A/N: Everything is falling into place and it makes me happy. 😀 I am SO glad that I was able to get my confidence back and start writing about Sunshine again. I think that she's my favourite out of all of my Sookies. BSC Sookie is a very close second just because would be really fun to be her for a little while.

Anyway, I have no more socked-back chapters, but I have started on the next ones for both BAS and SE. And SE is rolling pretty hard right now, so Imma get back to writing. Or maybe sleeping would be more practical. 😬

Chapter 36

The wolves had all woken up sometime after noon and had gathered in the living room again. Between the full moon that night and the worry over Sunshine, they were all feeling extremely antsy. Jake was pacing back and forth from the kitchen through the house to the end of the hall. Alcide kept getting up to go out to the balcony and then coming in and sitting back down a couple of minutes later. Maria-Star and Tray went to a gym a few miles away to work out some of their anxiety. Or at least try to.

Alcide had just come inside again when Jake said, "Do you mind if I take off for a little while? I need to go for a run. I'm just…"

Alcide nodded. "Yeah. Doesn't take two people to sit here and be miserable. Go for it."

Jake changed course and headed out the door. Dr. Ludwig had already come and gone with her pint of blood and it was still almost four hours until full dark. Alcide turned on the tv and switched to a replay of last night's football game. He tried to sit still, but it didn't stick and he resumed his trips back and forth to the balcony, watching the Cowboys slaughter the Saints in between.

When Sookie rose, she heard the television on upstairs. She could sense that Alcide was the only other one there. She kind of just wanted to stay where she was, curled up in a little ball for the rest of her existence. She sighed and managed to pull herself out of bed and went upstairs to see him.

He was out on the balcony again and hadn't heard her over the television and the noise outside. He was so worried about her. And so angry at Eric for betraying her, at Pam for turning her, at God for allowing any of this to happen and, mostly, at himself for not being able to stop it or to at least take her pain away. She felt bad about listening in but not enough to stop.

After a couple of minutes, he walked back inside.

"Hey, Sunshine! You're up early again."

He closed the blinds in front of the patio doors. She nodded a little but couldn't make herself talk to him. Didn't even want him to touch her, as much as she desperately wanted to be touched and held and reassured. She was afraid. So afraid of hurting him, even though she knew in her heart that she wouldn't. Couldn't. She loved him too much to hurt him. Then again, she'd known that Eric had loved her and she was still in agony.

Alcide could read her like a book and gently took her hand and led her to the couch. He sat down and pulled her down with him so that her head was in his lap. He started to stroke her hair.

"There. Now I get to pet you for a change."

Just like the night before, he talked about everything and nothing, filling the awkward and painful silence that the tv hadn't seemed to touch. She was staining his jeans with her bloody tears, but he didn't mind.

Alcide was telling her everything he knew about the two football teams on the field. When he paused for a breath, she spoke to him silently. It was the first time that she'd said anything since the ball, even though it wasn't out loud.

Did I kill anyone else since last night?

He froze and then started stroking her hair again. He hadn't been expecting her to say anything and he really didn't want to answer this question. She heard the answer anyway while he was still trying to come up with a way to say it that wouldn't hurt as much. One more human had died of a stroke. There were two who had been permanently blinded and another had suffered severe brain damage. They just hadn't been able to take the blast of Oklahoma's thoughts.

Her silent tears were replaced with sobs and he rubbed her back, wishing like hell he could take some of her pain away. He tried anyhow.

"Look at how many people you saved, Sunshine. The war would have been even more bloody and brutal. All of the humans would have died. And if the takeover had happened, anyone loyal to the queen would have been ended as well."

But if I had just snuck away and told them what I knew, the queen's guards would have just rounded them all up while they were unarmed and unsuspecting. Nobody would have had to die. They only did because I lost control and killed them all. Not just Oklahoma, but others. Innocent people.

He didn't really have a response. She nodded, smearing the tears on her cheek against his jeans.

It could happen again and again and again. I could kill countless more. Children. Babies. I couldn't help it. I wasn't able to stop it. I'm a monster, Alcide.

"No, Sunshine. No, you're not. Look, you got mad before, right? Really mad. You were in bloodlust more than once and nothing like this happened. Have you ever been as angry as you were then?"

No. Of course not.

"No, and I don't think you ever will be, either. Eric had already betrayed you and you didn't blow your stack. This was a betrayal on top of a betrayal, weighed down by a hundred and fifty shitty links in the chain of events. I can't even imagine anything like this ever happening again. This is a once in a lifetime kind of rage, even for a vampire. Especially when that vampire is the sweetest and kindest person I've ever known."

But…

"No buts, Sookie. Listen, I think that you had a once in a lifetime kind of love with Eric, too. I saw the way you looked at each other. He was your surrogate maker. You have a blood bond. You had both just gone through some really traumatic shit and you were both suddenly alone except for each other. He became your everything and you became his right back. And then she came along and burned everything to the ground. Literally. And tricked him into burning it down with her. It crushed your heart. It was a perfect storm of awful that will never be repeated."

I'm so scared.

"I know. I know you are, honey, but nothing's gonna happen if you don't go looking for trouble. Just live a quiet death. No balls. No revenge plots. No queens or sheriffs or intrigue."

No love.

He chuckled. "You wouldn't be able to stop loving if you tried, Sunshine. Loving's what you do best."

She stayed with her head on his lap until it was time for them to run with the moon again. She didn't say anything — out loud or in their heads — for the rest of the night. Each wolf in turn watched over her in the meadow and Jake carried her to the Volkswagen after she'd died for the day.

The drive back to the safehouse was silent. Tray carried her down to the bedroom and then they snuggled up together. They were all exhausted but Alcide filled them in on his conversation with Sookie. It took them all a long time to fall asleep.

…

Sookie's cell phone was on silent, sitting on the bedside table next to her. She had drifted from at rest to simply asleep and the phone vibrating on the nightstand woke her up. The only ones who had her number were people she trusted, plus Eric.

She sat up and picked up the phone before it vibrated again. She still didn't want to talk to anyone. Especially Eric. Hell, she still wanted to crawl into a hole and finally die. But, for whatever reason, she felt like she needed to answer it.

Only Jake was upstairs and he was watching a gameshow on tv. She closed her eyes and glamoured him to not hear her. She hated to do it but something made her think that she should. That she had to.

She was really scared of who would be on the line and jumped a little when the phone vibrated again in her hand. She flipped it open and held it up to her ear but couldn't make herself speak. After a few moments, she heard the voice on the other end.

"Hello? Is this my great-granddaughter?"