Raspberry Sugar Quills
By Josie G. Evans
Summary: If you think this is a love story, so it is, but it is about so much more, a tortured sole in need of love and friends, of closed eyes and laughs. This is the life of Lily Gabrielle Evans, the girl afraid to grow up, afraid of living, but what is living when your not on the edge once in a while?
"If we could learn from pain even as it grasps us, if the mind, the mind that lives in this body, could refuse to let itself be crushed in the grasp, it would loosen. Pain would have to stand off from me and listen." Adrienne Rich
PART ONE
The beginning
Hopeless romantics, I'm one of them, I've tried many times to steer from the fairy tale life, but I always seem to go back, just the slightest romanticism will send me head over heals...
"Sirius!" she screeched, "What are you doing? Get out! Get out!" she yelled, clutching for dear life onto her falling towel...
Cleaning the potions class a whole after noon did take it's toll on you, especially if that afternoon happened to be a perfectly sunny Saturday, spent with the marauders...
"Ok listen up everybody!" yelled Peter but to no avail.
"Oy! You bloody prats! Listen up." yelled Sirius; as soon as he'd said it, the whole common room died off.
"Alright." continued Remus, "We, the marauders, are hosting a party this Friday in the great hall, with Dumbledore's consent of course." he said looking at Cora, their school's head girl...
A/N: I know there are more of those previews, but I didn't have enough room to fit them all, so the other one's will appear in the next chapter. Happy reading.- Josie.
ch. 11: Annoyed and then some
Lily sat up in her bed and looked at her clock. It was eight thirty. She looked at it again hoping to have mistaken the time. She swore loudly as she feel out of bed. Running across the room, she managed to slip on a spare sock which caused her to land painfully on her already sore butt.
"Ow!" she moaned, rubbing her back side as she ran to the bathroom. Her red hair was a tangled mess, her green eyes tiered, her face flushed as it always was in the morning, and her normally red lips, were a pale pink.
Lily grabbed a nearby brush and frantically tried to untangle the large mess she had once regarded as her hair. She put it up in a haphazard bun and added a little lipstick. She rubbed her cheeks viciously, trying to bring back the colour in them. She looked down at her crumpled clothes, they were the same she had ended up sleeping in that night. Well they would have to do. Running out of the room, she grabbed her favourite old grey sweatshirt and pulled it over her head, all the while running down a flight of stairs. She couldn't get it over her head, it seemed to have gotten caught in her hair pin. Her foot missed a step and she tripped. She closed her eyes, waiting for the horrible fall, but it never came. A pair of strong arms were holding her tightly. She managed to pull down the sweatshirt only to be meet with a pair of blue eyes.
"You alright?" asked Remus with concern.
"Um. Ya, I'm fine. Thanks for saving me from my impending doom." she said chuckling lightly.
"Glad I was here. Seriously Lily, don't ever do that again. You scared the living shit out of me." he said anxiously.
He was concerned? Lily's heart thumped loudly and she soon realised that she hadn't moved from the comfort of Remus's warm, strong arms.
"What are you doing here anyway?" she asked, slowly walking down the last steps, closely followed by Remus.
"I came looking for you. Beila said she couldn't wake you up, you were sleeping as hard as a brick." he said catching up to her.
"Your gonna be late for class." she said lamely.
"And? I'm glad I came, you could have died."
"Oh Remus! Stop being so melodramatic."
"I'm not! Lily, are you ok? I mean you seem so tiered and..."
"I'm fine." she said cutting him off, "but I won't be if I'm late again for Page's class. Seriously the guy hates me! Not that I'd like him any more if he didn't, but he's just looking for an excuse to diminish my grades and give me detentions." she said, rambling on for a while about how evil he was.
Remus all the while listening to Lily with rapped attention, was also trying to remove the look of concern that had seemed to have pasted it self to his face.
"But!" protested Lily, "I was at the door, you closed it in my face!" she yelled to her teacher, the class listening with rapped attention. Lily was the only one who dared to stand up to their teacher, and she payed dearly for it.
"You, are late. It's what that little bell , that sounds off before every course, signifies miss Evans. Now please take your seat." he said with a menacing grin.
"It's what I've been trying to do." she responded softly.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Hum! That's what I thought. Now please take your seat miss Evans."
