A frying pan did it

by fvdv123

A brother of the Old Guy died and chose the wrong option. He ends up as five-year-old Harry. Watch him deal with the bad guys. This story can't be taken seriously. My favorite targets are Snape and Dumbo, so don't cry if I bash them. When he gets older there will be some girls. so Harry/multi to be safe...

1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:

J.K., My brother got dragged in, plz don't blame me for his actions. Just like me, he is an old grumpy fart with anger issues and a strange sense of humor. He got in your world and is messing it up… for free.

1 A fucking frying pan?

You know, if you are on your deathbed waiting for the end… Yeah, breast cancer can you believe it? I didn't know guys could get that too. Unbelievable, to know I used to check my ex-wife regularly for it… I confess it wasn't always searching for nobs but what the hell? Then, when I found out, it was spread out too far, so amputating my breasts would not work. Those bastards did it anyway.

My stupid younger brother laughed his ass off when he heard I got 'titty cancer'… OK, he stopped laughing when he found out it was terminal.

Stupid fart felt guilty and visited me every other day. I heard he fell off some stairs and was in a coma in the next room. I laughed my ass off… I stopped laughing when I heard he can't survive when they pull the plug.

A professor did some experiments on my brother, that dumb ass donated his body to science. So here we lay… It did save traveling expenses for the family, you know two for the price of one. Anyway, I said my goodbyes to the kids and grandkids, the wife got lucky and found a better man ten years ago, yeah yeah, I can finally admit that. I am known to carry a grudge for a long, long time.

Where was I? Ah yes, deathbed, kids next to me, my other younger brother, my annoying sister... she got hit on her head with a Bible and is now nagging at me to go to the bloody light. She can't stop nagging, she did it with mum too. Stupid light.

WTF? There is a bloody light! All those years I was arguing to sis over that light and she is right? Hey, there is a black pit too… Let's avoid that one, I better not risk that. Though choices light or dark… Aha! A gray light! I'll take that one. Besides carrying grudges, I hate to lose an argument too. So suck it up sis, I take the gray door.

I went through the gray light, and something hit my head so hard I lost my consciousness, a total blackout.

Xxxxx

I woke up with a splitting headache. Wtf? I am in a small dark smelly room, everything hurts on my body… my small body? There was a big bump on the back of my head, my fingers hurt as if they were burned, I was thinking going to the light would have been a better choice.

I explored the room I was in, on the sides and back I found nothing, the ceiling however… I am in a cupboard under some stairs? What sick joke is this? The door was locked, I started to knock on it, harder and harder yelling to let me out of here.

Suddenly a fat guy opened the door yanked me out, shaking me while yelling to shut up or get belted.

Fat guy: "One more word you freak and it will be your last. Nobody wants you, that's why they dropped you here on my doorstep. So shut up!"

I got shoved back into my cupboard. Hey… Wait a fucking minute? Freak? Doorstep? Cupboard under the stairs? I closed my eyes and tried to remember what happened, slowly the memories dropped in. They treated me like shit, last night that woman told me to get the frying pan with the bacon, and I accidentally dropped it on the floor, she got angry and hit me with the frying pan. Nononono….

I AM HARRY FUCKING POTTER? That bitch hit me with a frying pan? Is she crazy? Is this real? Did that stupid brother mess with my head? No, that can't be, he died before me. I did spend a lot of time lately reading his fan-fictions, maybe that caused it… I am in HELL?! Anyway, how do I escape this hell hole? I am four? five? Six? That Dumbledore will prevent me from escaping, so the other options are killing the fat and thin ones, or making them stop hurting me.

Thoughts were spinning through my head while I slowly fell asleep.

Xxxxx

The next morning they let me out, I ran to the bathroom to take a leak, washed my face, and got to the kitchen. Petunia was swooning over Duddikins to go for his first trick-or-treating, the new fab from over the pond. When I got on my chair I found a single toast and a glass of milk. Wait a minute, Halloween? Day of the dead? I can work with that, let's think a bit. An idea sprung into my head.

I smacked my glass on the table and yelled: "Tuni Evans! How dare you treat my son like that! You better change because I'll be waiting with mum and dad!" I turned my head and glared at Vernon: "Vernon Dursley! You monster! When my people find out how you treat my son, and they WILL find out, you are going to suffer! I will be waiting for you up here!" Now a bit of acting, I slumped down in my chair, shook my head, sat straight, and finished my toast.

