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Miss J.K., were are getting at the good stuff. Don't worry, if I ever ask money for it, people would laugh their asses off.

Disclaimer:

Dumbledore noticed all of the signs, now that the Will is in the open, his guardianship revoked, he had to do some damage control. At the Wizengamot on the last Friday of August, he resigned as Chief Warlock, stating that recent development showed his attention was to spread out. And he should focus more on the education of Britain's future.

We took it as a win, we are not in a hurry to shoot all our ammo in one go. Although he did get a serious tongue lashing from Gran, Sirius, and Amelia.

On the Wizengamot session, Sirius claimed his Lordship and declared me his Heir. I glanced at Lucius Malfoy and smiled. The poor sod did not even protest.

Well… it is time to prepare for a train ride.

5 Hello Hogwarts!

A few days before the train ride, I advised Neville to let his toad at home in his greenhouses: "Nev, a toad need a damp natural habitat. The castle is stone and dry, you better buy a postal owl. I suspect Hogwarts owls are trained to bring the mail from certain students to be checked by someone first."

Hey! Don't judge me for lying! No matter how powerful you are, dragging a toad around is just plain stupid.

The girls heard me and backed me up. Hannah said: "Neville, let your toad stay at home, it will be happier in your greenhouses. It is a great pet to help in your hobby, but the castle is a bad environment for a toad. Let's go together and buy an owl." Susan helped: "I'll come along. I am not ready for a pet again, my cat died last winter. It was the last present I got from my parents and I'm not yet over it." That caused a mass girl hug, Tonks included.

Neville looked at me, I shrugged and joined the hug, motioning him to join as well. When we let go, the girls were blushing, but not angry about the hug. Daphne: "I'll bring my cat along, Tracey has her owl, Hannah, do you have a pet that you want to bring along? Hannah nodded: "I have Zeus, my owl. Uncle Tom gave it to me, he said it was so I won't forget to write."

Neville, Hannah and Susan left. Daphne asked: "Why did you not go along with Neville?" I answered: "I had six years to get my confidence back. Neville is still a bit timid and uncertain, he needs to do things himself, interacting with pretty girls alone is one of them."

Tracey: "Pretty girls?" I smiled: "Yeah both are pretty girls, but don't worry dear, I find you both pretty too." Tracey had a mind freeze. Daphne tilted her head: "Only just pretty?" I grinned: "It is a bit early dear to fish for compliments that go beyond pretty. I'll tell you in a few years, can you both wait that long?"

Thoughtful she answered: " We can wait for it if you want us to." Oops! she is fishing for more than a compliment. I just nodded. It is just a puppy crush of two kids.

We went over our school stuff, my telescope got a lot of attention, compared with the wizarding one, mine won hands down. They took it home with them to compare them at night. Both swallowed though on how much I spent on enchants for the telescope.

I defended my purchase: "Every course is easy for me, but I have no clue about the stars and how they can possibly affect us. Planets I can understand, they are in our solar system, but constellations? Some of them are thousands of lightyears away from us. Hence a badass telescope."

Tonks: "I admit it is a good telescope, how is your equipment for potions? Snape is a pain in the butt and can be nasty if you are not a Slytherin. I had to get tutored by mum in the holidays to pass my owls." I showed my mum's potion kit, it should be good enough: "You are going for a Newt in potions Tonks? I can loan you my mum's notes on the subject, together with your mother's notes will give you a better chance." I got smothered in a hug: "Thank you, Harry! That bastard was doing everything he could to fail me." I was starting to like Tonks's hugs.

Xxxxx

A few hours later a big eagle owl flew in with a letter from Neville: "Harry this was a great idea, we chose Demeter, she is great! See you tomorrow, I am taking Hannah and Susan home for dinner."

I remarked: "Dammed, he moves fast. Daphne? Tracey? Do you want to have dinner with me?" I can't let Neville get ahead too much."

