Ch 2: Flying Monk

Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku were setting up camp while Kagome, Shippo, and Kilala were out gathering firewood (whenever we don't want someone to be around, it seems we send them out to go gather firewood...) when the authors, WritingWoman and BlondBitch, arrived... by walking out of a nearby tree...

"Hey. Monk." W.W. whispered. Miroku looked up from his work. "Come here." Mirokru came closer and as he did he saw that it was two young women beckoning him, and he smiled. B.B. started drooling, and reached out to touch the monk. W.W. grabbed B.B.'s wrist and pulled hard. Quickly, before the blond remembered that she did in fact have a second hand, W.W. flicked her wand at Miroku, covering him in glitter, and dragged her crying co-author away. "This is not what we're here for!" The more focused author snapped at her friend.

"Miroku!" B.B. yelled with longing, catching Sango's attention (but oddly, Inuyasha has remained oblivious this whole time...). "Miroku, I would happily bear your children!" And the authors were gone... back through the... tree... yeah.

!Tick, tock! Miroku was stunned. !Tick, tock, tick, tock... TING! "WAIT! Bring her back!" !SMACK! Sango cracked the monk just under his jaw with her Ridiculously Large Weapon of a Boomerang. Up, up, up he went... he just... kinda... didn't come... down...

"Hey! Sango, get me down!" Miroku shouted from his airy position. A large boomerang came whistling toward him, and he dodged out of the way as best as he could, considering that there was nothing to push off of. "Not like THAT!"

Sango looked around. Inuyasha was still being oblivious, Kilala was missing, and that cowardly monk refused to come down the easy way... Well, she just didn't know what to do.

Meanwhile, as Sango pondered her predicament below, Miroku learned how to use his wings, and tried to get the glitter off of him, because how was he going to get chicks when he was covered in very unmanly glittery stuff... and he had no money at this point in time? But the stubborn silver crap wouldn't leave him. He sighed. That's what came of following strange women into the woods... they cover you with glitter and cause you to fly. You'd think after the first couple of times, he'd learn...

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B.B. - Wait. Why'd you cover him in glitter?

W.W. - Why shouldn't I? I like the thought of a glittery Miroku. laughter Praying Mantis. Er... !To reader! That's kinda a private joke... like she even remembers it... baka no ama...

B.B. - Yeps!a minute passes! Hey...

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Soon, the not-so-holy monk could do swoops, loop-de-loops, and all sorts of other fun aerial stuff that you learn to do when you fly. ... Not that I would know...

A town appeared below the flying pervert. Miroku spied a young woman going about her own business, just doing normal stuff... and a very-typical-of-him idea sprang into his mind...

With a SWOOSH of wind, he dived down into the town... and flew right under the young woman's skirts. She had barely realized what had happened by the time he was gone.

"HAHAHA! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me!" Miroku shouted, flying through the air, a plan in mind... the spreading of his letchy hand all over the country... and he wouldn't even have to walk. That last part was the only real change, because the rest had been a life long dream, not a just realized goal. Cough. Yeha, anyway...

Sango, after much thought and work, had awoken Inuyasha out of his stupor, and the two had set off across the country, on their way to stop Miroku from completing his dastardly plan...

Miroku had just hit his twelfth (sp?) target, and was feeling very proud of himself. Twelve women in different towns in just over a half an hour. Not even his grandfather could beat that!

"Look at me!" He yelled to the vast blue skies that were now his playground. "I can fly!" As if this hadn't already been established... A random shoe came toward him, and clocked him in the head.

"Miroku!" A familiar voice shouted at him. "Get your pervy ass down here now, before I throw my other shoe at you!" Miroku blinked, and looked down. Immediately he gulped. Below him was Sango... and boy was she pissed (library computer)

"NO! You'll kill me!" The holy pervert shouted, and went further into the sky. Inuyasha looked at Sango.

"I don't think you've convinced him to come down." He also got hit by a shoe, and he ran away, screaming. Now it was all up to Sango to save women everywhere from getting felt up by the amazing flying letch.

Holy Crap are we women in trouble.

I mean, uh... ah, who cares what I meant.

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B.B. - Really, who cares what you think, W.W.?

W.W. - I'm thinking you'd better be nice before I cut off your balls.

