"So, which one of us is going to do this?" Ann asked.
"I'll do it," Trent said. Then paused. "Unless...you think you should? I never know if I'm stepping on toes, you and Bea knew her first…"
"It's fine, Trent. I don't particularly want to, I'm not that great with stuff like this. If you want to, then I will gladly step aside."
"Seriously? You're great with serious conversations. You're articulate, brave, up front about what you mean."
She sighed. "Yeah but I don't like doing it. I think you're better at it, you and Bea."
"If you say so. I don't particularly enjoy it either, but yeah, I'll do it." They pulled into the driveway and he killed the engine, but he sat there for a moment, hand still on the key. "Ann...thanks," he murmured. "For helping me with the...you know. Crying."
"You're welcome, Trent. I'm always here for you. I wanna be clear about that. If I'm sleeping, if I'm showering, if I'm editing, and you need to talk, tell me. I mean...I guess I'd not like to talk while I'm going to the bathroom…"
He laughed. "I get that. And I really appreciate that. And the same goes for you."
She smiled and gave him a kiss. "Good luck in there."
He nodded. "Yep."
They got out and headed inside. Bea was in the kitchen, making something. "Hey you two," she said, glancing over. "Have fun on your-Trent, have you been crying?"
"How in the fuck did you instantly pick up on that?" he asked.
"So you have been?" she asked. "Are you okay?"
He laughed softly. "I'm-yeah, I'm fine. Things just got a little heavy, I was talking about my family, it kinda caught me off guard. Don't worry, I'm okay. Like for real, I'm okay. I actually feel better."
"Oh...all right then."
"We've got a Jackie party coming up, I don't know if she told you," he said.
"She mentioned it, yeah. Just got the message while you were out. Huh."
"What?"
"Just...interesting, that you're as in on the loop as you are. Jackie keeps most people at arm's length, except for me and a few others. It just seems like you're up to my level now, and that's interesting. She must respect you."
"I guess so. We've had a few serious talks, and we're friends and she seems to like them."
"That's good. She needs more friends. Now, the problem is obvious: it's on Mae's birthday. And we already have a plan for Mae's birthday."
"Yeah, but I've already done a little research. The town it's in is closer, just about fifty minutes away, so not quite as much of a drive. I figure we can have the party, then hit the road and just be a bit late to it. I'm gonna talk with Mae about it. Is everything looking good? For the party here?"
"Yeah," Bea replied. "Got the last of her gifts in today. Got the food. I've sent out reminders to everyone and gotten a 'yes' back on most of them. Really, all we gotta do is prep the place on Saturday. Clean it and make food. And hide the weed and sex toys."
"I love my life now," Ann said.
"Same," Trent agreed. "I'm gonna go talk with Mae about the Jackie party...unless she's still busy." He walked over to the basement door. It was still closed with the sign up. He sighed and pulled out his phone, fired off a text. If she was filming, she wouldn't answer, but he thought there was a decent chance she was editing right now. Sure enough, she replied back that she was.
Wanna walk to the Snalcon with me?
He waited. There wasn't a response, but then he heard her footsteps on the stairs and then the door opened up.
"Yeah, I can do that," she said.
"Cool, let's have a walk," he replied.
She began to put her shoes on.
It was colder now.
The clouds had rolled in on the drive back, and with them they had brought a frigid air. It would rain tonight, he was almost certain.
"There's another Jackie party on Saturday," he said as they walked up their street.
"Oh really? Shit. That's on my birthday...maybe we can move the party…" Mae murmured. "Fuck."
"It's okay," he replied, "there should be time for both. Don't worry."
"Oh. All right."
They walked along in silence for several more minutes.
"Mae."
"Yeah? Uh-oh, is this a bad conversation? You've got a tone, and a look…"
"Not bad, really, just...a serious conversation."
"Oh jeez. Hit me with it."
"We're a little worried about your...emotional stability," he said.
She snorted. "Oh now you're worried about it? I have news for you."
"No, I mean-that's not what I mean, Mae. You seem kinda different. And I don't want you to freak out or anything. This is just a...I don't know, preliminary talking? It might be nothing. You just seem...grumpy. But not in the same way? It's a little hard to describe."
"Oh God...am I being an asshole?" she asked.
"A little," he said.
