AN: I think I won't go into the infidelity topic much more concerning Odette, because it is so long ago and it is not what defines them in my mind. Rory and Logan know the situation, what they don't is just the exact details of each-other's other arrangements. I just choose to believe that there are all kinds of relationships with different levels of openness and considering how cool Logan has always been about casual relationships it wouldn't be too weird to assume something like that - that he can be engaged but at the same time deep down be undecided. But that's just me - you don't have to believe my naive theories. Your own take is allowed.

Also Logan saying 'retreat and give what he had within grasp a real go' (same with 'never meant to be a family') was just something he needed to tell himself. I think the other reasons already discussed are more dominant and if Em ever asks those will be the ones she'll be told. Sure, there was flawed thinking involved and on both sides. I try to write what they might think at the time, not what is 'right' or actually true.

Chapter 9

September 24th, 2022, Arlington, MA

The entire drive over to Arlington, Rory having picked up Logan from his hotel this afternoon, the two adults had been very aware of some lingering awkwardness.

Logan was strangely quiet, and Em's presence in the backseat didn't really allow Rory to inquire about several things she'd been wondering about - unsure where the landmines lied.

What was worse, was that Em hadn't said a word about their revelation so Rory was severly second guessing her judgement. Was Em really fine with things? So mostly throughout the drive, Rory was sort of in the tour guide mode - trying to combine talking about the local sights, things Em had done and gone to in various places on the way, hoping to shed some light to Logan about all the things that had been, but Em seemed not too easily engaged except for when they passed the toy store. But hey, what do you expect from a 5-year-old?

"So this is it," Rory declared as she parked her car, a white hybrid RAV4 which looked fairly new.

Logan was trying to deduce her financial situation a little, not that it was directly his business, but he was curious. Clearly she wasn't paying for housing, unless she was symbolically contributing, the townhouse clearly belonging to her father and being in one of the finest neigbourhoods in Boston. Logan had also checked Glassdoor for Harvard's salaries and what Rory had noted to being 'decent pay' actually wasn't a lot over 55k, which made him even more curious why she'd stuck with something that didn't exactly give her independence. He believed her to be capable of more, but he certainly didn't want to rub that in or make her feel bad for it - he was just curious and a little concerned, his instinct being to care for her somehow, that even despite knowing she'd always been very reluctant towards things like that. And then there was the car, something flashy enough to look like splurging - a little at least. He also wondered who was paying for the nanny, for school and so forth. Em wasn't in public school, was she?

"You should tell me what kind of car seat I should look into getting…," Logan commented after Rory had opened the car door for Em and the girl had hopped off towards the playground, surprising her with his concreted interest.

Rory truly hadn't thought that far along, that after some time she was indeed going to have to trust him to go off with Em on his own. She would - the thought just felt foreign. And it made her feel a little vulnerable.

"Well, she's five so there's not that much to really consider anymore. Some highback boosters will do fine. Maybe one with the regular seat belt not with the harness, she thinks only babies use those… And she can throw pretty bad tantrums sometimes if she doesn't like something. Also with a chair like that she knows how to unbuckle and buckle it her in herself," Rory suggested, after a moment's thought. Naturally she always double-checked, but the girl was definitely very independent.

Logan felt an urge to ask if that was safe, but he held his tongue. He was in no position to start second guessing her.

"Yeah, I guess I better start shopping for a car first," Logan exhaled, realizing that he was himself still driving a rental.

"So this is what you're really doing. You're moving here for her?" Rory asked, the entire thought still sounding unbelievable.

"Yeah," Logan shrugged. It was a little unbelievable for him too. He'd never in his life had a distinct draw towards wanting to live in Boston. He knew he'd still travel quite a bit probably, he wasn't fixed to just one place but this move certainly was going to involve a lot of reorientating when it came to his job as well. Some things he'd continue doing from a distance, but if his time did open up, he knew that he might be tempted to try to start some small side business. He had ideas, he never before had just had the time to even entertain them.

"What will you do here?" Rory asked. The two watched Em climb one of the slides.

"This and that," Logan replied, casually, walking up the hillside with Rory after her.

