Author: yay! Sasuke has a clue, and Naruto returns! Mwahahaha. This is a lot of Naruto, not a lot of action. I swear that I'll try to make there be more action and less drama, but...no solid promises. Anyway! Review! It does an author good.
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs not to the Author. If he did, I would trade him for Itachi.
Naruto never drank. He made it a rule never to drink. But somedays, like today, you just needed it. The pain was overwhelming.
Naruto untied the scarf around his neck and let it fall in front of him, letting it lie right-side up. He had never really looked at it before. He had, at one time, and it gave him a massive headache, so he never looked at it again. But now that he could look at it, the sorrow weighed heavily on his heart.
After all he had done, all he had gone through, he would never be able to wear it. After all, he wasn't a missing-nin in the sense that he was evil and had willingly left the village. He traced the deep scratch that bisected the leaf symbol, then took another sip of sake.
"Damnit..."
Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. Why did he have to like Sasuke? Why did he ever go back to Konoha? It should have been apparent, there should have been a natural wariness that warned him away from the place, if he didn't want to have to deal with all...this. But, no. He guessed that there was a part of him that wanted the memories back, wanted what he had lost.
But, dear god...
It was bound to happen, the Fox said unapologetically in his head. Naruto winced. He hated to admit that the Fox had a point.
Naruto had more to adapt to than just being on more friendly and intimate terms with the Fox. There was also the new skills he had created, there was his OTHER past, there was the part of him that was Kawao. How in hell was he supposed to reconcile a part of him that had developed completly independantly? Shit shit shit shit. He'd have to find a way, though. He wouldn't have three different aspects of himself debating over how he should react to something.
DAMNIT!
Stupid Fox. It was so hard to get drunk with that thing's monsterous metabolism.
So, what now? He definitly couldn't go back to Konoha. Not when they knew that the Fox was still around, even though it had saved their sorry asses.
It was so much easier to insult people when you were ineberated. Made even the stupidest, most childish insults seem much more potent. Good times.
He had meant what he said when he told Sasuke he would have to give up both of his dreams. Becoming Hokage was no longer an option; as if people would consent to be guided by the Kyuubi. The thought of how much he would have to break their pride to submit made him snort. That would take longer than the age of the universe. Konoha ninja were notoriously stubborn. That dream would have died so much harder had he been concious of it for these past seven years. But there was his other dream, his hearts deepest, darkest desire, that was torturing him even as he sat, trying to drown that dream. It had been with him all the time, even when he wasn't concious of it, when he wasn't certain who it was.
Others his age had lusted after and wooed the others in the village he had lived in, and flirted with the occasional stranger. Kawao had known that there had been a few people who had desired him, but he had never really cared. There was someone else, a person he knew would make him feel complete, would drive him insane, and make him never want to leave that person's side. He supposed he had taken up wandering to find that person...to find Sasuke. To find the one he...
When he was younger, Naruto had dismissed those feelings, playing them off as simply rivalry, and had concentrated on wooing Sakura, with no success. He was able to look back on it now and see that his feelings were superficial. He had them because it helped him connect with everyone else, everything else, with NORMALCY. He didn't have the same kind of "normal" that most kids did. He wanted some of it, and Sakura offered that chance, so held on to it as best as he could. But now...now that he had an idea of what "normal" really was, he saw that, in comparison to the outside world, living in Konoha was like living in a really warped bubble. In there, it forced you to grow up more quickly, but also had you remain a little innocent of what everyday life was like, what "normal" people did to get by. Being a ninja was easier than being "normal". Normal meant uncertainties. Ninja had a set goal, had things to accomplish. Being normal meant you meandered through life, uncertain of your reason for being, your reason for doing anything. Naruto hated uncertainties. Kawao relished them.
And that was just the beginning of the personality conflict.
Naruto moaned faintly and let his head fall to the table with a thunk, landing on the forehead protector, the metal cold against his forehead. How would he manage to reconcile Naruto with Kawao? He didn't want to have multiple personalities. He already had the Fox as a completly separate entitiy within him. He didn't want another side of himself. He'd have to find a way of absorbing Kawao, of becoming him, partially. Afterall, Kawao was Naruto, just without the ninja background. Right?
Fuck.
Naruto lifted his head and took another sip of sake.
HOW!
Unable to finish the drink, he stood, dropped the payment on the table and walked out, still quite sober even though he would have drank anyone else under the table.
Naruto walked out into the small town, smiling at the families that passed by. Tonite was apparently a festival. Festivals were good. He had loved festivals. They were times when people seemed to relax a little, and it allowed him to do what he wanted without interference of any kind, either as Naruto or Kawao. He meandered out of the small town, sidestepping children running ahead of more sedate parents, politely not looking into dark nooks where young couples hid from their elders, and stepped into the forest, where he allowed himself to relax.
Memories still drifted into him every now and then...
The feel of Sasuke's lips on his, the sweat that coated sasuke's body, the soft moans that made him shiver and crave to hear them again...
He wanted Sasuke. With all of his being.
And he would never have him.
NO, snarled the Fox and even as he thought that, it instinctivly repelled him. What was he thinking? What was he, the Great Uzumaki Naruto, thinking! When did he begin to give up this easily?
Sasuke would be his. He would make those eyes his.
Naruto touched the curse seal he had taken from Sasuke, and his eyes became a soft, strange green. There was no debate. Sasuke would belong to him.
But how?
Naruto meanderd in and out of the trees, absently stepping over tree roots and walking around other obstacles that most humans would not have seen even if they had been blatantly looking for them.
How would he get Sasuke?
The Fox once again produced the image of killing Kumori to get Sasuke.
Naruto dismissed it, as did the part of him that was Kawao. Too obvious, too dangerous. Hazardous for his health.
When Sasuke was on a mission, then?
That might work...
But how would he know? When would be the right time? Sasuke, afterall, was a ninja of Konoha, and if he dissapeared, he would be counted as a missing nin, and with his familial relations being what they were...Naruto could see Konoha assuming the worst. No, that wouldn't do.
Sasuke wouldn't content himself to live as a civilian.
Damn...what were the options?
Naruto reluctantly admitted to himself that the only opportunity might be to reveal himself as alive to Konoha, to the Godaime. Then what, though? It wasn't like the Kyuubi carrier would be welcomed back with open arms. Even if he had saved them before. No, he would have to do something to drastically indebt them to him.
But...didn't he already do that by saving them?
No, he had indebted them to the kyuubi.
He would have to indebt them to Naruto.
Then they would have to at least tolerate his presence. Again.
He had to begin all over.
No, wait. There were still people there who cared for him. There was still Iruka-sensei, Hinata-chan...and Sasuke.
The thought of Sasuke made him want to purr.
Kumori dampened that happiness a little, but she was shoved to the side. Kyuubi and he would make it very clear to Kumori who Sasuke really belonged to.
And Kyuubi never took "no" as an answer.