Title: You're Beautiful
Disclaimer: I own nothing; the title is from James Blunt song of the same title. No infringement intended.
Summary: Jess sees Rory on the train in New York five years after his last encounter with her. (Set after let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out episode
Ok, this is the warning right now. This does not have proper grammar, and I am sure I misspelled things in here. This is something I do for fun, and so if you are one of those people who want it to be perfect, well I am sorry, it's not. I really appreciate all the amazing reviews from you guys, but I need to let you know.
Thanks and keep on reading and review
I don't know if you have noticed, but each chapter is inspired by a song, or its on repeat on my ipod and so it influences the chapter. I recommend you listen to What if I do by Foo Fighters. This is a great song!
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I gave the final copy to Ethan for him to give it the ok. He was the one with the vision of what he wanted this company to be. He just sat and read the manuscript from cover to cover. 'This is..' He began but he just scratched his head. 'I don't even know what I can say about it, it's beautiful and aching in honesty. I don't know whether to cry or laugh most of the times. Whatever you did to make him write like this, you are getting a big raise Gilmore.' Ethan finishes and he just laughs.
'this is the greatest book we've published, and this kid is going to make us a household name. You're a genius!' Ethan says and hugs me. The office was a different place ever since we got this assignment. It was different when we got a legitimate author to work with, and not have to deal with the pretentious English student or the make it rich geek barons who wanted others to know of their wealth. Jess made us honest.
I called him right away to let him know that Ethan was ecstatic. To be published after this short of time between author and publisher and editor was unheard of. It was pretty much considered career suicide to be this cavalier about it, but when you have the chance to publish something that is so poignant, you jump at it.
'Thanks Rory, I couldn't have done this without you.' Jess had said when he came in to talk to Ethan about the final details. We hadn't really talked about what he and I had said to each other when we had coffee a couple of weeks ago.
I thought there was something between us. A tension that had rules our lives when we were together at 18, but I gathered it was gone. 'your welcome Jess.' I said and I walked back into my office, and suddenly the feeling of finally finding that thing I had been missing for so long, was gone, and I didn't quite know what I was going to do with myself.
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Life continued on with the date of when the book would hit the presses and I already had my next assignment. A bohemian wannabe poet who just happened to have a great wit, was getting a collection of her poems published and I spent most of my time arguing with her about whether her 'vision' of the future, could compromise with the rules of grammar and prose.
I heard from Jess once and a while, and my life resumed pretty much pre book. Lane had come up to escape the perils of being the next rock goddess, and I had confessed to her what had happened. 'So you guys almost tried again?' She had asked and I shrugged. Almost afraid that whatever it was, only happened in my head.
Lane had tried to reunite Hep Alien, but the band just didn't flow like they had. Brian had decided that his career in real estate was something he could do, and Zack started another band and he moved to Toronto. Gil had tried to help Lane reunite everyone, but it was evident that it wasn't going to happen, so he backed off.
Lane was bitter for a while, and angry. Angry with Zack for ruining things so badly, and for the rest of them for giving up so easy, and then one day the one person that she never expected to walk back into her life, did. Dave Rygalski came to Kim's Antiques with a request, that she have coffee with him.
At first Lane had been slightly 'cold' to him, but each day that he came by and was his normal charming self deprecating self, she started to forget about pretty much how he abandoned her.
Pretty quickly, Lane was embroiled in a love affair with Dave. He was the same in every respect, only they didn't have to sneak around. And soon they were off making music together. Lane and Dave singing together, and pretty much loving and singing. As cliché as that sounds.
And now A Lad and Neve was the new hot Indie band to hit the airwaves. The name was an anagram of their names together, and it held a funny story, which had gotten them onto the radio. And now they had the success that Lane never even dreamed of. And she was proud that it came from her determination and not being and doing something she couldn't defend.
'Rory you can't just sit and wait for things to happen. Your mom is a great example of that.' Lane had said to me and I listened to every sage word she said. Maybe being a rock goddess came with wisdom that a lonely book editor never got.
'Alright, I'll think of something.' I told her and she left to finish her tour and I tried to busy myself with trying to make this book of poetry readable.
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Things had been quiet since he had finished the book and it was now being printed and distributed. Life became dull and he found that as the days went by he thought more and more of Rory. He found himself being reminded of the lack of progress he made on trying to gain the mental clarity to call her.
He thought he was ready, but the idea that Sarah could see him back with her made him have a slight relapse and he ended up spending a week in bed. He had simply lost his momentum. He had written the book, the memorial of Sarah was finished and all the things he had wanted to do were finished, and he was stuck with the eternal question, where did that leave him.
