Chapter eight

The camera was focused tightly on Jay's face. She grinned into the camera lens and then in a voice that imitated the voice that Bam and Raab would use, she spoke the following phrase:

"Pop can gymnastics…" She said slowly before the camera pulled out to show the rest of her.

Jay stood there in the middle of the yard dressed as a giant blue Pepsi can. She smiled and then started to do cartwheels and somersaults. Once she was dizzy, she stumbles over, falling onto her side. She laughed and then stood up again, looking over to her right.

"I hate Pepsi!" Shouted Jason as he ran at full speed, over to his sister, dressed from head to toe in Coke brand clothing

He tackled her to the ground and the two of them began laughing. Everyone who was watching, including the camera person, went into hysterics over the sight of the two siblings on the ground.

"Ok cut!" Christene said as she wiped a tear from her eye

The very next shot showed a stone-faced Nick Glomb sitting behind the interviewer's desk. He tapped a pencil on the desk and stared directly onto the camera.

"No, that was not just a word from our sponsor. We don't even have sponsors. Everyone who was a prospective sponsor took one look at the rehearsal of the show and ran. It seems that those guys just didn't get our work of art that is this fine show." He grinned and looked towards Jason and Jay (Jay still being in the can costume) "Thanks again for that very funny segment." He looked back at the camera with a serious expression "Very funny indeed. Just look at how much I'm laughing over it. I nearly wet myself from laughing so much." He tapped the desk with his pencil again "There will be more of that later on in the program. But first we have with us, a very special guest. Please welcome all the way from Connecticut… whatever he was doing all the way in that shit hole, we'll never know…" He paused
"You can't say that!" Came a loud whisper from the director
"I can't say what?"
"Shit hole!"
"What?"
"Shit hole!"
"Oh! You mean I can't say shit, or hole?"
" Shit hole!"
"Oh!" He laughed "I can't say shit ! Well shit… I mean fuck… I mean… aw damn it all… anyway, here's Mark Novak."

The "audience" off camera applauded (with the exception of a wise-ass "Boo" from Jason) as the younger, slightly Philippinean -looking version of Novak walked on stage and took his seat next to the desk. He looked toward the "audience" and the camera and gave them a wave and a smile. The applause stopped and then Mark and Nick looked at each other.

"So, Mark, it's nice of you to stop by. Now tell me, what in the hell were you doing in Connecticut any way?"
"Well I was staying at my mom's house."
"Oh you mean her pimp let her come in off the corner?"
Mark rolled his eyes with a slight smirk "Ha ha. Yeah very funny. My mom must be a whore since she slept with my dad at least once, right?"
"What's the matter with that?"
"You know, I'm getting real sick of you guys talking shit about my parents like that. Especially my mom."

Mark sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Ok so, Mark, how does it feel to be a bastard?"
Mark rolled his eyes "I'm not a fucking bastard."
"Well you were born out of wedlock, right?"
"Yeah, so?"
"That makes you a bastard."
"What the hell is this? Make fun of me and my family day?"
"If you want it to be."

Mark sighed in frustration and then stood up.

"Mark where are you goin'?" Nick asked
"If this is all you had me come here for then I'm going back to my dad's house." Mark said as he walked off of the stage, followed by a bunch of "boo's" from the "audience"
"Aw come on Mark! What are we supposed to do for a guest?"
"Find someone else!" He answered off camera
Nick looked into the camera and smiled. He held his hands out toward the direction Mark walked off the stage in.
"Mark Novak, everyone. Let's give him a hand." The "audience" responded with claps and cheers (and one drawn out "boo" from Jason and a "Mark sucks!" from Dyllan.)
Mark caught Dyllan's comment and glared at him "Well, at least I'm not still a virgin." He grinned

Everyone else fell silent and looked over at Mark and Dyllan. Dyllan's jaw fell open and his face had turned a deep shade of red. He stared at Mark with wide eyes that were beginning to tear up.

"I… w-why did you say that?" He spoke in a lightly cracking, almost inaudible voice
"Dyl I'm sorry. I…"
Dyllan shook his head and turned away "You're not fucking sorry! Fuck you!" He started to run into the house and sensed that everyone was watching him
Bam ran after him and tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but Dyllan pulled away.
"Leave me alone!" he ran into the house, slamming the door closed, and rushed upstairs to his room

Bam turned to see his wife behind him.

