Another chapter. I'm sorry that it took me so long to write it, but my life's keeping me quite busy at the moment. And I had to decide where I want to go with this story again. This chapter was very intense to write and I can't wait to hear your thoughts about it! Please let me know, that would be awesome!

The song to this chapter is 'There I Said It' by Adam Lambert.

I don't own the characters or places!

Tony

Everything was quiet when I got out of the car, except for the sound of the wind and the soft rustle of the grass, mixed with the distant sound of waves crashing against the cliffs. The air was warm, but that was no surprise for late spring here in Malibu. It was strange, being in such a quiet place after spending months in different cities and on the road. The only quiet moments I got were the times Pepper and I drove to the countryside to go hiking, but that didn't happen very often in the past year.

I looked at the house in front of me thoughtfully and despite the warm wind I shivered. Maybe this was one of the reasons why I'd always preferred living in the middle of big cities. Because it had always been so quiet here, with no other houses around, the wind and the ocean being the only constant noises...

I'd always run away from the ghosts of the past, I knew that. And it had worked, for a long time. Now that it didn't work anymore, I kept asking myself it had been such a good idea after all. All this time running away from my problems. From who I was. From where I came from.

Because no matter how hard I kept denying it, this was a part of me. This house where such terrible things happened. My father with his company. All the money he left me, gained by creating so much sorrow in this world.

I wouldn't say that I should change anything about the past. After all, every decision I made led me to where I was now. It led me to her. But maybe dealing with everything in a different way would have made some things a little easier...

I sighed loudly, though no one was there to hear it. I knew that it wasn't good to dwell on the past, but in this moment, I couldn't help it. I was standing in front of the house which still kept haunting me in my dreams at times, even decades later. The house where I'd experienced one of the worst days in my entire life. It wasn't on top of the list anymore, but the day was still among the top ten. There were other things which were haunting me now more often, things even worse.

I glanced at the key in my hand. Obadiah had handed it to me once we arrived in LA. I'd nearly hesitated before taking it, but then I'd forced myself to keep going. To take the last part of the legacy I never wanted. I'd changed the company into something good. Maybe I could do the same with this house. And who knew, maybe we would really be living here one day. Pepper and me, finally together.

After breathing in deeply, I made my way to the door and opened it. Obadiah had told me that the house had been empty for nearly a year now, ever since my father had to go to the hospital. It didn't help to lessen my anxiety when I first stepped in, though. When the far too familiar smell hit me, I automatically closed my eyes, trying to fight the memories of all the times I'd been in here, the good ones as well as the bad. For a moment, I wasn't sure why on earth I'd decided to come here alone, without anyone to support me.

But then I shook my head, breathing in once more. And again. And again. This was my burden to take and no one else's. I had to do this alone, there was no other way. Slowly, I opened my eyes again and took another step into the house. What I saw there made me freeze.

It still looked exactly the same. Even if so many years had passed, nothing had changed. It looked like the house had been frozen in time. The furniture, all those pictures on the walls... They'd all been chosen by my mother a lifetime ago. The key I'd still been holding in my hand fell to the ground, but I made no attempt to pick it up.

Instead, I moved to one of the photographs slowly, one that stood on the cupboard right next to the entrance door. It was the first place every guest would have a look at. The picture was old, that couldn't be missed. The colours had faded with time, but the image was still as clear as back when I'd still been a child. The photograph showed us, as a family. My parents and me. I was standing in the middle, smiling at the camera. Just like my parents were. They were holding hands and my mother looked so happy... As did my father.

I remembered this day. The photograph had been taken on the beach, not too far away from this house. Obadiah had been with us and played with me in the sand, ignoring that my mother scolded both of us for getting our clothes dirty... It had been one of the good days. They had already been far too rare back then.

I stepped away from the picture quickly, grabbed the key and walked towards the big living area in the centre of the house with big steps. The light of the sun was shining through all the big windows, allowing a perfect view of the sunset and bathing the room in a soft, orange light. I only scanned the room once with my eyes, not surprised that it also looked exactly the same in here. I'd always hated this room, because this was where my father did all his drinking. This had also been where...

I turned around, walking towards the kitchen. To my surprise, it was new. Modern, white and shiny. Something my mother would have surely hated. The bathroom was also new, but those were the only rooms in the house. I didn't go upstairs, knowing that I couldn't stand to have a look at that. The room of my parents. My old room. My mother's working room... Too many memories would come back to me. So instead, I made my way downstairs to where the laboratory of my father had been once.

I remembered it as a very big and dusty room right next to the garage of the house. My father had loved collecting old and fancy cars. I'd rarely visited his lab, feeling uncomfortable around all the weapons he was constantly building. Even back then I'd hated what my father was doing. Just like my mother, even if she would have never admitted it.

In my mind, I was already moving through the dark room with the cold, black floor and all the dusty tables, looking at all those things which had scared me as a child. There had also been pictures on the walls, but not of the nice kind. They'd reminded me of war and destruction... One of them even showed a new weapon my father had created. I never understood why he would like to be constantly reminded of such things.