Lily looked at him eyes narrowed. In the blink of an eye, her faced calmed, her posture straightened, a slight smile and her head coked to the side, she said in the sweetest voice she could muster, "Of course professor."
Steam seemed to sprout from his ears as he said angrily, "10 points from Gryffindor!"
She slowly made her way to the back of the class where Arabella and Derrick were waiting for her in their usual seats. She knew that to be the only thing that ticked him off, and so the ten points she had lost from Gryffindor were worth it.
"Now career choices..." he started once Lily had sat down.
Arabella looked at her. Lily sensing someone looking in her direction, turned to face Beila.
Beila mouthed a quick sorry and Lily gave her a short nod and a bright smile. She went back to her intense stare, all the while having her head stuck swimming in the clouds and dreaming of a handsome head of thick brown curly locks.
The day went by slowly, even more sluggish than Page's boring unnecessary class. Honestly she still had two more years before graduation, she didn't need to know what she wanted to do. Besides she already had plans and they involved her in a far off country in a beautiful place like Venice trying to find herself, all the while trying to achieve her dreams of becoming and actor or a writer.
She was sitting on the rug, in front of the fireplace, in the common room, her favourite spot, on what was a typical Friday for her. All of her friends would be off on some romantic date, having the time of their lives, while she, Lily, stayed behind reading one of her favourite books or one of the many her mother sent her. She would also try, without success, to start her homework and get rid of the workload for the weekend.
Just then the portrait swung open violently, waking her from her reverie. James stormed in, soon followed by Clarice.
"James Potter! Don't you walk away from me!" Clarice screeched, which wasn't at all like her naturally excited manner.
That girl got on her nerves so easily. Lily hated everything about her. How she would completely ignore you, even if you were her best friend, if you asked a question or wanted to tell her something. She would only respond if you started getting on her nerves, saying some lame excuse about not hearing or seeing you, even though you were poking her to death. But the thing Lily hated the most about her, was her preppy ways. Lily hated preppies, if that was even a word. Lily hated how she thought she could get anything just because her father was rich, and how she would walk all over people, and how people feared getting her angry just to not have to be a part of her wrath. The girl probably couldn't even do a proper spell if he life depended on it. Pure blood, my ass!
"Claire, leave me the fuck alone!" yelled James.
Clarice stood there, looking at him, her eyes blinking dumbly. She apparently had never been spoken to like that. She put her long hair behind her shoulder. The deep brown, a shining gold with flecks of deep red, as the light from the fire landed on it.
Lily stared at them, suppressing a laugh and for the first time in her life, Lily actually liked James, no wait she appreciated him.
"Just leave me alone Clarice." he repeated softly. "And what the hell are you blokes staring at?!" he yelled to the common room. He gave the common room one last glare as he stormed up the boys staircase.
"Oh honey bun!" she said in what she seemed to think a cute voice.
Lily snorted loudly as she ran into a fourth year who had gotten in her way. She quickly got up and ran up the boys staircase as fast as her high heels would let her.
"Hey Lilykins! Whatcha doing here on a Friday night? The stars are bright, the air cool and perfect conditions for a quidditch practice." said Erin Blackeney, sitting down next to her. He was in his seventh and final year at Hogwarts. He had a charming smile and bright green eyes, that reminded Lily of her own, their only resemblance. Lily and Erin were cousins and had always been pretty close, but when Lily had learned she was a witch and that Erin had been going to Hogwarts and was thus wizard, their bond had strengthened. His dark curly hair fell into his eyes, and he had a cute dimple in his right cheek, whenever he smiled. Erin was also the captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team and had since second year, tried to urge Lily into joining the team.
"Erin, you'll have to let it go, besides you know I won't try out till you leave. People will think I only got in because we're related."
"Pixie shit! Quidditch runs in our family Red, it runs through our veins. I've seen you sneaking out in the middle of the night, sneaking a broom ride. It calls to you, doesn't it. You can't keep ignoring it."
"Your so weird Erin. Wait! Have you been spying on me? Oh no, my only weakness, I have been figured out, they're on to me!" she said chuckling. "Besides you know that Potter's on the team and that neither of us can stand the presence of the other."
