a/n: Here be fic three of 'ways to kiss.' I'm pretty sure this is the last one. I'm embarrassed because I've ended up writing all three of them in the same day. Well, you're not complaining, right? (smile) This one will probably not be as long as 2, nor will it be as waffish as the other two. In fact, though this is still part of 'ways to kiss,' I think it's more funny and depressing than romantic. Sorry; it's just the pairing that did it...the perspective, too.

Disclaimer: All characters mentioned herewith are property of...someone else (sigh.) /i

Doors and Distractions
Kiss 3: Late night game. Tatsuha was so sure it was Door #2. Tatsuha/Eiri /u

The time was 11:52 in the evening, and Mika Seguchi was officially fed up with her stupid blonde-headed brother's brooding. Having been informed that his bratty rock-star lover was out on a tour, she initially hadn't minded the idea of being dragged to the novelist's apartment by the ever-elusive Tatsuha...but one thing she'd quickly realized was that, though Eiri used to be an independent, big-headed bastard, Shindo had successfully turned the man into a dependent big-headed bastard—even worse, in her opinion. Apparently, without distraction, Eiri just couldn't concentrate on writing (ridiculous!) and therefore was apt to remain in his dark office forever...or at least until Shuichi Shindo returned, which Mika was beginning to suspect would be just as long, if not longer.

"Eiri, are you going to grace us with your presence anytime this week?" She spoke sharply at the closed office door, just able to imagine the look of intensely concentrated idiocy on her brother's face. As always, there was no reply...

She took a deep breath through her nose and went away again. She hadn't expected that to work, anyway.

"Bro still locked up?"

Mika glanced sideways to see her younger, dark-haired brother lying on the ground in front of the television. In the darkness of the apartment (she wondered why the lights were off and then recalled that Tatsuha liked watching TV in the dark,) and under the sickly glow of the television set, the man's face looked downright eerie. Of course, the glazed-over, vacant look in his eyes might have contributed to that, as well.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes."

Despite no change in the zombie-like stare in his eyes, Tatsuha's lips quirked up into a little grin.

"That's too bad," he muttered. "He's missing out."

Mika, for the most part lost for things to do, halted to see what exactly this was that Eiri was apparently missing out on. She blinked, reaction delayed by slight tiredness, and then frowned.

"A game show, Tatsuha...? What would father think, I wonder?"

"Dunno," he mumbled, eyes still transfixed to the set.

Mika tapped her foot, scratching a spot beside her mouth.

"Turn it off," she demanded suddenly. "You've no reason to lose sleep over this."

"In a minute," Tatsuha returned, slightly more alert now that the possibility of losing the TV had come up. "I have to see which door the car is behind. That guy's an idiot, he's probably going to guess number one, but it's two."

The woman lifted an eyebrow and looked at the TV set, just barely interested. She noticed quickly that this was a re-run of the game show, one that, ironically, their father actually enjoyed watching. How convenient it was that she remembered this episode...

A Tohma-shaped light bulb went off in her head.

"How sure are you it's door two?" She asked, kneeling down next to the bumming Tatsuha.

A bit put off by his tight-ass sister's sudden interest in the game show, his gaze crept up and met hers.

"Positive."

"And I think it's door 3," she said smugly.

"Why are you telling me this?"

She smirked. "Just felt like playing a game."

This had Tatsuha's interest. Mika could almost see him with dog ears perking up. "A game?"

"A bet, perhaps," she said vaguely, and Tatsuha narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously.

"State your terms quickly," he said. "The commercials will be over soon."

"Oh, it's simple. If you win, and it's door two, then I'll make breakfast every day for a week." Strange as it sounded, Mika was an amazing cook who just happened to hate cooking. For her brothers, anyway; from what Tatsuha could tell, Tohma's taste buds were spoiled silly every day.

"And if it's the third door..?" Tatsuha sat up attentively, already slightly smiling at the idea of Mika having to cook for them.

"Then you'll kiss Eiri."

Tatsuha blinked, blinked, and blinked, then grabbed his head and fell backwards, smashing it on the hard floor with an agonized wail.

"My sister is more perverted than I am!" he cried. Irked, Mika grabbed his hair and made him face her.

"Shut up!" She barked. "Do we have a deal?"

Eyeing her as if she was holding Ryuichi Sakuma's death notice, Tatsuha backed up a little, leaning away from his freaking scary sister.