He didn't want to be alone for the rest of his life and part of him knew that Sarah would want him to be with someone he loved. But even with that, the most logical answer to his dilemma, the feeling that he was sullying her name made it seem impossible.
He thought that maybe her parents held the key to unlocking his feelings of betrayal. If maybe they understood why he couldn't mourn Sarah anymore, then maybe it would be ok. But how do you tell your late wife's parents that only after a year and a half that you think your ready to move on.
Jess closed his eyes at that thought and just laid his head down on the pillow and tried to block out all of his thoughts. His phone rang and he just ignored it, his machine picked up from the entryway, and even with his door closed and his head firmly under his covers and a pillow he could still hear the faint lilt of Rory's voice.
Hey Jess, we haven't talked in a while, and I wanted to see what you were up to. Um, so call me back later. We could go for coffee. Uh bye.
And with that, Jess groaned. He needed to figure out how to approach Sarah's parents soon, or he would go crazy.
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A week after the phone call, Jess came home from grocery shopping to see a man sitting in his kitchen. 'George?' Jess said and the man turned around. 'wow it takes you a long time to shop.' George was a great friend from Philly, and they hadn't really spoken to him since the funeral.
'What are you doing here?' Jess asked. George just shrugged and continued to eat his sandwich. 'I heard from a little birdie that you hadn't left your apartment in a week, something's' up, and it's my job to make sure you survive this one.'
Jess sighed and he continued to stare at the magazine that was open on the coffee table in front of him. 'Circumstances beyond my control, that's all George. You didn't need to come all this way.' He said and got up to go to the kitchen to put the groceries away.
' Look man, we've been friends awhile, so I feel comfortable in telling you this. Suck it up. Now are you going to tell me why all of a sudden you reverted back to those ugly days?' George stood with his arms crossed and gave off this look like a stubborn teenager. 'It's nothing, I just finished the book, and so I am kind of lost.' Jess said and George just snorted.
'Bullshit, you thrive of having no clue on what you want to do. What's going on?' George retorts and waits for Jess to explain. George had met Jess around the same time that he met Sarah, and he saw them at their greatest and their worst, and he knew that Jess had to move on. But would he?
'It's nothing man, forget it. So why are you in New York other than your mothering skills?' Jess asked and finished putting away the food.
'I have to pick up a shipment and bring it back to Philly, so I figure why not visit my friend.' George said and he followed as Jess went and sat on his couch. Jess saw his answering machine blinking and he sighed and pressed the play button.
Hey Jess, it's Luke. I am just calling to check up on you kid. I know that Rory was here a few weeks ago, and I don't know if you are even talking anymore. Well give me a call, your invited to the stupid town baby shower for Lorelai.
George didn't even react to his first message. He knew the history behind Luke Danes and Jess. It was full of disappointment, but at the same time he knew that Luke was really the only positive father figure Jess was ever exposed to. He was the reason why Jess was such a good husband to Sarah.
Jess just smirked and pressed delete and the next message came on.
Hi Jess, it's me Rory. Look I think I get the message now, whatever it was, was an editor/editee thing and I will back off. I will call you when we get the date for the book being printed. I'm sorry if I did anything to make you… you know what forget it. I'll call you when your first interview is scheduled. Bye Jess.
George watched as Jess face turned to a sorrowful expression and didn't say anything and just turned off his machine. 'You mind if I go to bed, I'm really tired?' he says and George knows not to press it.
'Yeah I am staying at the Marriott on 67th street, so I will call you so we can have that discussion eh?' George says and Jess just nods and he leaves Jess alone to his thoughts and once more the torturous thoughts of Rory Gilmore.
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Logan arrived for our weekly dinner and he told me about how he had managed to stand up to his father about something other than women. 'I told my father that I am not going to be his puppet for that much longer, so he better get used to me having a life outside hell.' Logan had said the minute he got into the door.
'Good, El Asno needs to know.' I said and I followed him to the kitchen. I had long ago made up my lovely nickname after my first interaction with him after the 'you don't' got it' fiasco of 2005. Logan just chuckled and opened up the delivery menu drawer in my kitchen.
'Chicken, Chinese or pizza?' Logan asks and I stare at the phone. It had been almost a week since I left my first phone message fro him and then I called him last night and still nothing. Maybe Jess was giving me the answer that I was looking for. 'Huh sorry?' I asked as I realized Logan was trying to get my attention.
'Chicken, Chinese or pizza?' Logan said again and I shrugged. 'Doesn't matter to me, just no onions on the pizza, it's a waste of a pizza.' I said and Logan nodded and picked out a pizza menu and then dialled the number.