Rory had nearly forgotten what Logan's life was like, seemingly having all the doors open to him, but actually very few. Maybe now things were indeed different and he had that freedom. "Lucky..," Rory chimed, almost unaware that she'd said it out loud.

"You know how it is," Logan shrugged, though truthfully Rory could only guess.

"She's pretty capable now in all of these things," Rory said, referring to Em, running around and climbing the playground. "I keep thinking how I'm going to have to find her something else to do soon, she gets bored at these things pretty quickly sometimes," she explained.

"Yeah, she does look big," Logan commented. If it weren't for the photographs, in his mind she'd probably still look about toddler size, but Emma was looking more and more like a school-aged kid.

"She is - size 6 clothes, size 12 shoes, kid's sizes… naturally, oh, and they might need her weight when you go to get the car seat - she's around 40 lbs," Rory explained.

"I feel like I should be writing this down," Logan said, crooking his eyebrow.

Rory's quietness was indicative that he probably should, so he did as much as he remembered after pulling out his phone, though at this moment he didn't yet understand why clothing and shoe sizes were relevant to him.

"Is there something you two lack? That I can get you?" Logan then decided to ask, carefully.

"No, we're good… my dad, my grandmothers and I have everything covered," Rory confessed.

Logan definitely noted the plurar on the grandmothers. Another question to be asked in the future.

"I just figured that if you do get a place, it might be good for her to have a change of clothes there, I don't know… at some point pajamas and things like that?" Rory added, shrugging her shoulders.

"It almost sounds like you can't wait to have her live with me or something," Logan replied, chuckling lightly.

"It's not that..," Rory replied. "Just before when you asked about the car seat, I just realized I hadn't thought that far along yet and I just felt that maybe I should've and if I wasn't encouraging you then wouldn't it be like I was withholding her or something… Oh, I don't know. It's all so new," Rory blabbered nervously.

Logan realized he'd missed those rants - her words getting away from her like that.

"So there's no rush?" Logan confirmed. Frankly, he wasn't even sure if he was ready for that type of thing just yet. But he figured a car seat would be a nice, safe, start. For emergencies or just to take Emma out for a day - go get ice cream or see a movie. But it did make him think that he would indeed need to look for a bigger place to live, someplace where Emma could potentially have her own room.

"No rush," Rory replied, smilingly.

"I told my sister this morning," Logan shared a moment later, smiling back at Emma who was just rushing from one playground item to another excitedly. He was also beginning to realize being out at the playground with a kid her age didn't exactly involve a lot of interacting with the kid as much as with Rory.

"I told mine the story last night," Rory replied, finding a similarity. But supposedly Logan already assumed that. "What did she say?" Rory asked.

"She was naturally disappointed she only found out now, I guess… But I think overall she was interested in getting to know her too sometime. With having two boys herself I can just imagine her being the one eager to shop for her. So it's good I got the clothing sizes down," Loga replied with a sneaky smirk.

"So, how did she end up in London? Didn't she live in Scarsdale or somewhere around there before?" Rory discussed.

"I always thought it was rather strange in this day and age that she was never really considered to hold a significant role in the company… and I mean she was at least educated for such things, even if she didn't get the practical experience like I did - having to sit in on meetings and things like that from since I was a teenager. But she actually was happy to move over... right around the time Emma was born actually… She'd just had a bad experience with the press Stateside so they decided she and Josh deserved a fresh start. I mean, sure it wasn't easy moving the kids and all… but I think they're pretty happy with the outcome. She's definitely a fresh breath of air at the company," Logan explained, speaking excitedly.

"I can imagine," Rory commented.

"It's like she's got the drive and business sense that dad did but at the same time it's to her advantage that people tend to underestimate her and then she just goes and blows them away. She's approachable unlike my dad, and… well probably like I was too in the end there," Logan shared, having began to think this morning how much he valued his sister and how incredibly lucky he was to have her.

Talking to Rory about all of this came so easily, he hadn't felt like talking this much in years, allowing the earlier awkwardness to slip away.

While they talked, both of their eyes were on Emma, who was just doing ordinary kids things, and seemed to have already made a friend.

"She probably gets that from you, you know - to be able to make friends as easily as that," Rory commented, nodding her head towards the girl, grabbing hands with another kid and running up the hill to the slides with her.