I was so lost in thoughts about all this that I didn't even notice the big glass door that separated the lab from the rest of the house until I nearly ran into it. I cursed, my voice echoing through the stairwell. Then I looked through the glass and... I froze once more. This time, however, it wasn't because of old memories.

Behind the glass was a room that was completely different from the one I remembered. When it had been dark and cold in my thoughts, it was bright and warm now. I reached for the door handle slowly and only hesitated for half a second before I opened it.

The smell in the lab was still the same as in the rest of the house, but it was weaker here and mixed with the scent of machine oils and new cars. Or at least that's what I thought in the first moment. Because after a few steps into the room, I noticed that indeed everything in here was new. The floor, the white walls, all the tables, the chairs, the objects on the tables... There were even two brand new cars standing in the garage at the other end of the room.

I turned around slowly, taking in everything with surprise. This wasn't the room I remembered. This lab was so... I didn't even know how to describe it. While I walked around, I noticed something else. Nothing in here seemed to be used. It was all brand new. So why on earth would my father change the lab if he didn't even use it anymore...? Or did he get sick before he got a chance to do so?

I remembered that he'd been sick for a long time by now and it only got worse last year. In here, everything was so new that I doubted it could be more than one year old. There wasn't even that much dust anywhere.

So what was this all about?

Also the new cars. I knew that my father loved having the best cars around, but those didn't look like something he'd buy. Sports cars in bright red, something that would be very fun to drive. My father had preferred something comfortable. Also fast, but not like this. These cars here rather looked like the ones I would choose –

No. At that thought, I shook my head. This couldn't be true. He hated me. The man I knew would never give a second thought to others. He'd always done what he wanted and nothing else. It had always been about him.

So what was this all about then? Because one thing was for sure. He couldn't have done it for himself. Or he'd overestimated his strength, thinking that he might recover again... But I'd read the records from the hospital. My father had known that he was going to die for a long time. It had just been a matter of time.

I wasn't sure why, but I'd hesitated to go to the big working table in the middle of the lab. Back when it had still been this old, dark room that's where my father could always be found. This was where he'd invented the first weapons and most probably also the last ones. This table had been sacred to him. Just that it wasn't there anymore.

In that place stood a shiny new table with a very comfortable looking chair. There was also a computer installed and just from looking at it I already knew that this one had been very expensive. It was one of the best things you could buy with money.

Something next to the big screen caught my attention and I reached out with my hand, but stopped within the movement. It was a picture frame. And the photograph showed two people. My mother and me, years after the other photograph in the hallway upstairs had been taken. This had been taken only weeks before everything fell apart. We both looked happy. There was excitement on both our faces and I knew exactly why. I'd just announced that I would go to Boston to study. My mother had been so happy for me...

There was another picture next to that, one that made me frown. It showed me, but not as a teenager. No, on this one I was much older. I remembered the day it was taken for an article about Stark Industries in one of the newspapers in New York, maybe three years ago. Not a big newspaper, though. One that wasn't read by many people. I wondered how my father found this, considering that the paper was only sold in New York.

This time, I reached for the picture and took it, wanting to have a closer look at it. It was indeed from a newspaper, even through the glass I could see the structure of the paper. I just wanted to put it back in its place when something fell onto the table. Most probably, it had been tucked into the frame from behind...

It was an envelope. I took it hesitantly, noticing that it was still closed. So whatever was in there hadn't been read yet. I turned it around, curious to see to whom it was addressed... and dropped it onto the table.

Tony Stark.

The handwriting was unmistakable. Even after all those years, I recognized it. It wasn't as neat anymore as it was back then, but it belonged to my father, there was no doubt of it.

I stared at the envelope, too shocked to do anything. Why would he leave me a letter? Especially one that was hidden behind a photograph of me? If I wouldn't have been curious about the picture, I would have never found it. But maybe he knew that you would be surprised to find a photograph of yourself here? a voice inside my head whispered. Maybe he knew that you couldn't resist having a closer look at it. I decided to ignore that thought. After all, my father didn't even know that I would come to this house again. After everything that happened, I could have also just had it torn down.

For a moment, I considered just throwing away the envelope and pretending that this never happened. That there never was a letter for me from one of the people I hated most in this world. I could burn it and except for me no one would even know that it existed...

But then my curiosity won and I took the envelope once more, hesitating only a few more seconds before I opened it. My father had left me a letter. He wanted to tell me something. He knew that I would come here and see all this. The new lab. The cars. I just had to know what this was all about.

The paper was expensive, that was for sure. As well as the ink he'd used to write the letter. A bright shade of blue, the colour my mother had always liked so much. Somehow, this felt like a slap in the face. His handwriting looked rushed, as if he'd written the letter in a hurry. Or was his hand shaking? I wasn't so sure. After taking another deep breath, I ignored my trembling hands and began to read.

My dear Anthony,

after considering how to begin this letter for days now, I have decided that it would be best to do it with honesty. I have been following your path for years now and I always wanted to tell you that I am very proud of you. You have done great things up to now and I am sure you will achieve even greater ones in the future.

