Edonil: I have a request for more chapters and soon? Oh, well then, I suppose I'd better write. Please keep in mind that I have exams coming up, so there might be a brief pause around late January/early February, but it should be very brief. And I'm glad to see people are intrigued with my ideas. You made me feel so special... Anyway, on with the story! I hope you all have as much fun reading it as I had writing it! (And believe me, I had a lot of fun. I have no idea why. Usually I merely enjoy writing. This chapter was just... fun.)
Disclaimer: As per usual, I (still) don't own anything.
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A Word of Advice: This chapter is much funnier if read with an upper-class British accent in mind.
Iifa: Ancient Tree of Life
Chapter Two
"GRARGH!"
The word 'grargh' will not be found in any dictionary. That is possibly because it not so much a word as an onomatopoeia. This means that the word 'grargh' describes a sound. This sound happens to be the sound made by a thirty-year-old feathery genome who has just been pounced upon by a mu. It is a most peculiar sound, but not one that I'd recommend you listen to, due to the thirty-year-old feathery genome's habit of blasting people with raw energy.
As you may have guessed, Kuja was being attacked by a mu at this point in our story. The battle began rather painfully for Kuja and ended rather tragically for the mu. Luckily for the mu, it did not feel any pain when it was seared the magical spell commonly known as 'flare'. Kuja, however, did feel a great deal of pain following the spell, partly because the flare spell involves an extremely bright and blinding light, and partly because the mu had attempted to gnaw his arm off.
Kuja, being an eloquent and articulate individual, would in most circumstances either say something grandiloquent or ignore the circumstance entirely. But this was not most circumstances.
"Dammit! Bloody mu..." Kuja glared at the pile of cinders at his feet. "This is just lovely! I'm going to kill something..." A songbird settled itself on a nearby tree and began to sing cheerfully. Kuja fried the bird. He was not in a very good mood, which was excusable at the moment. "That stupid bird... And that stupid mu... I want to kill something else." Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) the local fauna had chosen this moment to withdraw, so Kuja was left to sauté the floral countryside instead.
His mood under control, Kuja continued forward. He had been travelling for several weeks now, and had discovered during his expedition that he was not the 'outdoorsy' sort. He was constantly attacked by disguising cute and fluffy creatures that wanted nothing so much as to turn him into their midday meal. The weather was rather unpleasant, mostly because it was springtime and precipitation is common at that time of year.
In short, grand adventures were not grand at all. They were actually rather depressing.
Zidane better appreciate this, Kuja thought to himself. Dragging myself across a continent just so I can see him... Kuja conveniently forgot that Zidane was not aware of Kuja's current state of animation. The things I do for my family...
Kuja was attempting to cross the Outer Continent, travel through Fossil Roo, then travel across the Mist continent to Lindblum, where he would either be reunited with Zidane or learn of Zidane's whereabouts. It was a simple plan, really, but Kuja quite liked simple plans. Less chance of getting confused. Kuja had learned all about confusion when residing in his Desert Palace. It had taken two turned lamps, correcting finding and placing three stones, and four adjusted carpets just to travel from his bedroom to the bathroom! It had been most annoying. Kuja had never dwelt in a place with such a complicated floor plan since.
He was currently near Fossil Roo. Or at least, he hoped he was; Kuja had never actually been to the place before. He did not know much about it, beyond that it was a passage from his current continent of residence to his destination. It sounded like an excellent way to get to Zidane.
Now, to find it. What does it look like? It would have to be underground, I suppose, as it would have to be beneath the ocean. Then it would be a cave? Yes, that sounds about right. Now where is it- !
It was at this point that Kuja tripped over something, which, upon examination, proved to be a knocked-over sign reading, "Fossil Roo – Two Paces to your Right". Feeling like an idiot, Kuja stepped two paces to his right, and promptly tripped over another fallen sign, this one reading, "Your other right, you moron!" Taking four paces to his 'other right', Kuja discovered a cave.
Kuja looked inside. He considered for a moment. Then he turned around and walked away.
I destroyed an entire planet for the Eidolons' sakes! There is no way I'm going into that damp, musty cave! I am better than this!
Reader, you may now guess that this would create a problem. After all, Kuja was hardly about to fly from the Outer Continent to the Mist Continent, right?
Well, actually, that was precisely what he intended to do.
Wait! I can trance! Then I'll be all red and flamey and I can fly! And I'll just fly over to Lindblum! Perfect! Now, to find some of those monsters.
There was no shortage of monsters, thankfully (although Kuja pondered for a moment that he considered finding monsters something to be thankful of), and Kuja had soon maxed out his trance bar thingy, enabling him to be redder and featherier and capable of flight.
Kuja quite liked flying. There was a great view, and birds tended to be nice folk. Except for the zuu he ran into (quite literally) in the air over Burmecia. But other than that, his flight was quite nice.
Late one night (not that Lindblum ever actually gets dark, as you might have noticed), Kuja arrived in the Lindblum Theatre District.