The next three days passed slowly, but pleasantly.
Trent delved into research, learning all he could about the strange world of self publishing.
Mae recovered.
Bea texted and called occasionally.
Ann played video games, smoked a little weed, and edited his short stories and novels.
And people started to come by. The house that now belonged to him slowly began to empty out of things he didn't want. The process was pretty simple: it would start with a text from Bea. She'd warn him that someone was headed over with a truck and cash to buy something. Usually they would know what they wanted but sometimes not. Then they would arrive, and there would be some variation on 'do I have the right house?', because they expected a real grown up, and Trent quickly learned the best way to navigate that particular conversation was to just cut through it with a 'yep, you have the right house come on in'.
He'd take them into the basement and show them what they wanted. Then, if they were able or willing, they'd help him haul it upstairs to their truck. If not, Ann would help him. She was stronger than she looked, and she already looked kind of strong. The basement didn't empty out, but when he went down there to grab an end table, something he could bring up by himself without a problem, he saw that it was noticeably emptier.
Going to have to reorganize and reassess, he found himself thinking.
And then he found himself thinking about standing around down here, talking with Germ and his father about buying weed.
He was already making memories in this house, and not just vague ones either.
So much had happened to him.
Despite Longest Night feeling like something of a crescendo, he was convinced that there was a lot more yet to come.
"You busy in there?" Ann asked through the door.
"No, I'm free," Trent replied. In truth, he was caught in a paradox. He should be working, but he was too paralyzed to work, but he should be working, but maybe he should be taking a break to ease all this tension that had been building in his head, but then that wouldn't be working. But he couldn't work with all this tension-
"I finished editing and…" she trailed off as she walked in, holding a USB stick. "Okay, what's wrong, Trent? You've been like this all day."
Trent stared at her. Was he that obvious?
He'd woken up today with the intent to actually sign up with Kindle Direct Publishing, thus taking the first real step on his path to being a published writer, even a self-published one, and after fucking about for almost three hours, he'd finally sat down to make himself do it…
An hour ago.
He still hadn't actually done it.
"Is it Bea? You know she's just busy, she's not avoiding you," Ann offered.
He shook his head. "No, it's not Bea."
"Is it Mae? I mean, I think-"
He shook his head again. "No, it isn't Mae. Not exactly. And it's not you either. I'm just…" he struggled silently for a moment. "I don't even know! I just feel paralyzed. I need to get my account set up to self-publish my stuff to the Kindle and all I can think is 'am I even good enough? Will anyone even fucking care? How much money will I waste on this before I admit to myself that I'm a failure as a writer?' You and Mae are relying on me and just...fuck."
"All right, Trent," Ann said, crossing the office and setting the USB down on his desk. "Just relax."
"I can't! I have all this shit-"
"Trent," Ann said, in a surprisingly stern voice, "I'm serious. You have to relax." She paused, sighed, shook her head. "Sorry, I don't like telling people what to do but...will you listen?"
"Yes, of course," he replied.
"You're stuck right now because of emotional reasons. You know what you need to do, right?" He nodded. "And you know that you need to do it, right?"
He groaned and nodded. "Yes. If I can't make writing work...fuck, I don't know what else I'm going to do…"
"Trent," she said, deliberately and slowly, "my point is that you logically understand the next step. But you can't take it because your emotions are too fucked up right now. I had to learn a lot about this shit in rehab, and honestly prison, I guess. Life taught me a lot of shitty lessons, but this is something I figured out. Sometimes you can't take the next step even though you know you should, know you need to, even if you know what it is and how to do it, because your emotions are fried. Just...take some time, dude. Like a day, even just the rest of today. But maybe some of tomorrow. And just relax. Clear your head. Remember when Bea came to you all fucked up?"
He nodded. "Yeah...yeah okay, you've got a point. I just feel so shitty, not taking the next step, but I am fried."
"You wouldn't push Bea or Mae or me if we were like this, would you?"
"No, of course not."
"Then don't push yourself."
