"I feel weird, being back here," Mae murmured quietly as they ascended the steps of Bea's apartment building.
"It's fine, Mae. We already settled up about that," Bea replied.
Trent could sense an edge in her voice, though. It had been there ever since they'd met for practice. Something was bothering her, but he had no idea if it had to do with him or Mae or something else entirely.
Whatever it was, she didn't want to talk about it.
Mae took his hand as they walked up and he gave it a gentle squeeze after lacing their fingers together.
They reached Bea's apartment and walked inside. Trent looked around. He'd seen the place earlier today when they'd dropped off the desk in Bea's room. It was...kinda messy, not that he was being judgmental about it, he could be messy. Bea had seemed embarrassed, and it was obvious she'd done a bit of cleaning since then. He didn't know how she found time to do it all. The TV was on, but it was turned down low.
"I think my dad's sleeping," Bea murmured. "Come on, let's get in and out."
"All right," Trent replied.
They moved through the apartment, past her dad's closed bedroom door, where Trent thought he could hear some light snoring, and slipped into Bea's room. He felt that same pang of sympathy for her as he had the first time when he saw the state of her room. He'd been in places like this before, lived in places like this before: places of depression. Of hopelessness. Most of her stuff was still in boxes, and she'd mentioned that she had moved in almost a year ago.
Bea took a seat at the desk and started sorting through some papers.
"Whoa, when'd you get this?" Mae asked, sitting down on her bed.
"Today. Trent helped me move it over here," Bea replied.
"Oh. Wow...did you guys serious fu-"
"Mae," Trent said, quietly but firmly. He moved over to the door and pushed it mostly closed.
"Oh. Right. Sorry. But did you?" she whispered.
Bea sighed. "Yes, now be quiet Mae, I have to focus."
"Okay. Sorry."
Trent sat on the bed with Mae, waiting, both of them now sensing Bea's bad mood. The wait while she worked on whatever it was she was working on was long and awkward, but finally she finished it up. With a sigh, she stood up, gathering some papers.
"Okay, lemme just put this out there where he'll find it so he can sign it all, then I need to grab something from in here, then we go," she said.
"Kay," Mae replied.
She headed back into the living room. As she did, Trent heard movement elsewhere in the apartment. Suddenly he heard a door opening and then Bea's, he assumed, dad stepped out in front of the open doorway, blinking owlishly.
"Mae?" he murmured. "Bea? Why is there a strange man sitting on your bed?" he asked, a warning tone in his voice.
"This is Trent, dad. The guy I told you about? The guy who got me a hundred bucks today and that desk in my room?" Bea replied, approaching.
"Oh...huh, thought you'd be older," he murmured.
Trent stood up. "It's a surprise to me too. Uh, Trent Sinclair."
Bea's dad stared at him for a moment, then offered his hand. "Allen Santello, Bea's father."
Trent moved forward and shook it. Something he'd learned growing up in Nebraska, that he saw held true here in Pennsylvania, was that you shook middle-aged guys' hands when they offered them, because it tended to make them more receptive to you.
"Pleasure to meet you," he said. That was another thing he'd learned: say something to that effect, even if it wasn't necessarily true.
Mister Santello grunted. "Thanks for coming to us for help, and cutting us in. Too many people looking to screw me out of my money, nice to have someone honest for a change."
"I've found honesty is a good policy," Trent replied neutrally.
He let out a little laugh. "Well, you should fit into Possum Springs pretty well," he said, then gave an uncertain glance at Mae, who was practically clinging to his side. "Bea mentioned that the two of you are together?"
For just a split second, he thought the man meant that he and Bea were together, then he noticed he was still looking at Mae. "Yes," he replied, before Mae could say something unfortunate, "Mae and I are together. Dating."
"Huh. You move fast."
"Well...we met pretty fast and hit it off even faster," he replied.
He just grunted again and turned away, heading into the living room, then the kitchen. Trent felt a little insulted, on his and Mae's behalf. The grunt felt like a not-so-subtle way of saying 'okay man, I sure as hell wouldn't date her'. He looked at Bea, who was keeping a poker face, then she nodded towards the front door.
