Here it goes! This ones for you two so far loyal fans!
Days passed without word of the now assumed 'dead' James Evans. The great hall was silent this morning. All house rivalries had been forgotten as they remember the one that has saved them all. The one who had saw them as people; not slytherin, gryffindor, huffelpuff, or ravenclaw.
Dumbledore stood up to give some kind of closing announcement about quidditch, when the doors opened. In rushed a very haggard, beat up, dirty, torn and bloody James.
James, in all his wonderful grace, proclaimed "Fuck, am i hungry!" And sat down at a random table, digging into to his food. The teachers present at the table collectivelly winced. The boy was obviously going on automatic, and was likely to collapse at any moment.
They're wincing was not in vain. A moment later he slumped forward in his chair. Severus got up, folowed by Sprout, and hauled the boy to his feet, where he swayed for a moment, his shirt, which by some mircale remained in tact, went from blurry to stating prominently:
I"VE JUST BEEN TORTURED , AND I"VE GOT NOTHING WITTY TO SAY!
Snape snorted amusedly, the boy never seasing to amuse him, and then dragged his ass down to the hospital wing with sprout by his side.
SHIT! What the hell was up with him and hospitals? Did everytime he black out he ended up there? I mean, he could at least wake up next to some hot catch.. maybe in a nice hotel... but no. Damned hospitals.
He pried his eyes open, glancing around his surrounds restlessly. He sighed upward, floophing out his hair. James then pushed himself up on the heels of his palms, and sat up straight. He was in nasty hospital clothes. Eww. He reached on his nightstand for some water, and found a pack of playing cards.
"Hey, i got some time on my hands, eh?" James asked the sky, and began shuffling with fervor. God, he missed card games. Black Jack, Texas Holdem, Mexican Sweat. He looked up as dumbledore walked in. The old man looked rather shocked that james had the cards and was awake.
"Mr. Evans! Your awake!" Dumbledore exclaimed in surprise.
"No shit, sherlock. Hey, wanna play some poker? Three shickles a round!" James asked tuantingly. Albus just smiled and politely declined. "Fine. ten shickles! I cant go any hirer than that!"
"Mr. Evans, you know we must discuss the event of the past week." Albus said, his face growing tight with barely his grim-ness.
"Tommy boy grabbed me, stuffed me, and i escaped. Anything else you'd like to know before i start asking questions of my own?" James demanded, his eyebrow cocked. Albus shoook his head no, then asked
"Wait, what questions do you have?" He asked confusedly.
"Well, first off, what the hell kind of school are you running? The kids arent even safe when they are RIDING to the school!" James asked angrily. He calmed down a bit, then asked "Also, wheres dante? He'd probobly be waiting for me to wake up or something."
"Uhmm... about that James.." Dumbledore said, before taking a leaf out of James's book. "Well, the ministerkindofarrestedhimandtookhimtoazkaban."
"What!" James asked, blinking. Dumbledore flushed, and restated his reply.
"The minister arested him and took him to azkaban. The first day of trial is going on..right now." Dumbledore said, looking at his magical watch. James slapped his hand to his face, running it down hard. He let out a long sight.
"So, they finally caught him, eh?" James laughed slightly. He then sat up straighter. "We cant do anything about the charges. They're all real."
Meanwhile...
"thirty three counts of gnome stealing Five counts pronouncing minister fudges name incorrectly, and in a very explisite manner...
Dante rolled his eyes, sinking lower into the chained up seat. They had been going on for a half an hour now, listing off all of the charges. They got to the minister fudge one, and he laughed hardily outright. Fudge puffed up indignantly.
"Add that to the charges, Percy. One count disrespecting the minister!"
"... are you sure we can do that, s-"
"OF COURSE I"M SURE! PUT IT DOWN! NOW!"
"Yes sir!"
An extremely long list of charges spun out to the floor, stretching on seemingly endlessly before magically scribbling 'one count disrespecting minister fudge."
Dante sniggered loudly, and the scribbling continued, crossing out the 'one' and putting in a 'two.' Dante laughed even harder, and it added a three.
Back in the meat factory...
"Hmm." James thought deeply. "Well, we'll just have to dig up some dirt on the minister and blackmail him.." James thought out loud, jumping out of bed, suddenly fully clothed. Albus fell out of his seat, stunned by the casualness of the proclamation.
"BUT JAMES-" He called out, but james had already gone, his shirt now sporting:
IM GONNA DIG ME UP SOME DIRT ON A FUDGE PACKER!
A/N:ducks for cover as bats get thrown at her: Sorry it took me so long to update! i just recently got the message.. and i needed to sort out my thoughts. Please dont take the fudge packing joke as a slur against homosexuals! its just kind of James's personality to be rather rude and offensive. The next chapter will be funnier, and better, maybe even longer too...WITH SOME SPANISH! Ta ta! Please review and not just for the sake of my updating paterns!