At last! First and foremost, a humungous-ly huge "I'M SORRY!" for taking so long to update. I have been so busy with school, family and God only knows. I've been neglecting Fanfiction for a while now, but not to worry mates, because lovable lil ol' me is back baby! Fresh from vacation and ready for an other roll. I would like to give big thanks to: erin, for being so very patient with me, and who actually made me realise how neglecting I've been and who urged me not to give up on this; hope you enjoy this chapter! And an other one to come extra soon just to express how sorry I am to have kept you all waiting. Now I'm sure you're all dying for the next chapter, so here it is! -Josie

Raspberry Sugar Quills

By Josie G. Evans

Summary: If you think this is a love story, so it is, but it is about so much more, a tortured soul in need of love and friends, of closed eyes and laughs. This is the life of Lily Gabrielle Evans, the girl afraid to grow up, afraid of living, but what is living when your not on the edge once in a while?

(Love) A grave mental disease. -Plato

There's a songbird who sings, Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven. (Stairway to Heaven) by my personal fav. Led Zeppelin.

NOTE: OMG, I fell so stupid, I kept the same quote for the last two chapters. So I added an extra one to make up for it lol!

PART ONE

The beginning

Ch. 14: Unexpected turn of events

"But the fact remains, I'm not going tomorrow."

"What? Lily stop doing this! Your going and that's final. Anne's not dead, she'll be fine, and she'd want you to have fun."

"Don't you dare talk about her like that!" she said getting up in her rage.

"Lily I didn't mean anything..."

"No, ok just drop it. I'm old enough to make my own decisions and I decided that I'm not going." she said cutting her off.

"I can't believe you made me come. I'm so gonna kill you while you're sleeping tonight. If you just happen to find a butcher's knife in your back in the morning, don't be surprised."

"Consider myself warned." Arabella said as she scanned the crowded room for her date.

The great hall had been converted into a dance floor. In the corners, small round tables with chairs, were placed alongside of either wall, where small groups of people were sitting, talking, snogging, drinking or eating, some all at once.

"I can't believe Dumbledore let the Marauders have a bash in the great hall."

"I know, and it looks like everyone's here, with the exception of the Slytherins of course." replied Arabella.

Lily had to admit it to herself though, considering the Marauders had probably waited until the very last minute to decorate the great hall, they had done a fairly good job at it. A couple of Gryffindor banners decorated the great hall.

The only light source came from soft candle light which was meant to give off a romantic allure. They had also, beyond anyone's comprehension, got The Super Queens to preform, who were all the rage in the wizarding world. They were also known for their large variety of slow romantic songs and for doing covers of world known muggle songs.

"Someone's trying to get laid." commentated Lily whilst looking at the cheesy romantic decorations and facade. "Didn't know the Marauders were so desperate."

"Probably their biggest secret." Arabella said, laughing at the ridiculous horror expression Lily had pasted to her face to prove her point. "Or maybe they're just big saps."

"Highly doubt it." she replied, looking around for any sign of Remus. She couldn't believe how she had actually blew him off in a very desperate attempt to keep things as they had always been. A memory of Anne and her playing in the backyard flashed through her mind. It's not that Lily didn't love her other sister Petunia, it's just that she had never liked Lily. She had always been jealous of Lily's talents and red hair.

Lily had to constantly remind herself that things couldn't always stay the same. People grew and changed and learned from experience and there was nothing she could do to freeze it. Besides, if nothing new never happened, she's probably die of boredom.

"Sirius!" yelled Bella, waving him over. "Hey," she said almost breathlessly as he got within earshot.

"Hey Bella, babe, you look great, as usual." he said putting his arm possessively around her.

"Sirius, you old charmer, shurrrd-uppp!"

"Oh, hey Lily. How are you doing?" he asked a little more icily than Lily liked. True, she did deserve it after the way she treated Remus, but did he have to give her ice? She was only trying to keep one of her oldest most appreciated friendships intact. She seemed to have failed royally, seeing that Remus was nowhere in sight. She had lost a best friend while trying to protect it. How unfair was that? There's no justice in this world!

