Title: You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: I own nothing; the title is from James Blunt song of the same title. No infringement intended.

Summary: Jess sees Rory on the train in New York five years after his last encounter with her. (Set after let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out episode

Ok, this is the warning right now. This does not have proper grammar, and I am sure I misspelled things in here. This is something I do for fun, and so if you are one of those people who wants it to be perfect, well I am sorry, it's not. I really appreciate all the amazing reviews from you guys, but I need to let you know.

Thanks and keep on reading and review.

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It has been almost a month since Jess found out that I was his editor. I hadn't heard anything from him, and I had tried to email him a couple of times but I never heard anything from him. I didn't know if he was even getting them.

Logan had talked me through my feelings, and he made me realize that I was in love with Jess. I had been gaining momentum since I saw him last. I even showed him Jess's previous books, and now Logan was a converted Jess Mariano admirer. He even asked if I would introduce him to Jess.

Ethan had called me into his office for a progress report soon after Jess's and I disastrous meeting. I tried to convince him nothing was wrong, and luckily I had managed to do most o f the work before our meeting, so Ethan didn't think I wasn't taking this seriously.

I went home after Logan left my apartment that day and I told Mom everything and she started to laugh. 'Man, you two are idiots!' I glared at her, as she tickled Emma as she ran through the kitchen.

'I would have to disagree.' I said and she chuckled. 'I am talking about how you two are doing the dance that I did for so long with Luke. But Rory, do not hurt him. He can't handle any more grief.'

It was a surprise. Somehow my Mother became a Jess supporter, and not only that, you could tell she had always been, I had just been to blind to see it. Jess was the one who got me back to school, and after that Lorelai was supportive of him.

'Did you ever meet her?' I asked her after a few minutes of silence. She grimaced and she rubbed her slightly rounded belly. 'Yeah, I was there at the wedding, and a couple of family get together. Sarah.. was special.' Mom said.

'What was she like?' I asked and she looked surprised at my question. 'Sarah was, bubbly and funny, but she had this serious side that surprised us all. She loved Jess a lot, and he loved her.' She says and I stare at the table. Ever since I found out that Jess was married, I couldn't help the thought that was becoming too loud to be ignored. Had he loved her more than he ever loved me?

Luke came home and kissed Mom and waved to me and picked up William and started to tickle him while he was upside down and I saw Mom smile as she watched her boys. 'Your happy aren't you?' I asked her and she shrugged. 'How could I not? I have a Danes man.' She says and I smile at the sight of Luke wrestling with his son.

I wanted one, I discovered as I left the house. I wanted everything Mom had managed to find, and I couldn't help but think that maybe when I let Jess walk away from me, I had jeopardized that.

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Jess sat at his desk in his apartment, with Lou Reed playing softly in the background and looked through the emails Rory had sent him. At first they were just business, and then eventually as the weeks went by, she changed tactic, and she began to reveal things about her self. In an email she told him what had happened with Logan.

It was easier to just ignore what you meant, what we meant, and go back to him and just try to forget you ever existed. But I could never do that. Could you?

She had written and he had to get up from his computer after reading that, and he avoided writing and his email for days. He didn't know why that statement had disturbed him like it did, but when he shut his eyes, he pictured the Rory he knew now.

The adult, editor extraordinaire was different in a way that seemed to bother him. She was confident, even in their weird situation. She knew what she was doing, and she was talented. And it didn't help, that she had the legs that he didn't quite remember.

He swore and got up from his computer and went to get the phone. He had her number now. Thanks to Maureen who he had met the day before. He dialled the numbers and when he heard her pick up and in reaction he slammed the phone down.

Here he was, a grown man, and slowly he was emerging from the fog of the grief, and he couldn't even call his editor on the phone. Jess shook his head and decided that it was never too early to go to bed.

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'So have you heard from lover boy?' Logan asks me as I try to eat my chow mien. 'Logan, remember that I know where the knives are, and I will stab you!'

Logan didn't even look surprised at my response and continued to eat his shue mie. 'so I am taking that is a no?' I rolled my eyes at him. 'For the owner of prominent newspapers all over the states, you sure act like an idiot!'

Logan chuckled and threw part of his spring roll at me. 'Seriously, I am concerned, that's all.' I sigh. 'I think he may have called me yesterday but he hung up.' I said and he chuckled. 'Wow the great Lorelai Gilmore is flustered when it comes to men. What would the men of Yale think?'

Logan never got over the fact that I had most of the men of the LBD eating out of my hand after a few months. 'Your comments aren't appreciated here.' Logan chuckled and then tried to put on a serious face for me.

'If he called you, why don't you call him back?' Logan suggested and I shrugged. 'It's crazy, I am a successful professional, and yet I am acting like I am 14.'

Logan gets up and brings me the phone. 'Come on call him.' He coaxes and I sigh. 'Fine, I will. But when it goes badly, you need to buy me some pretty shoes!' Logan rolls his eyes but agrees.

I dial the number I had known for months, yet never used it. The phone rings and I hear a masculine voice answer. 'Uh Jess is that you? I asked and there was silence. 'Rory?' the voice said over the phone and I involuntarily closed my eyes at the way he said my name. It was almost the same way he did when we would have our kissing marathons.

' Hi Jess, I was.. I mean I am calling you to arrange another meeting to discuss the final changes before …' I sigh trying to come up with a reason. 'Rory? Before what?' he asks and I try not to look at Logan. 'I lied.' I said and I heard Logan laugh and I scowled at him.