"I'm gonna spend the night at Mae's place again," Bea said.
"Okay, but would you put on your winter coat? It's getting cold out there," he replied. Before Bea could answer, he pointed at a closet near Trent and Mae. "It's in there, could you grab it, son?"
"Uh, sure," Trent replied, looking at Bea, who just shrugged.
Trent opened the door and found the coat that had to be hers, a heavy dark blue winter coat. She was already wearing a heavy black hoodie, but a coat wouldn't hurt.
"Here, lemme help you," he said, holding the coat up.
She hesitated, then smiled and turned around. He helped her get her arms into the coat, got it settled into place, then patted her on the back.
"There you go."
"Thanks," she said.
Trent turned to look back at Mae and caught Bea's dad staring at him and Bea intently, a curious look on his face.
Maybe that had been a little too friendly. He'd just been trying to make Bea happier, put her in a better mood, but it suddenly occurred to him that when two people were as intimate as they'd been, even if they tried to hide it, that level of familiarity could bleed through even in relatively benign gestures.
Something a parent was likely to pick up on.
Mister Santello stared at them for a second longer, then looked over at Mae.
"I'll see you tomorrow dad," Bea said, and quickly headed for the door.
"Uh...all right," he replied, sounding like he was halfway between confusion and anger.
They hurried out of her apartment and down the stairs.
"I'm really sorry," Trent said as they got outside.
"It's fine, it wasn't your fault, you were just being nice. That's what I'll tell him if he asks anything," Bea replied. "Come on, let's go. I need to just zone out. It's been a long day."
They made it back to his place, and things got better from there.
For a little while, at least.
Mae fired up The Suffering, and Bea started watching, finding herself interested, and Trent sat on the sofa and wrote up his little project. He was oddly inspired and had already gotten through a few chapters. He wanted to get however much he could done before Longest Night. Both of them had asked what he was doing, and he'd said he was working on a project, and he'd show them when it was ready, but not before.
That seemed to satisfy them.
He'd baked a frozen pizza and split it up for dinner, and after that…
The tension had returned. Bea was in a sour mood, and she couldn't seem to shake it.
Finally, Mae suddenly paused the game, turned around, and looked directly at Bea. "Bea, what's wrong? Are you mad at me? I feel like you've been upset at me all night but I've been scared to ask."
Bea looked at her, then at Trent, then crossed her arms and looked down. "Yes, I am," she said quietly.
"Why? I'm sorry, what'd I do?" Mae asked immediately, crawling closer.
"...why did you abandon me?" she asked, her voice cracking.
"What?...I...what do you mean? When I went to college? I had to, my parents-" Mae began.
Bea shook her head. "No! In seventh grade, Mae! Why did you just stop talking to me!?"
"What? We had that big fight! I thought you hated me and didn't want to talk to me anymore!"
"What fight?! I don't even know what you're talking about, Mae! You just...abandoned me. You wouldn't talk to me, or return my calls, or sit with me at lunch, or anything!"
"College," Mae said, looking up at her, her hands on Bea's knees now. "You said you wanted to go to college, and I said that was stupid, and you got so mad at me. You yelled at me and then stomped off and I thought I'd broken the friendship after that."
"Why didn't you say anything? I needed you, Mae! You were my best friend in fifth grade! And sixth! And then you just disappeared! I was devastated!"
"I'm sorry!" Mae replied. She burst into tears. "I was scared! You're scary! I felt so awful! I made you so mad, and feel so bad, I thought you were just going to have other better friends, and I was a shit friend, and a loser, and you should have a better friend than me! And I hated the idea of college, because even then my parents were telling me how they were saving for me to go to college, and I didn't want to! It scared me! And then you were talking about it and it was like everyone was conspiring against me to force me to go to this big scary place I hated! I panicked! I'm sorry, Bea! I'm so sorry!"
She put her face against Bea's stomach, as she was still crouched at her feet on the floor, and hugged her tightly.
