First mate's log:

January 3, 1971

Alice told me she's entering a slogan contest for the Everpress Fabric Company. They're located on Blenford, and the contest is open to both islands. I'd enter it myself, but I'm not good with words like she is. I told her I'll be rooting for her.

Carol Brady's diary

January 5, 1971

Poor Jan has her first serious crush. I know, she's not quite eleven, and we just went through Marcia discovering boys last year. To make matters worse, the boy, Clark Tyson, met Marcia and is much more interested in her, although he's twelve (in Peter's class) and far too young for Marcia. Not that Marcia is interested in him, but Jan is very jealous of her older sister now.

Clark came over to do homework with Jan yesterday, since the Christmas Break is over, and school is back in session. (They have different teachers but they both had Geography projects to work on.) Unfortunately, Jan says that Clark ignored her in school today. She blames Marcia for that, although Marcia swore to me and Mike that she would never have flirted with "a child" like Clark.

Alice suggested we give Jan her birthday presents early, to cheer her up. Mike thinks it would be better to wait and throw her a surprise party. I don't know if it would be a good idea to invite Clark. It might just make matters worse.

January 7, 1971

I really wish boys would stop telling me about their crushes on Marcia Brady. This time it's a boy in Peter's class, Clark Tyson. He went over to the Brady house the other day and met Marcia for the first time. (There are enough people on our island these days that the kids don't all know each other, and Marcia does go to the junior high instead of the elementary school.)

"Isn't she a little old for you?"

"Well, maybe but she's really neat. And next fall, we'll be going to the same school, so you never know."

"What about Jan? She's only a year younger than you."

"Jan? She's a real swell guy, but she's not like a girly girl."

Jan is going through a tomboy phase and has stopped wearing dresses, but she still puts ribbons in her very long hair. I thought of telling him that sometimes the tomboys grow up to be the cutest, like Mary Ann, but I kept my mouth shut after that.

January 9, 1971

Well, it turns out that Jan didn't mourn Clark for very long. She found a boyfriend after all, George Glass. If the population explosion hadn't happened in the last couple years, I probably would've met the Glasses by now, but I haven't run into Mrs. Glass at the market or learned the names of all of my children's current classmates.

I'd like to invite George instead of Clark to Jan's surprise party, so I'm having her older siblings find out more about him. He's called the house a couple times, but Jan always rushes to get the phone, like she knows who it'll be. I know, she's not quite eleven yet and she's already acting like a teenager.

Cindy, on the other hand, is still very much the baby sister. She's gotten into the bad habit of tattling on her siblings. I'm sure it's just a phase, since my kid brother Jack went through a similar phase himself. Still, Mike and I have talked to her about it and she's promised to stop. Obviously, we'll hear about it if she doesn't.

Alice and Tiger are, as Mike puts it, going through their own phases. She's entered a slogan contest for the Everpress Fabric Company, although so far her slogans all have bad puns, like "in the East and in the vest." As for Tiger, he ran off with Mike's tuxedo vest, and Mike's golf ball. I remember the stash in the doghouse at the time of the Kitty Karry-All mystery. So I wouldn't call Tiger's kleptomania just a phase.

January 11, 1971

Peter told me that Jan has a new boyfriend, George Glass. I'm glad I didn't try harder to encourage Clark to go after Jan. I'm not Mrs. Howell and I'm not out to matchmake people, especially kids.

Mrs. Brady wants to invite George to Jan's surprise birthday party this week. (Yes, the Skipper and I and all the other castaways are invited, too.) The problem is, Peter can't find George, even though they go to the same school. He's starting to wonder if George actually lives on Blenford and Jan met him somehow. George calls the house, but Jan always answers.

"It sure would be a lot easier if Jan was going steady with Clark Tyson, but he likes Marcia."

I bit my tongue.

Then Peter started complaining about his other sister. Cindy told their parents about Peter using the top of the salt-shaker to strain a guppy from his fish tank, and she's been tattling on the other kids, too. I'm sure they'll all come complaining to me soon. Well, maybe not Jan if she's deep in puppy love.

January 13, 1971

Well, none of us were able to track down George Glass, so Mike and I started to wonder if maybe Jan had made him up so that we wouldn't feel sorry for her. And maybe to prove that she could get a boyfriend as easily as Marcia.

As Jan's mother, I'm biased of course, but I couldn't see why Clark and her other male classmates haven't noticed her yet. I know, boys mature more slowly than girls, with Gilligan an extreme case. But if Clark at twelve can like Marcia, it's not impossible for an eleven-year-old boy to like Jan.

I invited Clark over to "test some ice cream and pie" for Jan's surprise birthday party, which I of course am also inviting him to. Obviously, with Bobby in the house, I could've asked him to be the guinea pig, but my real motive was to find out how boys feel about Jan. Clark said that boys like Jan but see her as one of the guys.

So I bought some nice new dresses for Jan, who's going through a tomboy phase. I mean, I'm fine with her wearing slacks and jeans, but I know how visual boys can be. It worked and Clark gave Jan a nice birthday kiss on the cheek.

As for Cindy, she hasn't tattled in five days, an impressive record for her.

January 15, 1971

Cindy told me a couple secrets, even though she's trying to give up tattling. One is that she figured out before the rest of the family that "George Glass" wasn't real. I didn't even know that. I asked Jan at her surprise party about him and she said she felt like he didn't even exist anymore, now that Clark likes her. Well, it turns out George never did exist. Jan just made him up, which explains why no one could find him. Cindy picked up the phone extension in her father's den and eavesdropped on one of "George's" calls, even though she knows she's not supposed to eavesdrop, or be in the den by herself. She's very glad no one found out and tattled on her. She trusts me to keep secrets, like all the Bradys and some of the other kids do.

She also told me that, even though she has been trying her hardest not to tattle, she accidentally tattled on Alice without meaning to. Sam called and Cindy told him that at that moment Alice was hugging the postman. Sam was angry, although Cindy is too little to understand why.

"Well," I reluctantly explained, "sometimes guys get jealous of girls they like hugging other guys."

"Then she shouldn't have hugged the postman."

I couldn't really argue with that, especially since I don't know why Alice hugged the postman.

Cindy wondered if she should tattle on herself for tattling, even though Sam asked her not to tell Alice that he called. I said she should wait and see what happens next with Alice, Sam, and the postman.

January 17, 1971

Well, Cindy couldn't resist tattling one more time, although in her defense I don't think she realized what she was saying. Alice got a registered letter saying she was one of the winners in the Everpress contest, although it didn't say what the prize was, just that there would be another registered letter soon with more details. Alice was so happy and excited, she hugged the postman. Sam phoned just then and Cindy created a misunderstanding, which I had to help Alice straighten out.

So then when the other letter arrived and Tiger stole it, Cindy didn't want to tattle on Tiger. And Alice needed to take the letter to claim her prize, by midnight that night! Luckily, Cindy blurted out that she was protecting Tiger, who had hidden the letter in his doghouse, which by now should be the first place we look when something goes missing. I was able to take Alice over so she could get the stereo that she won and which she's generously sharing with the family. And hopefully Cindy has learned when she should and shouldn't tell other people's, or dog's, secrets.