He sighed. "Okay. Thank you, Ann. You're really smart."
She laughed. "I don't know about that. I've just had to learn a lot of stuff the hard way. But Trent...something else I wanted to say. I know you're worried, because none of us have any income right now, and you're the only one with money, and this is something worth worrying about. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should just say 'fuck it'. But whatever happens, I want you to know...no, I want you to believe that we'll make it work. You and Mae and Bea are honestly the best things that've ever happened to me. I'm not giving that up without a big fight. And at the end of the day, it's like you were trying to tell me: the things that really matter the most to us aren't things, they're people. This house? The stuff? You and Mae and Bea matter more. So try not to stress about it. Think about it, but try not to stress. Which, believe me, I know how hard that is. Speaking of that…"
She glanced at the USB. He did, too.
"How'd I do?" he asked.
"Good, actually. Two of those shorts need work, structurally. The plot isn't developed enough, and the haunted ship story needs some trimming in some areas, expansion in others. But honestly, dude? You're legit. I read a lot. I'm no expert, but I've read a lot of books. And those books and short stories were very readable. And horror isn't even my favorite genre. Fantasy is. But I was hooked. You've got smooth prose, good characters, realistic dialogue, and you produce clean writing. There weren't that many errors. I'd say you could have all of that publish-ready inside of a month if you put in the work. Of course, I guess I don't know what you're going to do for covers or the real process of self-publishing…"
"No, I mean, you're probably right."
"The other thing I wanted to mention is that I should have an income soon."
"How's that?" he asked.
"There's websites out there that basically facilitate freelance editing gigs. You gotta grind and hustle at it, because the pay isn't great, especially in the beginning, but I'm in a position to do so. And I like editing and reading people's stuff. I just got set up on two of the big websites and accepted a couple of smaller jobs. Payment is linked right to my bank account, and I get the payment within a day of it clearing. It won't be much, not at first, maybe a few hundred bucks a month, but once I get established, a bit of a reputation, I can start taking on higher tier jobs."
"That's great, Ann...don't work too hard," he said. "I don't want you to feel like you have to."
"Don't worry," she said, smiling at him, "you're really non-judgment and non-pushy. And I've learned to take people at face value. So I don't think you secretly are mad at me for not paying rent right now...mostly."
"I'm not," he said.
"I know, I know. Like I said, emotions. They often don't sync up with logic. But you should take Mae out somewhere, do something."
"What about you?" he asked.
"I'm still feeling like a cave monster," she replied, laughing a little awkwardly. "It's weird, I spent a ton of time inside my mom's basement, but that all felt bad. This feels good. I gotta recharge my own emotional batteries too, which I feel like I can finally do thanks to you and Mae. So I just wanna be here, soaking in the good vibes. Plus, I'm going to have to go out regardless day after tomorrow."
"Why's that?"
"The program. Kinda like AA meetings. I go once every two weeks now. My mom takes me. I like it...mostly. I have to admit, I've been itching to go. As shitty as it sounds, I kinda want to brag about you and Mae and all the good things that have happened."
"It doesn't have to be seen like that," Trent replied. "Talking about good stuff that happened to you doesn't have to be bragging."
"Yeah, that's fair," she replied after thinking about it.
"You want me to go with you?"
She shifted awkwardly suddenly. "No, it's kinda...personal. But like...in a different sort of way? It's hard to describe. It's not that I'd be embarrassed about it, because honestly I'm not, but it's more just this thing...it's this part of my life that's just for me. I do it in isolation. I mean, not literally, there's other people there, but no one from my life...I don't know if I'm making any sense."
"Ann," he said, getting up now and settling his hands on her hips, "no is enough. I obviously appreciate explanations, and welcome them, but if you don't want me there, then that's okay. I won't be mad."
"Mmm…" she murmured, staring into his eyes. "…'no is enough'," she repeated quietly. She regained her smile suddenly and then kissed him on the mouth. "I'm falling in love with you," she said after pulling back very slightly from the kiss. She was still close enough that her lips brushed his when she spoke. "I thought you should know."
