Yay, second to last chapter. And then I can be free - well, no, that's mean. And not entirely accurate. I've actually enjoyed writing this. It'll be sad to see it go, but I'll live. Obviously. Anyway, I don't own anything Chrono Trigger related except a really old copy of the game (the one without all the nifty anime-style cut scenes). Thanks to my lovely reviewers! I hope you enjoy this. If not, I blame Travis. He pulled a 180 on a dangerous intersection and nearly killed me. Several times. Okay, sorry. Here ya go!

Chapter Eight: It's Not the First Time This Has Happened

"Lucca Ashtear and Crono Triggare, you have been brought before the court today..."

Marle was getting sick of this. The two had landed themselves in court.

Again.

"...on charges of murder in the second degree, destruction of property, and obstruction of justice. How do you plea?"

May the gods have mercy on their pitiful souls.

"Hey, I didn't obstruct justice!" Crono said indignantly. "I resisted arrest, those are two very different things."

The lawyer (or what would pass as a lawyer in the Middle Ages) sighed. How the hell did I end up with these two? They're more hopeless than the milkman... and damn was he hopeless.

Lucca cleared her throat after waiting for the lawyer, who said nothing. "Your judgeness, er, whatever, we're innocent! It was self defense, see, that's permissible."

"The explosive devise is most definitely not permissible, Miss Ashtear," the judge said with a frown.

"Ah, well, funny story, really..."

Here we go, the lawyer thought with an inward groan. These never work.

"...and then the monster ran at us with a screwdriver, and I ducked, and the monster flew into the desk where my bomb was, and the bomb flew through the air and killed people after exploding."

Marle slapped her forehead. The lawyer slapped his forehead. Leene slapped her forehead. The jurors drank expensive wine without a damn idea of what was going on. Crono slapped his forehead. The judge slapped his forehead. Mr. Tinkles meowed giddily.

"Do you really expect me to believe those trickery and lies?" the judge asked in exasperation, waving his gavel around, nearly conking his Middle-Ages equivalent of a bailiff in the head.

Lucca cocked her head. "I rather hoped you would, yeah."

"How did you feel threatened, Miss Ashtear?" the judge demanded. "And enough trickery and lies, I'm tired of all the trickery and lies."

Lucca banged her fist on the table in front of her. "I did not kill that man!"

There was an awkward pause, broken only by Crono's "cough" that sounded suspiciously like "cough, lawsuit, cough."

"Er, wait. Rewind that?"

Crono cleared his throat loudly. "Seeing as Lucca is incapable of keeping her story straight-"

"Way to be on my side, ding dong," Lucca mumbled, clearly disgruntled.

"-I shall take this case into my own hands."

"NO!" Lucca and Marle both yelped.

"Now. Your honor-filled gavel-banging dude, the story Lucca tells is all lies."

"I gathered that," the judge muttered.

"And now, I will tell you the story of what truly happened," Crono went on, ignoring the judge completely.

Everyone else groaned.

Two hours and forty-three minutes later...

"...and after the man came at us with a banana, Lucca screamed, grabbed the nearest heavy object (the bomb, yeah?) and hurled it at him. Ironically, the bomb missed completely and flew out the window. Lucca yelled 'bombs away!' at the people to warn them to hightail it, 'cause she's soooo nice and all, but, alas, it was too late. So the man tripped, and fell out the window. He hit the bomb, which exploded in a fiery, explosive, gruesome death all over the place and there was much rejoicing. I mean, mourning. Yeah. And Leene wept, and we wept, and there was much wept-ing going on and stuff, and here we are."

The judge didn't respond. Upon closer observation, Crono realized that the judge was knocked out.

"That's what that thudding sound was. Huh."

Apparently, Crono had bored the judge to the point where the judge had hit himself with the gavel to spare himself the agony of listening to the swordsman's pathetic excuses.

In fact, everyone had knocked themselves out with the nearest heavy object.

Shrugging, Crono grabbed the case papers, scribbled "Note Guiltye" on it (remembering that they often added "e" to the end of many of their words), and set it back on the judge's desk.

He waltzed out of the room with a smile on his face.

---

Marle was pissed.

"What in the name of-of- what did you do?"