My son, I am sorry for what happened all those years ago. I know you will not believe me, but it is true. There has not been a single day in which I did not miss you and your mother. I regret deeply what happened on that day and have wished that I could change the past for many years. I did not dare to contact you again, knowing how much all my actions have hurt you. I hope you can forgive me one day.

I am sure that my illness has finally won when you read this letter. I do not regret having to leave this world. If anything, it will make the world better. I know that no one will miss me, you least of all. Do not feel guilty for this, you have every right to despise me.

Once my death sentence was spoken and I knew that I had only a few years left to live, I began to think very much. I regret almost everything I did in my life. But there is one thing I could never regret. And that is you, my son. Even if I could only watch you become the man you are now from the distance, I was always proud to be your father.

Since you found this letter, you must have noticed the changes I made in the laboratory. This is all for you, Tony. I want you to build your own future, one you could never regret. Take this as my last attempt to do something for you. Leave the security company behind, begin to invent new things and change the world. I know that this has always been your dream. Make it come true!

While I am writing this letter, I can once more feel my body giving up on me. I know that I have only weeks left, maybe even days. I would have liked to speak to you again, but even while I write this, I know that there is not much hope for that. I have seen you on television, my son. The job you have taken will be a dangerous one, but I am sure that you can manage to keep her safe. From what I have seen, Ms. Potts is a very special woman. I also noticed the way you look at her, once you were both shown during a press conference. I hope you will find happiness in your future. Maybe even with her.

Again, I must tell you how incredibly sorry I am. Your mother would have also been proud of you. Soon, I will see her again. Hopefully, she can forgive me all that I have done wrong in the past. If you ever decide to forgive me, do not do it for me, my son. Do it for yourself, because only you know what can give you peace in this world.

Take care of yourself.

Howard Stark

After reading the letter, I stared at the paper in my hands for a long time. I wasn't sure what to think of all this. All those years, I have been telling myself that my father was nothing more than a criminal. Someone who deserved to be hated. After all, he'd killed my mother. I did hate him with all my heart and I knew that I could never forgive him for everything he'd done. Not to me, that was bearable. The pain had long ago faded. No, this was all about my mother. She'd loved him and he'd betrayed her in every way possible. She'd trusted him and he'd hurt her, over and over again. I could never forgive him for that.

However, all those things he wrote in this letter... Did he really change in his last years? Did the knowledge that he was going to die soon made him regret everything he'd done? It sounded like it. But anyway...

If you ever decide to forgive me, do not do it for me, my son. Do it for yourself. I kept staring at those words before I looked around in the lab once more. This time, I saw it differently, knowing that he'd done all this for me. Was this really his attempt to make up for everything that happened? Somehow, I didn't know what to think anymore.

I stood up without letting go of the letter and looked around. I could picture it, me working in here. Inventing new technologies to produce clean energy. Maybe even having JARVIS all over this house... I had to admit that I really liked this room. My eyes wandered to the pictures on the wall again and I chuckled. They showed superheroes and those were exactly the ones I'd loved in my childhood. There was the red, white and blue shield with the star in the middle. A logo of a secret organisation. The bow of an archer. A spider in its web. And, most importantly, the mask in red and gold, right in the middle of the wall.

But could I really live in this house again after everything that happened here? I knew it wouldn't be easy. Selling this place and pretending that it never existed would be much more comfortable. But somehow, alone the thought felt so wrong...

But would Pepper want to live here with me in the future? Or would the ghosts of this house bother her? I shook my head at that thought. She was so strong, I knew that she would rather worry about me than being bothered by any of this herself.

Very slowly, I made my way towards the cars in the back of the room and ran my hand over the red paint. The key was inside, the whole car only waiting to be used...

I sighed loudly and turned around once more. "You have a really bad sense of humour, dad." I said loudly. "Do you really think this is funny?" I held up the letter. "Do you really think you deserve my forgiveness?"

I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head. "I can never forgive you for what you did to her and I think you knew that." I looked at the paper in my hand once more. "But maybe I can try to forget. I've never been able to do that." I felt tears in my eyes and wiped them away impatiently.

I reached for my phone in my pocket. "JARVIS, make sure that someone throws away everything in this house. Except for the lab, that has to stay as it is right now."

"Of course, sir." JARVIS answered without hesitation. "Should the house be redecorated as well?"

"That would be awesome. Friendly, warm colours. Something Pepper will like. Modern furniture, but nothing too fancy. And make sure she gets an office upstairs."

"As you wish, sir."

I nodded to myself once this was settled. Then the realization that I'd just decided to keep the house hit me and I had to lean against the closest table. I didn't just decide to keep the house, I'd also said that the lab should stay this way. The way my father had planned it...

Breathing in deeply, I made up my mind. I would let it stay this way. No more running away from the past.

After looking around once more, I left the house again as fast as possible. Once the door shut behind me with a thud and I felt the warm wind on my skin, I felt like I could finally relax again. I sank down on the grass and closed my eyes. It was already getting dark here, but I needed a few more moments to collect myself.

Then I called Pepper.