screamed. She felt every movement. Every thrust as he ruined her.
He took one of his hands down to her clit circling it. "Stop please." She gasped. She didn't like it. Her body was betraying her. She could feel herself reaching a climax. "Stop, stop, stop." She begged her body. It took him a little longer to do what he achieved. JJ was fighting against everything her body was trying to do. She was fighting against the man who was trying to give her some kind of sick pleasure. She felt her body let go and she felt herself tightening round his member. He hadn't finished. He flipped her onto her stomach pushing her knees up so her back end was in the air and he assaulted her back as he finished himself off inside her back passage. The assaulted agent cried softly as he got up.
He fixed himself up and walked to Emily cutting the tape off one arm. "Go fix that bitch." He left the room leaving the two agents alone. He had done exactly as he wanted. They were broke. He couldn't help but laugh. He had won.
Emily worked as quickly as she could pulling the tape off the rest of her so she could get to JJ's side. "JJ just hold on one-minute okay. I'm coming. I'm not going to let him hurt you like that again. I promise." She got it off and dived to her wifes side. She hadn't moved she was just lay on her front sobbing. Emily fixed JJ's clothes before attempting to take the tape off her. Once it was off JJ dived into her arm, wanting someone to protect her.
"I'm here now baby. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She rocked JJ as they both sobbed. Not fully believing this was happening.
End Flashback
JJ continued to scrub at her legs and chest as the image replayed in her mind over and over. She couldn't believe she was back here. She was here months ago, and it had stopped, or slowed down a lot. Now it was back. Daily. But today was a million times worse. Or that's how it felt.
A knock on the door disturbed her from her thoughts. "Hey Jay. I said I'd be back."
"I'll be out in a minute." She pulled the hard sponge away from her skin.
Emily was going to be persistent. She knew what she was doing. She wanted JJ out so she couldn't do more damage to herself. "I don't wanna go until your out."
JJ huffed and turned off the shower. Why couldn't she just be left alone. She needed to be left alone. "Right." She moved out the shower and grabbed the towel from the mirror. She didn't look at herself. She couldn't. JJ opened the door standing in front of her wife.
"Oh baby." The older woman could see the red marks and some blood on JJ's chest, and as she looked down, she saw the blood running down her wifes legs. "Jay, I'm gonna phone someone to come and watch the kids. You need me. I can't give them full attention as well as you."
"No," JJ didn't want more people to be involved in this. It was embarrassing to say the least. "I just need this to be over. I didn't want to relive this. I didn't mean to do this. I just… This is hard." She admitted.
The brunette lead JJ to the bed sitting her down on the edge. "I know you didn't. This is part of getting better okay. Just sit here. I'm gonna check on the kids and grab my phone so just wait here." Her heart was breaking. So was her wife.
JJ was about to ask her wife to hold on, but she couldn't. "Emily." She said gaining her wifes attention. The stress, the images, the pressure, it was getting to her. The familiar feeling of the aura made her curse internally. She didn't need this, and she didn't need this now.
"Yeah." Emily wasn't expecting JJ to fall forward. But she did. So, she dove into action grabbing her wife and laying her onto the floor. Where she could safely have a seizure. She checked the blonde would be okay. She had to check on the kids. But first she set the timer going on JJ's phone and cursed. If only she had some help right now. She needed it. Her wife was safe so, she ran downstairs to check on the 6 kids who seemed to be playing nicely before running back up to JJ.
Time passed by slowly. The first minute went, then the second went slower. The third even slower. By the 4th minute, she reached for JJ's purse. She grabbed out the rescue meds and prepared herself. If it hadn't stopped by now it probably wouldn't. Just before she administered the dose something in her wifes seizures stopped her. It made her pause.
JJ was gasping for air. What was going on. Emily gave JJ a dose of something she hoped would relieve the symptoms of the blonde. But another minute passed, and nothing was happening. She grabbed JJ's phone from her purse. She needed to phone for an ambulance. As she waited for the ringing from the other side of the phone to stop she groaned. This one was going to be a sore one for JJ.
"911 what's your emergency?" The operator said in a flat tone.
The worried woman paused. What was she supposed to say? They had never been in this situation before. JJ's seizures had stopped with help before now and hadn't needed to be taken to hospital. "My wife's having a seizure and I think she's gasping for air. She's been like this for 6 minutes now." This was new and scary.
"Okay ma'am, does your wife have a history of seizures?"
"Yeah, she's got a traumatic brain injury. She has a VP shunt because of hydrocephalus." Emily pulled JJ's phone away from her ear putting it on speaker phone so she could use her own phone which she had grabbed from downstairs to text Hotch asking for him to come to the house. Then placed her phone on the floor. She needed to protect her wifes head from the floor. She grabbed a cushion from close by. This would do.
Typing could be heard over the phone. "Okay. I'm tracking your location so I'm sending and ambulance your way. What's your wifes name?"
"Jennifer Jareau, we… we call her JJ. What do I do, she's still seizing?" Her hands hovered over her wife not entirely sure what she should do. Her kids were downstairs she needed to tell them what was going on, they had no idea what was happening in a room just above them. She was torn over what more she could do.
The operator spoke again "Is JJ in a safe place?"
"Yeah she's on the floor. I've put a cushion under her head." She plumped the cushion more, hoping it could stop JJ's head from colliding with the floor hard.
"And does she have any emergency medication?"
"Yeah, I've given her two doses now. Can I give her another?" She grabbed another one prepared just in case there was something more she could do.
"No, the EMT's are two minutes out you've done everything you can. Is the door unlocked?"
"Ah, no. I'll sort it now." As she went down, she checked on the kids and hoped her boss would get there soon. He had text her back quickly saying he was on his way. All she had to do was wait. Wait for everyone. She unlocked the door and stood waiting for the EMT's to show. Only a minute later they were pulling up. "They are here."
"Okay, Ms I'm going to leave you in their hands now. Good luck."
Emily hung up and directed the EMT's up to her room where JJ was. She left her wife in their capable hands while she went into the children. They were all still happily playing. One of the things they had gotten for Christmas was Kinetic sand. A big play mat covered the floor and they were all still building things and tearing them down. "Henry. Can I talk to you?" She asked talking to the now 10-year-old, who was doing a good job supervising the younger children.
"Yeah Mom, what's up?" He moved away from the mat.
The mother got down on her knees in front of the young boy. "Uncle Aaron is on his way okay, and he's going to look after you tonight. I'm going to be going with Momma to the hospital."
"Momma's home? Is she okay?" The concerned boy asked. His Momma had been okay for a while. She hadn't been in hospital, she hadn't been upset, she didn't have many fits anymore. He hated when bad things happened too her. She along with his other mom was his Hero's they had to be okay.
"Yeah she's upstairs. You know how Momma has fits? Well the doctor wants to see her. So, I'm going to go with her, and Uncle Aaron is coming over. I think he's bringing Beth and the kids with him. But I need you to be a super big boy and look after your siblings can you do that?" She could always rely on this young boy. He ha the mental maturity of a teenage sometimes. Its what came with being the oldest of the group.
He gave his mom a big smile "Of course, Mommy."
"Okay. I love you Kiddo." She hugged him tight.
"I love you too." He smiled up to his mom. Things had to be okay.