Vernon and Petunia were frozen in their seat, looking slack-jawed to me, Petunia was the first to snap out of it, shaking, trying to keep the hysteria down to not spook her Duddikins, she stood up with her hands before her mouth and ran upstairs into her bedroom, a horrible scream sounded through the house. Unsteady, Vernon got up and followed Petunia. I used the confusion to eat until I was satisfied, for the first time in years.

They stayed upstairs for two hours, I felt sorry for Duddi and fed him some toast with milk. Bored, we got in the living room and started a game. Meh, it is easy to manipulate a five-year-old kid, so we got along just fine. It seems Vernon and Petunia had a good talk upstairs, after an hour I heard them move some things around, Petunia came downstairs, took me by the hand, and showed me the spare bedroom.

She said: "Harry, this will be your room from now on." Hmm… let's rub their noses in it again: "Who is Harry?" The bitch almost choked, after calming down she said: "Your name is Harry James Potter. From now on we will call you Harry." I nodded seriously: "Alright Aunt Petunia."

Xxxxx

Life was getting better after that day, better food, new clothes, I even got some toys. I did some over-acting to show my eyesight is bad and got new glasses. Playing a kid gets boring, usually, I sat in a corner with a book, sometimes playing with Duddi, most of all acting like a normal kid. Only when I was alone in my room did I try some magic, trying to feel it. I even tried to meditate to create my mindscape. It didn't work though, stupid brother, he was in Potter-verse for one day and he has girls hanging around his neck, I am stuck with fat and thin with Duddi on the side for months.

Xxxxx

The summer before first grade, I was out trying to feel the ward boundaries, vaguely sensing something. A batty old woman was watching me, I guess it was Mrs. Figg, the Catwoman, not the one from the movies with batman, this one has around twenty cats in her house, you can smell it if the wind came from that direction. Anyway, the feeling became more familiar to me, at night I searched for that feeling in my body and guide it around, you know the Chinese Xantia novels, open your meridians and acupuncture points.

Don't laugh! If you are retired with nothing else to do, they are quite good. So every evening I circulated that feeling, it got better and better, now I have to find my bloody Dantian and I am level one? I can learn alchemy! Smash some herbs together, roll it into a pill, and feed it to a Chinese guy. If he dies we say he got a tribulation and failed to break through the next level, if it does nothing, his level is too high and the pill lost its effect for him. When he gets sick and recovers? Congratulations on your next level, save up so you can buy my next pill.

So every morning and night I circulated my magic? Chi? My imagination? Through my meridians, even meditation got better, mostly because I was bored out of my mind. I started exercising, starting slow with simple things, running, sit and pull-ups, some parkour, mostly when aunt Marge was visiting with her fucking dog. I am an animal lover, but that mutt has to die, the dog or the aunt, that bitch trained it to chase me up a tree. A dog is just a dog, so I took it out on the bitch, I took a cricket bat and smacked it against her leg, yelling: "Train your fucking dog right bitch, I'll be waiting for you!" Yep, playing the possessed kid is fun. Petunia almost chit herself, Vernon got purple, and aunt Marge left her dog at home from now on.

Xxxxx

School was… meh, boring, I knew I have to go to Hogkaban when I am eleven, so let's play: I am a genius. I skipped a grade after two weeks, at Christmas I was already in third grade I rode that grade to the holidays with top marks. To keep Duddi happy I helped him with his homework and tutored him.

By now I could feel my magic flowing through my body, good food, exercising, and strong 'meridians', I began to try some simple magic, move a marble, a piece of paper, stuff like that. When the summer ended, I could move a marble around and float a piece of paper for a minute. Even meditating got better, it helped with my memory too.

Fourth grade lasted a month, fifth until Christmas, sixth grade for the rest of the school year, the last month I prepared for secondary school. Duddi felt the pressure of the smart cousin and tried harder in school. He even tried exercising, hearing everyone telling him how fit and athletic his cousin is, made him ask Petunia for a healthy diet. He still has big bones but is looking better already. I encouraged him all the way, helping him with everything, he even ended in the top five of his class.

Xxxxx

In my old life, I did some martial arts, my idiot brother kind of forced me to go with him. Not that I was any good, I competed in some fights, you know the kind without gloves until knock out? I quit after three fights, I always held on till the knockout… my knockout. They beat the crap out of me, it took three times for me to realize there is always someone stronger and better than me. There are a lot of guys stronger and better than me. Well… at least the exercise was good enough.

