An extra-Extra chapter! Another is coming on Saturday! I'm finally ahead thanks to NaNoWriMo and I have no self control. I hope you like it!
"I know something is going to h-happen to Jiji. I know something is going to happen. Something bad. I can feel it in my bones. But I can't see-" I break into a sob as I clutch the scroll to my chest like it's the only thing connecting me to the world.
"While you come from the main Uzumaki line, your ancestors were largely migrant farmers, their strength was their reward for all the hardships they faced as they traveled throughout different villages." Kairi moves from the post to my shoulder.
"Kahana experienced something similar to what you experience now," she whispers. "In another life Kushina did not have her mother. She was taken shortly after Kushina was born, stolen from the small farmstead. Kahana did not allow for that to happen in this life and it unleashed a chain of events that the universe decided was large enough to take all of her memories."
"W-what did s-she do?" I gasp for air as I claw at the scroll.
"She did exactly what you have done today, she tried to reach places of her mindscape that she should not have. She got too close to the darkness and it took her."
"What? But she lived! She became the Uzukage-"
"She had to fight her way back. She had to prove she was worthy," Kairi says. "And she had to give something in exchange for all the information that was given to her in that darkness. Information that she did not want, information that she would never want."
"What did she give?"
"That's the thing, mija. She didn't get to choose what she gave, just like she couldn't choose what was taken from her when she acted on those memories before." Kairi runs the tip of her beak along the top of my head, much like Ai does with her head when she tries to calm me down. This is the closest Kairi had ever been to me. The most that we had ever spoken to each other. Has Kairi called me mija before?
"What did she lose?"
"Her children," Kairi says. I feel my stomach drop. "They were her world, even when her memories were taken away she could remember their names, their faces, their favorite foods, she would talk about them constantly-" Kairi shakes her head. "The first time she saw Shinya, she almost left the village. She was convinced he would never love her in this timeline after she told him about what happened, what she had lost."
"But he did," I say, hating how weak I sound. "H-he did love her."
"He did," Kairi says. "More than anything in this world."
"The in-betweens," I say after a few moments filled with only the sounds of the afternoon ocean waves and my heavy breathing. "What about them?"
"An in-between could lose their status and their memories if they were not careful," Kairi says. "They typically were the lucky ones, the memories that affected them most happened later in their lives."
"But you said Kahana went to an oracle, right?"
"Yes," Kairi says. "Most oracles were older, many would pass on their knowledge as imparting wisdom to help the next generation, they rarely gave out direct information. It wasn't until after they gave out direct information that you would know for sure they were an oracle."
"How?" I ask as I lean against the post Kairi once sat on.
"A sudden ailment, normally," Kairi says. "The oracle Kahana went to had suddenly lost her sight. Many in-betweens would practice different rituals over the years, some would do rituals on special occasions while others would do them every day. Some of those rituals would allow them to barter with death."
"You can barter with death?" I ask. Nothing good could come out of that.
"You will learn how to when you're of age, it's necessary when working with the Uzumaki masks."
"So everyone could barter with death?"
"No," Kairi murmurs. "Only the in-betweens and Guardians."
"But if the Guardians can negotiate when using the masks, why couldn't they when they were younger?" I ask.
"The in-betweens had more rituals and more favors under their belt than most Guardians, so they were able to bargain for their larger requests. They had more experience in the world, too. They knew what they were doing in their older ages, while the Guardians did not have that luxury."
"So when I bargain with a mask-"
"The mask is the initial price," Kairi says. "It is the entry to which you can make contact. After that you can bargain with promised rituals, past rituals and actions, or you can bargain with another life."
"Like the Dead Demon Consuming Seal?"
"Similar to it, yes." Kairi nods. "The Dead Demon Consuming Seal is used when no masks are available or if the person using it is not an Uzumaki and does not have training with their masks. Instead of using the mask as the key, the summoner's soul is taken in replacement."
"Mierda," I groan. Kairi snorts.
"Like I said, you won't be touching a mask anytime soon."
"Should I start rituals now, though?" I ask.
"We can get you prayer beads from one of the temples," Kairi says. "We can teach you some rituals, some mantras to help you deal with the pain of the lost memories."
"Thank you," I whisper.
"You don't need to thank me," Kairi sighs as she hops from my shoulder back to the post. "Finish with your letter, yes? And take the rest of the day off from training, you need to rest."
"But-"
"No, Kikuko," Kairi says, her voice hard. "I will not lose you to the darkness."
"But the dark isn't always bad-"
"No, it's not," Kairi agrees. "In fact, while it may look dark, that place will enlighten you. Too much. What appears to be darkness lures you in, when in reality, when it pulls you in, you get too close to the sun and burn." Kairi says it so fiercely, so darkly. I feel tears well in my eyes as I look at the seagull.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean I was going to look for it."
"I know, I'm sorry mija I just-" for once Kairi looks unsure. "I've finally gotten to see the beating heart of Uzushiogakure again, I do not know if I can bear to see it die again." I can't say anything at first. The implications of her statement are clear. I take a few deep breaths before I speak again.
