A/N: Ok, so I tried very very hard to wait (mostly because I'm a total review whore. 😬) but, goddammit, I was just too fucking excited. Le sigh.

Only a handful of chapters left. Half a dozen, maybe?

Chapter 38

Sookie pulled up to the front of the hotel and gave the keys to the valet, along with a generous tip. She passed a concierge and glamoured him to join her in the elevator and then take her up to the penthouse. He opened the door to the suite for her and wished her good evening, even though it was nearly two in the morning.

She could smell Eric inside, along with an acrid scent of burnt flesh and something not unlike how Aunt Linda had smelled.

She swallowed around a lump in her throat, took a deep, shaky breath and headed for the bedroom.

The door was open and she paused long enough to gain some courage before she walked into the room.

She looked at him a minute or two as he lay propped up in bed. It really didn't look like he would ever be able to get up. His skin was still black and brittle and cracking in places. The deeper burns were an angry red that still looked wet and hadn't come close to healing yet. He looked much smaller than he had before the ball. She noticed that he was missing three fingers on one hand and the shell of his ear on the other side. And his beautiful hair. She couldn't see whether or not he had lost any toes; they were below the thin hospital blanket.

She had done this to him. She'd almost turned him to dust too, just like the others. His burns were all her fault, and she hated to hurt people. Especially the ones she loved. And also the ones she didn't.

But at least his wounds would heal. Eventually. She didn't know about hers.

He opened his eyes and then closed them again for a few seconds. He shook his head a little and then tried it again.

"You are real?" His voice sounded rough and weak, but hopeful.

Her tears were coming faster now. "Yes I am, but I won't be here long. I came here to get some closure and to say goodbye. I really am very sorry that I hurt you, whether you're sorry for hurting me or not."

"You have no idea how sorry I am.

His voice was very weak. He pushed his love and contrition at her. She frowned and her eyes hardened.

"No, Eric. You can't just manipulate my emotions like that to trick me into feeling something I don't, just because you do."

"Sookie, I—"

"I suppose you haven't heard the whole story yet. I followed your ex-wife down that hall to the last room on the left. Did a little eavesdropping and boy, she sure sounded like the woman who'd glamoured Hadley and Bobby."

His eyes widened in horror.

"For the first time ever, I fell into a vampire mind. It was a scary fucking place to be, but it sure was enlightening! I saw it all. She made Hadley try to kill Pam, although Hadley wasn't supposed to succeed. She made Bobby set the fire that had nearly killed us. She tried to make Bobby stake me while I was at rest, and would have succeeded If I hadn't read Bobby's mind and stopped it. She paid fairies to make a fake video implicating the queen. She tricked you into breaking your promises to me, into marrying her, into fucking her, and into committing treason. She was going to own you for a hundred years. Oh, and me too, whether that was in your stupid fucking contract or not. She was the one who was laughing at you for being a damn fool for marrying the one who'd killed one of your children and come pretty fucking close to killing the other. Oklahoma was going to make us both her goddamn vampire sex slaves for a century. She fucked you over again and again and ruined your fucking life. And mine. I'm now a fucking murderer times fourteen, at least."

Eric's tears streaked his face and the droplets of blood spread as soon as they landed on the white flannel blanket.

"I apparently shifted into some kind of sunburst or something. I'm sorry that it hurt you. If I could take it all back, I would. Believe me."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath that she didn't need to help clear her mind a little. To compose herself. It was so hard to look at him, especially because she knew that she was the one who'd done it. Then again, she wouldn't have if Eric hadn't gotten married to Oklahoma. If he hadn't fucked that bitch and fucked Sookie over.

She looked at him again. "Niall helped me find something that used to belong to my grandmother. A fairy charm called a Cluviel Dor. It will grant me one wish and I am going to wish myself alive again. Hopefully the bond will be severed when it's done. So be prepared for that"

He opened his mouth to speak and she cut him off.

"Don't bother telling me that you love me, Eric. I know you do. I know that you want to apologize, too. Save it. I don't want to hear it. And don't bother begging me not to do it. I hate this life and I want nothing to do with it or you ever again."

"I will put pressure on the queen to keep away."

"Thank you. And I would like for you to do the same."

He nodded. She tried not to look in his eyes. He was devastated, but it was by his own design.

She took a shaky breath. "Thank you for providing for me for the past few weeks. I will pay you back for everything as quickly as I can. I'll send the checks to the condo in Bossier City."

"Sookie, no…"

She had been trying to hold herself together but she broke then. She managed to say goodbye before she ran out to the little elevator foyer and completely broke down.

Eventually, she got herself cleaned up as much as she could and picked up Tray's car from the valet. She supposed that she would have to add the tip to the things that she owed Eric for.

She considered going back to Eric's New Orleans house but it didn't feel right. She knew that, without having to babysit her, her wolves wouldn't be back to the meadow until morning, still a few hours away. She wanted to do this alone. Had to.

She sat down cross-legged in the middle of the meadow, just where they had been when they had initiated her into their pack. After everything, a small part of her would do the ritual again. It horrified her, but she knew that it was true. They were her pack.

She took the old velvet bag out of her pocket and just held it in her hands for a time. She closed her eyes and fell into her own mind this time.

If she were human again, she would be able to go wherever, whenever. She wouldn't be wrapped up in all this supernatural stuff. She would be able to eat real food and have sex with her wolves and hang out with friends without wanting to eat them. She would be completely free of Eric. She would be able to have kids, at least if she ever changed her mind. She wouldn't have to worry about losing control.

For a minute, she thought about healing Aunt Linda, but if she was all of a sudden hale and hearty, people would talk. And Aunt Linda had no family left. And, most of all, she thought that Linda wouldn't want it used on her.

Or she could heal Eric. She had no idea how she could even come close to paying him back for the things he'd paid for. Maybe healing him would be a good compromise. And she didn't like to see anyone in pain. And she wasn't willing to stay close by to give him blood indefinitely, especially since her blood wasn't really doing much to heal him. The connection wasn't strong enough, despite their ceremony and hundreds of blood exchanges. And he had looked so terrible. And because she was the one who had burnt him to a crisp. And, as much as she hated herself for it, because she loved him.

She closed her eyes and thought it over. And over. And over. She weighed all of her options. She finally came to a decision when the sky had lightened to a medium-dark blue. She heard her wolves howling, coordinating their trip back to the meadow. It wouldn't be long now. She opened her eyes and made her wish.

When the wolves were all in the meadow, they shifted back and started getting dressed. She smiled her first real smile since the ball and called to them. They all turned to her and smiled back.

Alcide yelled, "Hey, Sunshine! Where did you come from?"

He ran over to her and spun her around and kissed her nose.

…

In just a few weeks, Eric had lost both of them, after a thousand years of searching. The tears hadn't really stopped since she'd left him for the last time.

He heard a noise in the living room and then footsteps, coming closer. A moment later, she was standing naked in the bedroom doorway.

"Fuck a zombie! What in the hell happened to you?"