Logan shrugged, and for a moment they just watched her.

"You know, I'd love it if you could send me more pictures of her. And if you don't mind I'd love to take some today…," Logan asked.

"Oh, of course…," Rory said, realizing she could have already done that had she thought of it. "But do ask her first if she's okay with it… I've been trying to teach her about it being polite to always ask permission for things like that and we try to extend the same courtesy so she'll learn," Rory explained, cleary enjoying this type of pedagogical theory behind her child rearing practice. She sounded so wise like this.

"I feel like I should take a class or something… there's so much I don't know," Logan admitted, tucking his hands into his pockets.

"I couldn't make a list for you if I wanted to probably… but I guess it's just about taking things one step at the time…," Rory replied, shrugging her shoulders.

"Would you be willing to meet up sometime? Just us, so you could tell me more about her? I mean right from the beginning… I want to catch up. I don't want to the talking to take up too much time from when I'm actually around her," Logan proposed, not really wanting to spend every time he spent with Emma doing the catching up with Rory. He wanted his full attention on the girl, even though right now there didn't seem to be that much to do. But talking with Rory definitely took some navigating - he wanted to know a lot of things, but he was not daring to ask everything right away, and there were certainly things he knew better not to poke unless that information was offered.

"Um, I guess..," Rory replied, sounding hesitant. She didn't want him getting any ideas - sure it was amazing to see him and being in close proximity with him always had a draw for her, but it did sting a little, bringing back some of her insecurities. And she was almost worried she might slip back into something historic… something that wouldn't be good for her. But at the same time she knew she owed him this much.

"Maybe just have lunch near your work or something," Logan suggested, realizing that this might take a lot of lunches. But at the same time he believed doing this - filling in the blanks he had - in moderation was the way to go. A lunch hour was just long enough to talk but not long enough for the topics to get really heavy, those things they'd need to ease up to.

All of a sudden, Rory's phone played a tune, alerting of an incoming call. The song was Nick Saxon's 'Anchor' though Logan wasn't entirely sure of its performer at that moment, just knowing he'd heard it somewhere before.

"Sorry," Rory said, and began to dig out her phone from the small cross-body she had on her.

The message of the song was definitely a little romantic, which definitely made Logan a little curious.

Rory, however, answered the phone and then distanced herself by a couple of steps.

"Yeah?" Rory answered. "Hey," she added, sounding happy to hear whoever was on the other end of the call.

Logan only got the one sided conversation and in part that too was disrupted by the cheers and giggles of the kids around them.

Mostly Logan just tried to convince himself not to pay attention to Rory's call - it wasn't his business. And seeing Em, smiling broadly, enjoy the long slide ride down a beautiful hillscape with an amazing view was kind of rewarding too. She at the very least looked like a very happy little girl. And he truly hoped that his absence or his arrival had not caused any permanent damage.

"Um, yeah. Tomorrow is fine. I have a brunch scheduled around noon but maybe around 3 or something?" Rory said into the phone.

"Okay, I'll see you then. Same place?" Rory said, returning back to where she'd been standing before.

"Yeah, love you too," Rory then said, pulling the rug Logan didn't know he'd been standing on from under him. It sounded casual enough, but then again might've not been, it definitely made him want to inquire into it but he held back. This is not your business - he scolded himself.

What made this worse, however, was that Logan could distinctly hear a low male voice say 'Bye' to which Rory replied to with the same, raising only his curiosity, as she returned. She could have male friends, couldn't she? Relatives maybe?

Logan decided to pull himself out of the moment, needing to distance himself. There couldn't be longing for long-lost ghosts, they were in part new people - there was no use messing things up by hoping for something that wasn't there anymore, and risking what he had an actual chance with - Emma.

"Hey, Emma?!" Logan decided to approach the girl just as she reached them again.

"Yeah?" Em asked, sounding a little out of breath from just having run up the hill.

"Do you mind if I take a picture of you coming down the slide?" Logan asked, deciding to show some of his real character. He was never afraid as much as he'd been here this past week. Maybe it was time to fake it till he did feel confident in this?

"Okay," Em replied. "But can you call me Em instead of Emma? Only my great gram calls me that," she added, squinting her cute little nose at him.

