Whiplash

I stand in the same place for a few minutes, staring at the empty air left in Aro's wake. The trail of his fingers on my skin burns, the coolness of his touch did nothing to soothe what his memory brings.

He touched me, and I responded. Does he think I do not feel this - this connection? I cannot deny the pulsing thread between us. And there is no denying the attraction either. On both our ends.

How could he know what you are feeling if you do not tell him?

His emotions give me whiplash; from anger and frustration to tenderness and dejection. And I can't scrub the image of his sad departure from my mind. He seemed so… defeated. Worry sprouts like wildflowers in my heart. Have I hurt him?

I know I shouldn't care. I should just let it be, let him leave. But my heart can't take it. What has become of me? Where is my resolve?

"Oh." My feet move before my decision is fully made, and I follow Aro's path out the door. Jane is positioned outside, her eyes sparkling when she sees me.

"Hello Bella," she chirps.

I turn my head from side to side, looking for any sight of him. When I don't see him, I turn to the girl I consider a friend.

"Jane. Do you know where he went?"

"He left in the direction of his study but I'm not certain." Her brows furrow. "He looked upset so he may have left."

"Thank you. I'll check the study first."

~~AB~~

It takes only a few minutes to reach his study and when I arrive I find the door shut. Candlelight flickers, glowing through the crack below the door. He must be here.

I knock softly and wrap his cloak tightly around my shoulders while I wait. There is no verbal response. As the seconds tick by, I begin to think that he might be elsewhere, but then the door opens and he is there. He looks more disheveled than the man I saw minutes before, hair in disarray. The light from the fireplace glows behind him, the only light in the room. It casts a warm light on his skin, the top of his chest peeking out through his half-buttoned shirt.

I step toward him, shutting the door behind me as I enter. He doesn't say anything, just watches me as I move to him.

Standing before him, I take in the man that has haunted my dreams since the day we met. Purple bags are forming under his eyes; he looks tired. I didn't notice them earlier, but now I do. I bring my hand to his cheek and brush my thumb under his eye.

"You look tired… I thought vampires had no use for sleep."

Aro turns his head and kisses the palm of my hand so reverently I almost swoon. His voice is just a whisper when he responds. "No, we do not sleep. I'm… thirsty."

"Oh." I scrunch my nose at the thought. I do not envy those that must drink blood to survive. The very idea makes my stomach churn. "Will you be alright?"

"I will feed tomorrow, Isabella. Don't fret."

"Are you sure?" I brush my thumb against his skin again. "Why don't you feed from me?"

"Cara mia, I would not dream of risking you so." He is frowning now and for a second I think he might pull away, but neither of us seems willing to lose contact with the other.

"But you are thirsty."

"And it can wait until tomorrow…" There is a pause and a slight laugh. "Do you have any self-preservation?"

"Not an ounce." I can't help but grin.

I wish he would do it. I hate seeing him look so tired. Though, I guess the alternative is likely murder. His drinking from me sounds even more appealing now that I think of it. How easy he has worked his way under my skin; how easy he makes me lose my inhibition.

"The offer remains on the table should you change your mind."

"Thank you, tesoro," he whispers, taking hold of my hand and kissing the back of it. And then his long fingers grasp mine and he brings my wrist up to his nose. Our eyes meet and my heart whirs with anticipation. The tenderness of his touch is not lost on me.

"Do you understand how dangerous your offer is, sweet one?" A whisper, but not without its edge.

I start to shake my head. "I-"

"You smell divine. Like nectar and freesias. Your blood is the honey of the gods." His lips meet the skin of my wrist. "You cannot offer this to anyone. They may not be as cautious with your life as myself."

I'm melting like butter as I watch him place one more kiss on my wrist before he releases it. My arm falls back to my side.

"And why are you so cautious with my life?" I press, hoping that Aro will finally tell me what I already know.

He doesn't meet my eyes when he says. "Because you are of great use to me."

That doesn't sound right and we both know it isn't the truth. I'm almost upset at his choice of words.

"So you mean to use me then?" I step toward him, our chests almost touching now. "Am I just a soldier, a pawn to you?"

His eyes flash open, crimson darkening into black. I may have hit a nerve.

"What are you asking me?"