"Aye! But I also know James wouldn't do anything rational that would jeopardise his chances of wining. I'm recommending you to Dumbledore, I'll know if you tried out, and if you made the team, which you will. Anyone would have to be crazy not to allow you on the team. The matter is closed." he said as Lily opened her mouth to argue. "Besides I have to watch out for my little sister, if I don't who will." he teased. "Now you haven't answered my question. What are you doing here alone on a Friday night."
"I'm not alone."
"You were."
"What's your point?"
"Why aren't you out on a date or hanging out with your friends?"
"Well that's rude."
"Like you aren't." he said laughing as she slugged him on the shoulder.
"I didn't feel like it." she said, thinking the matter close, of course with Erin it was never closed until he said so.
"Ya, and I'm the next minister of magic." he said laughing. "Like that would ever happen."
"Oh my god, did you hear that new song by the sex pistols?" she asked trying to change the subject.
"Um, no. How could you have?"
"Muggle radio!" she said exasperated.
"Ya, but those don't work in Hogwarts."
"They do, if your me."
Erin looked at her with a look of confusion, when all of a sudden someone sat on him, giggling madly.
"Erin hunny, what are you doing talking to this loser?" asked the girl on his lap with a pout.
"Get off of me Seraphina! Don't you dare insult Lily again..."
"Erin, don't, she's not worth your verbal lashing. Besides her brain cells are so few, she probably can't comprehend what your saying."
"Are you calling me dumb?" asked Seraphina from the ground where she had fell when Erin had got up.
"Wow! Would you look at that, her first true sign of intelligence!" she said as Erin laughed. He kept forgetting how Lily wasn't like all the other girl and could take care of herself, not to mention take on almost every guy in the school. The girl had a mighty punch.
"Mother of pearls Red, what would your mother say?" he said as the girl known as Seraphina, stalked off, her face red from embarrassment.
"Lily!" she said shaking a finger in front of Erin's face in a perfect impression of her mother. "That's not very lady like, sarcasm belongs to the dull witted!"
Erin laughed even harder at Lily impersonation of his aunt.
"Well I got to go. Homework, O.W.Ls and stuff. See ya around." she said as she picked up her stuff and left.
Dear Journal,
Hopeless romantics, I'm one of them...I've tried so often to steer away from the fairytale life, but the more I try, the faster I seem to come back. Just the slightest romanticism will send me head over heals. I think it's why I can never get a date, I seem to be hanging around, waiting for Prince Charming...
"Hey Lily. You really should have came tonight. We all had a blast."
"Beila, can't you see I'm, busy?"
"Why the hell are you so pissy?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."
"It's all good. You know Remus was there." she added as an afterthought, hopping Lily wouldn't see what she was getting at.
"Ok. I'm going to take a shower."
Arabella sighed as Lily left the dorm room.
Lily decided she would use the prefects bathroom. She felt like being alone for some strange reason. She had become depressed in a matter of seconds and she knew no one would bother her there. She could take a long relaxing bath with candles and raspberry scented bath foam.
"Weeping rose." she said to a statue holding a delicate rose in a hand and the other over his heart. Erin, who was a prefect, would inform her whenever the password changed.
She walked over to the large marble bath, situated in the middle of the large bathroom. The bath was bigger than her old neighbour's pool. She chose the right water temperature and poured raspberry scented bubble bath, into it. Making sure her hair was in a ponytail, she stripped and got into the warm water.
She sighed and let herself slip to the bottom, the smell of raspberries engulfing her.
"Lights." she managed to say. At her command the lights diminished to be replaced by candles. She closed her eyes, forgetting where she was or that she had enough homework to last her a life time and slowly drifted to sleep.
She woke up a couple of minutes later, slowly remembering where she was. She got out of the bath and rapped herself in a large fluffy yellow towel. She was about to put it aside and get dressed when the door flew open and Sirius walked in. He was whistling softly and had apparently not seen her.
He was about to take off his clothes, when he noticed Lily in the corner, a look of pure horror on her face.
"Hey Lilypad, fancy meeting you here. How are ya?" he asked as he took of his tee-shirt, to reveal perfectly moulded muscles that came from year of training.
She suddenly regained her composure. "Sirius!" she screeched, "What are you doing? Get out! Get out!" she said holding on for dear life to her falling towel.
"Why Lils, I'd think you of all people, being smart like you are, would know I'm taking a bath." he said smiling. "You can join me if you want." he added with a wink.
