Raspberry Sugar Quills
By Josie G. Evans
Summary: If you think this is a love story, so it is, but it is about so much more, a tortured sole in need of love and friends, of closed eyes and laughs. This is the life of Lily Gabrielle Evans, the girl afraid to grow up, afraid of living, but what is living when your not on the edge once in a while?
Love is not only something you feel. It is something you do. -David Wilkerson
IMPORTANT: if you haven't read the previous chapter (which has been completely redone) you won't understand this one.
PART ONE
The beginning
Ch. 13: Questions answered ?
"Wake up damn it! Jesh Sirius, were you up all night or something?" an aggravated Frank said as he unceremoniously ripped the blankets off of Sirius.
"You have no idea." he answered, recoiling from the sudden coldness of the room.
"Couldn't sleep?" Frank questioned, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.
"Something like that." Sirius replied with his trade mark mischievous grin; the same grin which had been known to scare many people as they did not know what was hiding behind it.
"Well, common then, breakfast is starting and we have an other exam this morning before we can be scotch free!"
Arabella went down to breakfast that morning looking like hell itself. After her little escapade she had been unable to fall back asleep but had instead stayed up all night waiting for Lily to come back.
She distractedly munched on a piece of toast, the events of the previous night fresh in her mind's eye.
She had opened the door to the astronomy tower, hard on finding Lily. She realised how much warmer it was in the room than the cold harsh stairs. She looked across the room and gasped. Instead of finding Lily, she was meet with an even stranger discovery.
A black greasy head hung over a table as he stirred a boiling cauldron, the vile odour reaching her nostrils.
"Snape? What the hell are you doing?" she asked disbelief crossing her face.
He quickly jumped up at the intrusion, reeling back in fear. "Oh, it's just you." he answered with a sneer. "What do you want? I'm a little busy." he added impatiently.
"Um right, sorry to have bothered you." she said backing away and back towards the door. "Oh, actually have you seen Lily?"
"Why would I care about the damned mudblood?"
"Right." she had said, quickly fleeing the tower.
The question of what Snape had been doing nagged at her almost more than Lily's disappearance. She felt someone's eyes upon her back. Turning around to investigate, her gaze landed across the hall on the Slyterin's table were Snape was looking at her dangerously, a sneer on his thin lips.
"Hey Milly Venilly, whoa! The hell happened to you? Did you get attacked by a wild ferocious bear last night or something?"
"Funny Derrick, real funny." she answered tearing her eyes away from Snape's dangerously hypnotic ones. She hopped Snape wouldn't take her intrusion seriously, she frankly didn't want to end up almost dying because of one of his nasty potions. The guy was more than dangerous and she wondered how the Marauders could dare to sleep or even eat with that git around, looking down his long crooked nose as they went about their day.
"Where's Lily?" Derrick suddenly asked, noticing the absence of their friend. "She isn't sleeping is she?" he asked as the bell announcing the beginning of breakfast rang loudly and the great hall slowly started to fill up with more early risers.
"Honestly, how can she sleep with that bell ringing off at all times."
"Actually, I don't know where she is and I hope she isn't off sleeping somewhere in the castle because we have our charms essay today and she can't miss it unless she wants to deliberately fail charms and have to take an extra year of it." muttered Arabella, taking a large swig of milk.
"Are you alright Derrick? You don't look so good yourself?" she asked after closely examining his tiered eyes and pale complexion.
"What? Oh ya I'm fine. Just lost a lot of sleep last night on this stupid exam. Thank God this is the last one."
"Ya, I totally agree. I'm really worried about Lily thought. I kinda lashed out at her last night. She was trying to make me relax by distracting me and I told her to piss off. I was on my last nerves but it was no reason for me to act like a total ass."
"Beila, don't worry about it, I'm more than sure Lily understands. She knew you were under a lot of stress, she was just worried, is all." he answered filling his plate to the brim with food.
"Derrick if you keep eating that much you'll get fat."
