We lay together peacefully afterwards, enjoying being in each other's arms.

'How did you know?' she asked me.

'What do you mean?'

'Was there some defining moment when you realised? Or did you always just know?'

'With you, do you mean? Or just in general?'

Catherine blushed.

'In general. Although now you've piqued my curiosity.'

'Well, I guess I always knew.'

She seemed surprised.

'As a child there was a family who visited us every Spring. I believe they were negotiating a marriage contract between their daughter and my brother. We used to play the chasing game, the one where the object is to catch and win a kiss - on the cheek, of course, all very innocent. She chased my brother, I chased hers. The problem was, I usually wanted to catch her as well. In fact, most of the time I'd have preferred it. I remember that very clearly, even as a child.

We continued with the game for a few years and I was equally happy catching her brother - he wasn't a bad kisser, actually.' I laughed as Catherine rolled her eyes. 'But I could never quite ignore the desire I had for wanting to kiss her as well.

Of course, once I was made to understand that wasn't normal nor was it at all acceptable, I very quickly learnt not to share those thoughts with others. And I didn't, not for a long time. But I hated having to keep that part of myself hidden away. A secret, something to be ashamed of. It never felt right to me. It's why I left my home and my family and took myself as far away as I could the first chance I had.'

Catherine looked so sad for me.

'I hate that they made you feel that way. Leaving your family must have been painful.'

'In some ways, yes, it was. But it would have caused me more pain to stay there, living a lie. It's not like my heart couldn't have found happiness with a good husband, but somehow I knew my soul wouldn't find what it needed there.

Besides, then I think about how it was the start of a journey that brought me to you. So I can't think of it with any regret.'

I smiled pensively at her, kissed her on the shoulder.

'With you, on the other hand, the defining moment was definitely the night Robert ended things with me. He opened my eyes to the feelings I'd long since tried to ignore. Yes, you weren't the only one guilty of that!' I added off her look. 'And of course, I knew I had feelings for you before then! But that night…

I hadn't been looking for it, you know. Friendship, yes, but nothing more. Nothing that might risk my status here. It was why I'd been able to resist my feelings for so long.

When I met you, I met the Queen, but I befriended the woman behind the crown. And that friendship grew because you opened your heart to me, you let me in. I knew how special that was because I saw the walls you kept-up with everyone else. You barely even seemed to like your other Ladies. I don't know how I penetrated it, but I did and I saw you. Not your crown, not your money. Just you.

I'd never believed in anything like that before. Not love or my being capable of finding it, let alone having it. And for the first time, I felt a longing for something. Something I still wasn't sure I even deserved. I never knew, never understood what love was before, not truly. But with you I discovered it with my mind, body and soul. I embraced it because it filled my heart in such an unexpected way, and of course one I'd allowed it in, I was done. You made me feel whole, you made me feel…. alive! The way you spun everything about me in knots, you lit-up the world for me.

Falling for you is something I would never have planned on, but a wise friend once told me we can't control where our hearts lead us… I spent too long having to ignore that journey. This time my heart simply didn't give me the choice.

I don't know, maybe what we feel isn't eternal. I suspect my love for you will be the death of me, if it must. But I do know I don't want to live without having felt its warmth.'

I saw worry in her eyes. My words about our love being the death of me had been meant in jest, but we both knew the reality of our situation.

She took my face in her palm and kissed me. It was a long kiss and I melted into it. She nibbled on my lip before pulling away. I grinned, loving how much she was getting into this.

'I love you. Whatever happens, remember that.'