"I'll be careful," I finally say. "I-I'll start to take care of myself more. I won't try to go back to that place. I don't want to go back to that place, it hurts," I shake my head. "But I don't know how to get to my mindspace."
"I'll help you with that using the prayer beads, Kiku-chan," Kairi says gently. "And you will only try to access it with me near you until I give you the clear, do you understand?"
"Yes," I nod, holding onto my head.
"Finish your letter," Kairi says as she nods down at the scroll. "Then sleep."
"I will," I whisper. She nods once again before she flies off in the direction of the Uzukage tower. I let myself breathe as I lean back against the post on the dock. My thoughts swirl through my brain and I have to close my eyes tightly for them to stop. I take a deep breath and look back to the scroll as I try to push the empty feeling away.
It doesn't go away until I finish reading the letter from Jiji.
I can't fail Uzushiogakure. Jiji has already accepted his fate. He knows what's most likely going to happen and he's accepted that. He doesn't want me to endanger myself to try to save him.
He wants to fight for Naruto, for the village, for me. But more importantly, he wants me to fight for Uzushiogakure like he fights for Konohagakure. He wants me to fight so I can live. So that I can be happy.
He wants me to fight for me.
I'm going to listen to him and Kairi and Ichika and Ren and Ai and Itsuki. I'm not going to push myself to exhaustion every day. I'm not going to go without sleep or food or hobbies out of fear.
For once, I'll start taking care of myself instead of someone else.
Because how in the hell am I going to help anyone else if I can't even help myself? I get up from my spot on the dock and for once I walk slowly from Uzushiogakure. Rather than hearing the chirping of the birds or the rustles of the monkeys in the trees, things are solemn. It reminds me of before the island came alive. I pass by one of the temples, one that I wasn't allowed to go inside of yet. It was one of the few untouched buildings on the island. Oni masks hang from the doorway.
And even though I don't go in, I feel like I hear a whisper from my last life on the wind.
"Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes. And we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes."
It took time for the emptiness of the lost memories to go away. And the only thing that took the guilt about whatever might happen to Jiji away was keeping busy. I attempted to make my own formula for Hiraishin. Multiple times. It hasn't worked yet. I was a lot better at using the three pronged kunai compared to the regular ones, though.
I've gotten a few letters from Jiji, most of it filled with gossip. Apparently Asuma and Kurenai were getting closer than being just friends. Especially since getting their genin teams. Genma was still going after anyone that breathed when he wasn't being a mother hen to one of his chunin or Naruto. Naruto's team has actually been training, Jiji told me about the disaster of a mission they went on in Wave country.
Naruto hasn't sent a letter since he graduated from the academy and got his team. I try not to focus on the resentment that stews inside of me. I know Kakashi is probably keeping him busy. I know he's training. But the only time I haven't sent him a letter was when I was burying our entire village. I still send him small letters every two weeks.
Yoshino and Shikaku still send letters once a month, Shikamaru signs them although he never adds anything to them. I purposefully ignore the sharp pang in my chest and the pitying looks from Ren and Ai everytime I see it.
Miki, Minoru's younger sister and Hideko, Reiji's younger sister have both started writing letters to me. They are both in the same academy class as Konohamaru. They got Iruka sensei as their teacher this year and it seems like things are going well for them. They even got together and sent me a holiday edition of a Kunoichi Moon manga. I read it whenever I miss Minoru.
Sensei and Reiji are the only ones who write to me weekly outside of Jiji. Their letters keep me going. Even though I can't tell them anything that I'm doing, they fill their letters with the smallest of details. They make it easy for me to imagine Konoha and see what they're up to. Sensei is even thinking about nominating Reiji for jonin already, although he hasn't told Reiji that, yet. And Reiji has written to me about wanting to become a jonin in time to maybe be Miki's sensei.
I'm determined to be promoted to jonin as soon as possible once I return to the village. I have to be a jonin to take over the clan head position before I'm twenty. And there's no way I'm just going to stand around while Danzo continues to move in the shadows.
But it's been hard.
I sat down with Ichika and actually wrote down a training schedule. I've started to take off two days a week, something I haven't done since coming to the island. Even when I was injured I was still doing some form of training every day. One of the days I take off of training is just a day to get chores done like meal preparation, laundry, and cleaning. The other day is mainly a day just dedicated to rest. I normally end up taking a couple naps with different deer on those days. Outside of resting, the only other thing I do is maintain the shrines in my home and visit another shrine somewhere in the village.
I hadn't touched the butsudan since I started staying in this home. Until last night. We never had one in our apartment back in Konoha. Ichika walked me through the different things I would need to get, mainly candles, incense, and a new incense holder. They're at the top of my list so I make sure not to forget any of them when I'm in Kumo for the next few days.