Bea put both hands on her head. "I needed you, Mae, when my mom was dying. I was so alone. And it hurt so much…"
"I'm sorry! Please don't hate me, Bea!" she wailed.
Bea had started crying herself at this point. She hugged Mae's head against her, then suddenly hauled her up onto the couch and hugged her tightly. Mae hugged back, both of them crying hard now. Trent just watched them, knowing that this was a thing they had to sort out between themselves.
"Please, Bea, please don't hate me. I finally got you back, I can't take it if you hate me again," Mae moaned.
"I don't hate you, Mae," Bea said, squeezing her a little. "I can't hate you, Mae. Not after everything we went through. And I'm sorry I said I kinda hate you. I was wrong. I didn't know. I don't hate you, Mae. I'm just...it's been bothering me. It feels like you didn't care about me."
"I did!" Mae said, sitting back and wiping her eyes vigorously. "I did care! But you...I don't know, I thought you'd be happier with other friends. And then time kept passing, and you stopped trying to reach me, and I just kept feeling worse and worse, and eventually the thing with Andy happened. And I just...everything was fucked, Bea. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I was a terrible friend, and I'm sorry, and I'm trying to make up for it. I just want to make you happy, Bea."
Bea laughed suddenly. "You've done that, at least."
"Really?" she asked, sniffing.
"Yes, Mae! God, you're the brightest light in my life. You're the best thing that's happened to me like...ever, probably. And I'm only recently realizing that. Mae, you taught me...that things suck. The world is a dark, miserable place. But it doesn't have to be. I always thought...I kept waiting to be happy. I thought there was no point in trying to be happy, because my mom was dead, and I was doomed to the Pickaxe, but when you came back, and wedged yourself back into my life...it was the night with the fireflies…"
Mae giggled, sniffed, rubbed her eyes. "Yeah, I remember that night. It was so much fun."
Bea laughed and rolled her eyes. "Only you could describe getting locked in a basement as fun."
"It was fun!" Mae said firmly.
"Okay, okay, it was fun, yeah. But I saw you come back with them, and it just...I dunno. Something clicked. I let myself be happy. You were trying to make me happy, and I was resisting it, and then I just stopped, because I suddenly asked myself 'why? Why am I resisting happiness? It's here, and I want to be happy'. I guess the answer I got was, what's the point? I'll just be miserable again pretty soon. But then I thought, well, if that's true, then why not be happy? That's what you taught me, Mae. To be happy, or even just to try to be happy, in the face of overwhelming sadness. Because of the overwhelming sadness. And I will always love you for that. I said you were the closest thing I have to a sister, and that's still true."
Mae laughed suddenly. "Kinda weird that I'm doing your boyfriend."
"Oh shut up," Bea said. She sobered suddenly, pursing her lips, staring at Mae, who went silent, waiting. "Of course I forgive you, Mae," she said finally, and hugged her again. "I'm sorry I got so mad at you. All the times I got mad at you."
"It's okay, I deserved it," Mae said.
"You didn't. I mean...maybe some of them, but really, you didn't. It wasn't your fault."
"I'm sorry I left you, Bea. I regret it so much. You're one of my best friends in the whole world, and I came so close to losing you, and I never want that again. You have to stay here with me. You have to be in my life. I don't care what I have to do to make it work."
"You're really dedicated, Mae," Bea said. She looked suddenly at Trent. "God, dude, I'm fucking sorry. This whole thing...are you crying?"
"Is he!?" Mae asked, whirling around.
"No," Trent replied, sighing. He reached up and brushed at his eye. "Maybe a little."
"It's okay, I don't, like, care," Bea said. "I just...never see that. Honestly I like it."
"Really?"
"Yeah, it sounds so fucking cliché, but I actually do like a guy who isn't scared to cry," Bea replied.
"Yeah, totally!" Mae agreed.
He sighed. "I'm not scared to, I just don't like it. It feels...bad. Uncomfortable. But it's also kind of contagious. Also, you know, I want you both to be happy. You deserve it. And it's just...nice, to see people being unabashedly, brutally honest, even if it hurts, and admitting they fucked up, and forgiving that. This isn't...a thing, or wasn't, in my life. People actually talking to each other. No one wants to fucking talk about how they feel, and it sucked. And I like this," he explained.