It was late in the afternoon, about four hours after Crono's and Lucca's trial. The judge had been convinced that the jury had voted "not guilty," the jury was convinced that they might have for all they knew, and the judge let Lucca go. Naturally, Lucca had to explain that Crono had gone to the bathroom or something and that she'd grab him on her way out. Lucca, Crono, and Marle were booted from the castle, and were forced to chill at the inn (the innkeeper was reluctant, naturally, but when three armed young adults are aiming various weapons of utter sophisticatedness in your face, it's best to listen to them).

So, Lucca was in the middle of making a time machine, Crono was sipping what looked suspiciously like a tequila, and Marle was screaming at Crono.

Crono shrugged. "It worked, dinnit?"

"Are you drunk? Again?"

There was a long pause. "Maybe."

"Almost finished," Lucca announced. "And now, while we wait for the battery to charge - don't you dare touch it, Crono - I have a few things to say. Firstly. Marle, we're out of jail, that's all I care about right now. Screw the past, the present's all that matters right now. Second. When are you getting married?"

There was another long pause as Crono and Marle carried on a silent conversation with each other that looked much like a pair of rivaling mimes. Complete with the "box" thing. Finally the two glanced back over to Lucca.

"Thursday," Crono replied at the same time Marle said "when we get back."

The two glared at one another. Clearly, there had been some kind of miscommunication between the two.

"Well, we'll be back by Thursday, right?" Crono pressed. "I'm sick of being engaged, I feel like I should be buying you stuff to keep you engaged. And it's a sucky feeling."

Marle sighed reluctantly. "Yeah, fine. Whatever."

---

It was complete. Lucca's death machine - er - time machine. (Yes, sounds less diabolical... let us go with that one.)

"It's complete," Lucca declared, waking Crono up at two in the morning.

"Lucca's death machine is complete?" Crono yawned. "Great. I'll be out when I care."

And he went back to sleep.

Hoping to avoid the same "incident" with him that they'd had a couple of days before, Lucca thought her reaction through carefully. Pulling off his blanket would be successful, but last time she'd pulled his blanket off, he'd been wearing... less than is required in public, that's for sure. And the last time she'd taken his teddy bear hostage, she'd ended up in the hospital for a few days.

"I'll make you a cake when we get back," Lucca suggested. "And then you can go back to sleep."

Crono grunted into his pillow. "Last time you cooked, I nearly died. My brain cells were committing hara-kiri like you wouldn't believe."

Lucca muttered something (which sounded similar to "what brain cells?") and sighed. "I'll force my mom to bake you a cake."

---

Crono stared at the machine. He scratched his head. He bit his lip. He stared some more. He scratched his nose hairs. Finally, he spoke.

"This some kind of joke? I'm beginning to wonder if one of Lara's cakes is worth getting out of bed for. This thing looks more homicidal than Hey Shithead did."

To be truly honest, the machine looked remarkably like Epoch. The only (subtle) differences were that it was red instead of the tannish color, and had no wings (which made it a red version of the original design of Epoch).

Lucca smacked his hand as he reached for it. "No."

Crono sighed. "Listen, it's been real. But death never really appealed to me in the same way it appealed to you. So I think I'll be headed off to bed now. Toodles."

Marle grabbed his arm. "Sorry, sweetie. You're not going anywhere."

"Aw, but honey..."

Lucca made fake gagging noises.

"Shut up, Lucca," Crono snapped. "You're just jealous that you can't get some-"

"Like you have?" Lucca demanded, snorting.

"Nope," Marle said.

"Shush, honey."

Lucca clambered into the front seat. "All aboard."

The other two climbed in the back, and Lucca set the machine to their time.

They flew through a warp stream for a few minutes, and finally landed in Guardia, circa 1001 A.D. Or, to be more precise-

"Holy hand grenades-" Crono began to choke out.

"Speaking of which-" Lucca grunted, tackling Marle and Crono to the ground as a grenade whizzed by overhead.

"You! Hey, what are you doing?"

More grenades whooshed by, and the unmistakable sound of guns being fired filled the air.

They appeared to have landed themselves in the middle of a battlefield.

"So totally not our time," Marle whimpered. "Or we really screwed up the past..."

---

Almost done. One chapter left, thanks, y'all. Review, yeah, all that fancy jazz. And I realize that I made up several words. Spell check verified that. How was I supposed to know that sucky isn't a word? Oh well, is now... mwahahah...