I feel on edge as I walk down this path. I hadn't run into any root agents on my way to Kumo. Ichika demanded that she and her kids, Ikumi, Ikue, and Inori tailed me until I got within sensing distance of Kumogakure. This time, I carry a backpack with me. I didn't want to wear a haori on my way to Kumo, either. I'm just wearing my burnt orange top and green pants. My new haori is packed in my bag.
We made sure it was a fabric that made it easier to get blood out of it, but still. I didn't want to have the same bad luck as when I left Kumo last time. I take a deep breath and run my fingers over the prayer beads in my pocket as I walk up to the village gates of Kumo.
And then I see him.
Killer Bee leans against the check-in station just inside the village gates. I raise my eyebrows as I walk closer but he doesn't say anything. I go to sign in at the desk but they wave me off.
"Don't worry about it, Uzumaki-hime," the chunin smiles at me. The scar at the edge of his mouth crinkles.
"Thank you," I smile at the man and try to ignore the heat that blooms across my cheeks. I'm used to the summons in Uzushiogakure calling me that, but I'm definitely not used to other people I don't know calling me that. "I guess you're in charge of me again?" I ask as I turn to look at Bee. He smiles down at me as he pushes away from the desk.
"You got it, bakayaro konoyaro!" Bee says as he moves his hands and hops from foot to foot. I immediately feel my earlier worries ease as I start to follow him through the village. Until we get to a training ground instead of the inn I stayed in the last time I was here. Bee rests his hands on the handles of two of his swords. "I want to record what you can do with a sword," he says.
I drop my backpack on the side of the training ground and put my hand on my back. Ryūjin is in my hand as I take a defensive stance. Bee grins and soon he's holding seven swords. I don't know how but he rushes forwards and I struggle to move at first. The images of both Minoru's death and the last attack by the root agent flash before my eyes.
But as he gets close to striking Ryūjin, I finally move. I jump back slightly and block two of the swords with Ryūjin. I put my left hand on the seal on the thigh of my pants and grab two three pronged kunai. I dodge another swipe of Bee's swords as I put one of the kunai in my mouth. I use the kunai in my left hand to block a strike.
I try to at least get one of his swords away from him, but he blocks my blow. The force hurts my shoulder as I twist around. I use the kunai in my hand to block another strike and jump away. When I land I sense him behind me and turn around just in time to block a strike with the kunai in my mouth.
Everything seems to move in slow motion as another sword comes down. I block the hit but I'm thrown back to the center of the training ground and land on my back. I wince from the pain but just lay there, struggling to catch my breath.
"Two minutes," Darui says as he hops down from a tree. I hadn't even sensed him.
"I told you she'd be good with a sword," a smug voice says. "Long time no see, Camarón." I tilt my head and drop the kunai on the ground beside my head before turning back to look at the clouds.
"Call me a shrimp again and I'll make you regret it 'ttbane!" Darui and Akihiko laugh as Bee walks over and stands over me. His swords are back in their sheaths. He reaches a hand out and I drop my other kunai on the grass. I take his hand and groan as he pulls me up, expecting a lecture about all the things I did wrong. But that doesn't happen.
Bee smiles down at me as I put Ruijin back into my seal. Akihiko whistles as he walks behind me.
"That's a damn good seal, where'd you learn that?" I flinch slightly as he touches it. I know that I used the right ink, that the seal can't be smudged, but the small part of my mind makes me think that it will be messed up.
"I combined a few seals into one, a normal storage seal, a sheath seal, and a sharpening seal." The book I used for the sheath seal and storage seal mentioned using a tattoo to ensure nothing happens to the seal. Not only is the ink permanent, but you can hide the seal in an art design and no one will know what it actually is.
"How old are you?" Akihiko asks after I drop Bee's hand.
"Uh, thirteen?"
"And you're already combining seals? That's jonin level, kid."
"What?" I squeak. "I haven't gotten to that part of my list yet! I'm finishing the chunin techniques!"
"You guys can geek out on seals later," Darui says. I look to the bored looking man in confusion until I feel Bee's hand on my shoulder. He holds out my kunai and I quickly slip them back into my seal.
"We've gotta tell my bro that you ain't gonna go," Bee says.
"What?"
"What he's saying," Akihiko says. "Is that I told the Raikage you'd be a good fit as an apprentice under Bee-sama."
"A huh?"
"You lasted longer than a minute, so you've already passed the Raikage's test," Darui shrugs. "Let's head to the tower, he's going to flip his lid if we're late." Darui and Akihiko start walking as I stare at their backs. Bee para my shoulder and I look up at him.
"You can say no, but if you stay I'll make sure you're a master at kenjutsu! Bakayaro konoyaro!"
"Well, when you put it like that, how can I say no?" I feel doubt gnaw at the back of my brain but I try to ignore it. My kenjutsu was never enough in Konoha. Naruto was always so much better than me. Yugao had given up on trying to teach me anything new and it was already taking too much out of Hayate to train Naruto.
"Let's go," he says as he takes a step forward. I take a shaky breath and walk alongside him. If Bee thinks I can do this, I'll trust him. And maybe I can learn some things from him to make things a little better for Naruto in Konoha, too.