Disclaimer; I do not own Futurama so don't sue or anything. This time I won the lotto hooray! (Then I lost it all in cockfights.)
Diary of Hubert J Farnsworth.
Dear Diary,
Today when I woke up, Death was holding a piece of paper up next to my bed. He had dreadlocks and also holding a stamp. I said that I wasn't going down without a fight and jabbed him with my finglonger. He ran away (you can't imagine how many times I have been attacked by death, once it came to me in the form of a bending unit robot demanding money). I gave out pickle sandwiches for breakfast, while Amy was unwrapping her sandwich; I cleverly tried to inject a syringe into her arm. She threw her pickle sandwich at me and my nose melted off. I could swear the sandwich was alright; it was only 107 years past its expiry date! I cloned myself a new nose and while I was at it, I attached a laser gun to my chest. It went off and nearly hit Nibbler so Leela cut it off. A waste of time I say! The people of Urectum called to order some fluffy toilet seats. I told Fry Leela and Bender to go. I accidentally pressed the auto button on Hermes' power stapler and it stapled him to the ceiling. I said that I'd get him down later and I started making glowing noses. But the box of noses fell on the stapler and the pressed down the button; the stapler stopped. Amy programmed the stapler to work properly and the staples holding Hermes fell of. He fell into a barrel of nuclear waste that was coming out of my machine and he liked the taste of it. He bought it off me for $30 (Ha! In his face). I received a message from the people of Oxide; the gas planet. They wanted a ton of petrol. While the crew were away, I went off to the supermarket to get my free money from the social security office. I borrowed Amy's new 'Eagle' car. I crashed into some hippies outside our building who were demanding to use my bathroom. They fell into a pile of bricks and got crushed. I dumped their corpses in the sewers where the mutants put them up and hailed them as the re-carnation of their god, an unexploded nuclear bomb. I bought a new type of memory ray with the $30 I got from Hermes. It was the special edition that could blank minds! When I got back to the office, Fry Leela and Bender were back and they were covered in ashes. They didn't seem to mind except Bender. The ashes clogged up his common sense unit and he went around singing country folk songs. He also started squashing my man-eating anteaters. Poor little guys, they didn't stand a chance against Bender, made of metal and all. I only have one left that luckily licked up the ashes that were in Bender's common sense unit. I tested the 'Memoray' on Nibbler but somehow he grabbed it and pointed it at me. Moron. Luckily the Memoray wasn't loaded and Nibbler just threw it at me. It broke my hip but nothing to serious. At the end of the day when I was dozing in my office, Death came to me this time in the form of a janitor who had his scythe cleverly disguised as a broom. He said; Scruffy's demanding a pay rise. I luckily shot the Memoray at him and he lost his mind. But for the killing of my nurse, I restored his memory and then ran for my life, as he demanded another pay rise. Anyway, it was a pretty normal day on Earth.
Professor Hubert J Farnsworth
Free lotto tickets (for lotto games that have already been finished and lost) to anyone who reviews!