A nervous laugh escaped him. "Oh...wow."
"I know you just bridged that love gap with Mae, sorry to reopen that door…"
"No, it's okay, don't be sorry," he said, and he rested his forehead against hers. "It's not a bad thing. I'm not scared of you loving me...or me loving you. I just...I still need to get there."
"I know," she replied, "I'm not quite there either myself. And that's okay. That's why I said falling. We'll find our way there on our own time. It's just...no one has ever told me something like that before, Trent. No is enough. It's never really been enough for the people in my life. Dennis always saw no as a challenge, or an insult. But you...respect me. You really do. It isn't bullshit and it isn't hollow politeness, it's real. I've never felt respected before, and it feels...amazing. There's a million reasons I'm falling for you, but that's a big one."
He gave her a tight hug, and then they both paused as they heard rustling coming from elsewhere in the second story, followed by, "Argh...bullshit!"
"Mae's up," Trent murmured. Then both of them laughed. "I should go check on her."
"Let me know if you need, uh...backup," Ann replied. "I'm gonna do some editing."
"Awesome, and appreciated."
They shared a kiss and he left his office and headed into the bedroom, where he found Mae laying on her back in the center of the bed, arms spread out to either side of her, staring blearily up at the ceiling.
"You okay, love?" he asked.
"No," she groaned.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm awake. Headache," she grumbled. "Shitty waking-up feelings...uh, how are you?"
"I'm good...okay, well, I'm actually burned out right now and feeling shitty, but-"
"Oh fuck, is that my fault? I'm sorry I was a fucking cave troll for the past three days."
"It isn't your fault, Mae. I'm just stressing about writing stuff, is all. Ann convinced me that I need to just take a break, and…"
"And?" she asked, raising her head to stare at him.
"There's been something I've been meaning to ask you about."
"Shoot," she replied.
"Will you show me your room?"
"Oh." She laid her head back down and stared at the ceiling for a moment more. "You'll think I'm a loser."
He sighed. "Mae, holy shit, what part of 'I love you so much' do you not understand? That's not conditional, you know." He paused. "Okay, I mean, it does have conditions. Like 'don't fuck me over' and 'don't be outright evil', but it's just obvious stuff."
"My room's so fucking messy, but...ugh, okay, fine. I mean, I have to show you anyway because I was gonna ask you something too."
"Which is?"
"Can we make it, like, official, that I live here? I feel like we never talked about it, it just sorta happened? Do I live here now? I mean basically I do, right?"
"Yeah, basically you do, you haven't slept at your parent's house since we first fucked."
She giggled. "Oh yeah! That's the other thing I wanted to do! Fuck me in my room! In my stupid futon!"
"Uh, yeah, I'll do that. Provided your parents aren't home. That's a line I won't cross," he said. "Too fucking weird."
"Yeah, too weird," she agreed. "But...shit, what time is it?"
"Around three."
"Okay. By the time I'm actually ready, my mom should be gone, and we can finish up before my dad gets home...I'll need a minute, but will you take a shower with me? Even if you don't need one?" she asked, reaching out and running her fingers across his hand.
"Yes," he replied.
"Okay...how's Selmers?"
"She's good."
Mae smiled. "Good."
She laid around chatting with him about random stuff, a dream she had, some of the stuff she wanted to do, asking about his work. Finally, she got up and went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth and did the other stuff to help wake up. Finally, she called him and he joined her in the shower. She looked remorseful, though.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"I'm really sorry about being so, uh, nonsocial the past few days. I feel bad, like I was neglecting you and Selma. God, I neglected everyone to be honest. I could barely even respond over IM. But I just couldn't."
"Don't be sorry," Trent replied. He wrapped his arms around her and she immediately squeezed him against herself. "You needed time to recharge your brain. Honestly, that's what I need right now."
"Oh...do you need to be alone?" she asked.
"No, I think I need the opposite. I've just been in my office, researching stuff on self publishing and I need to get out and do stuff with you. Ann, however, would like to remain inside. She's also still recharging in her own way."
