AN: I know I said I won't write much about Odette and Logan but I just felt like it. Nothing sexual.

And sorry about the chickenpox thing - where I am from it's not generally vaccinated against unless for good reason. I wasn't planning on taking that little detail any further, it's just a small medical thing for Logan to learn about, how I imagined it to be logical. Mostly went with that particular mention because Rory had had them as a child so it'd link a little with OS.

Chapter 11

May 12th, 2022, Kensington, London

"Not quite the marriage you envisioned?" Odette groaned sarcastically at her own expense, after the nurse had left her, to Logan who'd just appeared to the doorway. It was her first day being confined to the bed like this - her legs being too weak to get her anywhere without falling. It was no surprise - they'd both known this day was coming, but loss of her independence was a big deal.

Logan could tell she was exhausted by her disease already - it was a long time coming, years since the initial diagnosis. They'd fought this thing together - surgeries and several rounds of chemo, but still it had spread. All the money in the world - best doctor, trips to Switzerland for the best hospitals and private nurses weren't going to fix her. It was the first time Logan truly felt the limits of money.

"Don't say that," Logan replied, knowing how she could get negative about all of this. She was probably depressed by now too, but could one really fix depression if one couldn't stop the cause - the dying?

"It's not what you signed up for - just saying," Odette insisted, with a light shrug. "Come on, just come - sit with me….," she invited him, adding, "God, I feel like I'm a 80-year-old or something," in a mumble.

Odette was in her own bed, having just a hospital tray some basic medical equipment and with some supplies that helped to her getting upright in her bed, around. Logan positioned himself on the bed, his back against the headboard. He reached out for her hand, the one without the IV stuck in it.

"Yeah, I'm sorry you've spent the last years in and out of hospitals too. I'm sure that's not what you envisioned either," Logan decided to turn things around.

"Hey, you're still young…," Odette tried to turn this into a joke. It wouldn't have been the first time for them to joke around about someday remarrying, sharing a somewhat dark sense of humor. Odette would say how Logan was due a mid-life crisis right about now along with a bright red sports car, a Ferrari possibly, and a leggy 21-year-old. She'd been sure he'd still totally attract that type of girl. And in return Logan would joke how Odette was probably due some George-Clooney-type or perhaps even some eager-to please college kid.

"Ah, stop that..," Logan scolded her playfully. At this point thinking about the end being weeks, possibly a few months away, wasn't what he wanted to think about. He wasn't that oblivious or stuck on Odette, that he couldn't picture a world without her or ever being with someone else. They were under no pretense that perhaps they weren't each-other one-and-only great big love. They'd loved before, and there were ways in which this was settling, but they had cared, respected - the keyword being 'not lying' if not full honesty, and eventually also loved each-other.

"You know, now that things are different… nobody really cares about my relationship drama anymore," Odette began, glancing over to Logan, meaningfully.

"What?" Logan asked, feeling confused, seeing her pause for a minute.

"You could even go see if you could have a relationship with yours kid, across the pond," Odette said, hesitantly.

Her complexion was pale, and skin dull - there hadn't been that spark in her eyes in months. But in that brief moment Logan could swear he'd just seen a glimpse of that former her - the one that had something up her sleeve, even if it usually had never been directed towards him before. Odette had been excellent at lying to Shira's face for example, making a mockery of their society standards by double talk - hell she was one of the most intelligent people in the room and few knew it. She'd applied it in her work when she went to auctions or struck deals for her family's antiques business.

But at this point all Logan could really feel was panic - panic about the fact that she knew. Had she seen the e-mails? Sure, he had sometimes left his laptop on his desk, open, but he'd usually been pretty careful about archiving those e-mails so they'd be out of sight. He hadn't lied about it, he'd just not said anything - as that had been the deal - let the past be the past. It wasn't that she had had no former relationships. In fact, the only reason she'd moved to London in the summer of 2017 in a rush had been that the guy she'd been seeing there hadn't taken the news of her engagement too well, even though it had been supposed to be just casual, and had gotten difficult, so she'd believed distancing herself from the problem to be the best thing. She'd grown up with high expectations from her family just like Logan had, much like Logan she knew how to keep her emotions separate and realize when she had a good thing in her life.