"Okay," Logan agreed, nodding along, and then realized his plan would involve walking quite a lengthy road down hill and the girl would probably get bored waiting up there until he made it down there. Considering the slide was wide enough, he took a chance, allowing also his playful side show. He got in the slide and almost as Em was about to comment something along the lines - "Hey, you can't… this is for kids!" Logan already slid down the 60 ft slide. It was actually quite a lot of fun.

Down there Logan jumped up victoriously, his smile wide. He got his phone ready and urged Em to slide down after him.

He got a series of beautiful pictures of Em, her face both shocked at his actions and laughing with a broad smile, looking both happy and cute as a button.

He stayed down there for a while, waiting until Em slid down yet again, one of the pictures he'd snapped ending more zoomed out with the entire slide in the picture, and Rory at the top of the image looking down at the two, unable to hide her gorgeous smile.

Later that evening, after a small picnic Rory had packed for them and they'd eaten right there on the benches, before they'd driven back, Rory sat in her bedroom, enjoying the end of a busy day. Em was already asleep, and the room was dimly lit. She had a half-empty cup of tea on her side table, and she herself had snuggled into her 1.5 sized bulky arm chair she had in her large bedroom that doubled as her study. Usually she spent her evenings reading something just for fun, but tonight she was going through her Drive folders that held all the pictures she had of Emma on her laptop.

Looking back to the five years was definitely emotional, even if she didn't think about Logan's absence. She realized there truly was a lot she needed to share with Logan, and it frankly felt like an overwhelming task. She just kept telling herself that they had time - that still felt so unbelievable, even the past three years that she'd been in contact with Logan before Em had been concieved, they'd only gotten to see each-other with very limited time at the time. Now there seemed to be all the time in the world. She didn't still yet trust him 100% that he'd always be around, it just sounded too good to be true, but she was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

As she looked at the pictures from right after Em was born, the ones where she got to hold her for the very first time, all bloody and gooey, her own face sweaty and a little pale, looking exhausted but with a broad smile on her face, she suddenly realized that perhaps the biggest thing Logan had missed was holding the girl. Logan had never held his daughter in his arms, and even today and after she'd send him all these thousands of images of her… that was still something he was yet to do. The thought brought a tear to her eye, having willed herself until now not to think too much about it.

So she added a little comment to one of those pictures.

"I'm sorry, you never got to hold her… I hope you will," Rory wrote, and wiped a few tears off her cheek. She was feeling more guilty for the whole thing than she had in years, knowing now she was in no-way done with healing, maybe seeing him again - regularly - meant that she needed to start a whole other process of healing.

She copied the link to her folder and pasted it into Logan's messenger window.

"Lunch sounds good - Tuesdays and Thursdays are best usually," she texted, knowing her schedule was not always flexible enough to take a lot of time away from her desk.

In the matter of seconds Logan responded to her link with a heart reaction, which definitely touched her a little.

"Finn says 'hi'," Logan wrote back and sent her a selfie of himself and Finn, Finn making a heart symbol out of his hands at her, which caused her to burst into laughter through her emotion-filled tears. It was so good to see him too, making her realize that not only did she have Logan in her and Em's life again, but there were also all those incredible people that came with him - the guys and Honor. It felt like such a relief not to worry about running into them and having to hide the truth. And she did really miss Finn and the other guys - it had been too long.

She accidentally clicked on one of the images in her photo folder and the photo happened to be one with her own mother holding Em in her arms when Em was maybe a day old. Despite being already then on less-than-perfect terms with her, in that moment Lorelai had looked happy.

So after a deep breath, Rory opened up the messenger window of her mother. The last message in there was from around Em's birthday, when Lorelai had been over for a visit, asking which cake Em liked more - simple yellow sponge with sugar coating or chocolate.

"Hey, mom," Rory began to type, realizing that what she had to say was more worthy of seeing her in person or calling her than this. But she wasn't sure if she wanted to do the latter. It was so much easier just giving her mother the information in a way that would just stop her from saying anything in return, or at least force her to think about what she was going to say.

But instead of just telling her the highlights of the story she had to tell, she just retracted her words, treating this confrontation as something she wanted to be cautious with. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to wait with this until Thanksgiving in Nantucket and tell everyone then?