Thanks for all your kicking reviews. I love hearing from you guys. I do not own Chrono Trigger... geez, disclaimers suck. I swear, they remind me too much of what I would love to own but don't. As if I wasn't painfully aware that I didn't own Chrono Trigger... Anyway, chapter four. Funnier than the last (mayhaps), as well as longer (mayhaps). Enjoy. Please. Or I'll cry. T-T

Chapter 4: Mr. Tinkles to the Rescue!

Crono and Lucca had followed the footsteps to the cathedral, unaware of who - or what - awaited them. By that time, it was well past sunset, and the sky was dark; there was no moon.

"Wonderful," Crono muttered. "This place gives me the heebie-jeebies. Add in the dark night and some witches and you got a perfect night for devil worshipping."

Lucca opened her mouth to respond before she was interrupted by a loud meow. Looking down, she saw that Crono was right - it was the devil's night. Or, to be more precise, Mr. Tinkle's night.

"You!" Crono snapped. "Go away. Shoo. I'm still mad at you, remember?"

Mr. Tinkles cocked its head at Crono and let off a louder meow.

"Apparently not," Lucca commented. "Let's just go inside... Get it over with... We might still make it back before breakfast."

Crono muttered something else about suicide and followed Lucca inside. Neither of them noticed Mr. Tinkles follow them inside.

The cathedral hadn't changed. There was no sunlight filtering through the stained glass windows - rather, the cathedral was eerily depressing. The darkness was overwhelming. Lucca finally produced a small ball of fire to help them see, and the fire was nearly swallowed by the darkness. It gave them a dim view of the room, nonetheless, yet the view was uninviting. The pews were still carefully lined up, the organ sat in the corner. However, the pews were dusty, the organ was not.

"We're definitely in the right place." Lucca's voice sounded unnaturally soft in the deadly silence.

"Yeah," Crono said, his voice oddly shrill.

Lucca carefully approached the organ and tentatively pressed a few keys before finding the one that unlocked the secret door.

"Mystics?" Crono said quietly as they fumbled around in the dark, searching in the dim light for the door. "They were behind Leene's kidnapping... did they mistake Marle for Leene again?"

"I don't think so..." Lucca said slowly. "I think... they knew who they were kidnapping." Her fingers ran over a wooden surface. "Found it... let's go."

They pushed the door open and entered the brightly lit corridor.

-XXX-

The knife inched closer to Marle's throat.

"Wait!" she said desperately. "Wait... Please."

The man stopped the knife. "What do you want?"

"All great evil villains grant last requests." It was a desperate move, Marle knew. Maybe he'd be one of the stupid villains that did grant last requests. "You want to be known as a great evil villain, right?"

The man paused, and held the knife up to his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm. You're right. Why settle for being a normal evil villain when I can be a great evil villain? Alright, what do you want?"

Phew. "Um, well, I'd like to tell you a joke. You know, for your own entertainment before you brutally murder me."

"Sounds harmless enough," the man said with a shrug.

Marle cleared her throat. "Well, there was this man. He owned a dog. This dog was the ugliest dog ever, right? So the man entered him in the neighborhood Ugliest Dog Ever contest. The first judge said 'Wow, that is such an ugly dog!' and the second judge said 'Yes! I agree!' and the third judge said 'First place!' So the man got first place. Then he entered the community's Ugliest Dog Ever contest..."

-XXX-

"Dodge it, you idiot!" Lucca yelled, narrowly having her head chopped off by a Naga-ette.

"Yeah, easy for you to say!" Crono retaliated, cleanly taking out two Diablo and a Naga-ette with his sword.

The two had encountered no difficulty getting through most of the passageways, until they reached the back room. As soon as they were within fifty yards of the door, they were attacked by various Mystics. Most of which were pathetically weak, unsurprisingly.

"Oh, for the love of Pete..."

Lucca finally got irritated, and ended up blasting everything within a twenty yard radius with her Napalm, which was bad news for poor Crono, who was scared out of his wits and almost decapitated himself in shock.

"Sweet penguin god!" Crono yelped, stopping the sword just in time. "What the hell was that?"

"Napalm," Lucca commented. "Nature's toothpaste." She smirked, and gestured at the dead (and dismembered) Mystics scattered throughout the room.

Crono shuddered, then glanced at the unguarded door. "Alright, let's go see what's behind that door..."

The two sprinted toward the door, and shoved it open.

"Then he entered the Intergalactic Ugliest Dog Ever contest," Marle was saying to a glossy-eyed man holding a knife.

"Marle!" Crono exclaimed. "You're alive!"