"I do too, even if it hurt," Mae murmured.
"It's like medicine, or resetting a broken bone," Bea said. "Hurts, but you'll feel better once it's done...I do feel bad for ruining the night."
"What!? No! This was a great night! We solved a problem!" Mae said.
Bea stared at her for a moment, then laughed. "Mae, you bounce back so fucking fast, I swear." She grew serious again. "So, Mae...we're good?"
"We're good. I love you, Bea," Mae replied.
She laughed softly. "I love you too, Mae…" She looked at Trent, then took his hand suddenly. "So, Trent, like...if we're gonna be dating, I guess I want to say: don't bullshit me. And, by that what I mean is, don't hide something from me, or us. If something's bugging you, tell me. If you want something, tell me. I know I seem like a bitch sometimes, and sometimes I'm kind of cold and distant...I've never actually like dated someone before, not like...for real. So...I'm scared. That I'm going to fuck this up. But I think I'll have a better chance of not screwing it up if we're totally honest with each other. And, inversely, I'm going to be honest with you. If you're pissing me off, or annoying me, or I just need some time to myself, I'm gonna tell you to your face...is that gonna be a problem?"
"No," he replied. "Honestly, I'm relieved. I've had to dance around issues before or just ignore shit and it always sucks. I prefer honesty but it freaks too many people out."
"Honesty is good," Mae said.
"You're honest to a fault, Mae, of course you think it's good," Trent said.
She frowned, then laughed. "Okay, yeah. But hey! That means we'll be more compatible."
"That it does," Bea said. "There's another thing...I've come across this a lot online, and it seems pretty true. Like...I've heard a lot of guys are affection starved. They only really get it from their girlfriends, and even then, it might be rare. And also, there's the whole thing about how guys aren't really allowed to show emotion, besides anger. And all of that fucks with a lot of dudes, and leads to depression, which they also feel like they can't talk about, and...I just, I always promised to myself I wasn't gonna be that girl who gives her boyfriend shit for, like, crying or being depressed or anxious or whatever. Don't be afraid to be expressive, or tell me how you feel."
"Same, Trent. Like, for real. I'd go fucking insane if I felt like I had to hide all my emotions," Mae said.
"I think you'd explode," Trent replied. "I, uh...thank you. For all of that. I really, seriously appreciate it. And I'll try to take it to heart. I've had to do...well, exactly that. Hide a lot of emotions. Because they made people uncomfortable, or people would make fun of me. And it sucked. I'll try to keep it in mind and tell you. I gotta admit, though, I'm feeling so chill since coming out here and meeting you all. I was pretty scared when I came out here, but it's turned out pretty well."
"If you say so, man. I'm fucking nuts. I'm a psycho girlfriend," Mae said.
"Oh whatever, Mae," Bea replied, rolling her eyes.
"Again, I appreciate it." He paused. "There's, uh, one other issue that's occurred to me that we need to actually discuss. I think I know how Mae feels about it, but since you're actually my girlfriend now too, Bea, like…"
"Come on, spit it out," Bea said.
"Ann. Selma. She might want to date me and maybe Mae too," Trent said.
"Did she say that?!" Mae asked, leaning forward, excitement igniting in her big red eyes.
"No. I mean, not exactly. Like, she said she's considering her options, but she sort of hinted that maybe she was considering dating me? Or us? Or maybe I misread it? But I don't know. I think we should talk with her soon. Maybe tomorrow. But first, Bea, you get a say in this. How does this idea make you feel?"
"A little nervous," she admitted. "But...I mean, Selma seems really chill. And if I can share you with Mae, I guess I can share you with her, too. Just...make sure you don't forget about me."
"That won't happen," Trent replied. "You're too unforgettable."
Bea giggled and blushed, looking down.
"Bea, that giggle of yours is so cute," Mae said. "Like, I dunno. There's something about it…"
"She's embarrassed but also happy," Trent said.