"Okay then! We can do stuff! I really wanna get back out, too. But first…"
"Your room," he said. "And we can move your stuff over here, then do stuff."
She giggled. "Yes. Stuff."
Fifteen minutes later, they were coming downstairs, freshly washed and dressed.
"You two look sharp," Ann said.
"Thanks," Mae murmured after hesitating for a few seconds. Trent really wanted to comment on that, because that was progress. She'd actually taken a compliment, but he didn't want to stress her out about it, so he just held his peace. "Uh, you got any weed in your pipe?"
"I do," she replied, patting the sofa next to her. "Got another headache?"
"Yeah. It's better than it was when I first woke up but it still sucks," Mae replied.
"Okay. I just packed it again recently. Here…"
Trent sat beside Mae and watched as Ann lit up and puffed, then passed it to Mae, who pulled on it a few times. She closed her eyes and just sat there, holding it for a moment. "I don't know if it's, like, psychosomatic or whatever that this stuff just instantly starts making me feel better, but I don't really care. It's nice. Ugh, I just need to not do it like all the time."
"You've been good about it so far," Ann replied.
"You want some?" Mae asked, looking at Trent.
"I think I'll pass. If your mom is still around I want my mental faculties present and accounted for, and I'll get my proper high in your bed."
"Futon," she said.
"You guys gonna do it over at your parent's place?" Ann asked, smirking.
"Yep. Hard," Mae replied. She leaped to her feet suddenly. "Okay, let's do this!" She turned and gave Ann a quick kiss and a hug. "Bye, Selma! See you when we get back!"
"Have fun you two," Ann replied.
Trent gave her his own hug and kiss, and then moved to follow Mae.
"Okay, so like...don't laugh, or anything," Mae said as they stood at the top of the stairs.
"I won't," Trent replied. "Come on, you know I won't."
"I guess so. Trusting you is hard," she said, then looked back at him again. "Sorry, not like, you're hard to trust, it's just hard for me to trust."
"I get it."
"...thanks. All right, let's just do it."
She opened the door and they walked inside. Trent prepared himself for the worst. He'd seen some pretty terrible bedrooms back where he'd moved from, and of course there was no end to awful living conditions people paraded around online. But honestly, Mae's room wasn't that bad. Kind of messy, kind of disorganized, but it wasn't the disaster zone that she'd been making it out to be ever since they'd first met.
Mae walked to the center of the room and just kind of stood there while he looked around, like she was waiting for him to pass judgment.
He saw a mirror to his right, marred in one place by a constellation of seemingly random stickers. There was a Witchdagger poster partially behind it. And then the futon farther along, set beneath a circular window surrounded by a collection of photographs, postcards, stickers, and other stuff stuck to the wall at random. There was a lamp, a little wastebasket that was full of paper, a nightstand with a partially open box on it.
And a lot more boxes took up the left side of the room. The only actual pieces of furniture over there being a desk cluttered with stuff and a computer chair.
"Well? Come on, say something," she said.
"I mean...I think it's pretty cool you live in the attic," he replied as he walked over to the futon and looked out the window.
"Seriously? Cool?"
"Yeah. It's cool. I don't know, it's like...unique. I feel like a lot of people live in basements or attics in movies and books, but mostly real people don't. But you've got your own little space up here, sort of tucked away from everything."
"I guess I do...or did," she murmured, looking around slowly. "It feels safe up here."
"You still have it, Mae. I mean if you wanted we could try to split our time between here and my place?"
"You'd really do that for me?" she asked.