I combined my training and parkour with some martial arts, to keep it interesting, Duddi tried to copy me… I'll teach him boxing, Vernon's pure English sport for men. The neighborhood bully Pierce Polkiss? Polkin? Anyway, I kicked his ass a few times, and his friends too. With me going to another school I motivated Duddi to be the hero and protect the weak against the bully.

Xxxxx

I asked Petunia for a secondary school nearby, for a kid getting into a boarding school for teenagers is asking for a disaster. A twenty minutes ride with the bus took me to school and back. I studied Latin and mathematics, calculating to finish secondary I need to skip at least one more grade.

After Christmas, my second year started. The meditation was doing great, I could recollect almost everything I read three times, it is not an Eidetic memory, but it is coming close.

My days are getting full now, meditating and circulating my magic in the morning, riding to school, getting pampered by the girls in the class, riding home, doing homework with Duddi, training with and without Duddi, meditating and exhausting my magic with practicing magic.

School is getting easier for me, my meditation and magic circulation made my brain more active and my memory is also improving, I started to remember more from my past life, I lived through this era as an adult.

One day I approached Vernon: "Uncle, if you have some savings, I know some companies that will do great this year, if you invest now, at the end of the year your money is doubled. Here is a list of companies that will grow big this year."

Big ass didn't listen but kept the list, checked it regularly, watching the companies grow. After a month he put all his savings in, at the end of the year his savings almost doubled. He was almost nice to me now, not that I cared that much anyway. After the new year, I gave him a new list. It kept the fat ass happy.

Xxxxx

Third-year went fine, I was not a top genius, it seems a boy my age is already in Oxford, so I am nothing special. As usual, I skipped a grade at Christmas and ended the year at the top of my grade.

Duddi is also doing fine, he is at the top five of his class, has a lot of friends, and is becoming one hell of a boxer. I used to win with my experience, now? He is beating the crap out of me. Duddi is happy, Vernon is happy, maybe I gift Petunia a dildo so she can be happy too.

Xxxxx

My last year in secondary went fine, I took extra courses to keep it interesting. By now I was getting used to teenage drama, pimples, periods, does he love me? When does she say yes we'll do it? Honey, I am pregnant, honey? My magic is doing fine too, I can pinch a but from five feet away, while getting another slapped for it, although one was happy for the attention. I graduated top of my class, again.

This summer I started my mindscape, I created a void with a black hole at the entrance, I just come in at the back door. Anyone that tried legilimence through my eyes ends up in the black hole. Wandless is going great too, my bedroom is littered with small stuff that I move around with magic; always increasing the items to practice control. I started to check myself for nobs on my breasts, I know it is silly, there is probably a potion for it, but I can't help it.

Xxxxx

The day came for the Hogwarts letter, I got the mail, gave Vernon his part, and opened my letter.

"Uncle, did you ever hear of Hogwarts? Magic school of some sorts, some idiots are playing a practical joke on me." Petunia turned pale, Vernon purple, Duddi didn't care.

Vernon: "You think so? Maybe it is the real deal?" Yeah right, he can't anger his cash cow. Let's play along. "It said reply with an owl. How the hell do you do that? Don't they have mailboxes? How do they expect me to chase an owl and tie a letter to his leg? it is giving a bird some trauma. The headmaster is something special, he is a supreme mugwump of some sort, a chief warlock, in some games warlocks are into necromancy. Hey, an order of Merlin first class." Petunia could not take it anymore, yeah right, Lily is watching her.

Petunia: "This is real Harry. Your parents went to that school." I laughed: "Oh? Now I have to catch an owl?" Petunia sighed: "They think you know it all already, because both your parents are wizards, if you look outside there will probably be an owl waiting for your response."

"OK, I finished secondary anyway, let us learn some magic." I took a paper and pen and wrote my response.

Dear deputy headmistress,

I doubt you got a lot of students, if you expect them to use owls to send a letter, I had my aunt explain to me that this was not a sick joke.

First of all, I don't have a clue where or what I have to go or do for all these things. A pointy hat? If this is required for me to wear, then count me out. That was maybe high fashion four hundred years ago, or at the Aston horse race.

Anyway, I need a guide or don't bother for me to show up. I have a lot of offers from respectable universities, and honestly, they are more appealing.