"Logan, I know… It's Rory's right?" Odette asked, Logan still being at a loss for words.

He had never left either of the to find the other's stuff laying around intentionally back then, but Odette wasn't stupid or blind, seeing incoming calls on his phone and that one time she'd looked for something in the back of his closed come across one of Rory's boxes, prominently marked with her name. Of course she'd asked and Loga had been honest about it, as honest as he had been with himself.

"Yeah," Logan replied, needing to clear his throat. It was definitely a sore subject.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Odette asked.

"Well.. technically I wasn't supposed to - we signed some papers. For their protection mostly," Logan replied, looking down. He'd felt embarrassed hiding this too.

"And you just gave the kid up?" Odette asked, raising her eyebrows, which she didn't actually have at this point. Her tone spoke of disappointment, but also deep sadness.

"I did what was best," Logan replied in a disheartened manner.

"Best for whom?" Rory? The kid?" she replied, clearly siding with him.

"Well.. it's done now, so…," Logan shrugged, feeling a little emotional. "I am sorry.., I didn't want to complicate this for you either," he added.

While the first time Logan had met with Rory and she'd told him the news he'd still had some hope and willingness to turn everything upside down, but seeing Rory dismiss him yet again had killed his hope. Again. Rory just didn't seem to understand what he was feeling and well, for the most part, he couldn't blame her, having not exactly been very candid about his feelings through their agreement. But after realizing Rory was in no position to start something like that together anyways - she just wasn't well enough - he'd resorted to the safe choice that Odette was for him at that point, having to also navigate his life somehow in that moment. Someone who cared about him and understood him. And while it was not an admirable thing to say - underneath all the other reasons he had thought of before was also the point that Odette, just like Rory or the child, didn't deserve to get pulled into a scandal just because he'd been careless.

"Yeah, but it would've saved us some questions, tests…," Odette said.

A few years into their marriage, Odette's, who was a year older than Logan, clock had been ticking, so they had indeed considered having kids. A kid - neither daring to dream bigger than that. For Logan there was certainly some sense of trying to replace what he'd lost in it and wish to give his life some purpose - but they hadn't really gotten very far beyond the second appointment.

"If we hadn't done all those tests you wouldn't have been diagnosed," Logan replied.

"And I would've had a year instead of two, a few less rounds of chemo probably… I don't know, that doesn't sound so bad now, thinking back?" Odette tried to joke.

Logan always felt a little mad when she did that - joke about wishing she was dead already.

"I'm sorry I said that…," Odette apologized, seeing Logan hold in his anger. He was definitely watching his words around her these days, feeling like the only person he couldn't pour out his anger - not towards her but the disease - was her. He'd even screamed at the maid the other day, and he was so not proud of that. He had apologized and treated her to a gift basket, but he just… he didn't want to become this person the disease had made him either.

Logan just rested his head on her shoulder, and brought her hand, that felt cool to his touch, to his lips. He was relieved she wasn't upset about this, but treated it as something she felt sorry for him for. He'd never dared to admit it - to himself, as there was no one else to admit this too - but he'd felt so alone in this, lacking the most essential compassion from the people around him. All because no one knew the heaviness he'd carried. He wondered why she'd waited until now to tell him, but he wasn't about to interrogate her about it, neither was he going to leave her side now.

"I do hope you fix that, you know. Rory or no Rory… just don't let your kid just not know you. You are so worth knowing, dear husband of mine," Odette said with endearment. She turned her head and kissed his forehead.

September 28th, 2022, Boston

Logan woke abruptly - he'd been having a lot of weird dreams. This one wasn't horrible, just the memory of Odette kissing his forehead had woken him.

