Lovely fiancé? Future wife? Alright, pal, you've just signed your death warrant!
Cagalli's eye twitched and she threw her so-called fiancé a look that promised broken bones and a painful, agonizing death. Athrun tried his best to simultaneously maintain his fake smile while ignoring the glare of doom being sent in his general direction.
Please, he mentally pleaded to her, don't call me out on my lie. PLEASE!
He must have worn a look that was truly pathetic, because the golden-haired girl cleared her throat and smiled through gritted teeth. "Ah yes, it's true. I am his...fiancé."
There were a thousand different reactions from Athrun's many fan girls about his unexpected engagement. Some were weeping over the death of their wedding dreams, several were shooting Cagalli death glares and wondering if she had somehow tortured Athrun into lying to them, and more than a few of them was pondering the numerous ways on how to make their beloved Athrun a widow and eliminating Cagalli from the scene.
Needless to say, none of them looked happy.
"I don't believe it!"
"DARLING ATHRUN, PLEASE SAY IT AIN'T SO!"
"If that she-demon forced you to say that, Athrun, I'll kill her for you!"
Seething with fury, Cagalli rolled up her sleeves and stomped over to the woman who had insulted her. "I'll show YOU she-demon, you little..."
"Ah, please forgive them, sweetie! They didn't mean it!" A panicking Athrun quickly grabbed the spitting mad Cagalli by the waist and silently prayed for a miracle before the situation got really out of hand.
For once, his prayer was answered.
"Master Athrun, hop in!" The limousine had returned and pulled to a stop beside them. The unexpected appearance of the limo momentarily bewildered the pack of bloodthirsty fan girls, so Athrun took the opportunity to pull Cagalli into the vehicle with him. The limo immediately made its grand escape and headed for safety.
When he felt it was safe, Athrun breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Takashi. I think I owe you my life."
His driver nodded. "It's a pleasure to serve, Master Athrun."
"Ahem."
Athrun's relief instantly faded when he felt someone drilling holes deep into his head. He turned slowly to face a murderous-looking Cagalli. She looked extremely ticked off. And she was still waiting for her answers. "Well...?"
The chairman of PLANT sweat dropped, wondering if he'd jumped from the frying pan only to land in the fire. He grinned sheepishly and tried to find some magical way to keep himself alive. "I...can explain..." Think Zala, think! Where is that blasted Dearka when you really need one of his crazy ideas?
Cagalli crossed her arms and said in a deadly calm voice, "I consider myself a fair person, and so I'm going to give you ten seconds to make up a VERY good reason why I shouldn't decapitate your head and tear you limb from limb. If you can't, then I will be forced to believe that you are a pervert who takes advantage of innocent women. You may then choose either to say your last prayers or beg for mercy."
"Err...well---"
"Ten...nine...eight..."
Without thinking (actually, all he COULD think about was preserving his head and appendages), Athrun blurted out, "Cagalli Yula, I want to hire you as my undercover fiancé."
There was a long and pregnant silence.
And then---
"WWHHHAAATT?"
………………………………………………………….
Undercover Fiancé Wanted, Desperately
Chapter Two
………………………………………………………….
"So, let me get this straight." Cagalli narrowed her eyes. "You want to hire ME as some kind of bodyguard slash 'pretend' fiancé?"
The chairman of PLANT nodded his head. "That's right."
The two of them were sitting on elegant couches within the protection of his mansion's four soundproof walls. Outside, policemen and personal bodyguards had tripled to stop the mass of obsessive Athrun fan girls from breaking in. One of the maids served tea and Athrun calmly sipped the warm liquid as if he was unaware of the hundreds of stalkers just outside his gate screaming his name.
Cagalli frowned thoughtfully. "You know, I find it kind of strange. You're better looking than the average male, but I seriously don't think it's possible that you're arousing the interest of so many women without some incentive."
Athrun arched an eyebrow. He'd thought everyone on earth had heard of the infamous Zala scandal, and this petite blond before him was actually implying that she had never even SEEN the tabloid pictures? "Have you ever read the tabloids?"
Cagalli rolled her eyes. "I don't have time to waste reading useless trash and gossips." Besides, I'm usually too busy getting hired and fired again by my employers anyway, she thought wryly.
"Well, here. Take a look at this and you'll find the answer you need." He handed her a brightly-colored magazine from a bookshelf.
Cagalli took one look at the magazine cover and almost dropped it. Splattered on the front page was a scandalous blown up picture of a naked green-eyed man who greatly resembled Athrun! She quickly closed her eyes with one hand and threw the appalling thing at his face. "YOU PERVERT! I can't believe you actually want to taint the visions of decent girls like me with this...this repulsive photo!"
