In times like these, I find it best not to further incriminate myself and simply proceed to the update. ;) - Thanks for the reviews and I feel horrible it's taken me so long to update! Never this long again, I promise, hopefully...
-And I'm sorry to Stephanie for posting this before I got her reply about the chapter! I have no will power or patience, I'm sorry! Please don't hate me. :'(
I Would Love It If You Take The Cameras Off Of Me. Could You Please Respect My Privacy?
"Liv, really, go home. Take some time off, everyone will understand." Elliot gently tried to push Olivia into going home as they entered the precinct and started walking up to the squad room.
"And do what?" She demanded, only quickening her pace. "Prove to them that I really can't do my job? Not happening." She stubbornly shook her head and pulled her jacket tighter around her stomach.
"You don't have to prove anything to anyone, Liv." Elliot grabbed her wrist and pulled her over to the side of the hallway. She just sighed and glanced away, refusing to meet his gaze as she crossed her arms against her chest. He set his hands on the side of her shoulders and tried to catch her eye as he lowered his voice. "You're a great cop, Olivia, and anyone who matters knows it." Olivia turned her head to face him, frustrated tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. "No one will think any less of you if you lay low for the next few days."
"Yeah," she shrugged tearfully, searching his gaze. "At least not until they turn on the news and see 'Cop Raped' splashed across the screen." Leaving those as her final words, she pulled out of his touch and continued to the squad room.
--XXX--
"We have no comment at this time. No, I'm sorry, Detective Benson is not available for questioning." Olivia found Cragen standing in the middle of the squad room, hanging up a phone on one of the desks. Hearing her footsteps, he glanced up. "What the hell happened?" He asked in bewilderment, turning to see Elliot enter the room as well.
"I'd love to know if you find out," Olivia snapped, sitting down at her desk. She propped her elbow against the arm of the chair and rested the side of her head on her open palm. Elliot stood in the doorway, a worried look on his face as he watched his partner.
"Elliot." Cragen spoke softly, drawing Elliot's attention towards him. In a silent wave, he motioned for the detective to follow him into his office. He hesitated, shooting another glance at his oblivious partner before reluctantly entering the room. Once they were inside, Cragen gently shut the door. He slipped his hands into his pocket and studied Elliot, his brow wrinkled in confusion. "You want to tell me what happened?"
"Other than that bastard telling the world Olivia was raped, not much!" Elliot fumed, pacing back and forth in the small area between Cragen's desk and the wall. He was trying to ease out some of his frustration so that it didn't show when he went back into the squad room. Knowing Olivia, she probably had enough anger in her for the both of them.
"Yeah." Cragen sensitively half-agreed, approaching the subject like a minefield, wary of anything that would set Elliot off. "I've gathered that much from the rumors and phone calls from the press." By the unchanged expression on his face, the Captain knew that Elliot had been expecting as much. "I'm talking specifics," he urged on. "Who found out?"
Feeling his fury begin to soften, Elliot stopped in the middle of the sixth circle he was about to make with his strides. He inhaled a deep breath for composure and met Cragen's gaze. "Reid's attorney, Joseph Myers." His voice was soft so that he could be absolutely sure no information traveled through the walls and went astray, as if it would be a secret much longer. "Olivia was testifying about Emma's behavior. Myers brought Olivia's rape up to try and destroy her credibility."
Upon hearing this, Cragen instantly rationalized Elliot's demeanor. His features hardened as he fully grasped the severity of the situation. If some rookie journalist or reporter had merely uncovered it, it would be easy to sweep it under the rug and ignore. However, a lawyer announcing it in court was something no one would be quick to overlook. "How in the hell did he find out?" Though Elliot and Olivia had made it evident that they were just as unaware, Cragen's sudden animosity transcended his logic.
"That's what I want to know," Elliot shrugged, folding one arm over the other and positioning them against his chest. His eyes aimlessly scanned across the floor as he once more probed every corner of his mind for something informative he might have missed. When he came up with no more answers then he had before, he glanced back towards Cragen. He also appeared to be lost in reverie. "So what do we do now?"