Yours truly,

Harry James Potter

I folded the letter and went outside. Yep, a barn owl was waiting in a tree. I looked at it and asked: "A letter for Hogwarts?" Anyhow you look at it if you see someone do this? You ask him if he took his pills today. The owl took the letter in his beak and took off. Another crazy thing, that bird is flying to Scotland… which is bloody far away. With a letter in his beak... Mindboggling, there are things you can not question, or the magic is lost. If the owl flies through some rain… ah yes, drying spell and a reparo, problem solved.

Xxxxx

31 July, My birthday, strange, I never cared for it, someone was banging on the door at eight-thirty. Yes, they send the specialist for muggle integration to pick me up, not that I care much for it, I just refuse to be a puppet.

"Hold it! Don't smash the door. Have a little patience." I opened the door and a big, big guy is standing in front of it. That man is huge! Dressed as a caveman too, the only thing missing is a club and you have a troll... I'll better be nice, his hands are so big, he can grab me by the waist and his fingers would still be touching his thumb.

Hagrid: "Harry! Happy birthday! I was told to pick you up and take you shopping for your school things. Dumbledore trust me with these things, great man that Dumbledore, great man."

"Well he can't be bigger than you, you are huge! Come inside I have to get ready." Just joking, I was ready for hours, but I can't let this pass, freaking Vernon and petunia out. Duddi was slack-jawed, he had to take a ladder to punch him in the face.

"Uncle, aunt, it will probably take a whole day, don't wait up for me. Alright, Hagrid I'm ready, where do we go?" We went outside to an old motorcycle with a sidecar attached to it. I best not describe how we got there, we broke the statue of secrecy at least three or four times. I'll bet one or two persons were put in the loony bin for spotting a flying motorcycle. We made it alive and kicking at the Leaky Cauldron. Following canon I got smothered by fans, I have to stop this, I yelled: "Hold it! Why are you trying to shake my hands? I don't even know any of you! What is going on?" Tom the barkeeper: "You don't know?"

I pretended to be puzzled and asked: "What am I supposed to know? I only found out I was a wizard a few days ago by a crazy letter from Hogwarts! And I think your kind don't like me very much, because I was dropped on the doorstep of my aunt, you people didn't even ring the bloody bell. They found me the next morning half frozen. You forget me for ten years and now you want to shake my hand?" Ahh… just the right amount of bashing. That will set some rumors in action.

Hagrid is stumped: "But Harry, I delivered you to your relatives, I gave you to Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall was there too."

"It took three of you to drop me off on the doorstep? Too lazy to knock? Ring a bell? No explanation? Just me in a vegetable basket with a letter. Come on I haven't got all day, where is that ally?"

Xxxxx

A not-so-happy Hagrid showed me how to get in. "First we get some galleons from Gringotts, sneaky little buggers they are, never make them angry. Come on in." I better not get my brother's greetings, or they might chop my head off. Hagrid said: "Harry Potter to take some money from his vault, and I need the you know what from vault 713 for Hogwarts." Goblin: "Do you have a key?" I interrupted and said: "I have a vault here? Since when? Why didn't I know that?" Hagrid was sweating buckets, this is turning into a disaster, Harry is taking everything the wrong way.

Goblin: "We send every month an owl with the statements of your vaults, if you don't read them is not of our concern." Hey, vaults? "I have more than one vault? How do I know if someone is stealing from me?" Goblin responded: "Your magical guardian should notice." I shrugged: "And if my magical guardian is doing the stealing? For the ten years, I lived with my aunt I never saw a wizard, my uncle and aunt never received money for my living expenses. Who is my magical guardian anyway?" Goblin answered: "That would be Headmaster Dumbledore." I looked up: "The same Dumbledore that dropped me on a doorstep? Do I have any money left?" I was pulling a crowd by now.

Goblin: "Go to your account manager to find out, a runner will take you." I turned to Hagrid and said: "I can handle this on my own now Hagrid, just give me my vault key and you can do your own thing."

Hagrid protested: "But Harry! Headmaster Dumbledore told me to stay with you all the time!"

I shrugged: "If he is so great then he has nothing to hide from me, but if I find out he dropped me at my aunt so he can rob my vaults, then he is in trouble. He didn't visit me once at my aunt's house, but has access to my money?" Hagrid protested louder and louder, attracting more of the crowd. I raised my voice: "Hagrid, I will see that account manager, and if that headmaster of yours stole my money I'm calling the police, magical guardian or not. He is a warlock for crying out loud! Aren't they necromancers?"