Athrun blinked and stared at his picture. "I didn't know my body looked THAT horrible..."
"Well, I guess you have a rather sexy bod---STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT!" Cagalli's face was a deep tomato red, both from embarrassment and outrage. "It's beyond me how you models could be so immoral that you'd sell your nudity to the public for a few bucks!"
"Wait, let me explain---"
"SERIOUSLY, why is it that some people think money is more important than pride and self-respect?"
"Miss Cagalli, if you'll only calm down, I'll---"
"AND ANOTHER THING, do people actually feel that it's necessary that in order to hype up their popularity, they need to expose---"
"Are you quite finished?" Athrun asked exasperatedly.
Cagalli glowered at him and opened her mouth to continue her lecture against brazen models and ignorant people who demean their self-worth, but Athrun hurriedly butted in, "Look, the paparazzi somehow slipped into my house and videotaped a picture of me when I was having a shower. I had no intention of 'selling my self-respect' as you put it. Oh, and for the record, I am NOT a model. I am, in fact, the respectable (or USED to be respectable) head chairman of PLANT Corporations."
"I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE THE BLOODY KING OF THE WORLD BECAUSE I STILL DON'T---" She paused and slowly turned to look at him. "Did you say, chairman of PLANT?"
"Yes."
Cagalli blanched. Well, go figure. Now that she'd snubbed THE chairman of PLANT, it was safe to deduce that she'd thrown the cleaning job out the window. And she hadn't even been interviewed yet!
There IS no God...
She sighed and stood up. "Well, I'd better go then."
"W-Where are you going?"
Cagalli looked at him as if he'd just asked her if the world was square. "I'm leaving. I'm sorry for mistaking you for a shameless model just now. After the way I just insulted you, I know there is no way you're hiring me for ANYTHING. But good luck with your fan girl problems anyway."
Athrun tried to suppress the alarm he was feeling. She couldn't leave him! He NEEDED Cagalli! Just imagining the screaming Athrun fanatics circling him like hungry predators was almost enough to make him throw himself at her feet and BEG her to stay. "My offer still stands. Do you want the job?" he asked, sounding more than a little desperate.
She frowned. "I don't get it. Why me? I mean, surely there are dozens of other better and more qualified undercover bodyguards out there you could always employ?"
"Of course I can. But..." Athrun sweat dropped, remembering the list of undercover bodyguards the oh-so-reliable Dearka had made up for him. Between the violent, tomboyish blond in front of him and the alternatives (an Amazon woman, a military sadist, a timid mouse...), the chairman quickly decided he'd take his chances with the former. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, well, you seem perfect enough for the job. You're fierce and tough and you can fend the fan girls off my backs. And most importantly in my criteria, you aren't attracted to me. I can't have an excessively clingy fan girl suffocating me 24/7, after all."
"Oh, I see," she smirked. "You must be pretty desperate."
"Trust me, I am," Athrun admitted wryly. "If you agree to work for me, I'll pay you any amount of cash you want. That's how really desperate I am."
Cagalli paused, mulling over his proposal. She didn't actually need money. But the job he was offering her sounded ideal for her and it would solve her currently unemployed status. She had nothing to lose. And besides...
Athrun Zala had the most beautiful green eyes she'd ever seen!
WARNING! INSANITY ALERT! Cagalli quickly regained her good sense and mentally slapped herself. One of the major requirements of this job was to NOT be attracted to her boss. She was NOT going to be fired for the 46th time if it was the last thing she did!
She took a deep breath and nodded.
"Alright, I accept."
…………………………………………….
Yzak Joule was looking through some important documents when he passed by one of the elevators and saw his blond-haired friend stepping out. The scar-faced man stared curiously at the blazing hand-mark decorating Dearka's cheek. "How the heck did you get that?"
"You won't believe this!" Dearka complained indignantly as he faced the silver-haired man. "All I wanted was my lunch, and she goes and slaps me!"
Yzak raised an elegant eyebrow. "I'm almost too afraid to ask, but what exactly did you say to her?"
Dearka shrugged. "All I said was that I wanted her eggs."
Yzak twitched.
The blond looked insulted. "Not THAT kind of eggs! I meant her celebrated omelet eggs! I can't believe you would think me so depraved!"
"Oh, I don't think you're depraved. But then, what's my humble opinion against thousands of others?"