"Good," she answered sheepishly, actually looking at her feet as she responded. "And you?"

"Shouldn't you be asking how Remus is doing?" he asked with an even icier tone.

"Now, Sirius don't start with me!" Lily suddenly burst out. "I feel bad enough as it is! If I knew where Remus was I'd talk to him and explain!"

"Well here's your big chance he's heading this way. You didn't actually think he'd stay up in his room crying like a little girl because you brought him crashing down? Because no one can be that full of themselves." he said in a mock tone suggesting he knew that was exactly what Lily was thinking, which sadly, it was.

"Hey guys, Lily." Remus said with a nod in her direction. "We have a table over there, you're welcome to join if you want Lily."

"Oh, uh actually, I'm quite fatigued, I think I might just head back to my dorm..." she trailed off as Remus looked at her with a piercing blank stare. She felt herself blush and had to suppress the urge to run out, as her face no doubt resembled a tomato.

"Nah, Lily, common, plenty of time for sleep later, right now lets PAR-TAY!" Arabella said naively taking Sirius by the hand and dragging him away to the dance floor.

"She sure is different when she's at a party." commentated Lily, to try and rid the awkwardness between them. Remus nodded in response.

They were left awkwardly standing in the middle of a dancing crowd, being pushing into one an other by the mad swarm of dancing students.

A large bump sent them sprawling onto the ground in a heap with Lily on the bottom.

"Remus!" she managed to yell. "You're crushing me to...ouff!" she added as someone else joined the pile. Lily was being crushed beneath two heavy bodies, her ribs grinding painfully. Black spots started to obscure her vision as barely any form of oxygen flowed into her lungs.

The humungous weight suddenly disappeared and she felt someone grab her arm as they pulled her off the ground.

"...you ok? Lils?" it was Erin, thoughtful Erin, always there. "Sorry man, I didn't know you were under Remus, I thought he was just messing around."

"Bloody arsehole!" she managed to gasp out at Erin as she realised what the extra weight had been. "What have you been eating? Dieting on elephants now are we?" she jokingly asked.

"Uh, I guess she's fine." Erin smiled slyly to Remus. "Here mate, she's all yours." Erin added dumping Lily into Remus's arms which resulted in the two bumping heads. "Thanks Erin, give me a headache to top it all off why don't you!" she yelled at his retreating back. Was it just her imagination or was Erin at the top of an uber secret operation which seemed focussed on getting she and Remus together? He seemed to materialize out of nowhere at the most inconvenient times, making sure she was left alone with Remus in bothersome positions, disappearing just as fast as he had appeared.

"Well, certainly been an interesting day..." Lily muttered, trying with all her might to compose herself as she caught a whiff of Remus's cologne. He seemed to have bathed in the strong cologne Sirius wore when he wanted to make a good impression.

Lily coughed. Then without any warning she bust out laughing. Remus looked at her with a face that clearly said: 'have you gone mad?'

She laughed so hard so had to grab hold of Remus' shirt to prevent falling over. "What?" he asked.

"It's just..." she trailed whipping tears from the corner of her eyes, "that you smell like Sirius when he's trying to get lucky."

Remus started blushing madly, gibbering incoherently.

"What was that?" she asked, clearly interested in knowing.

"Never mind."

"No, no, you can't do that. You have to tell me. Besides, you know I'll just keep bothering you till you tell me."

"I said, Sirius attacked me with it before we left. I donno what's so funny, it smells quite good." he said, straightening to full height.

"Oh, ya it does... if you like smelling like a baby prostitute who was attacked by a raving mad skunk. Other than that, it's simply marrr-vellous dah-ling!"

"You're right, it does smell awful. I tried to run back in to take a shower but the guys had sealed the door."