"No I won't, I'm a growing boy, I need all the food I can get." he simply answered.
"Man." she murmured under her breath.
"So, do you have a date for Saturday's party?" he asked innocently.
"No, not yet. But I'm confidant someone will ask me." she said a large smile on her lips.
Derrick opened his mouth to ask her something when Sirius plonked down on a chair next to Arabella and started to chat with her. Derrick sighed as he started to fill his emptied stomach.
The clock tower rang eight times, signalling the start of breakfast. Lily reluctantly opened her eyes only to close them just as fast. A stream of light fell on her closed lids. 'Great,' she thought, 'I forgot to close my bloody curtains again.'
She didn't want to wake up. Maybe she could skip her first class and sleep in; she felt so comfortable and warm. She didn't want to get out of bed. 'What do I have this morning?' she asked herself, trying to figure out if it was worth missing. 'Damn it all to hell! I have my charms essay this morning.' she thought, suddenly remembering the last of her exams. After this one, she would be scotch free.
'Ooh, the party,' she thought aloud, 'I wonder if Remus will ask me. Remus, no! Bad Lily, bad! Not your best mate. Bad experiences with that remember, you don' t want to have to go through it all again. You're pathetic, always looking at Potter when he isn't looking, trying to see what you had seen in him and trying to determine what he thinks of you now. God, this has got to stop! Oh holly mother of pearls! Charms!'
Turning onto her side to try and wake herself up, she moved closer to the source of warmth on her left.
She was to sleepy to even move and so she let her head gently rise and fall as the large object inhaled and exhaled. The sound of a beating heart reached her ears and a hand was slowly running through her hair.
Frightened, as realisation finally hit her, she tried to get up. Whoever had snuck into her bed had a firm grip on her. The strong arms wouldn't relieve it's captive and she started to panic, wriggling madly like an earth worm.
'Oh my God,' she thought, 'what if it's some crazy psychopath whose planning on raping me and then slowly kill me by cutting off my limbs! What if he's a crazy axe murderer who escaped from a nearby asylum!'
Wild thoughts raced through her mind, each one crazier than the last. One of her captive's hands moved to her hips, securing her and bringing her closer to him. She couldn't move at all. There was something familiar with the embrace but she was too frightened to register it. The smell of apples and grass reached her nostrils; the smells of nature and spring time.
Struggling with her captive she somehow managed to move slightly. How she had mistaken a living, breathing body for her blankets, she couldn't figure. Whoever her captive was, he had an iron grip. As she tried to move he brought her closer, her body lying spoon shaped into his body. As was normal for every man in the morning, she felt him 'move' as he breath heavily into her ear, his excitement becoming clearer with every minute. Panicking, she dislodged her arm from the hold and smartly elbowed him in his bare chest. It didn't seem to have the desired effect, but he did however, slightly release his grip.
His grip more lax, she managed to turn around and see the face of her captive. He had a slight smile tugging at his lips and fringes of his dark hair fell into his face.
Somewhere off, the customary ten minute bell rang loudly. He slightly opened his eyes at the sound, only to be met by Lily's slightly aggravated green eyes.
"As much as I'd love to stay here all day, I do have a charm's exam to attend to." she said.
His cheeks slightly pinked from embracement as he noticed his strong hold on her. He reluctedly let go and yawned.
She hastily got up and found herself momentarily unbalanced by the sudden harsh movement; she tripped over a cloak lying forgotten on the ground. He got up, revealing his tall graceful body and muscular frame as he stretched his limbs. His delicately etched features reminded Lily of a statue of a Greek god she had seen in a museum a long time ago.
"Sleep well?" asked the curly brown head, locks of hair falling into it's face. "I know I did." it continued at her silence, a charming half smile growing onto it's lips.
Lily looked at the hard ground confused. She couldn't remember how she had gotten to find herself in a slight clearing close to the edge of the forbidden forest. Had she spent the whole night lying there on the hard grass, lying in Remus's warm embrace?