"Oh fuck…" she moaned.
"Just a little, Mae. And it could be nothing."
"Fuck, man. I'm not, like, abusing you am I? Or Ann? Or Bea?"
He stopped. "Mae, really, you aren't. Please, don't panic about this. No one's angry, no one feels abused. Remember when we said we were all going to keep a careful eye out for warning signs or personality drift?"
"Yeah," she murmured, looking up at him.
"This is just that, okay? I mean honestly, this was to be expected. Psych meds are trying to correct your brain, there's gonna be some side effects. Has there been anything you've noticed?" he asked.
"Nightmares," Mae replied. "I've started having nightmares. Like intense ones. It's weird, though, because they aren't scaring me? Like, I think while I'm actually having them, I'm scared, because, you know, they're nightmares, but when I wake up, I don't know, I just think they're kinda cool, because they're so vivid. I'm also feeling less tired. I'm getting nine to ten hours of sleep instead of like twelve to thirteen. And my headaches seem like less of a thing. But, like, that seems weird. How could they help my headaches?"
"Well, headaches can be brought on by stress alone. A lot of stuff can, actually," Trent replied.
"Huh. Yeah, I guess so. So, I mean, something's working, right?"
"Yeah, definitely."
"So what do we do?" she asked.
Now that she seemed calmer, they started walking again. "Keep doing what we've been doing. So far, nothing has happened to warrant a change in course," he replied. "But I just…" He paused. "I hope this doesn't seem, like, controlling or anything. Does it?"
"What? No. You're watching out for me, how could that be controlling?" Mae replied.
"A lot of things have been done under the guise of 'watching out' for people," he said. "That's how a lot of abusive relationships are. 'Don't do this, it's for your own good', or 'it's for your health', or whatever. 'I don't want you hanging out with so-and-so'. Always because 'I'm watching out for you', you know what I mean? I don't ever want that to be how our relationship is."
"Trent, my dude, don't worry. I know you aren't trying to, like, control me. You're really watching out for me, and, like, I really appreciate it. I'm literally mentally ill, you should be watching out for me." She paused. "I mean, like, not like you have to, but like it makes sense to. And, I mean, I can't really overstate how much I appreciate it. I told you in the very beginning I'm a handful, and I'm going to be someone's problem. You let me be your problem. Well, your's and Ann's and Bea's. But for real, you are a fucking A plus, gold star, number one boyfriend, okay? Don't ever think you're abusing me or controlling me when all you're doing is watching out for me."
"I appreciate that," he said, "it's just...I worry it might be a slippery slope, maybe? Like something we could start arguing about maybe. You want to do something, I don't think it's safe, you don't care, we get mad, we argue…"
"I see what you're saying, but I trust you. I mean, I trust you with my life. And I feel like I can say that more than most girls because of what we've been through together. I literally put my life in your hands a few times, and you did nothing but handle with care, you know? You're true blue, and I don't feel like that's gonna change. Whatever problems we have, we'll figure them out. I trust you enough and you're smart enough that we'll figure it out. Okay?"
"...yeah, okay. You're right." They walked on for a bit longer. "How's gaming going?"
"Playing through DOOM BFG Edition."
He laughed. "And how's that going?"
She sighed heavily. "You were right, it's...kinda lame. I was expecting a lot more polish. I mean I get it's the three sixty, not the one, but like...man, they just shat it out, huh?"
"They did."
"I just finished up the new campaign, where you're the Marine from Bravo Squad, the Lost Mission? It's kinda cool. It got surprisingly intense there at the end, with the Hell missions, so I guess that made it mostly worth it. But I thought there'd be more...but people are liking it. I'm surprised people are cool with watching me replay Doom 3 already, but they are, apparently. How are things going on your end?"
"Started the actual writing of Demontower Three. I'm kinda nervous now, to be honest. I think it's slowing me down a little. But maybe that might be a good thing. I've come up with some cool shit that I might not have if I'd gone at the same pace as before."
"How much have you written so far!? I wanna read," she replied. "I've already been reading Cyber Life."
"Oh wow, really? Shit," he muttered, chuckling awkwardly.
"What? Should I not have? I mean, you're posting it online…"
"No, it's fine, just...feels a little weird since it's so different. I didn't think you'd like it. It's totally cool if you read it," he replied. "I also thought it might be a little weird since I'm kinda writing about, like, you, me, and Bea."