Tracey answered: "We love to, Harry, but not if it is just to compete with Neville." I smiled at her: "Nah, Tracey, that is just an excuse to invite you both. I do enjoy your company very much." The six of us were spending practically all our time together. Sirius watched us from a distance, glad to have some happiness back in his life.

The night before our departure I took Sirius apart: "Sirius, there are a few things that need to be done. Can you check up on my other properties? See if it needs work? Maybe check yours too, you can ask Tapsy if you need a few helpers to clean. Also, what has to be done to bring Andromeda back into House Black? I heard Nymmie's metamorphmagus ability is originally a Black treat."

Sirius sighed: "You are too wise for your years Harry, you are right to point it out to me. I'll make arrangements to bring Andromeda back in the family." I grinned: "Maybe you need to talk to your account manager, I want to bet there are some loans due to House Black. To Malfoy or Lestrange for example. I am certain the payments stopped when your grandfather died."

I gave purpose to the Dog, and a stick to play fetch with.

Xxxxx

We all met on the platform at ten, said goodbyes to the parents, and boarded the train, we claimed a compartment for our own and made ourselves comfortable. The month practicing magic gave them confidence. Tonks went to see her friends, her chaperon job on hold during school.

The only pet in the cabin was Daphne's cat, Rover. Putting owls in cages the whole train ride is plain stupid, we just told them to fly to Hogwarts. When the train left, I took a book to read, the girls went to see some friends, Neville read a herbology book from the Potter library. The Longbottom ones were already memorized by him.

An hour later, Daphne and Tracey came back with two other girls, she introduced them as Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode. Daphne asked me: "Harry, can you explain to them what you heard about House Slytherin?" She needs me to save two maidens from the evil snakes? I'll just put on my White Shiny Armor and… dammed, there is no room for my White Stallion in here.

I started: "Misses Parkinson and Bulstrode, as you know the pure-bloods are a male-orientated society, women are regarded as cattle to be traded for favors or alliances. Girls can be married off at thirteen to men older than your grandfather if it gives your House a benefit. You know I am right. Sadly it starts in Hogwarts. Most of the die-hard pure-bloods end up in Slytherin. With me so far? Did I speak any lies just now?" Both shook their head, it was common knowledge.

"Well if you happen to be a half-blood or from a more common House daughter, life becomes hard in Slytherin. Half-bloods are harassed, and in third year no doubt raped because they are not pure-blood. Dumbledore just slaps their hands, a few detentions later the girl gets raped again if is she stubborn and complains again, the third time she gets gang-raped and obliviated. The only way to survive in there is to stick yourself to a boy or boys. The lower-class pure-bloods have it only a little bit better.

This was the situation in the time of our parents, I heard it is almost the same now. I read my mother's journals, no matter the sexual harassment, rape and abuse. The only thing they got was detentions and a disappointed expression on Dumbledore's face. I talked to a seventh-year puff, she said it hasn't changed much. Rumors of rape and obliviate caused most girls to move in groups.

I am certain male scum are in every house, but most of them are in Slytherin."

Parkinson said: "If I am not sorted in Slytherin dad is going to be mad." Daphne laughed: "Harry told my dad a true cunning Slytherin gets sorted in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, because of the Snake-house's bad reputation. I agree with it to be honest. You heard what death eaters did to muggle-borns and muggle girls. Don't deny it, their sons are sitting in Slytherin right now."

Tracey: "I am glad the worst one of our year went to Durmstrang, now we only have to deal with Not"

I said: "Well, I am not trying to convince you, just stating the facts, so you can make your own decision"

Millicent asked: "We can decide our house?" I shrugged: "Isn't that obvious? Miss Parkinson's dad will be mad if she is not sorted in Slytherin, if she has no say in the procedure, he can't get mad about it at all. I think who or what is going to sort us, takes our opinion in the decision."

The two left with a puzzled expression. I grinned at Daphne: "Saving fellow snakes dear?" She smiled: "But of course dear, they are friends we just had to warn them."