This was definitely one of the mornings when he missed her - even if it had never been the blindingly passionate classic love story, but more about the friendship, comfort and acceptance of him as he was, faults and all. The pain from loss was much duller by now, mostly it was just the companionship he missed - the kind that didn't necessarily want anything from him but was just there.

It wasn't terribly early that morning, however, the ray of light was already peeking in through the curtain that he hadn't bothered to close all the way last night. It was not like anyone was peeking in through the hotel window up in the high-rise.

As the light cast directly onto his hand that laid on top of the blanket, he couldn't help but to land his attention to the wedding ring still on his finger. Sure, he'd been surprised when Rory had pointed it out the other week - he'd completely forgotten about it. But a simple mention wasn't enough to make him remove it. Taking it off still felt disrespectful.

It wasn't that he was here in Boston just because Odette had urged him to. He was pretty sure he would've come to that conclusion on his own too as soon as his life presented a vacancy for exploring something like that, considering he needed to be present here to really do this not just make a couple of phone calls each week.

He moved the ring around his finger and briefly considered it, taking it from its place for a moment. His hand felt naked without it. And while five years wasn't a particularly long marriage - it was quite on the shorter side even, it felt like he'd had it on him for forever. It might have even been that he felt so strongly for it thinking back for the comfort it had provided in contrast to what he had given up, and also the fact that it wasn't divorce that it had ended in. Would it have lasted, hadn't her health deteriorated, he couldn't be sure. He didn't know if that comforting kind of love would've been enough for it to last, but for that time it had filled a hole in him - like a something stopping him from bleeding out.

For a moment he considered just leaving the ring off - maybe it was indeed time. But the next moment his alarm went off, telling him he needed to get ready to meet the realtor, and on automatic he put the ring in its place, and focused on more urgent things. The move didn't speak about the lack of dedication to the present - as there really was nothing pulling him back to London now. The company had for a while taken away all of his joy for life - it was just too hungry, too cut throat. While he could do it, he didn't particularly want to again. Honor seemed to embrace it, and even if his reluctance to return was indeed to do with Odette's passing among other things, he was certainly feeling the pull towards Emma, and even if he didn't quite admit it yet - towards Rory too. Mostly he defined the latter to himself as curiosity or catching up, but he couldn't deny either that there was nothing there. The simplest thing - the attraction - had never really faded. In a way keeping the ring on also told Rory that he was serious about Emma first and foremost.

Logan went to breakfast and then to look at some condos that morning. He hadn't gone very far from Beacon Hill with his search, and he'd found a couple of options that looked promising. He was holding off on signing the lease though, wanting to make sure it was optimally located to Em's preschool and also future elementary school. The schooling topic was not yet something he hadn't covered with Rory, but he had already made it a point to cover that tomorrow at lunch.

But either way - it was an odd feeling looking for a place to live with this whole new viewpoint to life. He was not looking for just him, but also for a child, almost as if he'd gained a child overnight, even if that wasn't the case. He was no longer looking for elaborate entertainment spaces like their place in Kensington had had - at most he was expecting Honor or one of the guys to visit on occasion. But he knew he would need an office space and he needed to consider having quite a bit of room for Emma.

What he hadn't realized before, however, was that him showing up in Em's and Rory's life was essentially doing what he had promised Rory he wouldn't do - at some point he was going to take Em away from Rory. No - he wasn't going to steal her away and fly her across the ocean or file for custody - nothing like that, but his presence without a doubt would mean that at some point there would be nights when Em would stay with him, and not with Rory. It wouldn't be something he was ever going to enforce, demand, and to a point he believed Rory had even suggested the fact out of guilt in the park the other day, feeling she needed to sacrifice something too. This made Logan wonder whether somewhere deep inside Rory was actually upset about the fact that he was back because despite all the promises he was essentially asking for a part of Em's time, which had so far been all Rory's. It was for that reason he was rather surprised Rory had been this understanding about the whole thing, and that she was this willing to see him for lunch like they'd agreed.