"I think it's cool. And, I have to admit, it's, like...pretty awesome, getting to read what you think of me. I mean yeah, it's us, and it's from 'your' perspective, and you're so obviously putting your thoughts into it. It's just too...you, you know?"
"I guess so."
They came to the Snack Falcon and saw Gregg standing behind the counter, staring into his phone. He looked over as they came in.
"Whoa! I was just about to text you," he said. "And now you're here! This is awesome! I was so bored!"
"We've come to save you, dude!" Mae cried, rushing across the room and jumping up onto the counter.
Gregg laughed. "You know, I was just about to text you. We got something else in common now!"
"What, exactly?" Mae asked. She sat down heavily on the counter and then reached over the front, her hand groping blindly across the candy there. They had, at some point, added shelves to the front and loaded it with candy. She grabbed a chocolate bar and pulled it up. "I'mma pay for this, I swear," she said, opening it up. "Or maybe Trent will."
"Yeah, yeah, I'll get it. Go nuts, love of my life," he replied.
She giggled. "You've got three of those. Now what is it, Gregg!?"
"You and I both suck dick now!" he declared.
Mae started giggling, started to say something, then continued giggling. She set the candy bar down on the counter, then began laughing louder. She tried to say something again, then laughed even louder and rolled right off the counter. She landed on the floor with a heavy thud and began laughing wildly.
"Wow, Mae," Trent said.
"I think I broke her," Gregg said, peering over the counter at her.
She hugged herself and began rolling back and forth, laughing wildly.
After a good, long minute, she was gasping, then she took a deep breath and sighed heavily. "Whew, boy," she said. "I have no idea why that was so fucking funny but it just was. Falcon punched my funny bone." She giggled again, then reached up. "Toss me my candy bar, my arms are too short," she complained, unable to reach the countertop.
"Bombs away!" Gregg tossed it as requested.
"Ow! That was my face you dick!" She giggled again, then picked it up and started eating. "Oh man. I needed that...remember that time we threw knives at each other? That was so fucking stupid. And fun."
"Yeah. Man, that was nuts. Or the time we had that window-punching competition?"
"Before you complain," Mae said, with her mouth full, "it was an abandoned house."
"Totally abandoned," Gregg agreed.
Trent laughed. "That's still a really concerning thing. All of this is concerning. But whatever, it's in the past, you obviously survived."
"We are invincible!" Mae declared.
"And inevitable!" Gregg yelled.
Trent felt something twitch somewhere deep inside of him, watching the two of them as they kept talking, reminiscing on past times. He felt some strange kind of sadness descending over him almost like a gas or frigid air. He frowned and then walked over to the nearest rack, pretending to stare at the bags of chips. Something was wrong. He was thinking of Nick, and Shelly. Why? He hadn't thought about them in a long time. Why now?
He realized with a kind of social horror that he was on the verge of crying.
I am not doing this right now, he thought fiercely, struggling for control.
He couldn't find it. He started walking to the bathroom.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Mae asked. Fuck, she was still good at picking up on emotional stuff.
"I just gotta piss real bad, I'm fine," he replied, and disappeared into the bathroom.
He closed the door and then stepped up to the cracked mirror, blinking several times and wiping at his eyes. Why was this happening? Was it really because-
"Trent!" Mae cried, opening the door.
"What the fuck, Mae?! You can't just walk in-"
"You're crying! What's wrong!?" she demanded.
"I'm fine," he replied.
"No you aren't!"
"Aw, jeez, was it the windows?" Gregg asked.
"Jesus, will you just give me a minute?" Trent replied.
"Did I do anything?" she asked.
"No! It isn't you, Mae."
"Did I do something?" Gregg asked.
"No, Gregg, it isn't you either. Just-I promise, I will explain, shit. Just, can I get some privacy?!"
"Yeah...okay. Sorry," Mae replied, now looking anxious. She backed out and shut the door.
"Shit. Great," he muttered, turning on the water and splashing some on his face. That had, at the very least, served to short-circuit his abrupt injection of sadness.
He splashed his face a few times more, then dried it and headed back out into the main area. Mae was waiting for him, looking anxious. Even Gregg looked anxious.