"Why are you trying to be so cautious with me?" I put my hand on his chest, hoping that physical contact will calm him down.

A frustrated growl emits from my mate.

"What do you want from me?"

"The truth."

"Don't call me a liar," he warns, eyes flashing with anger. As if bitten, I jerk back.

"I said no such thing." And I can't help but scoff. "But you are withholding information from me."

I turn to leave. "If you won't be honest with me, if you're going to continue with these displays of anger, I do not wish to see you… I'll see myself out. Good night, Master Aro."

I don't dare look back at him as I leave the room, shutting the door behind me. It would be impossible to miss the sound of crashing furniture in my wake.

~~AB~~

"There will be a ball this weekend," Jane announces as she walks into the library.

"In five days?"

"Four. Come." She gestures for me to follow her, so I do. "Master Aro believes you will be a great help with the planning."

I stop in my tracks, confused as to why he thinks I am a good person for this. I don't appreciate him signing me up for things without discussing them with me first. Especially when I haven't seen him in days... "I don't know, Jane… I've never even been to a ball."

Jane smirks. "Precisely why I'm here."

I follow Jane out of the library and into the hall. She is leading me in the direction of the throne room, but I am not certain that is where we are headed.

"The theme is a starry night," she says and quickly fills me in on what will need to get done. Decorations, music, food for the human. There are a lot of choices that need to be made.

We end our trek in a small workroom. In the center is a table with various items scattered on top of it; fabric, candelabras, and glass decorations. I sit down at the table with Jane and we begin the preparations. I am so far out of my element, it's intimidating. But Jane is patient with me and eager to guide me through the decisions.

After some time like this, I grow tired and lean back in my seat. Eager to talk about anything other than decorations, I turn the topic onto the ball itself.

"Who will accompany you on Saturday?"

"Alec. Neither of us is mated and I'd rather go with my brother than another member of the guard," she explains.

"Do you have a gown?"

Jane nods, folding together the fabric on the table. "Yes. And I can't wait to wear it. I believe yours will be ready tomorrow afternoon."

"Mine?"

"Heidi asked Mary to make you one for the ball as well."

"Oh, well that's good," I breathe, relieved there isn't another thing I need to get done.

We spend the rest of the day hammering out details and choosing color palettes. And when I find myself falling asleep at the table, Jane kindly nudges me awake and escorts me back to my rooms.

I fall asleep dreaming of balls and Aro.

~AB~

The next few days pass in the same manner. Aro does not visit me and Jane and I continue our planning.

I miss him… It's strange, missing someone you barely know. But since we met, I have not gone so long without seeing Aro and if the ache in my chest is any indicator of what he is feeling, I worry for him. My thoughts drift to him more and more as the days pass on until he is all I can think about.

I want Aro to come clean, but he hasn't. He hasn't even brought the topic up save hinting around it with declarations of possession and protection. Trying to pry the information out of him turned into a nightmare. Maybe Heidi is right. Maybe I need to talk to him. To tell him that I know. There is something between us, something profound, something I've never experienced before. The ball would be a good time to talk with him. If I can pin him down…

Even though the past few days have been quite busy, I've tried to seek out Aro in my free time. Unfortunately, he has not been around. I tried his study, the throne room, and even the garden every day for the past few days, but there was no raven-haired vampire in sight. He must have taken my declaration quite seriously.

In his absence, I find myself in a predicament. While I doubted Aro would personally ask me to accompany him to the ball, some part of me still held out hope. But with the event coming tomorrow, my hope is shot and I've resigned myself to the fact that I will be attending the event on my own.

And when another day passes without a word from him, I retreat into my room and seek out that old worn journal - determined to lose myself in something else before Aro takes over my dreams again.

I returned from my visit to Egypt a fortnight ago and - against my better judgment - went to check in on my friends. I tried to resist the urge of their blood, but when Cauis' heartbeat picked up, I pounced. Marcus tried to tear me off of Caius but it only resulted in him receiving a bite as well. When the screaming started, my bloodlust cleared but the damage was already done. I couldn't save them from this life.

I have doomed my friends, my brothers to this terrible fate of mine, all because I missed them too much to stay away. I should have left them alone, left them to think me dead.