"Shut up, losers," Bea replied. "You make me feel weird."
"In your pants?" Mae asked.
Bea sighed. "Yes. And also my stomach, and my chest...just...whatever. Yeah, I'm okay with trying it out at least. Selma seems really nice, and honestly she could use some loving too. And you're a great guy for that."
"It's funny...she told me the exact same thing about you," Trent said.
"What? Seriously?" Bea asked.
"Yeah. She said I should date you, because I'd be able to take care of you. And that you needed that, but you were bad about asking."
Bea scoffed. "Well she had me fucking pegged," she muttered.
"Are you mad?"
"No, I'm not. She's right. It's so easy to pretend, to just tell yourself to get over it, that you aren't touch-starved and you don't need another person to be happy...but goddamn if I'm not swimming in happiness ever since then. Like, I'm fucking high on happiness since we hooked up, Trent. I know that's gonna wear off eventually, but whatever, I'm riding the high right now. So...she's right. If I'm being brutally honest, she's right. I can operate on my own, but I don't want to. Having someone to talk to, and trust, like...I guess the only question I got for you is, uh, where do you see this going?" she asked.
"Oh. Uh. Well." He considered that for a moment. "Uh."
She laughed. "I'm sorry to throw that at you, but I'm actually shockingly finding myself following Mae's line of reasoning in this...obviously I say this with the understanding that things might change, but...I think I'm in this for the long haul." She paused, shifted uncomfortably. "What I mean to say is that I'm not dating you casually. This isn't a fling. I-I mean, I'm not like proposing to you or anything, but like, I'm serious about this."
"I understand. I feel the same way. About both of you," Trent replied. "I'm not planning on like hopping to some other girl. I can already tell you both are really great girlfriends."
Mae laughed. "Bea? Yeah. Me? No way."
"Don't be like that, Mae," Bea said.
"No, I'm being honest. I'm a burning dumpster trash pile. I don't have any money, I don't have a job, I don't even have a license. I dropped out of college. My parents are in debt. I've got some sort of mental illness. And I dunno, maybe I can get better, but I don't know if I can hold down a job. I can try, and I will if you ask me to, but like...the thought of it makes me sick. And, like, I know that's such a thing. There's all these posts online, about like, girls who just leach off their boyfriends, and refuse to work real jobs...I don't want to be like that. But I don't know if I'll ever get my shit together. And I'm sorry, but it's just...who I am, I guess."
"I don't care," Trent replied.
"Then you're as crazy as I am," Mae said.
"Then doesn't that mean we're good for each other?" he asked.
Bea laughed. "I dunno...crazy plus crazy doesn't necessarily equal good. But in this case, I think Mae, you're over-exaggerating, but it's good that you recognize your faults. And it's even more good that you're trying to do better." She grinned suddenly and gave Trent a little push. "God, aren't you a lucky prick? Move to a new town, get a house and thousands in cash, cut toxic ties with your family, and now you're dating three chicks."
"I mean, I'm not dating Ann yet, and it's like...shit, I'm so scared I'm gonna fuck this up," Trent replied awkwardly. "And I really need to start pulling my shit together…"
"It can wait," Mae said. "We're having fun. I think we earned it after sorting all that emotional shit. Right?"
"Yeah, I think so," Bea said.
"Okay, okay. What should we do?" Trent replied.
"Boring shit," Bea said. She yawned. "Watch some cartoons or something? Honestly I could go back to what we were doing. It was nice. I like that, I'm finding. I never thought I'd seriously like watching Mae play video games but...I'm finding that I do. And this game is, like, interesting. There's a lot of cool history on the island and all the monsters are tied to it…"
"There's actually like journal entries on all that stuff, maybe we could call it up," Trent said.
"Yeah!" Mae replied, going for the controller.
The three of them settled back into place. Trent put his feet up on the coffee table, and Bea ended up laying down and putting her head in his lap, and then Mae ended up situating herself awkwardly but, according to her comfortably, between the couch and the coffee table next to his legs. And they got back to relaxing.