Marle looked up, and her jaw dropped. "You're alive! I thought that - you - the dam blew up-"

"Alright!" the man yelled, losing his patience. "I hate to break up the happy reunion, but it's time to die... for you."

Crono whipped out his sword. "I don't think so, bubba. That's my girl you have there, and I'm not leaving unless she's in my arms."

Lucca rolled her eyes. "Alright, let's just kill him."

The man held up his arms. "I don't think so... Remember me?"

He began to change. He grew larger, fatter, uglier... Soon, he was towering over Marle's would-be rescuers.

"Yakra."

Yakra laughed. "You remembered me! Well, I'm impressed. I haven't forgotten you."

"How are you still alive?" Crono demanded. "We killed you, remember?"

Yakra laughed again. "I'm a Mystic - we don't die easily. You defeated me. You didn't kill me. It's actually this really complicated thing that no human could ever comprehend."

"Yeah, well, screw the complicatedness," Crono growled, lunging at Yakra. "I'm going kung-fu on your ass."

With an effortless flick of his claw, Yakra intercepted the blow. "I'm stronger now, Leene's warriors."

Lucca cringed, and glanced at Crono. Keep him busy, she mouthed. I've got a plan.

Of course, Crono didn't like where that was going. And after Yakra sent him flying across the room, who could blame him?

Lucca slipped over to Marle and cut the ropes that were binding her. "We gotta help him," Lucca mumbled, giving in to Crono's moans of "Sweet zombie Jesus, not there- Aaaaugh! Mommy said not to touch that! Ow! That hurts! Stop it, for the love of God, stop!"

Marle nodded, and was about to cast Cure on Crono... until she saw a small yellow figure in the doorway.

The yellow thing flew through the air, landing on Crono's head. Naturally, this scared the living bajeezus out of Crono.

"Monkey sweet potato!" Crono shrieked, batting at his head with newfound strength. "My hair!"

Yakra laughed. "What is that thing? Is it here to save you, human?"

"God, I hope not," Lucca muttered. "This unexpected visitor certainly ruined my plan."

Mr. Tinkles hissed at Yakra, jumped off Crono's head, and landed on Yakra's back.

"What the-"

Sneakily, Mr. Tinkles bounded across Yakra until he reached Yakra's eyes, which happened to become Mr. Tinkles's scratching post.

"Get this demon creature off me!" Yakra shrieked. "It's blinding me!"

"Now would be a good time, Crono!" Lucca yelled. "Finish him!"

Crono then proceeded to pull off an extremely OOC move that defeated Yakra, they all headed back to the castle where Lucca was struck with a brilliant idea, and she created a time machine, which they used to go back to their own time. Crono then proceeded to marry Marle and the two of them ruled happily and had ten children. Boo-ya.

"Crono!" Lucca yelled, snapping Crono out of his fantasy world. "Are you just going to stand there, or do I have to finish this?"

"You know, it wouldn't kill you to be helpful for once," Crono muttered.

"Actually, it might."

Grumbling, Crono sliced through what might have been Yakra's head.

"Blargh. I am dead," Yakra said before he fell to the floor, some disgusting green liquid gushing out of his fatal wound. Crono let out a tired sigh and sheathed his sword. With a forced grin, he looked at Marle. "Stop getting kidnapped."

Marle smiled. "I'll try."

Lucca waited as the two of them stared at each other. "Kiss already!" she yelled, finally losing her patience.

Crono strode across the floor, grabbed Marle, held her at arms' length, and kissed her passionately. Well, as passionately as Crono knew how, anyway.

Finally, he broke the kiss, and stared at her. "I love you."

Marle was speechless. She merely swayed on the spot and blinked. Even Mr. Tinkles seemed surprised. Surprised enough to plant himself back on Crono's head, anyway.

Ah, but Crono was pleased, and not even annoyed at his cat. His goal of the week had been accomplished. Kill the most badass monster in town, and make out with the hottest chick nearby. And that chick happened to be Marle. Of course, he liked her and stuff. Yeah. Alot. Alot alot.

"Let's go home," Crono said, beaming, pointing to the door. "I'm rather hungry, aren't you?" He walked out, smirking, not noticing the two girls' incredulous glances. There aren't enough O's in 'smooth' to describe how smooth I am, he thought smugly, reaching up and patting Mr. Tinkles on the head.

Shaking her head, Lucca followed him. Marle remained speechless for a few seconds longer, and finally walked along behind Lucca.

I love you, too, Crono.

-XXX-

Queen Leene listened to the report that Lucca was giving, with an increasingly grumpy look on her face. One simple mission, and they turned it from a friendly meeting into a suicidal disaster. How the hell did they do it?

