AN: Hey guys! So because it is christmas I thought I would treat you all to another chapter and then you will get your regular chapter updates on Monday's.

I have nothing better to do today so I think I'm just going to spend it writing more chapters for the countless other stories I am writing. I have 10 stories including this one to do writing on. Although I have nearly finished this one I just need it to be betaed now by my amazing beta reader CriminalMinds99 You all better be checking out her stories. They are ace.

What are you all upto today? Or on christmas? Let me know, I'm just interested. I'm eating pringles, while having criminal minds on in the background while writing and Oh wait I think I'm gonna look for a couple more beta readers actually. I need more. I currently have 5 so if anyone wants to be a beta reader and you know you are good please pm me.

Talk soon guys!

JJ froze as Hotch stared at her wide eyed. She slipped up, she slipped up big time and there was no going back now.

"What?" She choked out, her dry throat betraying her confusion with fear.

"You just said 5 months JJ. Why have you only been clean for 5 months!" She saw the anger behind his eyes, his hands clenched and felt herself falling back into a flashback, her dad finding out that she was self-harming and beating her for 2 hours straight until she rendered unconscious. She could still feel his beating now, his hands wrapping around her hair and dragging her out of the bathroom and throwing her down the stairs into the living. It was all coming back to her again. Hotch sensed her fear and looked down at his hands, shocked at how badly he had reacted. He took a step towards her, hating how she took a step back in fear.

"JJ I'm sorry, look it's me, it's Hotch. I'm not going to hurt you." She nodded, swallowing loudly as tears began to fall down her rosy cheeks.

"I know. I'm sorry." She whispered, looking up at him. He sighed, wrapping his large arms around her.

"I don't like feeling like this Hotch. I want to be back to normal." She cried, falling against his chest.

"I know JJ, I should have thought about this before agreeing to make you do it. I'm so sorry."

"It's my job, I shouldn't be like this."

"You aren't in the right frame of mind, it's okay to feel like this."

"I'll be fine, I just snapped today. I'll be fine I promise." She pushed away from him, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. He frowned, hating how could just hide herself away from everything. He could see it in her eyes. Everything she had just been showing was gone, without even a second thought.

"JJ I don't want your mental state to be pushed further."

"I promise I'm fine" He sighed, nodding with his head in his hands.

"If you feel like you're going to do anything you don't want to, you tell us. Anyone of us okay?" She nodded, suddenly feeling ashamed at how exposed she just was.

"Please don't tell them. I don't want them worrying." She pleaded, wanting the few people who knew to stay those few people. She hated the sympathy. Hated it.

"JJ they are going to want to know." She looked up to him, her eyes wide and teary.

"Please Hotch, I'm begging you don't tell them. I don't want them to think any different of me." Hotch sighed, he knew how much her reputation meant to her and nodded, giving her one last hug.

"Clean yourself up and I'll sort them out okay." She nodded and watching him walk out the bathroom, shutting the door behind himself. He looked up as he shut the door, Emily and Reid standing in the door way, tears streaming down their cheeks. He dragged them to the living room, their faces already answering his unsaid question. They stayed silent for a few moments, none of them noticing JJ sneak around the corner from the bedroom.

"You overheard didn't you?" Emily nodded, a muffled sob escaping her lips.

"I did that Hotch, I did that to her." She cried, Hotch wrapping her up in a hug as she cried into his shoulder.

"No Emily, you didn't know and I know how stressful this has been for you. She understands."

"That doesn't give me the excuse to make her feel like that. I'm her best friend and I almost made her relapse, what kind of person does that make me?" Hotch sighed as Emily continued to cry into her shoulder, watching as Reid went to walk away.

"Reid-"Reid just nodded to the other side of the room, having noticed JJ hiding behind the wall. Hotch just nodded, watching as he walked around the corner. JJ jumped when she saw him, grabbing his hand and pulling him into their room before wrapping him up in her small arms.

"I'm sorry okay. This has nothing to do with you." She whispered, feeling his tears soak through her thin top.

"Were you going to because of Emily?" JJ sighed, pulling away from him to look in his eyes.

"I promise you, neither you nor Emily played a part in any of this. This age for me isn't the best but I swear I'm going to work on it. Emily has no fault in this at all and you certainly don't either." Reid held out his hand innocently, JJ smiling at the act.

"Pinkie promise?" She nodded, linking pinkie fingers with him.

"Pinkie promise." They turned to leave the room, seeing Emily hovering in the door way.

"Go to Hotch okay?" JJ nudged Reid, him nodding as he give JJ one last hug. JJ motioned for Emily to sit on the edge of the bed and the pair sat down next to each other.

"This isn't your fault." She said after a few minutes of silence, looking up to her older friend next to her who avoided eye contact. Emily shook her head, a tear falling down her cheek.

"You're just saying that." She whispered, JJ taking her hand in hers.

"No Em, I'm not. I know how much stress you are under and me being a cow isn't helping you."

"But that isn't your fault. You should have told me."

"Only Derek and Hotch know. I told Hotch out of confidence to help him when Haley died and when I found out about his dad and Derek found out by accident. I don't like people knowing, I hate the sympathy. And besides, who wants the tales of an abused kid, everyone has better things to do."

"No JJ, we love you and I just feel like you didn't to trust me with it." JJ shook her head immediately, feeling guilty about how she made her friend feel.

"Emily I am so sorry I never wanted you to feel like I don't trust you! That is the insane! I trust you with my life and so much more, it's just, this is something I don't share with people. I hate doing it and always have. I hate the sympathy because I'd rather that feeling be put into something more productive than feeling sorry for me, I know what people are like. I'm so sorry you felt like that Em." JJ felt a tear roll down her cheek as Emily wrapped her arms around her friend.

"Promise me you will keep me in the loop on your emotions? Me, Hotch and Reid" JJ nodded into her chest.

"I love you Em." Emily smiled, burying her head into the blonde's hair.

"I love you too Jen."