Thankfully, that afternoon he wouldn't have to share Em because Rory had a work engagement that evening anyways - supposedly these were the situations when his presence was indeed beneficial and not a source for conflict. It wouldn't be quite one-on-one, but close enough. And, boy, was he nervous. Even more nervous than about seeing Rory, in fact. Because this was all him - and he had no buffer except for the nanny.

He was early this time, because picking out a car seat at the impromptu visit to a baby gear store nearby had gone surprisingly quickly. Money hadn't been an issue, so now he had a fully installed car seat at the back of his rental car. He'd also gotten around to ordering himself a car to his liking the other day. It had been a while since he'd owned a car in fact - car services and taxis were much more convenient in a city like London for someone like him.

Logan watched the little girls pour out of their parents' or nannies' cars at the side of the soccer field - that did sound a little creepy, come to think of it. But at least this time he recognized the familiar pair of neon pink leg warmers soon enough.

"Hey! You came to watch me play?" Em said, as she recognized him and walked up to him. She was a brave one, wasn't she?

Sure they'd talked about this and that at the picnic the other day, so it wasn't as strained and careful as the first few times, but still - it was definitely putting some performance anxiety on Logan. Don't blow this now - he cautioned himself.

"Hey. Yeah, I did. Your mom figured that'd be okay," Logan replied.

"You know this is just practice, right?" Em replied, almost as if she was considering him to be a little silly for coming.

"Yeah, but that's fine," Logan replied, smiling humbly.

"Well, okay..," Em shrugged and rushed onto the field without further discussion.

"Hey! You must be the dad? I saw you last week," the woman, whom Logan had seen in passing last week said.

"Yeah, that's me. Logan Hutnzberger," he said, offering his hand. For a moment he considered whether he trusted this person enough to say his full name, but he already had and considering Rory trusted this woman with their daughter, he just had to trust her gut feeling on this woman.

The woman was in her fifties most likely and she certainly had that grandmother-like feel about her, which was assuring.

"Catalina Rayner," she replied.

"Nice to meet you," Logan said. "Have you worked with Em long?" he asked, realizing this was also a person who knew Em quite well.

The girls were doing warm-up exercises on the field - lunges and jumps, and his eyes certainly kept following the activity - mostly Em and her interactions with everyone else.

"Since she was one. Before that I think Rory mostly handled her herself," Catalina replied, and took a seat on the benches, getting comfortable, having brought a warm blanket to pull around her.

Logan joined her on the bench.

Another piece of the puzzle for Logan, which he no longer needed to ask Rory about. So she had stayed home for a year and honestly all he could think was - good for her. He'd secretly worried that she might be the kind of mom who was in too big of a hurry to get on with her career. So he was indeed relieved that she'd taken the time to enjoy this. He at least hoped Rory had enjoyed it, he certainly would've.

"That's a long time. I'm sure they all appreciate your loyalty," Logan commented.

"Well, they're nice people too," the nanny commented, and took out her crocheting needle and yarn and began to occupy her time as she waited. Logan didn't mind that, frankly it was refreshing to see someone not glued to their smartphone.

Logan realized that the woman was probably wondering about the whole story too - about why he hadn't been there since the beginning. But he also didn't particularly want to explain himself.

"So, what else does she like besides soccer?" Logan decided to ask instead, hoping the question was innocent enough. He was also curious whether the girl took any other classes or had any other specialities that the nanny dealt with while Rory was at work.

"She's a very easy kid to be honest. She loves her mom and is a huge fan of Gigi, when she is around. We generally don't watch TV together, but she loves Dora the Explorer and Doc McStuffins. Sometimes she talks about them… Mostly she's into books, even if reading is still a little tricky. I mean she already knows a bunch of letters, it's just getting them in a line that's left…," Catalina described.

"Anything foodwise?" Logan asked. He was almost thinking like this might be his inside scoop - giving him an advantage to surprise Rory and Em by getting something right when the opportunity presented itself.

"She's not really very particular…. Except brussel sprouts I guess. Oh, yeah, she kind of likes when her food's made to look all pretty. You know, like smiley faces and that kind of stuff. The housekeeper, Camilla, watched some Japanese videos on that and now Em almost expects it. I mean, she'll eat it either way but she just loves it when there's something happening on that plate too," Catalina described with a low amused chuckle.