"Y...Yeah." Not that he was particularly up to kissing Eiri (aside from it just being gross, it was also his death sentence,) but he was positive it was Door Two...he was always right; he practically had a sixth sense about this kind of thing. Besides, Mika could make some killer omelet when she was up to it.

She smiled and released her vice-grip on his hair.

"Let's see what happens."

Smirking weakly, Tatsuha nodded and turned to the TV screen. The commercials had just ended, and the host began his speech about the situation the contestant had been put in before the break.

To say that it was a tense moment would have been lying, as Mika, oddly, lacked any evidence of being tense. Tatsuha supposed it was because it was only her time at stake versus his life, integrity, and chances of getting into heaven ( what chances? ) but still...she was too confident.

"Oh, look. He's about to choose." Mika said, smiling. The dark-haired man started to get a bad feeling about the entire thing.

Both of their eyes glued to the screen, they watched as the poor sap chose Door 1 and came away with nothing. That did nothing for their bet, so they remained silent. Tatsuha was slightly relieved that his instincts had gone this far for him, but then again, so had Mika's.

He held his breath and felt his sister's smirk widening and widening...

Door Number Three!

Tatsuha fainted and was abruptly and painfully brought back by Mika punching his face in.

"Get going, boy," she said wickedly, "and don't forget this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't dragged us here in the first place."

"Noo!" Tatsuha whined, cursing the game show and vowing never to watch it again. "I don't want to!"

"Git!" She kicked him sharply in the side and he groaned, crawling off.

"I hate you, sis!" he called. She merely smiled.

"Have fun!"

With Mika in the living room, Tatsuha wondered if it might be possible to just pretend he'd kissed his (blech) brother. Then he considered the fact that Mika either a) was watching or b) would later inquire of their blonde sibling as to whether or not his brother by any chance might have kissed him earlier. He imagined that scene and smiled despite himself.

When he got to Eiri's office door, he took a deep breath, looked around (?) and swallowed.

"Fuck it," he growled, pushing open the door and stepping inside.

There sat his hapless brother, staring away at a blank document. No words graced its white page, and the light it cast on Eiri's face made him look like he was dying, or dead. Or a zombie.

Definitely an unpleasant thought to have in his head as he roughly grabbed those broad shoulders and forced his lips onto his elder brother's.

"T-T-T-Ta-" Eiri sputtered, throwing the dark-haired man off him. First he look shocked, but that was quickly replaced by an enraged scowl.

"I give you food and a fucking house to stay in...!" He yelled, red-faced. "I don't have time for this! If you're going to stay here, then stay away from my office-" His face screwed up in anger "-and my ass! I'm trying to work, and I can't if you keep distracting me!"

Tatsuha just remained there, where Eiri had tossed him to the ground, staring up at his brother, wide-eyed. This reaction wasn't as bad as he'd expected, but what was disturbing was,

...that kiss,

...he'd enjoyed it.

He was getting fucking hard off a guy that looked exactly like him.

Tatsuha 'eep'ed and hauled ass out of the novelist's office, making a mental note to Never accept a bet with Mika, because, for better or for worse, it will result in something very bad—or very disturbing—happening to him.

Eiri slammed his door shut and returned to his seat, sitting down heavily. He pulled his glasses off to rest his eyelids against the ball of his hand, rubbing his aching head with the other. Fucking Tatsuha and his fucking distractions...he hadn't even started writing, and now that he'd lost his peace, he was never going to be able to...

Pausing, he blinked his eyes open and replaced his glasses quickly, eyes widening a bit as his fingers hit the keyboard and didn't stop.

A few feet away, Mika stood on the other side of the door and smiled at the sound of Eiri clacking away. So, she was right, after all. All it took was a little distraction, and he was back on his feet. The prize really was behind Door Number Three.

However, something else had turned up. After she turned the TV off and headed for her room, she heard a sound and stopped midway through the hall. Suspiciously, she glanced at the door before her—Tatsuha's room—and listened for what her youngest brother could be up to.

She blinked, shook her head, and went straight to bed without changing. She didn't want to admit it, but the soft grunting, moaning, and gasping of Eiri's name were enough to convince her that, though she'd solved one problem that night, she'd just caused a new one that was a hundred times worse.

-end-

a/n: I actually don't like this pairing but I had this idea for it, and so...yeah. Omg. Poor Tatsuha. –dies- This makes me giggle so much. Just your average evening in the Uesugi household.