She looked at the cloaks littering the floor and her broomstick lying a couple of yards away. Many questions railed into her head at once, so much so that she didn't know where to start.
"What happened?" she asked perplexed staring at Remus's discarded shirt laying at her feet.
He bent down to pick it up. Pulling it over his head, he swore as his earing got caught in the material. "Well, it's pretty self-explanatory." he said, with a strange half smile as he finally got the earing out.
"What!" she said freaking out. Was Remus implying what she thought he was! Never! Vulnerable or not, she would never violate a promise she had made to God many years ago.
Being but twelve she had learnt about a thing called 'intercourse' and had thus sworn to stay a virgin till she married, as was said in the bible. She would never have broken her oath and yet she couldn't remember what had happened. Had Remus taken advantage of her?
Seeing the panicked look on her face, he quickly reassured her as he put his pants over his boxers. "Lily relax, it's a joke. I was only trying to lighten up the mood." he said, grabbing the rest of his cloths which were all crippled due to their sleeping. Grabbing his cloak, which they had used as a blanket, he looked her square in the face. "Honest Lils."
"Well it's not funny! What the hell is your problem? No, don't talk." she said angrily as he opened his mouth to speak. "I've heard enough from you." she said, as she in return grabbed her cloak and broom and walked away huffily.
"Lily! Wait! I only meant..."
"No! You know what Remus, you've done enough." she said, turning around and walking away.
She briskly wiped the tears that were forming in her eyes. What was wrong with her? All she seemed able to do lately was cry and yell.
Her thoughts moment went to the letter her mother had sent her, and she prayed that Anne would be alright. Sure, Anne got on her nerves more than Potter did, but that didn't mean she didn't love her.
The one thing Lily hated more than anything else, where preppies and Anne coincidentally was one. Anne was ten years of age and was already worrying about her weight. She always had an article of pink on, Lily's least favourite colour, and pranced around the house acting as annoying as Boy George would sound singing rock.
Her mother's ways had gotten to Anne which gave Lily an other reason to detest her. But try as she might, Lily couldn't hate her. Maybe it was because she was her sister, or maybe she liked that Anne looked up to her, which she often found annoying.
Lily had always tried really hard for Anne to have her own personality as she was constantly copying her drawings, something she despised beyond words, and that everyone seemed to always give her everything. Anne was the youngest in the family and had never experienced the hardships of cruel children like Lily had. It was one of the reasons why Lily always picked on her and gave her a hard time; she wanted Anne to learn that she couldn't always get what she wanted and that life wasn't like peach cobbler. Besides, most of Lily's problems had been because of Anne. Lily always put it aside though, unless the little tyke got on her nerves with either repeating her funny imitations over and over again or even by knocking on her door as hard as her little muscles would let her, until the broken doorknob finally fell.
She surly walked to the castle, quickening her pace as she realised she had less than three minutes to get to the great hall for the charm's exam.
Lily looked down at her crumpled clothes as she entered the great hall. She had slept in them all night and hadn't had the time to go to her dorm room to change before the start of the exam.
Sitting down at her assigned seat, she waited patiently as the teacher passed the scrolls and quills. After this, there would be a brief test where she would have to demonstrate a charm chosen by the examiner.
Quickly reading over the questions, she set herself to the boring task of filling out the questions.
"Lily!"
"Oh, hey Beila. How'd your charm exam go?" Lily asked, walking towards the Gryffindor tower for a quick refresh.
"Pretty well, I think I got most of the questions right and I did really good on my charm. I had Mr. Scrocth thought, he's tough. You?"
"Oh, I think I did good."
"Lily, listen, I'm really sorry for having snapped at you last night. You're my best friend and I know you were only trying to help, I had no reason to bitch at you."
"No worries." she said giving her a quick hug and a bright smile."
"Lily, were the hell were you last night?" Beila suddenly asked, as she noticed the dark circles underneath her eyes.
"Um, I was..."
"Hey Lily! Finished your exam? How'd you do Red?"