"...And then, after narrowly escaping that mess alive, we found footprints. We followed them to the cathedral, where we pulled off an astoundingly heroic rescue feat, killing Yakra, who had magically come back to life by means beyond our mortal comprehension, and rescuing Marle-"

"Allow me to interrupt," Leene interrupted. "The mission was not, contrary to what you believe, a rescue mission. It was a simple mission where you were to give this letter-" Leene pulled out a letter "-to the mayor of the town."

"Wait, we were supposed to give him that letter?" Lucca said, confused. "Why do you have it?"

Leene shook her head. "You'd already left by the time I was going to give it to you."

"Biscuitmongers," Crono muttered. "So, that suicide mission was for nothing?"

"Yes, it would appear so," Leene said with a disgruntled look.

"Biscuitmongers," Crono muttered again.

Leene tossed the letter on the floor. "Well, it appears that there is nothing further we can do about it. You look like you were digging in the mud for four days straight, so I respectfully command you to go and get cleaned. And rest."

Crono shrugged. "Sounds good to me."

The three of them bowed and walked out of the throne room, where Leene sat shaking her head. And they used to be fairly normal people... Why are they so... odd? Especially Sir Crono. And why was his cat on his head? I think I'll outlaw cats...

-XXX-

Crono stared at the ceiling late that night. He couldn't sleep. All he could think about was Marle, and the romantic walk by the river... and the candlelight dinner... the things he wanted, but didn't have.

"Mreow?" Mr. Tinkles meowed loudly, and rubbed Crono's leg.

"Well, I s'pose I owe you an apology," Crono grunted, picking him up and rubbing him behind his ears. "If it wasn't for you, Yakra could have torn me into shredded beef..."

Mr. Tinkles purred, and Crono swore that the cat was drooling at the notion of shredded beef. Resignedly, Crono got up and led Mr. Tinkles down three sets of stairs to the empty and dark kitchen to find the cat some food. Upon entrance to the kitchen, Mr. Tinkles hopped out of Crono's arms and trotted over to a corner, sniffing. Pleased, Mr. Tinkles picked up the dead mouse that was in the corner in his mouth, trotted back to Crono, and dumped the mouse at Crono's feet, purring.

Shuddering, Crono pointed at the supply cabinet. "Let's see if there's any meat that is edible, eh? Not Academy lunch material?"

Mr. Tinkles cocked his head slightly and dug into the dead mouse's flesh.

Opening the first cabinet, Crono realized that it was stocked with wine. He began to close it, but then was struck with a brilliant idea.

-XXX-

The knock on her door at midnight startled Marle. At first, she considered blasting the caller with an Ice attack, decided she was too tired, and proceeded to open the door.

"Cr-"

The word had barely formed on Marle's lips before Crono grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the room.

"Hey, where are we going?" Marle demanded in indignation.

Crono smiled. "Out."

"Wow, if you were any more vague, I might just think I was being kidnapped again," Marle scowled. Then she noticed something. "Crono, what are you wearing? And is that... wine?"

Crono grinned. "I'm wearing clothes. And yes." He led her by the arm, and they walked for a while - through the forest, past the cathedral... For a while, all they did was talk. They talked about random things, like stupid stuff they did as children (apparently, Crono had once drowned the classroom pet - accidently, he claimed), and not so random things, such as their adventures through time. After a long while of talking, Marle noticed that Crono had led them to Zenan Bridge.

"Why are we here?" Marle asked, confused.

"I, um, well..."

Nervously, Crono shuffled his feet. "Marle..."

Marle's heart pounded rapidly. "Yes?"

"Will, um, will... you... erm... yeah, I'm bad at this..."

He took a deep breath, held out his hands, and gripped hers. "Wihyuhmaymeh?"

She was stunned for a moment. "Will I maim you? 'Cause I would have done that at the castle... you know, where I could have gone back to bed in about five minutes?"

He laughed weakly. "Um, no...I'll try again. Er - will you... marry me?"

-XXX-

Bah. I knew it would happen. I absolutely knew I'd be sucked into this. Why can't I just make the whole fic humorous? No, I have to make it all sappy and crappy... It's all because I was listening to the Schala's Theme music on VGMusic... Blame it... -curses obscenely- No, I'll go back to entertaining soon, I swear. I'll be able to write a couple chapters next week (if I get lots of reviews, hint hint), but until then, I've got finals... And no one wants me to fail the finals, right? No, that would suck. I'll shut up and go do my precalculus (que es mierda) now. Review. Or I'll... -is running out of threats- cut off your arms and legs with a chainsaw. Brownie points go to whomever knows where I got that threat. Adios, amigos. Hasta luego.