'You lied? When?' he asks and I turn around so I couldn't see Logan's self-satisfied smirk. 'I didn't call you about the book.' I can hear him sigh over the phone. 'Ok, then why did you call me?' he asks and I swallow.

'I talked to my mom a while ago, and she told me… you know what? This was a bad idea, so I guess I will talk to you. Uh later.' I tried to hang up but I heard Jess yell my name. 'Would you finish one damn thought?' he says and I swallow nervously.

'I just wanted to say that I hope that you are willing to let me finish editing this project, and that you are able to trust me.' I said weakly and Logan just shakes his head at how I had chickened out.

'Oh well, might as well.' He says and we both don't say anything and then I can hear him swear. 'Rory, I am going to ask you something, and you have to answer me straight. Did you agree to be my editor just because of what you read or because of our past?' Jess asks and Logan picks up the extension then.

I push Logan out of the room and snatch up one of the portables. 'Rory you still there?' He asks and I look and see if Logan had managed a way to overhear my answer. 'Yes, I guess our past was a huge part of it.' I said and he started to laugh. 'This thing will never end will it?' Jess scoffed and I felt my heart breaking a little bit.

'What I mean is that I owe you a lot for your part in me getting my life on track. I wasn't looking for you, it just happened, and it happened at a time when I needed it, and all I wanted to do was give you back some of the kindness you gave me.' I said and I could hear the anger in my voice, and I was shocked about it.

'Whoa Rory, I wasn't accusing you of anything, I just meant, we seem to go in circles around each other. Look why don't we go for coffee or something? I know this place that is almost as good as Luke's?' He says and I can feel myself smile. 'Alright, let's do that.'

After I had ended the call and unlocked the door so Logan could come back in, he looked at me like he was expecting me to tell him everything. 'Well?' he says and I shrug. 'I guess I will find out.'

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That night Jess sent me his final changes to his book and I sat all night and reread the whole thing. Sure I knew it pretty well, and I could pretty much recite most parts, but I knew at the end of my reading session, that it was done. How fast these 3 months had gone by. I went to bed while thinking of ways to keep Jess in my life.

I met Jess for coffee a little over a week after our first phone conversation. I had talked to him almost every night afterwards and by the end of the phone call, I would usually spend a lot of time afterwards staring at the ceiling wondering exactly when I stopped thinking he was a possibility.

This Jess now was something, someone I had never encountered before. He was witty and smart, and everything the old Jess was, but he was more. He had the self-confidence that made him the focal point in the room. And the thing that bothered me the most, was that I had nothing to do with it. All these months I read about how amazing Sarah was, how intelligent, and loving, and perfect she was, and I had to ask myself, could I measure up?

He was the late one this time and when I saw him walk in, I tried to look like I hadn't been anxiously waiting. He smiled when he saw me and walked over, not noticing that the women in the small café were drooling at the mere sight of him. That wild untameable hair he perfected when he was young just made him even more desirable now.

'Hey sorry I'm late, everything is running late this morning.' He says and then he looks at me and he smiles. 'Hey you cut your hair?' He said and I tried not to smile that he notice. This was part of Logan's plan to tell whether Jess felt the same way as me, without me having to ask him.

I smiled and I shrugged. 'I really liked the bangs, so I figured why not.' And then I noticed how insipid I sounded so I just took a sip from my coffee. 'Well it looks great.' He says and we are both quiet.

Normally we would have a million things to say, but I was nervous. And of course I said the worst thing. 'Logan says hi.' Jess doesn't say anything but I could tell it bothered him. 'So your with him?' he asks and I couldn't tell if there was any meaning behind that.

'No, just friends. We broke up even before Yale was done. You were right, but as a friend, he's good. He actually helped me call you.' I said and Jess looked surprised. 'so he knows that you are my..' he stopped. 'Yeah he knows, he was snooping when he came for my help with something.'

Jess looks angry. 'Look, I was in the kitchen, and so was your copy, but the minute I saw him look at it, I took it away from him. It was none of his business, and I made sure he knew that. I'm sorry Jess. You had your trust in me..' I didn't even get to finish because Jess took my hand. 'Hey, it's not like he sold it to a rival publisher, so what did he think?' Jess asks.

I chuckled. 'He liked it, and he is this total literary snob. He kept on trying to steal a look at the new pages. I even had to change my password for my email.' I said and Jess laughed. The waitress puts down his cup of coffee and he takes a sip and we are both silent.

'Rory can I tell you something?' he asks me after we had finished a couple cups of coffee together. 'of course.'

He looks nervous and starts to look around. 'When I began this book, I was in it really deep. Grief I mean. I was convinced that I would die of it, and I wanted people to know Sarah before it happened, but now, after so much time has passed, I think, I am almost feeling like maybe I can move on. Do you think I'm a bad person for feeling that way?'

I didn't recognize jess. He was open and responsive and he hadn't used the word huh all through our coffee. 'No, I think that you realize that she wouldn't want you to just give up.'

Jess shrugged. 'When the times comes when I know for sure that I am ready, I'll let you know.' He says and then he changes the subject before I could even ask him.

As I was about to leave Jess calls out my name. 'Can you just promise that you won't disappear?' he asks and I almost stumble. 'I'll do what I can.' I said and he looked at me really intensely. Like the first kiss intense, that seemed to take over your body. 'Rory?' He says and I look at him for one more second. 'I promise.' I said and I walked out before I would say something that may embarrass me.

And as I rode the train back to my place, I kept running what he said over and over in my head. Does this mean what I think it does?