But it is too late now.

The change lasted three days. When my brothers awoke, they were livid with me. They were furious that I attacked them and turned them into one of my kind. A bloodsucking demon.

We've set up home in a cave not far from Athens. Venturing out only for fresh blood from passing travelers. And my brothers seem to be warming up to this new life. Once they realized that there were benefits to this curse, they weren't so angry with me.

I did not plan to damn another to this existence but events did not turn out in my favor. Nonetheless, I am grateful that I will not have to endure this life without companions. Without my friends. From this and only this, do I have hope for the future.

When I finish the entry, I have to read it over again to make sure it isn't my imagination. Because it is not possible that this journal could belong to him. The thought is preposterous. But if it doesn't belong to him, then the similarities in names and obvious vampirism are too much of a coincidence.

It must be his.

How could that old lady have a personal possession of Aro's and give it to me of all people? She must have known somehow… Maybe it's magic. I laugh at the thought, turning over the journal in my hands. It looks worn, but if it's as old as Aro is, how did it even survive the test of time?

I need to visit the old woman next time I'm able to get out of the palace and thank her for giving this to me. Maybe she can answer some of the questions I have about how this came into her possession. I never expected to have an opportunity to peer into his thoughts. For a brief moment, I wonder if he would consider this a breach of privacy, but I quickly brush off the thought. He obviously lost this some time ago. If he finds it in my possession maybe he will be happy to see it again.

Unable to keep myself from glancing into his head, I turn to the next page and then the next until I'm completely engulfed in his writings. I read about his time with his brothers during their early years, the establishment of the coven, the collection of gifted guard members, and the rivalry between them and the former rulers of the vampire world, the Romanian Coven. Aro, Marcus, and Caius led their guard to the Romanian's fortress and overthrew the rulers in quite a terrible display of gore and wit. They killed eight of the coven leaders, while two escaped.

Aro didn't write much after the defeat of the Romanians, but there is one entry that makes my heart cry out for him.

It's been some time since I last wrote. But now, faced with a world without my sister, I find myself drawn to these pages once again. How are we to continue now that the light has left? My sister is gone - ash in the wind. The only light in my life, smothered by filth. And what of my brother? What will he do now?

We've already saved him from ending his own life once before. How is he supposed to go on? The agony he feels, I've seen nothing like it before, never felt it for myself - not in my own soul. Her loss has completely torn him apart. He has no desire to stay on this earth any longer, and I can't say that I blame him. To have found your soul in another only to be torn apart forever is worse than death.

We had to strengthen our bonds with Marcus to keep him here. Thank the gods for Chelsea and her blessed gift. I cannot bear the thought of losing him too.

Oh, Didyme. I miss her desperately. My sister was supposed to stay with us until the end of time but now she is gone. Everything feels so hopeless now. But we must continue on, for her, for the sake of our kind. Her death will not be in vain.

We will keep him safe for you, Didyme. We will keep him well...

When I finish the short entry, I read through it again. My eyes are burning with sadness for Aro and even more so for Marcus. I've seen such agony in my father after we lost my mother. If the mating bond is as strong as I have been told, it's a mystery to me how Marcus is still here.

When will she come? I can't continue alone like this.

Centuries have passed, millennia, and still nothing, no one. There hasn't even been a hint of her existence. What wrongs did I commit in my life that warrant such a punishment? Is my soul forever lost with no one to guide it?

I have to remind myself to be grateful regardless. At least I did not lose her. How can you lose what you have not found to begin with? I'm reminded when I see the face of my brother that there are worse things than not finding your mate.

Death is permanent…

Maybe she just doesn't exist. I hope that is not the case.

How alone he must have felt all these years. The thought stabs at my heart. How must it feel to walk the earth alone for so long, without a loving embrace, a person to call home? I am still young, only recently of marrying age and have had little time to be alone. I had my parents.

I close the journal carefully and tuck it back into my bag. It feels like an invasion of privacy to continue reading. I should return this to him, after all, he must have lost it some time ago. The entries are ancient.

But I don't have the energy to seek him out again. Not with all the work Jane and I have put into the event the last few days. I'm exhausted.

No, returning this to him will have to wait. Especially if he's avoiding me.