A runner came to get me, a stumped Hagrid gave me my key. People were starting rumors of Dumbledore being a necromancer. Before I followed the runner I gave the teller a note, stating that today or tomorrow someone is going to try to steal what is in vault 713.

Xxxxx

The account manager for the Potter family was a grumpy old guy, meh, we will get along just fine.

Grumpy: "So Heir Potter, the last time you were here is ten years ago. What can I do for you?"

I answered: "Starting to explain what an Heir is, then tell me if that Dumbledore left any money in my vaults, and why I never knew I had a vault in the first place. Your name?"

Account manager: "Blooddagger is my name, Heir Potter, you are the last male decedent from an old family, a family that has a history of two thousand years, it is rumored your ancestors came here with the Romans. Your magical guardian Dumbledore blocked the Will of your parents, and took control of your welfare, he hid you from the wizarding world, even from us. We send you an owl every month with the statements of your vaults. I will deliver a copy in an hour."

I asked: "How do I get that Will open to the public? That Dumbledore is controlling to many things in my life. Are there some perks for being an Heir? What services does your bank offer?"

Blooddagger: "You have to be thirteen years old to demand the Will to be made public, the magical guardian is decided in the Will or the Wizengamot if there is no Will. Our services are managing your accounts, storage of precious artifacts, mind you we are not a junkyard, so no old furniture and books. We do store trunks. Out of the bank, we do set wards on homes, do curse breaking in ancient tombs, sometimes we can cure curses on magical beings, Goblin, human or otherwise."

Finally, I get my cue: "Cure curses on humans? Can you get someone to look at this scar? They said Voldemort gave me this, and it is been hurting me for as long as I remember, maybe there is a curse on it too."

Blooddagger looked at me: "If there is a curse in that scar, Dumbledore should have noticed it ten years ago." I shot back: "The same one that dropped me of on a doorstep at night in November?"

Blooddagger: "You have a point, Heir Potter, I will call for a healer, the fees are going from your account. Double if there is nothing wrong and wasted our time." I just nodded, wait a minute… Blooddagger? The same as in my brother's fan fiction? If that granny shows up I'm gonna scream. I can swallow the fact that I am in a book but in fanfiction? I kill my brother if I can get a hold of him.

An old granny walked in with a cane in her hand, she glared at Blooddagger: "What are you calling me for this time boy? It better be good or I charge double." Blooddagger pointed at me and said: "curse scar."

Granny looked at me: "The Potter boy?" I smiled: "The Potter Heir." The bitch hit me with her cane!

Granny: "Respect your elder's boy, now stay still." She took a dagger and waved it over my scar, one time, two times, again and again. I could not hold it in any longer and ask: "Do I have to pay for every time you wave that dagger at me?" I forgot she held her cane in her other hand. She started to curse, and wave her dagger all over my body.

Granny: "Boy, you have a false Horcrux in your head, and your magic bound almost completely, there are some traces of undernourishment but that is corrected. There are some other blocks too. It will take a while to correct it all."

I asked: "How much is this going to cost me?" Granny grinned: "I'll do the Horcrux for free, the others however a hundred Galleons per block." Let us play stupid and ignorant: "What are Galleons? Some kind of boat? Do they cost a lot? You can leave the blocks if I don't have the money." Bitch! Caned me again. Granny said: "I can sense when you are lying boy."

I sighed: "OK, remove the stuff if you will." She dragged me to a room covered with runes and called a bunch of other old cronies, suddenly there are daggers all over the place, those old biddies have a potty mouth… I guess, can't understand a word they are yelling. They stripped me, it is no fun if it is done by old women, Goblin or human, and started the ritual. It bloody hurts… a lot. Twenty minutes later the black ooze came out and disappeared down, probably to Hell. Those old cronies started yelling again, and a couple of guards stormed in with their axes drawn, ready to chop me up. It turns out the black ooze went down into a vault, Bella's vault.

I called: "Hey! Naked boy on a cold table here! Are we done?" Granny glared at me: "Boy you are a trouble magnet. No, we are not done yet, stay still and shut up." Ten minutes later a cup was brought in, they put it on my stomach and started to chant again. Wtf? Can't they do that somewhere else? Are they trying to get that prick's Horcrux in my body? Ah! So those cheapskates can charge it to me."