'Hey can I order a pie for..' As Logan ordered I looked around my kitchen deciding that I needed to make a list of things I needed to do around here. It was my get things done to take my mind of the reality time and I had made sure that I always had a pad handy during these times.
Logan and I sat and watched the first season of 'dead like me' together and we laughed at the dark humour. 'I see myself as a Mason.' Logan said and I laughed. 'No I see you as daisy. Your such a diva Logan.' He just grunted and then laughed. 'If I am daisy then you are Rube, you even kind of look like Mandy Patinkin.' Logan's replies.
He laughs and we watched an episode before our pizza arrived, and as I leaned on Logan's arm and ate my pizza and I sighed. 'He hasn't called me back? Do you think I am just stupid or naïve or being too..clingy?' I asked him and he shrugged.
'Men don't have the kind of thoughts your evoking Ror. Honestly he is probably too focused on his out coming book and his new projects that I doubt that he is staying up all night contemplating whether he should call you or not. Besides any moron would realize that you are not just some girl.' Logan says and I smile
'You're my loyal puppy you know that right?' I asked him and he rolled his eyes. For months after our break up, Logan would call me and tell me about the women he was with in a bid to make me feel jealous. But after Jess, I always felt like we were wrong, and his slutty behaviour just made my theory prove right.
'But I am someone's dog, I met this girl Rory, and she is the one.' Logan says and I sit up straighter. 'The one as in the one of the moment, or the month or is she the one and only?' I asked and I had to smile at Logan's dreamy expression. No one could ever describe Logan as anything other than a Casanova when it came to women.
He managed to worm his way into all women's hearts even the most cynical or the most pessimistic towards men. Even mom had a soft spot for him now. 'I don't know yet, I don't know her name.' He says and I laugh and we continue to eat and watch the grim reapers deal with death and their issues.
As he left much later that night, or perhaps early the next morning, he stops before he closes the door behind him. I'm on my way to bed, trying to gain the energy and the mental capacity to deal with Esmerelda tomorrow. She was my bohemian wannabe poet with the inability to understand that not random words put together can be called brilliantly printed poetry, no matter how loud she says it.
'You got to give him time Rory, if he was in love with you and he see you now, he will call. Just give him time to mourn his wife.' Logan says and shuts the door and I have to appreciate that as slutty and trivial as Logan can be at times, he is a very wise slut.
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Meanwhile somewhere in the very large city of New York, there was two brunette men sitting in front of a television while drinking beers. 'So who is this Rory person?' One says to the other.
Jess had been dreading this conversation with George as soon as he had listened to the message from her. Jess had managed to avoid the conversations of his past with George and most of the people from Philly. They may know about his lack of a great relationship with is mother and his respect for Luke, but nothing of Rory.
Who was he kidding, he knew that the minute he talked to his in laws and they thought he was ready he would call her. But George was there during his dating and marrying Sarah, and he was almost afraid of what George would say.
'She's my editor..' Jess says and takes a long sip of his Canadian import beer. (Higher alcohol content) but he could tell that George was not buying this.
'And I am the next governor of Kentucky, now who is this person that makes you so.. Panicky' George says and he can tell that Jess was hiding something.
'Come on man, it's not like I will tattle to anyone.' He says and Jess remains silent while watching a hockey game on the television. 'She was my ex girlfriend, the only other girl.' He says and George is quiet.
'It's something from way back and it's kind of embarrassing to talk like this but I really thought Rory was it for me. She was everything that I thought I would never find, but I made mistakes and she was gone. And then I am hit with the hardest thing in my life and suddenly she appears and helps me breathe again. Even without her knowing about it.' Jess says and George just chuckles.
Jess gets mad at the sight of his trusted friend laughing while he lets someone in. 'What the hell man.' Jess starts and George just shakes his head. 'No, it's not that. It's just Sarah always knew that here was some unlucky girl who had given up on you too fast. She used to say that she wanted to meet her and shake her hand. And to think that you are entranced by her again.' George continues to chuckle and shake his head at how absurd Jess's life was at times.
Jess looked mad and took another angry sip at his beer. 'I am glad that I am amusing you.' He growls and George tries to stop his chuckling. 'Well aside from amusing me, you need to get over your wallowing. Sarah wouldn't want it, and you go after her. You are in love with her.'
Jess looked over at George and he tried to see if this was some test, trying to test his resolve to his late wife. 'Go after her and never let her go.' George says again, and Jess just shrugs.
'What if I do George, what if I do?'