Cragen just sighed, letting his shoulders fall as he slightly shook his head. "Major damage control." He idly made his way around the corner of his desk and lowered himself into his swivel chair. "I'm going to have to make some calls…" Cragen wearily ran his hand over the top of his bare head before meeting Elliot's stare. "I suppose Liv's not taking this too well."
"It's Liv," Elliot answered gravely, thinking back to the look of horror on Olivia's face in the courtroom. His voice dropped to a barely audible whisper. "Having the world find out…" He diverted his eyes and somberly shook his head. "It's just another attack."
Cragen paused, mulling over Elliot's words. "Should we push this? Try to find out how he knew?"
"I think we should," he nodded hesitantly in agreement.
"All right, where's Novak?" Cragen pulled his chair forward, sliding his knees under the desk. Laying his elbow against the wood, he picked up the closest pen and starting scribbling on a piece of paper.
"Not here," he shrugged listlessly. "She ran off as soon as the trial was recessed. Went out the back way, we haven't seen her since."
--XXX--
As Olivia sat unmoving, her head hung towards the floor, she blocked out all the usual noise traveling around the squad room. She was still using every ounce of her will power to convince herself that this was all just a nightmare. To test her ability, she snapped her eyes shut with the unlikely hope that when they opened, she'd be back in her bed. After a minute, Olivia didn't even need to open her eyes to know that her desperate wishing had failed her. A quiet sigh parted her lips.
Suddenly, Olivia felt a hand grab her shoulder and yank her from her thoughts. Reflexes taking over, she jumped back and almost fell out of her chair. While she was steadying herself, a familiar voice spoke.
"Sorry Liv, I didn't mean to scare you." Olivia glanced up to see the only good thing that had come out of this whole situation staring down at her with a small, concerned smile.
"Hey El." She returned with a slight curl of her lip and a wearied expression, turning her attention to the top of her desk.
"I brought coffee." The Styrofoam cup abruptly appeared in front of her, the normally welcoming odor filling her nose. Now though, her stomach was inexplicably knotting up in queasiness, and the coffee only worsened it.
"Thanks." She sighed, taking it from his hand and setting it on the corner of her desk, as far away as possible.
"Your gratitude is overwhelming." Elliot joked with a sly grin as he attempted to cheer her up. The lack of response from Olivia and that fact that she still had her back to him suggested that it hadn't worked. "Liv…" He rested his fingertips on the very end of her shoulder and tenderly slid his hand to her collarbone. Caressing her skin with the palm of his hand, he began lightly massaging her neck. Feeling her extreme tension, he leaned forward and whispered. "What's wrong?"
Olivia lingered a moment before twisting around to meet Elliot's gaze with a dubious expression that he could easily read. Are you serious?
"Sorry." He impulsively furrowed his brows and just as quickly straightened them, hiding his slip-up with a sheepish smile. "Stupid question. You sure you're all right?" His eyes scanned over hers in fret.
"I'm fi-" Momentarily locking her eyes onto his, couldn't force herself to lie to him again. Her shoulders heaving in a sigh, she turned away. She slid her elbows onto the table and buried her face in her hands. "No," she finally admitted, "not great."
Elliot sucked in a deep breath, watching her with a despondent gaze. Knowing that any attempts to send her home would be futile, he could only reassuringly rub her back in small circles, gesturing that he was here for her.
All of a sudden, the shrill ring of Olivia's desk phone went off, making her flinch from Elliot's touch. Raising her head, she answered it with the most professional voice she could muster. "Detective Benson." After a minute of having her ear next to the phone, Elliot noticed Olivia's body tense up. "No!" She shrieked into the phone before slamming it back down on the receiver. Elliot didn't even need verification to know that it had been another probing reporter. As he moved both of his hands on her shoulders, Olivia slowly rose to her feet.
"What is it?" He lost his grip on her as she rotated towards him, a depressed hollowness in her eyes.
"I think I'm gonna go home." Glancing down, she jerked her coat off of the back of her chair and slipped her arms through the sleeves. She adjusted the collar neatly down and flipped her head back, getting the hair out of her face.
"Are you feeling okay?" Elliot reached his hand up to gently graze her cheek in concern, noticing that she seemed pale.
"I'm all right." Olivia turned her head to the side and met his gaze. "My stomach's bothering me a little, it's nothing."