"You bloody prat, get out!" she screamed as she threw his shirt in his face.
She smiled inwardly as she remembered how he left running for his life, when she had lifted her fists.
"I can't even take a bath!" she thought exasperated as she got dressed.
Lily woke up the next morning to someone dumping a bucket of cold water down her front.
"Bloody, fucking hell!" she cursed as she sat bolt right up.
"Good morning to you too. Tell me, do you kiss your mother with that mouth Evans?" asked James. Wait! James?
"Potter!" she screeched, pulling her bed cover over her now see through shirt. "How the hell did you get up here? Did you take a wrong turn to the bathroom or something? If you hadn't noticed, this is the girl's dorm."
"There are other ways to get up here without having to use that bloody infuriating staircase."
"Is there a reason, besides your twisted fun, that you had to wake me up, not to mention with water? I'm soaked."
"It's Saturday." he simply answered.
"Your point is? I usually sleep in on Saturdays."
"I know, it's why I woke you up."
"You asshole!" she yelled.
"We have detention in ten minutes." he said cutting her off.
"Mother of pearls!" she said getting up and pushing James out of the room and slamming the door in his face.
She quickly got dressed and went down to the common room where James and Sirius were waiting for her.
She saw Beila in corner, sitting on her favourite couch. Lily walked up to her. "Are you aware Potter woke me up? Or even how he got into out dorm?"
"Yes I'm aware, I think the whole of Gryffindor tower is aware." she said laughing, "I thought it'd be funnier if James woke you up, of course I did warm him about the whole having to be ten feet from you when you did, I would never send anyone to wake you up, without warning them."
Every girl in their dormitory, knew not to wake Lily up, unless they fancied a shiner first thing in the morning. Arabella was the only one who dared to wake her up.
"Ya well thanks a lot. A bucket of ice cold water somehow doesn't exactly say good morning."
"Oy! Ridding Hood! Get your arse over here, we got to go." yelled James.
"Didn't you know you had a detention this morning? I tried waking you up, but all I got was a big purple bruise on my leg and a mandatory piss off. Seriously Lily, your violent, if someone tried to rape you while you slept, he'd have a hard time even getting close to the bed."
She scrubbed an other cauldron as she half listened to James and Sirius's discussion of which girl had the best legs.
Remus on the other hand was having an animated conversation with Peter on which was the best candy from Honeydukes.
"I'm telling you, those new strawberry flavoured fizzing wizbees are the best."
"You, my friend, are in denial, it's the almond and honey chocolate bars."
"Your such a chocoholic..."
"Your both wrong." pipped in Lily. "It's the raspberry sugar quills."
"Well of course you would say that, you raspberry headed freak."
"Stuff it Potter." he shrugged and went back to his own conversation.
She continued to scrub and only stopped when she heard Sirius say her name in a hushed voice.
"I'm telling you mate, she's got these legs! She'd be perfect for shagging, they're long and muscular, but very feminine. A perfect ten, the best legs I've seen."
"And when did you see them?"
"I accidentally walked in on her last night in the prefect bathroom."
"The prefects bathroom? Please do tell how you got in there, better yet, how she got in there."
"That's not the point." James looked at Sirius with a look of disbelief. "Oh common mate, you can 't tell me you haven't checked her out. I mean she does have the best rack in Gryffindor, even you agreed to that one."
Remus noticed Lily listening to James and Sirius's conversation and tried to distract her, knowing they could get out of hand. "So Lily, did you finish that essay on..."
Lily cut him off, by walking up to Sirius and slugging him hard on the shoulder. "You pervert!"
"What?" he asked dumbly.
"Don't what me!"
"I'm sorry?"
"You'll damn right wish you are."
"Hey, carrot top, calm down. You should feel honoured that Padfoot here wants to shag you." said James with his naturally annoying smirk.
She threw the dirty cloth she had used to clean the cauldron in James's face.
"Piss off Potter!" she said as she left the classroom.
"Hey Beila."
"You finished your detention already?"
"No." she said as she threw herself next to Arabella, who was sitting under a tree finishing her homework.
She breath in the fresh air.
"You alright?" asked Beila.
"Ya." Lily answered.
Cleaning the potions classroom a whole afternoon did take it's toll on you, especially if that afternoon happened to be a perfectly sunny Saturday spent with the Marauders.