"You got any kids yourself?" Logan decided to ask politely. His family hardly ever inquired into the lives of their help. But this was something he'd learned from Rory - how actually knowing a few things more than the casual 'how are you' about the people around him, it generally created a more pleasant atmosphere. So he'd gotten to know his former driver Frank, for example quite well. He just hadn't done this in a while.

Talking to the nanny was quite entertaining. He quite liked the woman. And while he didn't pry too much into Em's life through her, feeling like he should also be learning to know her by himself. He did get some tips on her favorite books and colors which he knew exactly how he wanted to put into good use once he got the apartment signed.

Later in the practice the girls played a practice game and honestly, that was surprisingly fun to watch. Logan found himself cheering on and feeling his adrenaline pump a little each time Em got the ball. She wasn't a star player, but for a 5-year-old she was pretty good, considering the majority in her team must've been 6 or maybe even 7.

Catalina held out the water bottle for the girl as soon as she was off the field. The girl was a little out of breath, but physically she looked like she was strong and tenacious.

Logan wanted to say that he'd played soccer too when he'd been growing up but team sports hadn't been his family's cup of tea really. But, sure he'd kicked a ball around sometimes with his friends, so he made an attempt to bond.

"You know, I used to play a little while growing up myself," Logan said.

"You did!" Em reacted excitedly. "What position did you play?" she asked.

"Um…," Loga began, realizing that other than the goalkeeper he couldn't really think of anything. "I'm not really sure. There weren't enough of us to form a full team, you see…," he said, feeling like he'd just been caught on a lie.

"Well…," Em said, decisively and began to explain to him in her own way what different positions did during a game. It wasn't very understandable, she was just five after all, but Logan nodded along and tried to understand. Mostly he just enjoyed listening to her.

After about ten minutes, Catalina urged Em to put her coat on so she wouldn't get chilly, something Logan hadn't really thought to think about. He was so new at this.

"Hey, maybe you wanna go grab some ice cream or something?" Logan, making in that moment a mistake he should've known better to avoid.

"Oh, can we?" Em asked, excitedly, clearly eager to go.

Logan cast a look towards Catalina and her face was less appreciative.

"Um, I'm sorry but Rory told me to take her home right after for dinner," Catalina said.

"Right," Logan sighed, realizing his problem.

"Just call mommy and ask?" Em suggested.

Logan knew Rory had some big event this evening at the university so he really didn't want to bother her, hence he settled for messaging her.

But as a minute later there was still no sight that Rory was online he just bit the bullet. Was he supposed to lie one way or another and assume it was fine? But he could understand Catalina's concern - she didn't know what the deal with him was and she'd be resposible if it was an issue. He didn't want that either.

"You know - I'm sorry - I shouldn't have suggested that… I don't think we can go today after all," Logan said and could already hear the girl groan dramatically as if it was the biggest disappointment of her life. Coming from him it was and he hated himself for it even if it was such a small things in the grand scheme of things.

"I think it's important you go have your dinner. But I promise we'll go for ice cream some other time, okay?" Logan said, but mostly that just went to deaf ears.

"But I want to go today!" Em insisted.

"I'm sorry..," Logan shrugged and cast an apologetic look towards Catalina knowing she was the one who now had to deal with a cranky 5-year-old now.

"Alright, let's get you home. I'm sure Camilla has made something nice for dessert later," Catalina urged. "Maybe there's that chocolate dessert you like again?" she added.

"Bye," Logan said after them, feeling like the biggest failure. It was almost as if he wanted this too much.

"Say 'bye' to your dad now," Catalina suggested, being busy directing the girl towards her vehicle.

"Bye," the girl uttered, but clearly still disappointed.

AN: Not doing that great atm so I'm picking and choosing a little which stories I feel like writing. Not forgetting about them.. just right now this comes the easiest.