"Uh…" He walked over to the cooler and grabbed a Fiasco Blueberry. "Maybe we should talk out back," he said.
"You want me to go?" Gregg asked.
"Don't you have to mind the store?" Trent replied.
"No, I can close for a bit...if you don't want me to go, that's cool too."
Trent considered it. "Yeah, sure."
Gregg nodded and hopped the counter. He walked over and locked the front door, flipped the sign to 'closed' and then joined him and Mae.
Mae took Trent's hand and they walked out through the back door. The three of them sat down with their backs to the rear wall of the Snack Falcon.
"So what's wrong?" Mae asked.
Trent sighed heavily and took a long drink from the bottle. Then he pulled out a thin joint and a lighter. Sticking it in his mouth, he lit the lighter, then hesitated. "This gonna be a problem?" he asked, looking at Gregg.
"Nah, it's cool. Long as you don't smoke, like, in the store, no one cares," he replied.
"Thanks. You want some?" He lit up and took a puff.
"Yeah a little, just a little," Gregg replied.
Trent took another puff, then passed it to Gregg, who did the same, then gave it to Mae.
"Okay, so, first, why I actually cried. When I was with Ann today, she asked me to talk about my family, like the bad parts. It's mostly bad, so that easy. She cried, and she wanted me to cry, to try it out. And...I did. Like really hard. And I think maybe that might've sort of...primed me for it? Which...sucks. But as for what caused it, I was just looking at you two and all your fond memories and I started thinking about my only two real friends, my best friends growing up, Nick and Shelly."
"...what happened?" Mae asked cautiously.
"I mean, nothing, like, serious. It's just...Nick moved when we were ten and things got fucked up with Shelly. I asked her out in ninth grade and she said yes and we dated...you know, inasmuch as you can 'date' in ninth grade, and, I don't know, it got weird. But I don't really know, like, why? After two months she just broke up with me over the phone all of a sudden and then wouldn't talk to me anymore, even though we had classes together, and got with some other guy kinda fast...I always wondered if she'd cheated on me, but I don't even know. Like. That's got me fucked up. But mostly I was just thinking about how I never really got any other best friends after that. And, like, I don't know. I have some of those memories, the good memories you get with childhood friends, but then it just cuts off, and the new timeline begins, the one where I have no new friends. Like, no one wanted to be my friend, and I kept wondering if I'm just that fucking weird, like I just shouldn't have friends-"
"No fuck that, dude," Gregg said suddenly. "Fuck that. You're awesome. And you've been a fucking awesome friend to all of us."
"Thanks," Trent murmured. "You guys have been, truly, the best people in my life."
"I know how you feel," Mae said quietly. "I didn't make a single friend at college. Nothing. Not even one. I kept thinking I was broken. I really felt the same, honestly. Like, there's really just Gregg. There was Casey, he got me, but he's gone now. Angus is really cool, and we're friends, but he seemed a little distant when I got back. I don't know...things were going bad. I fucked things up with Bea. But then everything turned around. And now everything's really turning around...shit, I'm sorry dude, I didn't mean to make this about me, but, like, I just meant, I get it."
"I know you do, Mae," he said, and put an arm around her. "And I'm okay. It's just...things that happened to me. We all have things that happened to us, some a lot worse than others. And they just suck. And we just have to keep going...sorry I ruined the mood."
"It's not ruined," Gregg said. "Just different. Are you feeling better?"
"Yeah, definitely. Thanks for listening. You both are really cool." Trent finished off the joint, stubbed it out, and flicked it into the dumpster. "You should probably get back inside and open the store back up."
Gregg sighed. "Yeah, I should," he agreed. They got up and headed back inside. "BTW, I'm totally going to be there Saturday. And so will Angus. We can't stay super-late though, cuz we've got stuff to do Sunday."
"Totally cool," Mae replied, "I'm just glad you're gonna be there."
"Hell yeah, wouldn't miss it," he said, flipping the sign back over and unlocking the door.
"Sweet." Mae looked at Trent with an appraising, somewhat anxious eye. "So, um, what do you want to do now?"
He sighed. "I should probably go home and get some more work done."
"Okay."
They paid for the stuff they'd consumed, said farewell to Gregg, and headed back outside.