Lily had never been happier to see Erin in her life. "Oh, pretty good." she answered as he swung his arm over her shoulder and the other over Arabella who slightly blushed under the touch of Lily's attractive cousin.
"What about you Arb?"
"Erin," she said exasperated, "I told you to stop calling me that. But all in all, I did fairly well myself." she said proudly.
"Awesome! So Lils, is anyone taking you to the party tomorrow?"
"You're so thick Erin."
"What, just curious."
"No, you mean: I just want to know who he is and then interrogate him to tears and make sure he never speaks to you again so that you can spend the rest of your life alone."
"Common Lil, that was just once." he said with large puppy dog eyes.
"Oh knock off it, you know that doesn't work on me. And for your information Alex hasn't spoken to me since, which was two years ago."
"I said I was sorry. I mean common I bought you four pounds of candy for Christ's sake. Besides I didn't make John cry, Alex was just a whimp, you don't need him. Hey, what are you doing with your broom?" he asked suddenly noticing the broom handle she had clutched in her right hand.
"What! Oh this, I just went out for a quick ride this morning, clear my thoughts. I didn't have enough time to go bring it back to my dorm before the exam."
"I see, well see you ladies around, I gotta go." he said going to great his friend at the end of the hall.
"Lily?" asked Arabella gingerly.
"Hum?"
"Where were you last night?" she asked again, "You didn't go to the dorm at all since seven last night, which was when you went up to get your broom for a ride with Remus. Which is why you have your broom now. I know because I was up all night waiting for you."
"Arabella, you've got to stop worrying about me, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself you know."
"Oh, I know, I just want to know what you and Remus got up to last night, which would leave you with twigs in your hair." she said as she took one out.
Lily suddenly blushed almost to the point of looking like a tomato when the devil himself appeared by her side.
"Speak of the devil." Arabella murmured as if reading Lily's thoughts.
"Hey Lily." he said cautiously.
"Hey."
"So...exams are finally over, what a load off eh?" he asked. Lily nodded to his question looking him square in the face.
"Ya so...hey, big party tomorrow, remember? The one we marauders are hosting? We chordally invite both of you sensual young doves to attend. Of course dates are mandatory."
"Oh, well me and Beila were planning on going together, as a social outcast friend thing."
"Um, about that Lily."
"What? Are you bailing out on me?"
"Well, I got asked out this morning and my damned heart spoke faster than my brain could register."
"So what, I'm to go alone? Common Beila, you can't do this to me. A guy is more important to you than our..."
She was cut short as Arabella muttered something in her ear. Lily's eyes grew big with excitement and she looked at her friend with joy etched in her features. "Really?" she asked, "oh my God, I'm so happy for you!"
"Ya, he asked me this morning over breakfast, I was totally not expecting it, it was totally out of the blue!"
"Um, hello girls." Remus said shyly as he cut their conversation. "Well then Lily, if you have no one to go out with, maybe we could go together." he asked hopefully
"Go to the party with you?".
"Well jesh Lily, you're saying it like it the worst prospect on earth." Beila said modestly.
"Um, I'll think about it...I ...I have to go do this thing...you know. So...see ya." Lily said hurriedly as she left.
'Well that was a bad performance on her part. She must have been nervous to be lying so badly.' Arabella thought, as she watched her friend pelt up the stairs. Lily was the best liar in this here school and maybe even the planet; she would never miss a beat to practice her lies which she called acting.
Looking at Remus sympathetically she left, quickly following Lily's footsteps.
"Would you stop! Your doing my head in!"
"Well, if you weren't being such an impetuous bloke, I wouldn't have to lecture you." she said impatiently.
"Beila, I didn't do anything wrong!"
"Except totally humiliate Remus in the middle of a crowded hallway and make a total fool of yourself. What's so wrong with Remus anyway? He totally wants you and you totally want him, odd though you aren't together."
"It's not that simple and I don't like him that way."