"It was awful." she moaned.
"You sure your not just making a big deal of it?"
"What are you saying? That I haven't just went through an exhausting punishment where I had to..."
"No, just that you tend to take things a little out of proportion." she said cutting her off before she started reciting a novel. "You really should start studying, O.W.Ls start Monday."
"Beila, you know I don't study, if I did, I'd be like you, completely freaking out and wondering if I studied a certain thing. Half of the students had to be sent to the hospital wing for calming potions. I don't freak out on something as trivial as this."
"Trivial?! Lily..."
"Save it! I don't study for my other tests, I won't for these. Besides I'm one of the top in our year, do you seriously think I won't do well? I don't need to study, it's the way I am. I study, I freak out, I do bad."
The week went by pretty uneventful. Lily and Arabella, as well as all of the fifth and seventh years, were in the common room, frantically trying to cram in as much information as possible.
"Arabella, honestly you know the charms manual like the back of your hand, you don't need to study, take a break. Common, challenge you to a game of chess." Lily pestered, looking around her with an amused look, as everyone resembled a bunch of chickens without heads.
"Lily! Piss off!" yelled Beila.
Lily was taken aback by Beila's words. "Fine, what ever, talk to me when you've found your sanity."
"Lily! I...Oh what ever you bloody dolt!"
Lily walked away from Arabella, she had really been wearing herself thin lately, she hoped she'd be alright. Lily was about to go up to her dorm when she spotted Remus lying comfortably on couch, reading a novel.
"Hey cupcake." she said as she threw herself next to him.
"Cupcake?"
She shrugged and asked with the curiosity of a five year old what he was reading.
"This new book my mother sent me. Dark creatures and their origins."
Lily peered over and looked at the chapter title. Werewolves.
"So, I'm guessing your not stressing over the O.W.Ls?"
"Nope, I've studied enough, anymore and my brain might explode." he said putting his book aside to give her his undivided attention.
"Well that would be a shame. Listen Remus, I want to apologise. I haven't been the nicest of people lately and well...I'm sorry."
"Oh don't worry about it Lils, I've grown accustom to you mood swings." he said chuckling.
"Hey!" she protested.
"Lilypad!" exclaimed Sirius as he threw himself on her, hugging all of the oxygen out of her.
"Sirius!" she gasped. "I can't breath." He eased his grip and Lily pushed him to the ground.
"Sod off, you dolt."
"But Lily, you have to save me! Erin is out to get my hide!"
"Then so be it. I'm more than positive, and yes Remus I'm aware only fools are positive, that it was of your doing and you deserve what you get."
"Your so cold."
"And you're a bloody baby."
Just then Erin came running in, with a look of furry.
"Lily!" Sirius and Erin whined.
"What? I'm trying to relax here, why do I always have to fix your problems?"
"Because your good at it."
"Remus, mind taking over this one."
"It's all yours Red."
"Damn you."
The end of the week was slowly and painfully approaching. Everyone seemed on better terms, and some were actually taking a break from studying.
Lily threw herself onto a couch and at that moment Peter got up on a table.
"Ok listen up everybody!" he yelled but to no avail.
"Oy! You bloody prats! Listen up!" yelled Sirius. The common room instantly died off.
"Alright." took up Remus, "We, that is the Marauders, are hosting a party this Saturday in the great hall to celebrate the end of the exams. With Dumbledore's consent of course." he said as Cora, their school's head girl got up, most likely to argue on how unconcented parties weren't aloud and what not.
"That is all, thank you!"
Remus plopped down on the couch next to Lily. She turned her head to face him, only to jump up as she saw how close his face was to hers.
"You handled that well." she commentated.
"It's what I do."
She laughed. "So this dance, is it? Are you recommended to bring someone?"
"If you don't want to end up looking like a social outcast." he said with a chuckle.
"Right. So Mr. The host, who are you planning on bringing?"
"I have an idea."
"Oh common, do tell."
"No."
"Why not? Common, tell me. You can't just say something like that and then drop the subject." she said, inwardly thinking about how she wished it was her.
"Yes I can."
"No, you know I won't stop asking till you do."
"I'm able to live with that, Mrs. Curiosity."
"It's my middle name. Tell me!"