Both sat next to me and took a book.

Our Puffs dragged Megan Jones along to meet us. Hannah: "Megan is a fellow puff, and…" I interrupted: "Hold on a minute! Is this again a sales pitch to get us in Huffelypuff?" Hannah stumped her foot on the floor: "It is Hufflepuff you barbarian! And for your information, it is Neville we want to convince to join us, our head of house is the professor of herbology, so he will fit right in."

I shrugged: "She has a point, Nev, you would fit right in." Neville thought about it: "Gran expect me to join Gryffindor, but she was wrong with dads wand, maybe it is time I'll make my own decisions"

He looked at Hannah: "If the sorting let me choose, then I join the puffs, it's all I can promise." All three jumped with a fist pump. "We got one!" Three heads turned to me and the girls next to me.

Susan: "Daphne? Tracey? Did you know the Hufflepuff common room is almost in the center of the castle? Everything is close by." I stage whispered: "They make you wear underwear in badger colors. Tonks told me so." Daphne and Tracey snickered while the three puffs screamed from indignation. Megan: "Not true, we are not forced to wear them! We just like the colors!"

The moment the words left her mouth she realized what she said. I smiled: "Too much information miss Jones, you made Neville's brain freeze up. I bet he is picturing Hannah and Susan right now." That got me two elbows in my side. Tracey: "Now you are crossing the line, dear, apologize."

I sighed: "You are right dear, everyone, I am sorry I went too far with the joke, I am sorry. Hannah, Susan, I am yet undecided, but it's between the Claws and the Puffs. And will be proud to be in either one."

Xxxxx

The food cart arrived and as punishment, the food was on me. Later on Not came visiting: "Heiress Greengrass, if you like, you can join us with the upper class" it was kind of funny to hear a little kid spouting his rubbish, feeling superior because he inherited Draco's bookends. I could not help but laugh. Not: "What are you laughing about half-blood? You better learn your place."

I laughed at him: "Upper class? Goyle, sixth generation, Crabbe, seventh-generation; Not, from around sixteen hundred. Before that time? Muggle! Now take us here, Greengrass at least from before Merlin's time. Longbottom came with the Vikings and was an Ancient line even then. Potter, we came with the Romans, my ancestors trace back to Greece and old Egypt.

Bones, also more than two millennia old. Davis and Abbot are before the founding of the Wizengamot, Black, traces back to Egypt. So piss off little boy and go pretend to be important somewhere else."

The little boy thought to be strong with his bookends and grabbed his wand, which I yanked wandless out of his hand the same with Crabbe and Goyle. I held them in place with my magic and told them: "You three have a choice, you leave through the door or out the window, ask a prefect to retrieve your wands. Now buzz off."

I released them and the three stooges ran off. Tracey smiled: "I love it when you get possessive dear." Daphne agreed: "Yes, Hannah is right, he can be a barbarian."

A few minutes later, two Slytherin prefects came into the cabin. One asked: " Who has the wands from Heir Not, Goyle and Crabbe?" I looked around and said: "See how far they are degraded? No knock on the door, no introduction, no one asking who we are? Now, gentlemen, where did you learn your manners?" One said: "We don't need them for scum."

"Alright, leave and let someone else collect these wands. You get five seconds to get out of here." Five seconds later they slammed into the wall outside our compartment, I closed our door and held it close. A bit later someone knocked on the door, I opened the door, the Headboy, introduced himself: "Good day, I am Brian Carpenter, I came to inquire what the problems are, can you introduce yourself please?"

Daphne hold my arm and nodded to Neville. Neville stood up and introduced us to all the Most Noble and Most Ancient titles upfront, it took three minutes to finish the introduction. I whispered to Tracey: "I did not know we were so important." She giggled: "You'll learn it soon enough."

