Chapter 5 – Burden

With Chat gone, there was only an emptiness left behind. The smile Marinette once had slipped from her face, not quite a frown, just a neutral, soulless expression.

Hollow. She was hollow. Without Chat and Adrien, she was little more than a shell of a human being, completely hollow and void of emotions. It was a strange feeling. Like she was stuck in a weird sort of limbo. She knew she should have some kind of emotion, and yet there was just nothing.

She wasn't sure if it was a bad feeling or not. She couldn't decide if it was a feeling she liked or not. She was content with it, she supposed.

She glanced behind her to the window that Chat had smashed ages ago when he barged in, where the sky was beginning to barely lighten. It was still a while off of sunrise just yet, however she couldn't quite be sure how long.

She climbed up to her bed, checking her phone for the time. 3am. Had she really been drawing that long? Or maybe she'd just been sitting in place since Chat left and hadn't realized. Either way, the sun would be up in a few hours, so she had to prepare herself for another wave of harassment, since she almost knew that Lila would spread it around that Marinette had done something to her overnight.

She was so over this.

She was so exhausted. Completely mentally and even physically drained from the toll this was taking on her.

She crawled properly into bed and snuggled in to her bed, still warm from Chat Noir. She'd just been drawing for a while, then. Chat hadn't left too long ago.

It seemed like years ago. An eternity and more.

One visit, and already she was growing dependent on him. She needed him to keep the guilt from tearing her open. God, she was pathetic for this.

She was well-aware of the fact that she had attachment issues. She could very easily get attached to a person, especially so in this situation it seemed. Usually, it took a little more time. Although, this was certainly different from most times. And, to be fair, they had been working together for 2 years now, even if it was as Ladybug, it had to count for something.

At the thought of Ladybug, she had to wonder where Tikki was. She hadn't seen her kwami since before school the previous morning, which was especially strange since she'd had a breakdown.

"Tikki?" Marinette called, leaving the warmth and comfort of her bed. "Tikki, are you here? Where've you been?"

Nothing.

Nothing but silence.

She checked everywhere.

Maybe she was just down stairs somewhere raiding the cookies. Marinette had found – or more accurately caught – Tikki there a few times.

Bingo.

There she was, helping herself to a once full box of cookies.

"Tikki!"

The little red kwami turned its head to Marinette sheepishly to Marinette, a guilty grin on her face.

"Yes, Marinette?"

Marinette just shook her head. "Is this where you've been? Why didn't you come up?"

"Because Chat was here. I decided it would be best to stay out of your way so that your identity wasn't accidentally revealed."

Oh. Yeah, that would make sense, actually. It was smart, too. "Right. Fair enough. Smart thinking."

Marinette smiled. It wasn't a big smile. Just small, soft. Genuine. The little kwami had a weird way of just cheering her up a little. She still felt empty, that hadn't changed, but there was at least a small ray of happiness still left in her life. Without Chat or Adrien, that was enough to keep her whole.

Marinette decided to go back to sleep, content to sleep the rest of the day away. It wasn't like she had anything to do, she'd been suspended of course.

It didn't take too long at all for her to fall asleep, since she was still exhausted. She missed having Chat to fall asleep with, but this was ok. It was warm. Safe. Comfortable.

As long as she stayed in bed nothing and no one could hurt her.

Marinette was forced awake by around 12 later that day, to Tikki tapping her face.

"Marinette! There's an akuma!"

She sat up immediately, taking a deep breath and putting a brave face on. She couldn't let on to Chat that she wasn't feeling the best, what would her partner think of her? She just had to be regular old Ladybug. Paris' savior.

"Tikki, spot's on!"

She was transformed in moments, jumping out of her window and going to find Chat and the akuma they had to fight.

The fight didn't take that long. It was a standard fight: the villain wanted their miraculous, Chat had some quip to mess with the villain, cataclysm and lucky charm, over.

What wasn't standard, was Chat Noir. He seemed a little preoccupied, now that the fight was over. There was (thankfully) none of his usual flirting. He seemed lost in thought.

"Chat? You doing ok? You seem a little distant." She took a few steps in his direction, placing a friendly hand on his shoulder. "You need to talk about it?"

"I do, but...there's not a lot I can say without potentially giving parts of my identity. And... it's not my place to tell." Chat said solemnly, turning to look at his partner.

"Then just tell me a little bit. I don't need details, just tell me what's bothering you, yeah?" She sat on the edge of the balcony. The same balcony that they usually sat on, where he'd taken her for a special time. She knew what this was about. It was obvious.

A new wave of guilt hit her with the force of a train going full speed. She hoped that maybe the force of it would kill her. End the suffering.

He sat with her. It took him a few moments to begin talking.

"It's a friend of mine. She's going through a lot, and I found her...hurting herself. God, she was sad, Ladybug. It broke my heart to see her like that. So broken. I almost can't bear seeing her so upset, you know?"

She knew.

Ladybug could tell he was holding back tears, even if he didn't show it. His voice was choked and thick. There was a slight sniffle.

Then the tears started falling.

Ladybug grimaced to herself, killing herself over causing Chat Noir such bad pain. He didn't deserve this. All she could do was hug him as he cried.

She was, in a sense, grateful and happy that he was willing to be vulnerable with her. He trusted her enough for that.

But even so, she hated herself. She was causing him pain. This was her fault.

She wouldn't burden him with this. Not with her stupid problems. Her stupid feelings. She was fine to suffer alone, in silence. That way, no one else would have to get hurt.

They stayed hugging each other for a minute or two, until both of their miraculous' beeped at them, telling them they were out of time.

"Shit." Ladybug breathed, wanting to stay here and comfort her friend. Her partner.

"No, it's ok. I should go check on my friend anyway." Chat said, sniffing to clear his nose. The tears had mostly stopped falling.

"Are you sure Chat? We can just feed our kwami's and come back?"

"No, no. It's fine, really. Thank you, though. I needed this."

She nodded. "Ok. And hey, I'm sure your friend will be ok. She probably just needs time, you know?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Ladybug."

"Anytime, Chat." Then he was gone, and she was rushing to get back