'You could take a shower in my dorm, I wouldn't mind watching,' she thought. Oh my God! No, bad Lily, bad, bad, really bad! 'So bad I need a span...' NO!

As if Remus knew what she was thinking, he shot her a devilish smile and suggested they move to a more secluded spot.

Maybe it was the dangerous combination of romantic atmosphere and Remus's horrid cologne which had thus wrecked her thinking abilities, but she found herself accepting.

"Listen Rem, I'm really sorry about yesterday."

"No you're not." he answered.

They were seated on a small wooden bench, like the ones you see in movies, where old people sit, watching the sunset go down.

"Are you calling me a liar?" she asked furiously. Here she was apologizing and he was actually accusing her of lying. About her feelings no less. "Because it takes one to spot one." she spat back.

"Lily dammit! I'm the one who's enraged here! Stop turning yourself into the victim! You're constantly doing this. It's bloody infuriating!" he all but yelled, as he got up in his anger and turned his back to her.

"You bloody wanker! How dare you? Who do you think you are to speak like this to me? All I did was say no to a bloody dance to save our friendship and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy!"

Spinning around, he grabbed her by the shoulders with brute force and yelled, his faces inches from hers."Lily, you bloody idiot! When will you realise I could never just be bloody friends with you!"

She swallowed hard, actually feeling scared and for the first time in her life, feeling endangered near Remus. She had never seen Remus this mad and didn't know what he was capable of. When a person like Remus is that quiet, you never know what's going on in their heads, and it scared her. She realised for the first time she didn't know Remus as well as she thought.

After a couple of minutes of seething, he seemed to realise he was hurting Lily, as his hands dug deep into her flesh and she squirmed madly like an earthworm in agony. That's when he realised she was telling him something.

"...Remus, you wankered git! Let go, you're fucking hurting me! Don't let me use force!"

Slowly he let go, his eyes widening at what he had been doing. Lily's back was pressed hard against the brick wall, her eyes filled with fear, her lips slightly parted in a silent O. She looked so innocent, so small, he felt the strong urge to protect her all of a sudden. He enveloped her in a large bear hug, his breathing shallow, as they slipped to the floor in a small heap, his whole body forming a protective barrier, defending her from an invisible force.

Lily remained quiet, hugging Remus closer to her as he trembled. Remus had been fighting so hard all these years to not blow up like he had just done. It was even harder than he would have imagined as his werewolf instinct kept resurfacing. He hadn't lost control like this since 2nd grade when Sirius, James and Peter had confronted him about his lycanthropy.

A couple of years back, when he was of a more naive young age, he had been so white hot with anger, that he had killed a cat. The worst part was that he couldn't seem to remember any of it. As far as he was concerned he had been playing chess with Pollux only moments before. His brain had completely erased the nasty deed he had done. Things like this happened quiet a few times when he inexplicitly got angered beyond words, so that after a while his mother got worried and sent him to a specialist to control his anger.

Remus was diagnosed as bipolar, something he had been trying to hide as hard as his lycanthropy. Problem was, the doctors hadn't given him the proper diagnosis. It was actually a problem brought on by a clog of magic that couldn't circulate in his brain, which triggered his anger and whipped his memory of indecent endeavours. The clog had started materializing at an unhappy stage of his life. About the same time his father disappeared.

"Lils, oh Lils, I'm so sorry, are you alright?" he asked, trying hard to think of how they had found themselves on the opposite end of the room, Remus knocking her on the brick wall with his body weight. Try as he might, it wouldn't resurface. "Oh Lils, wh-what happened?" he asked choking back tears.

"What do you mean?" she asked clearly frightened. "Remus?"

"I-I don't...remember. All I can recollect is us sitting on the bench talking and then..."

"Remus, please...you're scaring me." she answered, trying to get up, but Remus kept holding on tight. "Let go. Please let me up."

"No! Lily, I want to know what happened!" he implored.

She turned her face sideways, avoiding his searching gaze, swallowing the growing lump in her throat. "I have to go. Loads of last minute homework to turn in tomorrow and I'm not done."

