It all started because a certain Akatsuki member wanted to take their vacation to the forbidden zone. Well, forbidden to shinobi with any sense at any rate.

Konan, however, was classed as a monster by most and not just for her crimes. Hence why she could walk right through the island and the outlying countries and no one would call her on the fact that most shinobi hadn't stepped foot there in nearly a century.

Kakuzu had bitched and moaned about how much it was going to cost him if she left, seeing as how she was one of the few who kept Zetsu and Deidara in line aside from the leader who only did it if the noise level got too high. She ignored all his complaints after she made sure to make it clear that if he didn't shut up she would rip all his hearts out and after ruining them feed them to the cannibal.

The old shinobi wisely shut his trap and went back to grumbling about finances.

Konan was decidedly unimpressed with England. It had been labeled the forbidden zone by all five great nations, though no one had asked why after fifty years.

It was the very start of November, so the wind had a slight chill to it. As she walked past a horrifying neighborhood, her shinobi senses picked up something that would change the fate of more than just her and the source.

A child was crying in the middle of the night...and it wasn't muffled by walls.

She frowned, and adjusted her course. The moment she found the source of the noise, she stared.

"Who the hell leaves infants on a doorstep in the middle of the night? I mean isn't that a little cliché?" she asked herself. She picked up the child, who calmed down once a source of warmth was found and stared at her with the most vivid green eyes she had ever seen.

She smiled, and the tiny infant gurgled at her. He wasn't afraid of the fact that an S-class criminal and practical monster was holding him.

Noting the odd letter, she read it after pausing a moment. Her romanji were a bit rusty. The more she read the more she scowled.

Someone had left this infant deliberately and made it pretty clear that even if the owners of the home didn't want the kid, they weren't allowed to get rid of him.

So she took the child with her, deeming the idea of leaving a small child near a forested area and in the middle of fall alone too idiotic for words. Whoever had come up with this plan needed to get their brain checked...before she skewered them.

Pein looked at his long time friend and second in command in disbelief. Just when he thought Konan was the sanest member of the group, she goes and does this.

"Let me get this straight. You went on vacation...and decided to bring back an infant?" he said in absolute disbelief.

"The kid was lying on a doorstep in the middle of fall in a place where it rains so heavily I may as well be back home," she said flatly through the jutsu.

"Seriously? Who the hell leaves kids on doorsteps aside from young mothers?" asked Pein in surprise.

"I don't know, but if I ever find them they will be lucky to be part of Zetsu's special treats. For kami's sake, the kid was barely wrapped in a thin blanket in a basket! The place was near dense woods and wolves were nearby. I could actually hear them!"

"Okay, you can bring him back. How do you know the kid is an orphan though?"

"Whoever left him there also put a letter in the basket. Apparently his parents were just killed by a mass murderer and the house belonged to his mother's sister. I did observe the house briefly, but after half an hour into their activity I could tell they weren't parenting material."

"When are you coming back with the new...addition?" he asked carefully.

"Give me a few days to sort out some things, and I'll be back in a week at most."

"Fine. Think you could bring back some headache relievers?"

"Sure."

Konan turned off her jutsu and then prepared to head into the bank. Some odd creature had noticed who she was adopting and had directed her to the place.

"Hello miss. Can I help you?"

"I need some adoption papers," she said flatly.

The goblin gave her an interesting look. She wasn't a witch, that much was obvious. However she wasn't a muggle either. Upon closer inspection (and noticing her kunai in the pouch) he finally figured out what she was.

"Ah. Would you mind explaining why a shinobi is here? Last I heard your leaders decided this place was forbidden because of the Dark Lord wannabes running amok."

"I'm on vacation and found a child abandoned. Someone directed me here when I mentioned adoption."

"Is the child here?"

She lifted the infant with ease, who was curling up to the stuffed toy she had got him. Stealing from this place was pathetically easy, despite the technology.

The goblins eyes widened and he cursed in goblin. Mere moments later another came and took her to the appropriate room.

"How did you find him?" he asked seriously.

Konan rolled her eyes.

