First mate's log:

January 1, 1968

I'm not really sure what to resolve for the new year. Maybe I'll try to understand women better, or at least Ginger and Mary Ann, because they both confuse me in different ways. We don't get too many female visitors, so I don't have to worry about that at least.

Carol Martin's diary:

January 2, 1968

Well, Mike and I have talked to our respective children. It wasn't easy, but we wanted to do it while we're taking a winter break from school. Cindy was confused about marriage, since the only married couple she's really known is the Howells, who are older and have been married over twenty years. Jan's memories of her father have faded, since almost half her life has been on this island, but she likes Mike and wants me to be happy. I think it's going to be more of an adjustment for Marcia, who's going to be an adolescent in a couple years and is more aware of romance. (She's told me that she hopes Gilligan and Mary Ann get together some day, and I know she remembers seeing the Professor and Ginger kiss in our movie.) She's been conscious of my dating Mike and understands that I'm not "replacing" her father, and she does like Mike, but I think accepting my dating is different than accepting all the changes that a remarriage will bring, including having step-relatives.

Mike says Alice and the boys are very happy about the engagement, but I'm not sure he'd tell me if they had any objections, other than major ones. I'm not sure I'd tell him. In any case, we've agreed that we can tell the other castaways now. And, yes, I wish I could write to my parents and brother.

January 6, 1968

Wow, Mr. Martin and Mrs. Brady are engaged! I kind of thought they were dating last year but I didn't realize how serious it was. Mrs. Howell is very happy that we're going to have a real wedding, and the Skipper is nervous but excited about performing the ceremony, which won't be until next Christmas.

We're going to have an engagement party for them tonight. Ginger's going to sing, and Alice and Mary Ann are cooking up a storm. Yeah, I hope there aren't any real storms.

January 7, 1968

Oh my, our engagement party last night did not at all go as planned! The others are sincerely very happy for us, even the Professor, who I expected to be oblivious. And the party was lovely at first. The food, cooked by Alice and Mary Ann of course, was scrumptious, and Gilligan and the children did a fine job of decorating without too many mishaps. Ginger sang "I Wanna Be Loved By You" and was wonderful of course.

Unfortunately, Mary Ann tripped on a rock as she stood up to enthusiastically applaud Ginger, and she hit her head on the ground. I half expected her to lose her memory, and we've dealt with amnesia before. Instead she thinks she's Ginger!

Marcia heard her say, just before she fell, that she wishes she were Ginger Grant, so the Professor theorized that her injury has caused this "delusional psychological transference," since Mary Ann has always admired Ginger's talent. For once, I don't question his science, although I do question his cure. He thinks we should all humor her until he can teach her how to be herself again, which means that now Ginger has to pretend to be Mary Ann, brown ponytails (one of the wigs from the movie costumes) and gingham and all. I'm going to help her with her disguise, although I'm dubious about this of course.

Greg feels terribly guilty because it was his job to clear the clearing and he missed the rock that Mary Ann tripped on. No one blames him of course. I suppose Mike and I could blame ourselves for getting engaged, but I know it's just the bad luck of the island, and it's just good that Mary Ann wasn't seriously injured.

January 8, 1968

Poor Mary Ann, poor me! At the engagement party, she fell and hit her head on a rock. I helped her to her feet and asked if she was OK. She said she was fine but she didn't understand why I was calling her Mary Ann. She thinks she's Ginger!

And the Professor is making Ginger pretend to be Mary Ann, so "Ginger" won't wonder where "Mary Ann" is. So Ginger has to look and act like Mary Ann, who's doing her best to look and act like Ginger. Mary Ann isn't wearing a red wig, like Ginger's wearing a brown one, but she's got her hair in one of Ginger's sexy styles instead of her usual cute ponytails, and yesterday she was wearing Ginger's leopard-print sarong, cut down to her size, with her stomach, lower back, one shoulder, and one leg showing. Oo boy!