"My ass! I don't understand you Lily Evans. You've got a perfect guy at your feet and you won't even give him a chance. You know how many people would die to be in your shoes right now?"
"Well since your yelling at me, I can't think of one single person, because just listening to you right now makes me want to kill myself."
"That was cold."
"Well just leave me the bloody hell alone! I have more important things to deal with right now than a stupid party! But of course you wouldn't know that something was wrong."
"Of course not, you never open up and when I ask, you push me away even more! I don't know how to get anything out of you anymore, you used to tell me some things, now I get nothing. Honestly Lily, your so scared of showing people the real you, that you put up a tough girl act and call people names and beat up guys. You have damned problems, just talk about them. Sure life isn't easy, it's like that for everyone, so stop acting as if you're the only one with problems and grow up."
"Anne's paralysed, waist down."
"Because you know then...what? Oh my Lord, Lily, I'm so sorry. At least...she's still alive, right. You haven't lost her."
"I'd rather she'd be dead than to have to see her suffer as a cripple for the rest of her life."
"Oh Lily, you don't mean that."
"I don't know, maybe I do. The last thing I told her before leaving for Hogwarts was: I hope you get hit by a car you evil troll and then she did. It's all my fault..."
"Oh Lily, hunny, it isn't your fault at all, how where you to know that faith would act in such a cruel way? You can't blame yourself."
"But I do, and I'll never be able to stop thinking that way, even thought the small rational part that's left of my brain tells me it isn't my fault."
"Don't worry Lily, we'll get through this together."
"I'm so happy to have a friend like you Beila, I don't know what I'd do without you."
A/N: I know bad ending, butit's finally here! The latest chapter to R.S.Q, let me hear you cheer with joy lol, I know I am! I personally would like to give many thanks and sorrys to Erin, thanks a lot for pushing me. Life's been very hectic lately. I've been drowning in homework, plus I've had to stay at school till seven every night for two weeks, it's actually going to be finished this Thursday yah! So, all that, as well as a tiny writer's block and more than a many personal problems have kept me from writing. I actually wrote 5 different draft for this chapter, that's how much I love you all. I took a whole day from my 3 day weekend to write this. Now I know it's a crappy ending but I promise the next chapter is well underway. I've already got half of it written down and it should be posted sometime next week (because I have no internet at my house, I work and I don't have computer class anymore).
About this chapter: Well, Lily's thoughts are a little muddled up and she doesn't want a relationship with Remus because of the bad ending with James, which is basically what she fears will happen. The rest is pretty self-explanatory.
Thanks:
erin kite(Or erin): Thanks for the great "getting out of writer's block" ideas! So sorry for the long wait and the suspense and thanks for the little pushes and the e-mails you wrote me. They were my inspiration, knowing someone out there liked R.S.Q so much as to take the time to write me e-mails for the next chapter. Sniff, sniff! Lol! Well, anyway I hope you like this chapter, it's dedicated to you! Enjoy!
Seren Lunar Echo: wow, hooked? I feel so special! Well, I'm glade you liked the chapter, hope you like this one!
QuieroTuAmor: Hey, I hope you like this one, oh and don't forget, chapter 13 was completly re-done, so if oyu haven't read it, you'll be totally confused. Cheers!
Kel: Glade you liked the new chapter better, I personally did lol! Yah, I liked it too how it gave more information on them, cuz I'm trying to be sketchy so that it may slowly devolge it's self.
ourlittlesecret7: Hey, I updated and no your not a retard, one of the smartest actually, your pretty much the only one who caught on. Hope you liked this chapter and more on Derrick to come.
UPDATE: I updated lol!
OceanGoddess: Well, I don't want to say too much, but I will say they end up together. Hope you liked this chapter!
Well I would write more but I can't because I'm uploading this chapter at school and my teacher is looking at me evilly. Epp!
And that ladies and hopefully gentleman is the end of this chapter.
Adios!
Josie
P.S: I'm extremely sorry for my absurd latenessBut hopefully I made it up with this huge chapter! Kudos.