"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I hate what I became, I scared my wife, she was so afraid she left me"said James going over to Lily, "You deserve so much better than me, so does Harry, but I'm such a selfish bastard I don't think I could let you go"

James turned and was about to leave when Lily reached out and grabbed his arm.

Sleepover

"You have to stop that" whispered Lily

"What?" said James stopping

"Being so hard on yourself. You should really be mad at me, yeah you shouted at me, I was startled..."

"You were afraid of me"

"I was shocked. But I threw a plate at your head, I used to scream at you all the time, you only shouted once"

"But..."

"Let me finish. I didn't tell you I was pregnant, I didn't even call when Harry was born, you should be mad at me. What I did was unforgivable, you should hate me" said Lily

"No, I could never hate you, you know that. I was used to you shouting, you always shout. But I don't, a man should never raise his voice to his wife"

"No a man should never raise his hand to his wife, but it's alright to shout once in a while" said Lily pulling James down on the sofa next to her.

"No I was meant to protect you not frighten you"

"James, look at me" said Lily, James raised his head and looked at her, "I have never been scared of you..."

"But..."

"Stop interupting. If I was afraid of you, do you really think I would have married you? Do you think I would have come back? Would I let you anywhere near our son, if I was scared of you?"

James slowly shook his head.

"See, you lost your temper once, once in 4 years, you have to stop punishing yourself for it. That wasn't why I left"

"Then why?"

"That fight, it was just the last straw, I had to get away. I was going to come back in a week or so, but then I found out that Harry was on the way, and I couldn't cope with either ending or repairing our marriage and deal with becoming a mother. So I made a decision and I stayed away and focused on Harry"

"You could have still come back, we would have worked things out"

"No, we would have apologised and papered over the cracks but we would have been arguing again"

"I guess"

"It still didn't feel right though, everytime I went for a scan or bought baby clothes I kept thinking you should have been there with me"

"I should have"

"See that's what I can't understand. Why aren't you mad at me? I kept you from all that, I kept you from experiencing the birth of your first child. You should hate me? Get mad at me, please. Do something just stop being so nice to me!" said Lily who was crying again.

"I'm sorry" said James putting his arms around Lily

"Stop apologising, stop being so nice"

"I can't you're my wife I love you, you were gone for almost a year. I'm just so afraid you'll leave again"

"I won't I'm not going anywhere I promise, stop being so scared and tell what you really feel"

"Okay" said James and he stood up, "How could you? You just left without a single word, you didn't even tell me, you just stormed out and the next time I saw you was last week. You said vows, 'til death do us part', not til Lily takes a strop and throws away 4 years. You have no idea what you did to me, do you? I couldn't get out of bed for a month, you could have been dead for all I knew, all I got was a note telling me you would be back in a few weeks and then one saying you wouldn't. I know I was an asshole, but I didn't deserve that, no'one deserves to be deserted like that"

"I'm sorry, I was doing what I thought was best" said Lily trying to stop her tears.

"Best for who, you cause it certainly wasn't me. You were being selfish"

"I thought it was best for all three of us" shouted Lily almost hysterically

"You were the one you wanted me to tell you"

"I know I thought we could... doesn't matter things are still the same"

"What? You tell me to open up, I do and then you pull away from me because you don't like what you hear"

"I am not"

"Yes you are" said James softly as put his arms around Lily as hugged her hard.

--------------------------

3AM

Lily woke up to Harry screaming for his night time feeding. She was surprised to find she was lying on the sofa, it was dark and she couldn't move, she managed to reach up and turn on the lamp nearby. It was James, he was lying next to her, his arms were wrapped round her that's why she couldn't get up, he was holding on to her so tight.

"James" she whispered as Harry cries became more urgent, "James, James"

"Huh, what" he said tiredly, "Oh hello"

"Hi" smiled Lily, he was cute when he woke up, he had a dazed confused look on his face that was so adorable, "Let me up"

"awwww why" pouted James, "I was comfy"

Just then Harry stopped crying and started screaming

"That's why" said Lily, James loosened his grip on her allowing her to go to Harry.

James waited a few minutes and then followed Lily upstairs, he went into Harry's room just as she finished feeding him. She burped him then a familar smell hit her.

"Oh Harry, it's 3 in the morning" she moaned

"Here, let me" said James softly

"Oh shit, James" gasped Lily, "I didn't know you were there"

"Sorry" he said then he took Harry, "Hey little guy, I've missed you" he coed to Harry, then he said to Lily, "It's okay, go back to sleep I'll put him back down"

"Okay" she said and left the room

James changed Harry and put him back in his cot, he stayed with him until he feel asleep.

"I didn't know you could love someone so much after such a short time, I loved since the moment your mum told me about you. Your mum, I really have to sort that out, I'm gonna do everything I can to get her back I promise. But if I don't I will always be here whenever you need me I promise." he whispered to Harry then he kissed his forehead and went into the hall.

James was just about to go downstairs when Lily pulled him into her room...