A half-hour later the cup screamed, some black vapor went out, this time it was caught by the cronies, another ten minutes, and Voldy is gone. The cronies looked at me and began to remove the blocks, if this is brothers fan-fic, there better be a Veela block in it too. Suddenly a magic wave rushed through me, I suppose the block was lifted, it was a rush! My magic tripled in size!

Granny: "The blocks are gone, there was some disturbing magic on you boy, a blood tracker, a drain to some blood wards, that false Horcrux got to another true Horcrux and merged with it. We had to remove that Horcrux while having it in contact with your body so we could capture it. Get your Heir ring boy that will prevent a lot of bad magic." she dragged me back to Blooddagger, I had hardly the chance to get dressed.

Granny: "Boy, get Heir Potter his ring, and all the help you can give him. Don't let him ask for it, offer it yourself, or I don't think he will survive." She turned and left.

Blooddagger: "What did you do to my mother? She never acted that way." I snapped back: "How would I know? They put me on a cold table and waved daggers all over me. Now, what can you tell me?" The next hour was illuminating, I got my statements, ring, discovered a marriage contract with Ginny Weasley signed by the old goat. It is not valid anyway, he is not my legal guardian. And I am rich! Got some properties, here and in France.

Xxxxx

After a visit to my trust vault, a trunk stood back in a corner, revealed by Blooddagger, he did it with a frown, loaded with stuff from mum and dad. Blooddagger said: "That trunk should not have been hidden. Someone hid this from you." Dumbledore again. Blooddagger showed me how to shrink and enlarge the trunk, I took several hundreds of galleons and left the bank. Hagrid was nowhere in sight.

The next stop was Malkins for the robes, the albino ponce should have left already. When it was my turn, they put me on a pedestal and began measuring, next to me a girl was being measured I frowned, do I have to change my clothes in front of a girl? I thought this world was Victorian and prude.

I addressed the girl: "Don't worry, I will turn around when they strip you out of your clothes." The girl looked at me, gave a high-pitched scream, jumped off her pedestal, and ran out of the store, followed by her mum who yelled: "Daphne come back!"

Madam Malkins: "What did you tell Heiress Greengrass?" I defended myself: "Just that I will be a gentleman and turn around when you strip her." Madam Malkins was puzzled: "Why do I want to strip her?" I said: "How else can you see if it fits? Don't you have to try it on for fitting?"

She spotted my ring, recognized it, and said: "This could be trouble, we only need to take some measurements, all our robes adjust to your body, they can grow two sizes, so no, you don't have to strip your clothes in here." I answered: "Oops, sorry I did not know that, it is my first day here. I was raised by my aunt who is not magical."

The girl came back into the store and glared at me: "You tricked me! You are going to pay for that!" Hmm? Pureblood custom? "OK, sorry, how much is it going to cost me? I have only a couple of hundred galleons with me." Before it got worse Madam Malkins explained: "Dear, he is muggle raised, they do things differently. Their clothes need to be tried on to see if it fits because the clothes don't change in size. Also, he doesn't know our customs." Mamma Greengrass heard it and asked: "Then why is he wearing an Heir ring? He should have known something."

I showed my ring: "This? I got it an hour ago in Gringotts, I even didn't know I had some vaults there. And I am very sorry Miss Greengrass, I don't know what you meant with I am going to pay, but I suspect it is going to hurt… a lot." Ahh. I got the kid blushing, which means I am off the hook.

Mrs. Greengrass recognized my ring: "Heir Potter? How come you don't know our customs? Dumbledore assured us you were raised by a proper family."

I shrugged: "I was raised by my aunt, who is… how do you call them? Muggles. I do not know what you consider proper madam." Mrs. Greengrass: "They should at least be magical, Heir Potter. Your family is by the oldest of the country, and raising you by muggles is criminal."

I looked at her: "Tell that to Dumbledore. He dropped me off at my aunt's house on the doorstep without even knocking on the door. They found me half frozen the next day, in a basket with a letter." Hah! repeat it too many people the same thing and rumors will fly. Adding wood on the fire I said: "Why did he block my parent's will? He did several drawbacks from my trust vault, but my aunt never got any money to support me. Also a few hours ago Goblin healers removed a magic block, a blood tracker and a drain to some blood wards, which I am told are highly illegal. But him being a warlock it is understandable, they do necromancy after all."

Mrs. Greengrass: "Warlocks don't do necromancy Heir Potter, it is a title for the chairman of the Wizengamot." I asked: "Really? Then what is a supreme mugwump? His pet?"