Dearka gave the sarcastic man a look of death. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Then he sighed dramatically. "She keeps trying to play hard to get! But although an ordinary man may give up easily in the face of such adversity, an Elthman never surrenders without a fight! Milly's going to fall for me or I'll DIE trying!" With that 'inspiring' speech, the tanned blond walked into his office with renewed determination to finish up the mountains of paperwork piled high on his desk and plan new battle strategies to win Milly's elusive heart.
Yzak crossed his eyes, wondering if the latest trend in today's world was to stalk and be stalked.
…………………………………………….
In Milly's apartment, an auburn-haired girl was lying on her bed, reading the latest romance novel she had bought. She was already reading the last page, sighing dreamily when the dashing hero rescued the beautiful heroine from the clutches of her jealous stepmother and together they lived happily ever after.
Milly hugged the paperback to her chest and sighed longingly. When am I going to meet the love of my life? The one person I could never imagine living without? All I seem to attract are blond-haired demons from hell and lecherous losers without a life! At the rate I'm going, I'm going to end up a spinster forever!
RRRRRRRING!
Huh? Who could THAT be? She frowned, setting aside her novel and then picking up the handset on her nightstand.
"Hello, Miriallia Haww speaking."
"Milly, it's me, Cagalli!"
"Ah, Cagalli! What's up?"
"Milly, I've found myself a job."
"Well, that's good news. I was going to look up the Internet if your answer had been a negative. So what is it?"
"As of now, I am the fiancé of the head chairman of PLANT Corporations."
"..."
"Milly, are you there? Say something!"
"...That's funny. I thought I heard you say that you had become the fiancé of one of the richest and most gorgeous men in Japan. But apparently I must have suffered from a temporary hearing disorder."
"No, you didn't. I AM the fiancé of PLANT's head chairman."
"..."
"MILLY!"
"I'm sorry! It's just...so hard to sink into my microprocessor! Cagalli, how the heck did you do it? I thought you weren't even interested in guys!" Milly grinned mischievously. "So how did it happen? Was it some kind of love at first sight thing? Can I be the bridesmaid for the wedding?"
"Err...well...there's just one thing. Our engagement isn't exactly...real."
"WHAT? Stop confusing me! Are you engaged or not?"
"You see..." Cagalli told Milly about the I-Love-Athrun fan club and his many neurotic stalkers. Then she proceeded to explain why Athrun needed a bodyguard in the form of a fake fiancé. "My job is to defend him from his lust-crazed fans and to make him seem unavailable to them. That way, they would be discouraged and would lose interest in him."
Milly was worried. "Well, I'm happy that you've found yourself a job. But...don't you think it's a bit dangerous? I mean, a mob of fanatics is not something to be taken lightly. I've heard of people who died because they got trampled in the stampede. And there are even rumors that the girlfriends and wives of some popular celebrities were actually assassinated by their jealous fans!"
Cagalli waved away her friend's concerns. "I can take care of myself, Milly. Don't worry. Now you've got to promise never to tell anyone else. No one's supposed to know I'm not his real fiancé until the situation settles down."
"I won't tell. You know you can trust me."
"Good. My boss wants to fill me in on what I have to do now. I'll call you later."
As soon as Milly put down the receiver however, the telephone started to ring again. Thinking perhaps it was Cagalli again, Milly picked up the receiver. "Hello?"
And then she heard the all too familiar voice that could only belong to the man she so fondly nicknamed 'the demon from hell'.
"Milly, it is I, Dearka!"
His cheerful greeting easily triggered her annoyance. "Go. To. HELL!"
"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid it isn't my time to go yet."
"That's a tragedy. And how the heck did you get my phone number anyway?" she demanded.
"Oh, I asked around...So have you been thinking of me?"
"I thought of you all day when I was standing over your grave at the cemetery."
"I knew it! Distance does make the heart grow fonder."
Milly wanted so badly to give in to the urge to slam her head against the wall...but then she decided she should be banging Dearka's head instead. If only she could get her hands on his neck! She hissed through gritted teeth, "You must be the arithmetic man---you add irritation, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance!"
From his side of the line, she could hear Dearka tsk-tsking. "Now, now, Milly. I know you find me irresistible but you don't have to shower me with your pent-up animalistic urges through insults. It's all right. You don't have to hold back your basic instincts on me."
"You have nothing to fear from my basic instincts; it's my finer ones that tell me to kill you!" she snapped.
"Milly, you break my heart."
"Good! If you die from heart problems right now, I'll happily pay for your funeral!"
"I'm touched. But really, you don't have to."
"Dearka Elthman, don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to add another to the human race? Now just tell me why you phoned before I file a harassment report to the police and land you behind bars!"