She wanted me to rehearse one of Ginger's scripts with her, a love scene! She even gave me a big smooch! I ran away but the Skipper ordered me to go back so I could distract her while Ginger was getting ready to "be Mary Ann." So I went back and put my head in Mary Ann's lap and let her kiss me. At first, I didn't like it, not because she's a bad kisser, but because the whole situation was so weird. I mean, she wasn't in her right mind, and I was sort of taking advantage of that, even if she was taking advantage of me.

But after a few minutes, I decided to just go with it, like the time we had to make Tongo, I mean Duke Williams, jealous. I felt guilty for enjoying it, especially since she was kissing me more like Ginger than herself, except for that one time she tried to cheer me up when I was feeling old. I kissed back until my neck hurt and her knees were tired. Then she tossed aside the script and we sat on the sand and kissed some more. We even necked! Wow, it was great! I know, I'm a terrible person.

I hope she doesn't remember this when she's herself again, but I also kind of hope she does remember and we can try it with her as herself instead of "Ginger." Even if she never wanted to neck with me before, maybe she will now, unless she hates me for using her. I'll apologize in any case, but I can't until she's cured.

We were out there for hours! Until it got dark and the full moon came up. We might've stayed all night if my stomach hadn't growled.

Mary Ann laughed like Ginger and said in a sultry voice, "Hungry, Gilligan?"

I gulped. "Yeah, a little. You?"

She batted Ginger's long fake eyelashes. "Starved," she whispered.

Then we kissed some more. I used all my willpower to pull away and say, "We should get back. Everyone will be wondering what happened to us."

She nodded and said, "I wonder what Alice and Mary Ann have made tonight."

I almost said, "I wonder what we've made tonight," but I just helped her to her feet and, um, brushed the sand off her back. Then she brushed me down and then gave me a quick hug. Then I took out a handkerchief and wiped off "Ginger's" lipstick from all over my face and neck, which made her smile.

Somehow we made it back to camp, where Alice's food was as good as ever, but "Mary Ann" made a fish pie with a whole fish in it!

At least Ginger is a good enough actress to imitate Mary Ann otherwise. I probably won't have to distract "Ginger" today, which is just as well. If I had to keep distracting her, I'd probably have to get engaged, and you know Hollywood marriages never last.

January 9, 1968

The children and Mrs. Howell are terribly confused, and I can't blame them. Not only is Ginger pretending to be Mary Ann because Mary Ann thinks she's Ginger (and doing as good an imitation as Eva Grubb did), but now Gilligan thinks he's Mary Ann! "Ginger" saw "Mary Ann" without the brown wig and fainted, so the Professor tried to hypnotize her to be Mary Ann, that is, herself, and instead hypnotized Gilligan.

Alice said, "I feel sorry for all three of them, Mrs. Martin, but this probably isn't how you pictured your engagement, is it?"

I sighed and said, "No, but I should know better after three and a half years on the island."

January 10, 1968

Well, things got even crazier yesterday. The Professor tried to hypnotize Mary Ann, but I was watching and I thought I was her! He cured me but he couldn't get through to "Ginger." So he suggested "Ginger" should perform for all of us, and then she'd get so nervous that she'd turn back into Mary Ann. It worked but she didn't remember anything about her time as Ginger. Not just her cutting Ginger's wardrobe down to fit herself (Ginger is going around in miniskirts now, very distracting), but necking with me, which I'm too much of a coward to tell her. I'm going to pretend it never happened, unless she finds out somehow. And I'll make sure to wash my handkerchief myself instead of throwing it in with the laundry.

January 11, 1968

Mary Ann is herself, after failing to perform onstage as Ginger. I do have to wonder about a private performance that she and her costar aren't talking about. Ginger says one of her scripts, for a romantic comedy, is missing, and I think "Ginger" chose Gilligan to rehearse with. If Mary Ann really thought she was Ginger, why didn't she flirt at all with the Professor? And why, when Gilligan was told to distract her for a couple hours while "Mary Ann" completed her transformation, did he keep "Ginger" out until well after dark? Not that I think this was a scheme cooked up by the two of them, at least not by Gilligan. But maybe Mary Ann is a better actress than I thought.