The Headboy was sweating buckets, these were not someone to anger. He said: "you have appeared to disarm Heir Not and friends, he would like to have his wand back." I handed them over: "Here, you needed only to ask politely. Those two prefects who came first, badly need some etiquette lessons. You can tell Heir Not he needs to learn who is upper and who is lower class."

Neville remarked when he left: "That was fun." Megan was part of the group now.

Xxxxx

We let the Girls change in my apartment trunk, Nev and I went after. My main wand was at home, my spare in a drawer in my trunk. The fake one, Neville remembered me asking for Yggdrasil. His ancestors planted an Ash tree the year they build their manor, it is rumored Yggdrasil is an Ash tree, so I got a 1200-year-old fake wand from the World Tree.

At the station we heard Hagrid call the firsties, we followed him down a slippery road. We lit up the path with six Lumos, getting surprised looks from the others.

Neville took his Puffs in a boat, while we boarded another, a little Chinese girl joined us, introduced herself as Su Li, we introduced ourselves, the short version, and Hagrid moved the boats, with magic? Isn't it hard with a broken wand? Or are these boats the same as in the amusement parks? The trip was nice though, the first sight of the castle was impressive, towers everywhere, big buildings, the movies did not even come close to the real thing.

I helped the girls out of the boat. The speech of McGonagall was the same as the books, the appearance of the ghosts too, I think they do it each year, you know, the little joys of the afterlife. Anyway, I was rather curious about what changes I brought into the story.

They can sure make those kids nervous, Ron felt brave with his new wand and was ready for his troll, Hermione was a nervous wreck, I whispered in her ear Ravenclaw has a library in their common room, the others not. the other side characters had different levels of scared.

Xxxxx

I tuned out when the floppy hat sang the bloody song but looked up when McGonagall called: " Abbot Hannah". Hannah got on the stool, had a little conversation with Hatty, and was Puffed. Susan got Puffed too. Millicent Bulstrode went to Ravenclaw, which started murmurs.

Tracey Davis took a lot longer, almost fifteen minutes, slowly she took her wand and pointed it at the Hat, who yelled: HUFFLEPUFF! Tracey stood up smiled at McGonagall, and joined Hannah and Susan. Well, I know where I'll end up, Sure enough, Daphne was a Puffy too, so was Neville. Hermoine joined the Claws.

When my turn came up, the hat was placed on my head, his voice sounded in the hall: "Potter Harry, lower your barrier. When I gave him access, I just thought to him: "Hufflepuff please, you know why you sorted the others there."

Hat asked: "Are you sure? Slytherin can make you great you know." I thought: "A true Slytherin is in Hufflepuff, now, do I need to take my wand out?" Hatty: HUFFLEPUFF! I stood up, smiled at McGonagall, and gave the hat to her. I sat between the girls, Tracey snickered: "Did you threaten him too to blast a hole in his hat?" The hall was silent, so the question was heard by half of them. I answered: "No I just threaten it to take my wand out. That thing wanted to put me in Slytherin."

Tracey: "Me too! it would not listen to reason at all!" I grumbled: "yeah but you could have asked for Ravenclaw you know? Now I have to buy Bumblebee boxers. And I don't look good with stripes."

Daphne: "No moping around dear, you chose your colors, wear them proudly." "Yes, dear."

Xxxxx

Dumbledore made his speech and ended it with his usual Blubber Nitwit Odment Tweek! Several muggle-born asked if he was crazy, I shrugged: "He definitely is crazy, but he just called the house elves to serve the food. His hidden meaning though, Dumbledore has a pensive, to recall the memory from his speech, so he can study who is for, against, or indifferent of him. So he can manipulate us better."

Even the pure-bloods were surprised by my revelation. I said: "What? He is a bloody politician for over fifty years! Guiding students to follow his bidding is his highest priority. Did you not know more than half of the school worships the ground he walks on? Some loyalty potions in our drinks, and we all think rainbows are coming out of his butt." Some upper years protested: "We have spells to check for potions!" I shot back: "Do you have spells for Alchemy-based potions? Why do you think Alchemy isn't taught here anymore? I even heard Potion classes are sabotaged with an incompetent teacher. But I confess, these are my speculations, not necessarily the truth. Find it out yourself."