Mrs. Greengrass: "No, that is his title at the ICW the International Confederation of Wizards, he is leading that too." I remarked: "So he has three full-time jobs, no wonder he didn't show his face to me for ten years. The money he took out of my vault was his wage then, I must say… an easy paycheck for doing nothing. How do I get my money back? He should at least have worked for it." The conversation was followed by several people, by now I have thrown enough dirt on the goat. Madam Malkins was finished, so was the little Greengrass.

Xxxxx

"Goodbye Mrs. and Miss Greengrass, I am off to buy a wand, do you happen to know a good shop?" In several fan-fic's there is one in Knock-turn ally, maybe I get lucky.

Mrs. Greengrass: "Daphne needs to buy hers too, it is custom to buy the first one at Ollivander's."

"But not obligated? So there are others? Do they have better ones? If so I want a good one." Mrs. Greengrass was conflicted, Daphne was looking accusingly to her: "Mother, I want a good wand too. It makes all the difference to do well in school." Mrs. Greengrass sighed: "Alright, follow me." she led us outside, into Knock turn ally. She said: "Never come here alone, or without an adult. Some shady creatures prey on children."

We arrived at a small building, a single door and window at the front, inside, the space was ten times bigger as it should be. I was mentally preparing myself to select the wood and cores, although I felt several pulls on my magic. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the strongest pull. I pulled it into my hand, something snapped in my hand, and made a connection. I opened my eyes and said: "I want this one." Everyone looked at me slack-jawed. I asked: "Can I buy a spare? I felt another pull at me. An old woman came to me: "You said you felt the pull young man? Let me hold this one and call the other one plz."

I closed my eyes again and pulled, another wand flew into my hand. The reaction was not as good as the first one but still great. Daphne looked at me, closed her eyes, raised her hand, and… looked really constipated, after a minute she asked at me: "How did you do that? Is it a trick?"

Shrugging: "You have to feel your own magic first before you can feel something connect to it. Here, let me try something, hold my hand and think about doing magic." I took her hand, felt her magic, and searched for the same resonance, I pulled and the wand flew in my hand. I gave it to her, it gave a big reaction, she literary glowed. Looking at me: "Thank you Heir Potter. Mother, I want this wand." by now they all were imitating a fish, trying things to say.

I looked at the old lady: "Do you have something to put it somewhere? I doubt I can keep it in my back pocket." Two wands and a holster were a whooping three hundred galleons. Daphne's mum was one hundred forty-two galleons lighter. I could pay with my Heir ring, just press the ring on a counter and done. We left the store, I did not need to know what wood or core it was, they work for me and that's enough.

"Goodbye Mrs. and Miss Greengrass, you helped me a lot, Miss Greengrass I'll see you at school… where is the school? How do I get there?" That started another conversation. Ten minutes later Mrs. Greengrass invited me over sometime next week… I have to buy Hedwig myself I guess. After saying goodbye, I was looking around for the pet store, kind of curious I could still speak to snakes. When I entered, I felt the pull again, following it I stopped at the snowy owl. I said: "I call you Hedwig, is that OK? She bobbed her head, I took that as a yes. When she was out of the cage she hopped on my shoulders: "Girl, if you have to shit, do it somewhere else would you?" Dammed she understood that, the bint clipped me with her wing. Curious I looked for some snakes, I heard them speak: §hungry, cold§ Nope not buying one.

At the clerk I asked how those owls are getting across the country: "I mean a snowy owl is not a native species, there are bound to be people that will report a snowy owl flying all over the country."

Clerk: "All the postal owls have a ring on their feet with a notice-me not. Muggles need to be in the range of three feet from the owl to see it. Our owls have a bit of magic in them, they can fade through space, and reach their destination in under ten minutes. It is as apparating, all postal owls are trained for it. That will be eighty galleons plz"

Dammed that is one expensive bird, you can buy a lot of stamps for it. Auw she clipped me again! Does she read my mind? The clerk said: "You are lucky, it seems you can make her your familiar. It rarely happens so fast." asking: "How do I do that? I am muggle raised, so I'm without a clue." He handed me a folder and a user manual for handling the bird. With food and a stand it came down to eighty-four galleons, I don't need a cage. Outside the store, I said: "fly home and wait for me."

Well, Home first and sort what is in the trunk, there is bound to be something good in it.