"Okay." Elliot watched on with a smile as his partner gathered up the case file she'd been working on. Nothing could keep such a dedicated woman away from her job, even a stomach bug. "Call me if you need anything."
"'Kay," she sighed, shifting around the papers in her arms. Just as Olivia was about to leave, Elliot set his hand over hers and drew her gaze upwards.
"I'll stop by your apartment after work, check up on you," he offered in a whisper. "Want me to bring you anything?"
A grin crossed Olivia's face, slightly brightening her dulled features. She stepped forward and moved her head next to Elliot's. "Just you," she murmured, softly brushing her lips against his cheek as she pulled away.
--XXX--
Elliot stood in front of Olivia's apartment door, juggling the box of crackers and bottle of ginger ale in one arm while he reached the other up to knock. It only took one tap of his knuckles before the door flew open. "Hey-" Before he could finish, he found himself being yanked into the apartment by his free arm. Just as he was about to pitch forward, he felt Olivia's familiar form press up against him.
"What took you so long?" Olivia's arms were wrapped around his waist and the side of her head rested on his chest. She donned a plain white t-shirt and light gray sweatpants.
Holding the groceries with one hand, he curled his other arm over her back with a surprised grin. "What?"
"I asked what took you so long," she repeated, keeping her hold on Elliot as she glanced up.
"Wait…" Elliot's eyes narrowed in confusion as he searched Olivia's face. "You mean you actually wanted me here?"
"Yeah…" She caught his eyes and slightly pulled back, puzzled by his question.
"Do you realize that that's probably the first time you've ever let me in your apartment with open arms and without me pushing?" He raised a playful eyebrow, patiently tapping his fingertips against the small of her back.
Olivia slightly blushed at his joke, quickly seeing the truth in his words. "Shut up, Stabler," she said defensively, a grin curling her lips.
"Now is that anyway to talk to someone who stopped at two different gas stations to find these?" He produced the ginger ale and box of crackers in his arm, reaching them out towards her.
She followed his stare downwards, her smile widening as her eyes settled on the two items. "Crackers and ginger ale." She grabbed the plastic 20-ounce bottle by the neck in one hand and the saltine crackers in her other. After reading the labels, she turned her back to Elliot and made her way to the cupboards in the kitchen area. "My hero," she grinned, finding a glass amongst the random plates and dishes and setting it on the counter.
"Stomach still not feeling well?" Elliot walked up behind Olivia and slid his arms around her waist. His hands stopped to settle on her perfectly toned stomach and he positioned his chin on her left shoulder.
Olivia sighed, her shoulder held still by Elliot's weight as she transferred the clear, bubbling liquid from the bottle and into the glass. "No, not really." Twisting the cap back on, she maneuvered her head uncomfortably around so that she was able to see Elliot. She couldn't help but laugh at the boyish expression and lopsided, stupid grin he gave her. "You want something to drink?" She pointed to the refrigerator, only a few feet away.
Elliot's gaze never left Olivia's face as he quickly decided against anything that would result in breaking their pleasantly comfortable embrace. "I'll have what you're having."
Rolling her eyes with a grin, Olivia reached up and produced a glass identical to hers from the cupboard. Emptying the last half of the contents in the bottle, she tossed it to the side, making a mental note to throw it away later. "Two ginger ales, ready to go," she announced, picking up one in each hand. "You get the crackers." Bending over to the side, Olivia finally managed to shrug Elliot's head of off her shoulder.
Elliot obediently grabbed the box and followed Olivia into the living room area. He flopped down on the couch first, sitting on one end cushion while he stretched out legs over the other two.
"Scoot over," Olivia laughed, setting the glasses on the coffee table so that her hands were free to push his legs into the back of the seat. Once his feet were moved, she rolled onto the sofa, purposefully landing halfway on Elliot.
"Ow…" Almost instantly, she heard a moan from Elliot and felt him shift around underneath her.
"Don't you even," Olivia threateningly warned him, expecting some crack about her weight. Her legs were on the couch, but her waist up was resting against his chest, her head right below his.
"No, I think I sat on something." Elliot braced his right hand against the back of the couch as he lifted his hips up, moving Olivia with him. Holding both of their weights up, he shot out his hand beneath him. Sure enough, his fingers wrapped around something hard. Pulling his hand out, he saw it was a remote control. "Wanna watch TV?"