"What do we do?" He asked quietly
She placed a hand on his shoulder "Just leave him alone for a little bit and let him calm down."
Bam sighed and looked toward Dyllan's bedroom window "I feel like I should talk to him."
Gina nodded "Just give him a few minutes alone first."

Meanwhile Nick stared straight into the camera.

"We'll, um, we'll be back after these messages."
Christene shut the camera off and whispered to Jason "We can edit that part out." Jason replied with a nod of his head

Bam stepped quietly into Dyllan's room and stood in the doorway. Dyllan sat in the middle of his bed, faced away from the door and holding his knees up to his chest. Bam cleared his throat to get his attention.

"What?"
"Dyllan can I talk to you?"
"Yeah I guess…"

Bam walked in further and closed the door. He walked up to the bed and sat down next to Dyllan. About a minute later, after sitting in silence and looking at his son, Bam sighed.

"Dyllan you have no reason to be embarrassed over what happened out there."
"Dad… I feel like I'm the only one my age who hasn't had sex yet…" He sighed "Why did he have to say that I'm still a virgin in front of everyone? I trusted him not to tell…"
Bam placed an arm around his son "Dyllan, I'm really sorry this happened. But to be a virgin at 17 isn't the end of the world. A lot of 17-year-olds don't have sex."
"You did."
"But that's me. And if you don't have sex now, no one's going to think any different of you." He gave Dyllan's arm a little squeeze "Hey, if anything, people would respect you a lot more than they all ready do."
Dyllan leaned his head on Bam's shoulder "Yeah I guess so. But there are people in school who would look at me like I'm crazy, or an idiot if they found out that…"
"Found out what?"
"If um… if they found out that I'm purposely not having sex yet… that I'm saving myself for when I get married."
"Oh…" He said, impressed "Well if they do treat you like that, then they're the ones who are idiots. I'm really proud of you, Dyl."
"You are?"
"Of course I am. No one's ever given you the idea of waiting until you're married; you came up with that all on your own. I personally don't know how you're able to do that… or some of the other things you do… But all of this is what makes you who you are, and I wouldn't want you to be anything other than yourself."
"Thanks dad." He said, giving Bam a hug
"You're welcome." He patted his back "So you feel better now?"
Dyllan nodded his head "Yeah…" He pulled away from Bam and looked at him "I guess I needed that talk."
"Glad I could give it to you."

Bam grinned at his son. As Dyllan looked at him, Bam saw the much younger version of himself shine through. Everyone thought it was uncanny how much Dyllan looked like Bam, but at that moment the comparison was even more evident. Then Bam looked at Dyllan again and saw him as a little boy again. That little boy seemed to have vanished a long time ago, but he came back at that moment. The same little boy that Bam would go to, to fix his boo-boo's and make sure that no monsters were hiding in the closet or under the bed before putting him to sleep at night. The moment that Dyllan let Bam put his arm around him and talk to him to make him feel better, that little boy had come back again.

"Dad, what are you looking at?"
"Oh… nothing…"
Dyllan stood up and shook his head "Dad you were out of it for a little bit there. You feeling ok?"
"Yeah." Bam grinned, with a nod of his head "Yeah I'm fine." He stood up and walked over to the door with Dyllan. Just remembering someone I though I had lost forever… He thought as he looked at Dyllan one last time before they left the room.

Dyllan went back outside with everyone else. Bam was about to go outside too, when Gina came in and went up to him.

"So… is he ok?"
"Yeah." He nodded with a grin "He's ok."

He pulled her closer to him and gave her a hug.

"Dyllan really impressed me in there, Gina."
"He did? How?"
"Just… some of the things he was telling me." He let out a happy sigh "We've raised a wonderful son, and I could not be more proud of him."
Gina looked into Bam's eyes and smiled softly "Sounds like the two of you had quite the talk in there."
"Yeah, we did." He smiled back at her and gave her a kiss "Come on, let's go back out there and check out the rest of the kids's show."

He took her by the hand and led her back outside.