The first step to freedom: Teach the sheep how to think for themselves. The irony: It is by manipulating the sheep.

Dumbledore's speech at the end of dinner ended with certain death on the third floor. On the way to the Badgers den, the students talked it over. I poked the fire: "maybe he rented that part of the castle out to rich clients, to store an important artifact. You know, for some extra galleons. They say Hogwarts is the safest spot in Britain, Hagrid told me so. He retrieved an artifact from Gringotts on my birthday, the same day someone tried to rob it and got caught."

Xxxxx

I could have said more but we arrived at some barrels in the cellar, the prefects showed us the secret knock sequence to get in. Sprout welcomed us smiling, this year she has a big haul, six males and six females. Slytherin ended up with only boys, Pansy had a long discussion with the Hat and ended in Ravenclaw.

Sprout is a motherly type, she explained the rules of the house, you know boys are not allowed in the girl's rooms, but they can crawl in our beds whenever they want.

We got two rooms, Nev and I decided to bunk with Justin Finch-Fletchley a muggle-born upper class. When he started to brag about Eton I countered with Oxford and Cambridge, once we got that out of the way we got along just fine. The girls had a room for themselves, Megan had to bunk with expendable side character B.

Neville summed it up: "We survived the first day Harry, I am glad we sorted in the same House."

The next morning Tonks guided us to the great hall, pointing landmarks and interesting facts about the Castle. She explained: "The worst off are the lions and claws, they live on the seventh floor. Every time they forget a book, they are late for class if they don't know the shortcuts. The stairs are moving irregularly, so those poor sods are always late for class the first month."

At breakfast, I had my first taste of pumpkin juice. That tastes awful! I asked out loud: "can I have a jug of water please and an empty cup." it popped in front of me. "thank you." Justin tasted his drink and asked for water too. He commented: "Good Lord! I thought it was orange juice." I answered: "I suspect their taste buds are numbed down with all the potions in their drinks." Daphne slapped my arm: "Stop complaining dear and start eating."

What started as a joke and teasing, is becoming a habit. Tracey, Daphne, and I always say 'dear' to each other. Meh, we are kids having fun.

Sprout handed us out time table, she said to me: "Mr. Potter, the headmaster wants to talk to you after breakfast." I reacted: "Oh did I do something wrong already Professor? What does he want with me?" She looked at me: "He did not say, Mr. Potter."

"Then Professor Sprout, I have to decline. If he wants to talk to me, it has to be about school business, any other reasons have to be talked about in the presence of my solicitor, magical guardian, or Godfather. In no circumstances am I to be alone with Headmaster Dumbledore, Deputy Headmistress McGonagall, Hagrid or Professor Snape."

She was speechless, after a moment she asked: "Can you explain your reasons, Mr. Potter?"

I nodded: "Professor Snape told Voldemort about a prophecy he overheard between the Headmaster and someone else. Voldemort thought it was about me, so he hunted my parents and eventually murdered them. Hagrid kidnapped me from my wrecked house, denying my Godfather to take care of me. The Headmaster bound my magic, put blood trackers and a drain to blood wards on my body, and delivered me at the doorstep of my magic-hating aunt with Hagrid and McGonagall present. Those three criminals did not even knock on the bloody door. Now tell me, are these the kind of people to be alone with?"

I had quite the audience, I was heard by the Puffs, half of Ravenclaw, and a bunch of Slytherins. Sprout was slack-jawed, it took her a minute to recuperate: "Very well Mr. Potter, I also will be present with every meeting. And will make sure any detention with them will be transferred to another Professor."

I smiled at her: "Thank you, professor. Now I understand why the Puffs are so fanatically promoting your House, and I'm proud to be one of them." OK, I am buttering Sprout up, but going on the books, McGonagall can take a lesson or two from Sprout about student care.