"Sure." Olivia leaned forward and snatched the box of crackers off of the table. She opened it and yanked out one of the sleeves. Holding one of them between her fingers, she waved it in front of Elliot's face. "Want one?"
"Sure." He accepted it and began thoughtfully chewing at it as he flipped the television set on. Skimming over the channels, he paused to glance down at the top of Olivia's head. "So, you think this counts as a second date?"
She stopped nibbling at her own cracker long enough to take a sip of her ginger ale. "Why not?" She shrugged. "Crackers and ginger ale, that's romance right there."
Elliot just smiled at her, turning back to the TV and looking through the guide. As the screen settled on a show title, he tuned to that channel. "Have you ever watched that show about cops and lawyers, each show they work on a different case?"
"Oh yeah, Peace and Justice, right? I've seen commercials, but I've never watched it. Kinda hard to find interest in watching something you see everyday."
"Oh, come on," Elliot tried to persuade her. "It's not life, it's TV. Besides, a lot of it is about the people too, not just the cases."
"All right, fine," Olivia pretended to sound annoyed. "I'll watch it… just for you." A contented smile crossed her face as she snuggled closer to Elliot. He returned the affection by wrapping his arm around her abdomen.
As the show started, soft, dramatic music began playing in the background. The scene opened, it revealed two teenagers walking down a city street, right towards a dead body. It then cut to the same scene, now surrounded by what Elliot and Olivia easily recognized as CSU. Then it showed two detectives, a male and female, walking around the street and discussing the case.
"Okay," Olivia pointed to the screen. "Look at that and tell me that's not what we do every day."
"So what if it is? At least we get to watch other people do the dirty work for once."
Olivia mulled that over for a minute before chuckling. "Good point."
After a few more minutes, the first commercial break came on. "See?" Elliot leaned forward to look at Olivia. "It's not that bad."
"Yeah," she shrugged. "I guess not. Aside from the fact that those detectives are completely blind."
"What?"
"The detectives are completely clueless! I mean, it's so obvious that it was the guy's wife. Her story's ridiculous, she has no alibi, they found lipstick on the shirt that matches hers… come on!"
"Okay detective," Elliot laughed at her little outburst. "Have you ever thought about what it would be like if they based a show around our precinct?"
"You mean about us, Cragen, John, and Fin?" She shook her head. "I don't see it. Who would want to watch a show all about our lives and the cases we work?"
"Why not? We're interesting."
"Yeah, anyone who finds my job interesting enough to watch a show on it seems like they'd be a little creepy to me. Besides, I'm no actress."
"But you'd be famous. The money, the glam, the paparazzi chasing you around…"
"No thanks," she smiled. "I'm perfectly happy under the radar as it is." Just as she said that, Olivia's home phone started ringing. With an exasperated sigh, she got to her feet and shuffled across the room. "Benson," she answered it.
Elliot stayed back and watched as her expression suddenly hardened in anger. "Liv?" He worriedly pushed himself forward into a sitting position.
"No, I don't want to be interviewed for your paper," she snapped into the mouthpiece. Her eyes furiously narrowed as her grip dangerously tightened around the phone. The color drained from her face in pure rage. "No! I have no comment!" Her voice almost came out in a scream as she slammed the phone back onto the receiver. Her shaking hand still rested over it as her shoulders quickly rose and fell with each shallow breath she took.
"Liv..?" Elliot cautiously called her name. He'd never before seen such vehemence in her eyes, and it alarmed him. As he set his feet on the floor and stood up, the phone suddenly rang again.
Before Olivia even realized what she was doing, she'd grabbed the base of the phone receiver in both hands and forcefully brought it down against the edge of the end table. She wildly repeated the action again and again, each time smashing it with more strength and intensity as the last. After a few solid hits, the machine began crumbling in her hands, the ring reduced to a low, slowly dying-out moan.
"Liv! Liv!" Elliot ran to her, grasping her wrists in his hands to try and calm her movements. "Stop! Calm down!" He tightened his grip until her trembling hands finally released the phone. It let out one final low-pitched wail before finally falling silent. "Olivia?" Elliot bent forward so that he was eye level with her. Olivia's eyes were averted down, a dazed expression on her face as her body still slightly shook. "Liv?" He ineffectually tried to get her attention, still gripping her wrists. Instead of looking at him, she glanced towards the TV. Elliot silently followed her stare.