B.B. - Hey! Get off my nuts!

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Sango hoisted her Large Boomerang Who's Name I Can't Spell. Looked like this was going to have to be done the hard way... the better way.

Giving it a huge toss, she struck the monk dead center, in his stomach, knocking all the glitter off his winded body. Immediately, he dropped through the air, falling like a stone, as if his letchy ways were adding gravity to him.

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Miroku - But they don't... do they?

W.W. - Well, I'm not a letch, and I've never fallen as quick as you did... so, maybe.

Miroku - !sadness...!

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He made a crater as he landed in the dirt, but, it being a animated show, he was, of course, unharmed. Scrambling out of the hole, he shouted at Sango,

"I told you I didn't..." Then he saw her face. "Shit. I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

"Miroku..." She grated out. "You wouldn't believe the stories I've been hearing about you..."

And there you go! That's our story of the flying monk, and we're sticking too it. After all, neither of us can afford to rewrite it... ideas come so expensive nowadays... and we're both poor as fuck...

Ending:

Everything had settled down, and all was quiet. Miroku was once more in full health, having recovered from the beating Sango had given him, and was sitting quietly by the fire, as was everyone else.

Abruptly, and illogically, as we have a tendency to be, B.B. popped out of a spoon, and ran at Miroku.

"Miroku! I love you!" But W.W. was right behind her, and snatched her collar, pulling her away from the stunned monk.

"No! Bad B.B.! No fraternizing with the unreal people!" They had gone well beyond the reach of the fire, but everyone had followed them.

"...We're real..." Kagome said, slightly confused. B.B. & W.W. ignored her, B.B. pouting.

"But what about Sesshomaru!" W.W. stopped dragging her friend.

"He's different. He's really uuber hot."

"Hey! I am too!" Miroku said.

"Me too!" Inuyasha yelled indignantly. Impatient, W.W. dropped B.B., who, in a moment of blondness, forgot her need to pursue Miroku. W.W. showed them the pictures she carried everywhere of Sesshomaru.

"NO one is as hot as my puppy. Not a monk, not a cute guy with ears. NO ONE." Just then, Sesshomaru, impassive as ever, came over a hill... that popped out of nowhere.

W.W. looked at the dog demon for a full minute before she truly realized who she was staring at. Sesshomaru was by then close enough to see the pictures. One of them was a very... revealing... picture...

"Where'd you get those?" He shouted, very sexy voice, booming throughout the land. But W.W. didn't notice. Instead, she jumped him, and began hugging him, mouth going a mile a minute (Wow, knowing me as well as I do, that sounded really bad.. but it was meant innocent!). B.B. finally realized that she was free, and glomped Miroku, who had no objections. Then the two fans attentions changed...

Shirt material began flying everywhere as the pair ripped through their respective guys' shirts. W.W. even tore through Sesshomaru's armor.

The ground began to suck the girls' under at that point. They shrank, first their feet disappearing, then their knees.

"NO!" They screamed collectively. "NOT YET!" IN a last ditch attempt, they snatched Sessho and Miroku, dragging their faces down. Both claimed a kiss before their heads were enveloped by earth, and both the demon and the monk ended with a faceful of dirt. Eventually they were released.

Sesshomaru rocked back on his heels, quietly trying to recover his shattered dignity. Miroku spat out the dirt, and said,

"That was weird. Wish she had stayed around long enough to bear my children, though." It was worth the usual boomerang lump to say that. Inuyasha pouted, and said,

"Don't know why they thought you was so hot anyway, either of you." W.W. popped up first, hands clawing at the dirt to keep her head above the ground. She glared daggers at INuyasha.

"You stay away from my puppy, or I shall get you..." the earth claimed her as B.B. fought her way to the surface, screaming insults. It was disturbing, to see her head swallowed by the ground as she continued talking. Her hand reached out in a last ditch attempt to own Miroku, connecting with his ankle, but losing it's grip. Then there was a silence, as Sesshomaru looked at the group, who looked at Sesshomaru.

"What. The. Hell." He said, then walked away. He would have nothing more to do with these pathetic creatures and the strange ones that could pop out of the ground and draw hills out of emptiness.

Miles away, in a cave under the earth (A cave equipped with electricity, internet, and indoor toilets), two young fans bided their time...

And planned.