"Nope." he said, his eyes full of mirth. "Want to go for a walk? I could use the exercise."
"No you don't, how about a broom race instead? And don't you think you can change the subject that easily."
"Damn!" he said as he went to his dorm room to get his cloak and broom, as Lily did the same.
The wind whipped her hair this way and that, making it hard for her to see where she was going. She tied her hair up and speed off to the other end of the pitch where Remus was waiting for her. A shiver of excitement ran through her body.
"You alright? Are you cold? Want to go back inside? This isn't a good idea, we can come back some other time, like during the day, when there's sunlight. "
Lily stared at Remus, her mouth open, why was he acting so strange?
"Will you calm down mother hen? Jesh! You've turned worst then Beila."
"I was just worried. I don't want you to get sick." he said as he got closer and gently rubbed her cheek.
"I'll be fine." she said as she swallowed down a lump forming in her throat. She hated how everyone seemed to be looking out for her lately, but she liked it coming from Remus. Her heart beat increased as he got closer, looking into her eyes with compassion and concern. She longed to run her hand through his curly brown locks. The wind teasing her, as a single curl fell to his forehead, blocking one of his gorgeous blue eyes. She brushed it away with her hand were it stayed for a while longer, taking in the warmth of his skin.
He was leaning in to kiss her gorgeously plump lips, to take her for his own, when an owl swooped between them and landed on Lily's broom handle.
"Snow! What ware you doing here?" she asked her white and black owl. She then noticed an envelope attached to his leg. She tore it open and quickly read it.
"It's my mom." she said, answering the unasked question. "Petunia and Anne were getting home from school when this car lost control and hit Anne. She's in the hospital, doctor's think she might be paralysed from the waist down...for life." she said as a sob escaped her lips, those beautiful lips Remus had been about to kiss.
She held back her tears. Her little sister would never be able to walk again, or run, or play sports. She had been stripped of the normal childhood that every child was entitled to.
She was so lost in thought, she didn't even realise Remus embracing her in a comfortable hug, as if trying to make every bad thing leave her. Suddenly nothing seemed important, not the grades to her O.W.Ls or her evil teachers, or having to travel the world. She didn't even noticed how perfectly their bodies felt together, nor the salty tears fall down on her face, as the cold wind viciously stung her face.
End of chapter eleven
A/N: So this was an extra long chapter, given to you all as an early Christmas present. As said at the beginning the rest of those previews will appear in the next chapter. I know this chapter was kinda crappy, but I was having a hard time with it, for some strange reason. Thanks to all my reviewers: lilyred-07 (Glad you liked it. Hope you like this one. Keep reviewing, you rock!) and of course to my ever best reviewer: TearFromABlueRose (I'm so happy you liked the previews, I left a couple of new ones at the bottom. Merry Christmas and keep up the good work. Hope it's to your satisfaction and great updates!)
About this chapter: Wow! Who could have seen that one coming? Not me, Lol! I know, I know, but it was too soon for them to kiss, besides this is the beginning of the promised angst. No, this is not a Remus/Lily fic, but I like them together, but that will change due time. Erin Blackeney will appear in either future chapters or sequel, if I decide to make one. Very long chapter, more to happen next chapter. Lots to take in. I personally like the bathroom scene best and the ending before the owl arrives. I never really planned to make Anne paralysed, it was all my evil keyboard's fault, sue him or it. Lily is actually a very complex person, even though she doesn't show it, she's also not a very emotional person.
Next: Only two to three chapters left before the real action starts.
For all you good readers, here's the rest of the promised sneak previews to appear in the next chapter.
"You sodding, daft, bloke of a git." he said punching him in the stomach...
"Rosie! How are ya darling?" he said kissing the beautiful bartender.
"He totally wants you and you totally want him, odd though you aren't together."
"Oh that's rich! Richer than Potter boy over there."
"Lily would you like to go to the party with me?" he asked hopefully.
"I'm not going."
"What? Lily stop doing this! Your going and that's final. Anne's not dead, she'll be fine, and she'd want you to have fun."
"Don't you dare talk about her like that!"...
Merry Christmas! And to everyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas, have a happy Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Solstice, or whatever other holiday you celebrate. And a happy new year!
I will update whenever possible.
Cheerio,
Santa Josie, bringing pranks and trouble to kids everywhere.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass.
-National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.