When Sprout was out of range Tonks said: "You sly Slytherpuff! You managed to evade detention with Snape and McGonagall! Those two are the worst." I blew on my fingernails: "What can I say? It is a gift."

Xxxxx

It so happened our first class was double transfiguration with the Claws, a fifth-year prefect dropped us on time. When we went inside, Susan spotted the cat and got closer. I decided to have some fun, I walked to the cat, picked her up, said to Susan: "Susan, this is a nice cat. No? Well, if you rub her belly and torso like this, they will love it. See she loves it. Hey, let's see if it's a boy or a girl." I turned the cat, took her tail, and lifted it. Yeah, years of handling pet cats finally paid off. By now she was hissing and scratching to escape. "It's a girl, but not pet material, it is a vicious beast. We better let her outside before the professor comes in. Is this Filch his cat?" I put the cat out of the door, walked back in, and planted me next to Neville. "Nev, this could be a fun year."

McGonagall came in, raging mad. She felt violated. I rubbed her chest, and looked at her pussy… you know what I mean. Or it could be the comment she was vicious stung. She did her speech of: do what I say or else, instead of turning her desk in a pig, she turned it into a lion and let it roar in my face. Neville on one side and Daphne on the other screamed. My occlumency held my face calm. That petty bint! If she wants to get back at me? Fine, but leave my friends out of it.

I commented: "Real lifelike professor, it even spitted saliva on my face. But is it your habit to terrify first years on their first day? Do you feel better now? Superior? You know what? If you are angry because I treated you like a cat, you should not have pretended you were a real cat. I knew you were an animagus the moment I walked in the door. I read my dad's journal." Yep, ten years of Durskaban creates big grudges. Starting a rumor Potter rubbed her titties, and looked at her pussy, is just the beginning.

Ten minutes later she had cooled down enough to start her lesson. Forty-five minutes theory and an hour changing matchsticks into needles. We already covered that at home, so we tried to make the prettiest one, Hannah and Susan put Badgers on it, Daphne her cat, Nev and I made it with pretty colors.

When that became boring, Daphne and Tracy began helping Pansy and Milli, Neville and me, tutored our housemates.

You could hear McGonagall grinding her teeth. Anyway, my friends gathered our first points, although I did get none.

Lunch was great! The rumors I started were getting their own life: Dumbledore had me chained in a dungeon with my muggle relatives, Hagrid was the man to contact to let dangerous animals guard your treasures, Potter did unspeakable things with McGonagall in front of the class. Although the last one backfired. Several sixth and seventh-year girls were hounding me for details.

I held up my hands and told them: "A gentleman does not kiss and tell, then it is a good thing I did not kiss her, so I can tell I gave her a belly rub and checked out she was a female. I did not dare to kiss her, because she bit and scratched too hard." Yep, rumor NR. Two: Minnie is into rough play.

Xxxxx

The afternoon was dull, history was mind-numbing, Dada is canceled, due to a lack of a teacher. We explored the castle instead. With my dad's map, we tracked all secret passages. Eight of us, which means us six, Megan, and expendable character B ended up in the third corridor.

I asked: "Who wants to look behind door number 1? To see if it kills us?" Those traitorous puffs pushed me and Neville forwards. I wanted to sacrifice our expendable on this. Well… we have to look brave in the eyes of the chicks, or Diggory gets them. I looked at him and he is a pretty boy.

We walked to the door, I had my magic senses spread out, no wards, age lines, alerts, just a locking charm. Neville unlocked it, while I explained the lack of security. He pushed the door open, to show a three-headed dog… alright, looking at it for real? I had to clamp my butt cheeks tight, that was a big ass Dog! Slowly Neville closed the door and locked it again. He turned to the girls and said: "We skip this part, does everyone agree? I answered: "Let's find a bathroom first."