Disclaimer: I do not own Futurama so DO NOT SUE!

PS I don't have money so there's no point! (I'll give you cupcakes if you don't sue)

The Diary of Dr. Zoidberg

Dear diary,
this morning I woke up with a squid on my face. It tasted nice except it squirted me in the face so I squirted it back. I went out to the dumpster to find my 2nd breakfast, a brain slug, what a feast!

Then I slipped on some mutated pickled eggs and got a mouthful of dirt so I started to cough up pearls. I sold them on the street and earned $2000000, which I paid Fry for a sandwich. That is next week's lunch and I kept it safe in a barrel of nuclear waste.

Fry, Leela, and Bender returned from Urectum (Uranus got renamed in 2020 Urectum). Leela was missing a leg so I had to give her a leg transplant of her old leg, which she managed to snatch from the evil bum master.

The robhut lost his memory and Fry was on fire but the robhut wasn't a problem because his memory was backed up on a hard drive.

After extinguishing fry and gluing on Leela's leg, we had to deliver a package of petrol to the gas planet. Something was weird about petrol and gas that I couldn't lay my claw on. Maybe it was the petrol I soaked my shell in.

Anyway, when we got back we were covered with ashes. It was about lunchtime then so I went to find my sandwich (it was for next weeks lunch but Meh whataya gunna do? I found it in the nuclear waste.

It tasted weird and after that the professor had to shrink me a few times after that and take off my other head. I received a letter from my old Uncle Zoid saying he was dead and I was invited, along with my family, to pay our respects and eat his remains.

They tasted a bit stringy but okay. We split up his massive fortune between the 20 of us who were there. I got $20, what and honour! I gave it to Amy for her leftover bag of potato chips. She said that they were toenail clippings; but- a feast is a feast!

Leela asked me to take Nibbler on a walk. He stopped at the ham cart and started to gobble them up. I tasted one too then ran away back to the Planet Express building where Professor Farnsworth was trying to catch Hazuzu's (His pet gargoyle) droppings.

Hazuzu smelt the ham on me and swallowed me. Fry, Leela, Bender, The Professor and Amy had to shrink themselves to half their size and go in after me. I had a bit of goo on me when they got me out but apart from that it was a pretty normal day.

Signed,

Dr. John Zoidberg, PhD, which I lost in a volcano on Tweenis 12.

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