He looked reproachfully at the futon. "I mean, I'd try. But I'll be honest, I really like sleeping in that bed…"
She laughed. "Don't worry. This is why I'm doing this, moving to your place. And honestly, I do have a lot of good memories in this room, but...sometimes it felt a little like a prison. Or maybe that's just my fucked-up brain interpreting it. But I guess I really want to have sex with you in this room, on my futon, as sort of like a 'fuck you' to...loneliness. I spent a lot of time being lonely in here. I really started thinking I was going to be one of those forever alones in the past year. I felt really broken, like no one was going to want me. And all of that...I don't know, man. There's a lot of places and thoughts and feelings and stuff thrown into that loneliness stew, but for some reason I keep coming back to laying here in my futon at night, staring at nothing, just waiting for time to pass, letting the cold emptiness of isolation wash over me…"
She sighed heavily. "I'm being dramatic, but I always thought to myself, as kind of a pushing back against those times, 'I'm gonna date someone fucking awesome and I'm going to fuck them right here in this futon and it's going to be so amazing'."
Trent moved forward and joined her in the center of her bedroom, hugging her. "I'm sorry you felt that, I like your room, and I will absolutely help you with this."
She laughed, hugging him back, squeezing him. "You're really helpful."
"I try to be."
"Good." She released him suddenly. "Now take off all your clothes." And then she stepped around him and moved back to the door, which she shut and locked. "Come on, hurry! I don't know if my mom might come back for some reason and or if my dad might get off early."
"Hopefully I don't get off early," Trent replied as he pulled his shirt off.
Mae laughed loudly. "That was lame."
"You laughed."
"Whatever loser."
"Get your tits out," he replied, rolling his eyes.
"Oh yes sir," she said, rolling hers right back.
As they took off their clothes, Trent was glad that she seemed more comfortable with it now. There wasn't really much hesitation on her part as her shirt came off, then her undershirt, her pants. It was good to see, to experience, that bit of comfort and trust. And he realized that he felt the same way around her at this point.
Now he just had to get there with Ann and Bea.
He mostly felt comfortable with Ann, but Bea just...she was still intimidating.
"Come on, fuck me senseless," Mae said as she grabbed his wrist and flopped back onto the futon while pulling him down with her.
That was exactly what he did, his arousal ramping up intensely as he came in contact with her curvaceous, wonderful body.
They kissed and caressed, and Trent let himself fall into her. Being in her room, surrounded by her things, ensnared by her scent and what seemed to be her very essence was enthralling and captivating on a level he wasn't sure he had reached yet.
It was painfully obvious to him now that Mae was the first woman he had ever loved, truly loved. It felt radical and dangerous and way too soon, but it also felt so right. It felt right in a way nothing ever had before.
He pleasured her and was pleasured by her, the two of them embracing frantically on her futon. Going and going, losing themselves in each other as they made love. Their pace went from frantic to furious and Trent became aware of a groaning sound that wasn't coming from either of them. And then he noticed that the futon was rocking a lot more than it had been initially.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD YES! DON'T FUCKING STOP!" Mae screamed. "Trent, I'm going to-oh fuck I'm going to-AH!" she cried as something wooden snapped and gave and both of them were tossed down violently as the futon broke beneath them. They both shouted in shock as they were thrown off of it, as only one half had broken and now the whole thing sat at an angle. They ended up switched, with Mae on top of him, him somehow still inside of her. Both of them stared at each other with wide, surprised eyes, laying in stunned silence for a few seconds, and then they started laughing. That laughter soon returned to pleasured moans as Mae got into a better position and began to ride him, resuming their sex.
She went until both of them had achieved orgasm.
When they were done, she grabbed her blanket and pulled it atop them where they lay in the middle of her room.
"That felt right," she murmured, then giggled.
"Right?" he asked.
"Yeah. I don't know. Like perfect." She looked over him at the ruined futon. "Mom's gonna be so pissed, though."
"What will you tell her?" he asked.
"That I tripped and fell into it and it finally gave up the ghost. Given how clumsy I am, she will absolutely believe it."
"Okay." He looked around. "So, you wanna start packing?"
"Actually, no. We've got a few hours of daylight left. Let's clean up and take a walk around town. I want to see Bea. I miss her a lot."
"I do too, and I know she misses us," he replied. "So you wanna go see Bea and then after pack up the stuff and move?"
"Yes," she said. "Come on."