"Some complete and utter moron left him in nothing but a wicker basket and a thin blanket on a doorstep in the middle of fall in an area that rains heavily during this season. The family and I use that term in the most insincere form possible, are not fit to be parents of their own child let alone that of a relative," she answered deadpan.

The goblin chuckled darkly.

"Who knew the shinobi from the Hidden Continents would be the ones to foil that man's plans for the boy? We knew something was up when he insured the parent's last will wasn't read and absconded with the child a mere hour before his godfather went off the grid..."

"Who is his godfather and how can I contact him?"

"I'm afraid you can't, unless you want to deal with the Ministry idiots. He snapped and went after the real traitor, only to get framed by the man at the last second. He's currently in Ministry custody awaiting trial. Chances are they won't even bother with that because of his family."

"Can you give him a message?"

"We could possibly have it dropped should he be released or sent to Azkaban."

"Tell him if he wants to find the kid later, then he needs to make his way to Amegakure in the Elemental Countries. In the meantime, about those papers?"

An hour later (with the help of the goblins and a translation charm) Konan left with three things.

One was her new son Kiseki. Two was the fact that she had unwittingly found a way to shut Kakuzu up for the foreseeable future about expenses on her end. Three was a permanent portkey to the bank which would deliver her there immediately with at least ten others should the need arise.

Konan wasn't a fool. In case the plan Pein had went into a total FUBAR mode, they would need an escape plan ready. And as far as she knew, the plan would encompass both worlds, even if the other was in a completely indirect manner that couldn't be traced back to them.

The moment Konan returned, she knew that it was going to be one of those days.

Zetsu was terrorizing the prison population, (Ame's stance on crime was rather simple. If you're stupid enough to get caught, then you're fair game to the man-eating plant ninja. It was a rather effective way of getting people to avoiding getting caught.) Deidara was about ready to blow the base up for the umptenth time over something Hidan or Sasori said, and Hidan was trying and failing to convert others to his religion.

Konan frowned. If she caught that insane priest trying to convert her kid, he would find himself without a head and left to deal with Deidara's explosives shoved up his ass.

As soon as someone finally noticed her return (her chakra was set to the seals so she never set off the alarms around Ame) Pein quickly went to meet her.

Itachi was the one who spotted her, and he was the only one to bring her some aspirin. There was a reason she liked him better than she did some of the other members.

As soon as Pein took the kid into his office (which was layered with so many silence seals that you could set off one of Deidara's special explosives and no one would hear it. They knew, because they checked twice.) Konan went to work.

Three hours and a lot of alcohol for Konan later...

Deidara stared at the infant in the basket. Konan had stolen something more easy to carry a few days after the adoption went through.

Because England's current Dark Lord had just been killed, no one even noticed the paperwork. Most people were too busy dealing with hangovers at the time.

When he let the kid touch his hands, the kid giggled as the tongues licked him.

"I like this kid, un."

Itachi just stared. If he didn't know any better, he would swear Konan adopted a missing Uchiha. The hair and skin tone certainly matched up, though the eyes were far too green.

Each of the Akatsuki crowded around the new baby. Some with vastly different opinions on the matter.

"SWEET! I get to convert a kid! Just imagine how much damage he can do in the name of Jashin!" crowed Hidan.

Konan slapped him upside the head with a tick mark on her face.

"If I ever catch you trying to teach him Jashinism behind my back, I will shove so many of Deidara's explosives up your ass that it will take weeks for you to reform, if you do at all."

Deidara grinned at that.

Konan looked at each of them in turn.

"Deidara, I don't mind you sharing your views on 'art, but please do it in moderation. We don't need another explosive happy idiot. Sasori, if I ever catch you trying to turn him into one of your puppets I will take all of your collection and give them to Kakuzu to sell to Suna. Zetsu, if you ever try to eat him I will spray you with so much weed killer that you'll be sick for weeks, and you will clean up the resulting mess. Pein, no piercings until he's at least thirteen. Kisame, if I ever find out that you scared him of water I will shove Samehada up your ass. Itachi...no genjutsu. And as for you Kakuzu...no trying to sign over the kid's inheritance or you will deal with the people who control the bank it's in."

"What kind of threat is that?" asked Kakuzu.