He sighed regretfully. "I called because I wanted to make a sincere apology. A certain 'friend' of mine made me realize the last comment I made to you earlier in the coffee shop wasn't very polite and you might have taken it the wrong way. Moreover, I didn't even have the chance to apologize because you kept screaming blue murder at me."
Milly's voice practically dripped with sarcastic sweetness. "Don't worry. I don't hold your behavior against you because I realized it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement."
"...Ouch."
"I know. I will forever mourn the loss of your brain cells. Now, although I simply love the pleasure of your company, I have to catch up with my reading. Apology accepted and all that. Goodbye and I hope I never have the misfortune of hearing your voice again!"
SLAM!
In his office, Dearka visibly cringed at the sound of the slamming phone and replaced the receiver.
As previously mentioned, most average males would have already given up by now under Milly's constant rejections and wounding abuse. In fact, most of their fragile male egos would have long-ago been too battered to even continue on.
But he wasn't an 'average male'.
Dearka shrugged and smirked. Oh well. The road to true love never did run smooth...
…………………………………………….
Cagalli spat out the tea she had been drinking and sprayed it all over Athrun.
"You want me to do a WHAT?"
Her homicidal look of death settled on her cringing employer with frightening intensity.
Athrun wiped the tea stains from his face, privately wondering if he should have just picked the military sadist as his undercover bodyguard when he'd had the chance. "Listen, it's not that you don't look attractive. But you don't exactly have the 'look' that people usually expect from the fiancé of a high profile chairman."
"Oh, I see! So you're implying that I'm not 'fiancé material' enough for you. Is that it, Zala?" she growled with a dangerous glint in her eyes.
"Of course not! Well," Athrun coughed, "maybe you're not entirely wrong there. But people do tend to expect a stereotype fiancé for a chairman. They expect someone beautiful, charming, intelligent, fashionable, gentle, and graceful---"
"And what makes you think I'm not all that?" The fuming blond slammed her tea cup on the table with such force that the cup actually shattered.
Both of them sweat dropped.
"Okay, so I'm not THAT gentle or graceful..." Cagalli crossed her arms stubbornly. "But I'm not ugly and I have a higher I.Q. than the stereotyped 'ditzy blond'. And what's wrong with T-shirts and jeans?"
"There's nothing wrong with your clothes. But we're trying to convince the public that we're really a couple, and so we have to maintain a certain image." Athrun felt like ripping his hair out in sheer frustration. Trying to negotiate with Cagalli was like trying to calm a raging bull. It was starting to drive him up the wall! "It's just a little make-over. Please, Miss Cagalli. I'll even DOUBLE your fee if you can just do this without putting up a fuss!"
"Jeez. For someone who's supposedly desperate, you sure make a lot of demands!" Cagalli threw up her hands in disgust. Then her dratted soft side kicked in when she saw how frustrated Athrun looked. Darn it! Curse my innate compassion!
With a roll of her eyes, she finally gave in. "Fine, fine, I'll do it. But I KNOW I'm not going to like this!"
…………………………………………….
An hour later, Cagalli was proved right.
The French hairstylist, who had been taken in by the secret backdoor behind Athrun's mansion, was waving the blow-dryer in his left hand as if it was a piece of Flash-Gordon-type artillery and he had just landed on a hostile planet. The hostile alien being, of course, Cagalli.
"She is impossible!" the stylist raged at Athrun. "Utterly impossible! I managed to get a decent cut and a little off the side, but after that---" The hairstylist rattled off into a string of French curses and foreign expletives that Athrun didn't understand but guessed it wasn't pretty.
"Calm down," Athrun tried to soothe him. "I'm sure she's not THAT bad..."
"Hah!" The stylist snorted. "She's my worst client yet! She doesn't cooperate at all!"
"Of course I'm cooperating! Up to a point at least."
Cagalli strolled out of the dining room turned make-shift salon. Her short flaxen hair had been styled and layered to accent its thickness and her bangs now fell gracefully over her amber eyes. She narrowed those eyes dangerously at the cursing stylist. "Zala, keep that weirdo with the blow-dryer away from me or I won't be held responsible for the brutal display of power that would follow."
"You see? You see what I have to put up with?" The hairstylist waved the dryer threateningly as he turned to Athrun for moral support. "How can I be expected to deal with this sort of low-class impudence? You asked me to give her style, and this is how the stubborn girl reacts!"
The chairman glanced from the teeth-gnashing hairstylist to the highly irritated blond and then back again. They were stuck in a glaring match like two fighters preparing to pound each other into smithereens...with Athrun as the referee.
He sighed and felt a migraine coming up.
I really should have picked the military sadist...
…………………………………………….
(TBC)