She added, finally freeing herself from his ironclad grasp.

"Lily! Lily...please." he said to her retreating back.

Derrick sat at one of the round tables, looking out onto the dance floor. Sirius had beaten him to the game as usual. He hated his living guts. Why was it, that whenever he seemed to grab the courage to bring his and Arabella's friendship closer, Sirius seemed to suddenly appear in the picture and whisk her away on wobbly knees.

He wasn't ugly looking, and a whole lot nicer than Sirius who just kept braking Arabella's heart for some bimbo. Yet, Arabella accepted him with open arms every time he came back. Which was probably the reason he kept coming back. He knew that no matter what, he'd always have Arabella as a second choice and she'd always be there on the sidelines waiting for him.

She'd most likely grow up and live the rest of her life with a broken heart, waiting for him, just living for the day he'd come knocking on her front door, proclaiming his undying love for her and they'd settle down and live happily ever after for the next couple of years until she/he died or he left her once more. She turn out to be a lonely, bitter old cat lady and he would settle for second best, knowing he could never have Arabella. He'd like but not love.

An old quote from Ovid rang through his head, Love is a kind of warfare, as he drained his cup and watched Bella's beautiful figure swim across the dance floor.

He went over to the drink table, filling up his fifth butterbeer, agonizing screems echoing at the back of his head. When would she leave him alone? Why couldn't he just live three seconds without seeing her tear streamed face or hear her sobbing and pleading as he did his irreversible deed. He could magically wipe the memory from her head, but couldn't seem to do the same to himself.

He heard something shatter, the faint familiar metallic smell reached his nostrils as he slumped to the floor, his wet hand holding on to the healed scar on his stomach.

"Someone partied a little too hard..."

James watched Clarice dancing with every available guy, shamming his family's name in front half the school. Of course not many knew of their betrothal. They were to marry soon after graduation, but the school was under the impression that they had an on/off again relationship.

James shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He knew of their marriage since the tender age of five, the knowledge of it withering uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach like a snake.

Clarice was beautiful and constantly horny (what more could a teenage boy ask for?) but there was just no spark, no attraction besides occasional lust. It wasn't enough for him. He wanted more. He wanted what his parents had. That tender loving look they gave each other whenever they believed no one else was looking. The simplicity of their love. Something straight out of an old muggle movie.

He made himself out to be more than he really was. He wasn't just some arrogant prat as Evans liked to point out. He just acted that way because it seemed to earn him the respect of his peers. Only his friends seemed to know the real him. Why couldn't he just act that way in public?

"Clarice, would you stop? You're embarrassing me!" he murmured as she walked over to his table, hips swaying and flushed from dancing.

"Don't be such a spoil sport." she said, laying her hand on his thigh, "Besides, you don't even like dancing. If you'd dance with me, I wouldn't have to go to such extreme lengths to have a partner." she said, inwardly thinking that her plan to make him jealous had succeeded.

"Urgh! Fine, common, it's a bloody slow song. I rather dance than to watch you grinding some pervert who can't keep his hands to himself." he said, leading her onto the dance floor, holding onto her hand possessively, making it clear that Clarice wouldn't be dancing with anyone else tonight.

Clarice smiled. It took a while, but she had finally got James so worked up and jealous, he couldn't help but dance with her. Then again, she did always seem to get what she wanted in the end. That's the way she liked it.

The crash of a fallen glass sounded at the end of the dance floor. Clarice brought James closer to her, softly grabbing one of his perfectly sculpted round buttocks. Nothing would ruin what was left of her night, not even some drunken fool.

A/N: Ah, poor Remus, every time something seems to go right between he and Lily, something twice as horrible occurs. Rotten luck. Long chapter to make up for my lack of updating. I know you all want to kill me right now, but you might find your anger (or happiness) better placed in a review!

An other chapter coming soon. Sometime late next week hopefully.

Laters

Josie!