"The people who control the bank have assured me that the kid's inheritance is in a series of vaults so far apart that it will literally take forever to get to it without their help, and it's in a veritable maze that will piss you off to no end. And I know you hate dealing with mazes, so if you try to steal it you will have to find it on your own."

Kakuzu scowled, but admitted it was a viable threat.

"You can however, show the kid how to do math and learn how to handle his finances."

That brightened up his day.

Once Konan laid the ground rules, the change had begun. It was subtle, but it was there.

By the time the kid was old enough to read, he was being trained as a ninja.

Itachi covered the genjutsu part, considering he was the best at it. Deidara taught the kid how to make bombs. Sasori taught him puppetry. Kakuzu covered elemental jutsu and financing. Hidan taught him how to use weapons, mainly the scythe. (He also taught little Kiseki most of the curse words he knew, to Konan's annoyance.) Zetsu taught him about plants, and what was edible to normal people and what wasn't. Konan taught him how to read, write and origami. Pein taught him taijutsu and how to fight multiple enemies at once. Kisame however, taught him how to use a sword and how to swim.

By the time Kiseki was on his first genin team, he was almost jounin level in power. His chakra control was so fine tuned that he could give Tsunade of the Sannin a run for her money. As a result, he learned medical ninjutsu rather quickly for his age.

"GET BACK HERE!" roared Kisame.

Kiseki snickered as he dodged Kisame's sword. He had nailed the shark ninja with a rather potent paint and stink bomb trap, and he had walked right through it.

His mother Konan spotted him running and then saw Kisame.

"You know he's going to get you back in training right?" she said amused. Her son was a little hellion and pranked anyone he could. Even Pein had been hit, though Kiseki usually only set an explosive tag on the paperwork.

To be fair though he only did that when the demon that was paperwork got too big for him to handle. Not that Pein ever mentioned it, but the fact that he allowed Kiseki to look through his catalog of tattoos and piercings told Kiseki how much he didn't care.

(Konan had reset the age from thirteen to ten. Mostly because when Kiseki used his puppy dog eyes she was almost literally wrapped around his little finger. He still had yet to decide what he wanted for his first ear piercing.)

"Like it matters! He kicks my ass anyway! This just gets him good and properly ready for it!" cackled Kiseki.

"Just don't piss him off so much that you can't take the newest B- rank that came in an hour ago. He saved it up for you," she said.

To the great shock of the Akatsuki, Konan was actually a great mother. Then again most of the Akatsuki were really little kids who threw a ton of tantrums and could destroy entire hidden villages when they got worked up, so it wasn't that big of a surprise. Fortunately for her sanity, Kiseki was a rather good kid, and a hell of a lot more quiet than the other Akatsuki barring Itachi.

For some reason the two of them just clicked, which was why Itachi was often convinced to babysit him when he was younger. Konan suspected it was because Kiseki reminded him of the younger brother he spared, or because it was almost painfully clear early on that Kiseki was a prodigy like Itachi and Sasori were.

"Hey Kaa-san, can I join the chunin exams this year?"

It was the same question he asked every six months since he became genin. And every time she told him no. However this year was different. Rumors had been going around that Sand had joined with an unknown village called Sound...and that their old friend Orochimaru was preparing an invasion.

Her little Kiseki was barely eleven, and he would have his birthday during the exams.

"Tell you what. If you can complete that B-rank he saved for you without getting too hurt to take the exams, I'll consider it."

"Really?! Whoohoo!" Kiseki cheered.

Kisame and Itachi were heading that way anyway, to check up on Sasuke and see if they could capture the nine tails early. Not that Kiseki knew of that.

"So what did she say?" asked Rei.

"She said if we complete the B rank he set aside for us, and aren't too injured afterwords she'll think about it!" he said happily.

"YES! FINALLY!" cheered his teammates.

For the past two years since becoming a genin team, Kiseki's mother had told him that they weren't allowed to go to the chunin exams. To be fair, they did get personal training from the Akatsuki in exchange, but it still annoyed them.

Kiseki, Rei and Inari got ready for their new mission. Their sensei, Mamoru Chiba, watched them with amusement.