On the screen, a news show commercial quickly came on, showing an anchorman at his desk. The image abruptly changed, now showing footage of Olivia leaving the courtroom this morning as Elliot and John tried uselessly to conceal her face. "Tonight at nine," a male voice floated through the television speakers. "During the trial of the boy suspected of raping Emma MacGuire, one of New York's own detectives admits to being attacked. How it happened, where her rapist is now, and more, later this even-"
The screen flickered off as Elliot finally found the power button on the TV. Glancing back across the room at Olivia, he knew his actions were too late. She'd seen the entire thing. "Liv?" He took a carefully step forward, reaching out towards her.
Olivia blinked successively in shock, absolutely stunned as her eyes focused on Elliot. When he was only a few feet away, her emotion suddenly overcame her and she burst into tears. She buried her face in cupped hands and leaned forward, falling against Elliot as he ran towards her.
"Shh…" As she cried into his chest, Elliot placed one hand behind her back and the other held her head. "It's okay, Liv." He tried to reassure her as best he could, running his fingers over the back of her head. "It'll be all right."
"No, it's not!" She lamented, weakly punching his shoulder with her fist. "He took everything from me!" Sobs shook her body as she kept her face hidden in Elliot's shirt. "He took my life and now he's going to take my job too! I can't work if the whole city knows!"
Elliot just squeezed her closer against him and lowered his head so that her hair covered his face. He tried to fight back his own tears of pain for her and for his lack of control to make things better. "Don't worry, Liv." His voice cracked as he whispered in her ear. "He's not taking a thing from you. Tomorrow we'll talk to Cragen, you and me. We'll figure something out, Liv. I won't let him hurt you anymore." Elliot could only repeat his words of consolation over and over as he let Olivia's tears run dry into the material of his shirt.
She does her best to hide
The pain that she's been through
When she cries at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries to hide all the fear she feels inside
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries
She's always been there for me
Whenever I've fallen
When nobody else believes
She'll be there by my side
I don't know how she takes it
Just once I'd like to make it
Then there'll be tears of joy
That fill her loving eyes
When she cries at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries to hide all the fear she feels inside
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries
--XXX--
After about fifteen minutes had passed, Olivia's sobs had finally subsided, leaving the embraced detectives standing in silence. Elliot's head rested on top of hers, his hands still occasionally running over her hair in a comforting motion. Once he was absolutely sure her tears had stopped, he broke the silence.
"You okay now?" His hand slipped down to her shoulder, stroking her cheek as it fell.
"Yeah…" She whispered halfheartedly, unmoving in his arms.
Elliot lifted his head up, kissing the top of Olivia's before standing back. "How's your stomach?" He laced his fingers through her hair, just above her ear, and pushed her head back so that he could see her face. Her glossy brown eyes locked onto his, saying more than she ever could.
"Better," she admitted, sounding surprised by the sudden change.
"Good." A genuine smile crossed his lips as he reached his thumb out to tenderly wipe away the tearstains under her eyes. "I figured it would."
"Why? Because I bawled like a baby?" She asked like she was ashamed of her actions because she was, yet again, unable to hold it together.
"Yes." At her puzzled expression, he clarified himself with an encouraging smile. "Because you can't hide your emotions, what you're feeling. If you keep it in, it'll eat you up until you explode." Olivia impulsively rolled her eyes and looked away, her reaction to anyone who told her to express her feelings. "Liv," Elliot grabbed her chin in his hand and pulled her face back to his. "I'm serious. I know I sound like Huang," he grinned, "but you don't have to hide your pain. I know you think it's unprofessional and vulnerable to show your emotions, but it's only human." Elliot lowered his hand and locked his gaze onto Olivia's. "Your compassion is part of what I love about you."
Olivia's eyes started misting again as a smile slightly curled the corners of her lips. "Thanks El." She leaned in and quickly gave him a peck on the lips. "I feel better."
"Then so do I," he agreed with a pleased grin. "What do you say we get back to our 'date'?"